Heaven's Hell

by Takerra, Allen

  Heaven had made the mistake of while she was living with G, she stopped saving money and thinking for the future, and she just shopped, lived, drank, and ate for the present. Now, she was wishing that she had a little cushion for these rainy days.

  “Heaven, seriously, you better hope you don’t flunk out your last days of school. I mean, regardless of how good your grades are,” Toy said sarcastically, “They still can stop you from graduating for missed days.”

  Heaven sighed.

  “I know what I’m doing Toy, so just back up off of me.”

  Toy sucked her teeth at Heaven’s blasé attitude and now was happy as ever to relay the news that she had really come to give. Ever since Heaven had lied to her back when she first started seeing G, Toy had waited for a moment like this. Payback, Toy thought.

  “Well, do what you want. I just came to tell you that mama got relatives visiting tomorrow, so she said you gotta be out by tonight. Sorry girl, I told you a few days.”

  Heaven couldn’t believe her ears, what was wrong with everyone? Did anyone have a heart anymore?

  “Tonight!” Heaven shouted, now standing up abruptly. “Damn Toy, you couldn’t give a bitch notice?”

  Toy tried to hide her smirk with a look of shock.

  “Heaven, I told you a couple of days! What do you want me to do?”

  Heaven ran her hands over her face contemplating her next move and shot Toy a discourteous ‘Whatever’. She knew now she was in deep shit. She told Toy to go on to school without her, if she had to be out by tonight, then she needed all of the time that she could get to concur a plan.

  When the house was quiet and empty, Heaven slowly and carefully made her way through each bedroom, checking drawers and jean pockets for cash. Two hours later, she had come up with nine dollars and twenty-two cents. Nice Heaven, good job. She made herself a bowl of cereal and knew what had to come next; she had to swallow her pride.

  The next four, five, and six hours passed as she watched episodes of Maury, Jerry Springer, and numerous court shows, and by the time she had concluded the debate of G or Shay, Toy was making her way in with her sister, brothers, and mother not too far behind. All of which, walked by her without as much as a glance. Don’t worry assholes, I’m getting out.

  By the time 106 and Park was coming on, Heaven was dressed with her luggage ready, and Toy had made her way into the living room.

  “So, what you gonna do girl?”

  Heaven ignored her and took her cell phone out of her purse praying G hadn’t shut it off. He hadn’t. She dialed the numbers and her heart fluttered, she was scared, and Toy sitting there ear hustling didn’t make it any better.

  The phone rang and rang, and just when Heaven decided to give up, they answered.

  “Hello,” G bellowed in his deep baritone.

  Heaven looked at Toy and then got up and walked into the kitchen; G was irritated by the brief silence.

  “Hello!”

  “Hello…Hey G. It’s Heaven.”

  There was a pause before he answered.

  “Where are you?”

  Heaven sat at the kitchen table and played with the fake fruit in a wicker bowl and wondered why she felt like crying. Was it because she felt like she had to humble herself to call him, or was it because she missed him so much?

  “I’m at Toy’s…But I cant stay here anymore. I have nowhere to go,” She added.

  G sighed through the phone and Heaven continued. She knew this was her only shot.

  “Look, I’m not trying to get you back or anything, but G I need a place to stay. You know I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

  There was another silence followed by a car honking, she could tell he was driving. Heaven hated the way he was controlling the conversation, but she had no choice but to allow him to do so, she was in need. He finally spoke.

  “Heaven…where does she live?”

  Heaven could hear the uncertainty in his voice but didn’t care; he was coming to get her.

  “Over on Seventh, house one-sixty-two,” She sang sweetly.

  “Alright,” he shot back and then hung up. Heaven couldn’t help but lightly smile; maybe she would get another chance with him.

  “What…what you so happy about?” Toy asked, a little upset standing in the kitchen doorway. She wanted to see the stress in Heaven’s face.

  Heaven took out her mirror and finger combed her hair with a smirk on.

  “G is coming to get me, I’m getting my man back.”

  Toy’s face soured as if she had tasted something ill. This was not the way it was supposed to work out.

  “Good for you, Heaven.”

  Heaven caught Toy’s sarcasm and was now defensive, she felt she could be now; shit was going her way again.

  “Whatever,” Heaven shot back. She got up, brushing past Toy, and went to the living room to retrieve her luggage. “I’m going to wait outside.”

  “Bitch,” Toy mumbled, vexed.

  Heaven grabbed up her belongings and made her way to the porch anxiously. After an hour or so of waiting and countless watch checks, anxiety started to kick in. But it left as quickly as it came as Heaven saw a car slowly approaching Toy’s house. What the fuck is Toy doing? Heaven wondered, as Toy made her way to the front porch as well. Toy wanted to steal a peek at G.

  Toy stared at the tinted windows waiting for him to get out but she noticed Heaven’s face tighten.

  “What the hell?” Heaven muttered, as Shay got out of her car and made her way to the stairs. “Where’s G?”

  Shay was taken back by Heaven’s rudeness. This girl is really something else, she needs my help and has the nerve to have an attitude?

  “Well, hello to you too Heaven. I don’t know where G is, were you expecting him?”

  Toy smiled sinisterly, she was enjoying this.

  “Well, I wasn’t expecting you,” Heaven remarked snidely.

  Shay breathed deep to try to tide her temper.

  “I’m gonna let that slide Heaven because I can expect that you are upset, even hurt, but I’m your friend, I’ve always been your friend. I’m not gonna let you live in the streets.”

  Heaven was floored, and mortified. Toy was standing right there and she couldn’t be more embarrassed.

  “I wouldn’t live in the streets Shay, G wouldn’t let me live in the streets!”

  Even as Heaven said it, she didn’t believe it. G had abandoned her, again. Shay could tell by Toy’s look that she was enjoying this and didn’t like it. She knew from the beginning that Toy was a grimy chick.

  “Can you give us a moment, please?” Shay asked Toy, who frowned and then went into the house but not before getting her two cents in.

  “You better go with her Heaven, because you can’t stay here!”

  “Fuck you, Toy!” Heaven shouted on the verge of tears, but Toy was already closing the door laughing to herself. She just knew she was getting her man back! Toy mused.

  Shay looked at Heaven with tears in her eyes and felt for the girl, she walked up to her and wrapped her arms around her in comfort.

  “It’s okay Hev, It’s okay.”

  “Get off of me!” Heaven screamed, now the tears making their way onto her cheeks. The pain in her hurt so much, it was palpable. How could he just give up on me?

  Shay was not happy to be right about the way things had turned out for Heaven, all she could think of was how she had to be a bigger person and help her pick up the pieces. She ignored her protest, and hugged her tighter.

  “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry baby girl. But you’re gonna get through all of this. Just let me take you home.”

  Heaven collapsed into Shay’s embrace and cried hard, she didn’t see how she could get through this. She wondered if Shay was genuine, as she thought of the conversation she had overheard with G and the stories from Angie. She pushed away from Shay and looked her in the eyes.

  “Why did you tell G all that shit about me?”

  “Huh?” Shay responded, not under
standing where it was coming from.

  “At the tracks, you told him I was different, I was shallow, all of that shit. I heard you Shay. What, you want G?”

  Shay looked down before countering.

  “Heaven, I was upset. And for the record you were changing and I have never had a problem expressing my opinion. But I’m sorry you heard that. And no, I don’t want G,” she chuckled, laughing off the last part.

  Heaven stared at her not knowing if she should believe her and still wanting to ask her about the whole Angie situation, but exhaustion and reality once again kicked in. Beggars can’t be choosers. All I know is, she better not try to go deep sea diving on me, or it’s gonna be a war zone in that house.

  Heaven went to say something but Shay cut her off.

  “Heaven look, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Let’s just get in the car and you can stay at my house as long as you want, or until you go to school. I’ll give you your space, and I’ll take mine, okay?”

  Heaven looked back at Toy’s house and then looked at Shay and realized she had no choice. She nodded and grabbed her bags, and then headed down the stairs with Shay, leaving Toy and her mama’s home, a thing in her past.

  A month had passed and staying at Shay’s had turned out to be better than Heaven could have expected. It was now the beginning of June and she had been slowly coming around to the girl Heaven used to be, attending her last days at school and continuing to excel, passing all finals. Graduation was fast approaching in a few weeks and Heaven was excited. She had gotten a part-time job at a soul food restaurant as a hostess, and was able to purchase her own cap and gown. She and Toy barely spoke when they passed each other in the halls anymore, but the situation did not bother Heaven at all, she received enough attention as it was. Her clothing was still up to par, and the labels G had purchased her, still had her rocking the flyest shit in school. And once the word got out that the used to be shy girl, turned hustler’s wife, was now single, the guys were on her like bees to honey, not excluding Ricky Morris.

  “Am I finally gonna get my chance?”

  “Chance for what?” Heaven smiled, closing her locker.

  She was wearing a Bebe sundress that tastefully showed her smooth legs, and pretty shoulders, and Ricky was in complete awe of her.

  “A chance to show you how serious I am Heaven? I’ve been trying to get at you for the longest, you don’t give me a break.”

  Heaven giggled trying to laugh him off. She was not over G by a long shot; she couldn’t date anyone else, let alone take Ricky seriously. He was a clown.

  “Ricky, you’re not serious. You try to get at a lot of girls, that doesn’t mean anything.”

  Ricky shook his head at her naivety as they made their way down the hall. She had no idea.

  “You really don’t know, do you? You’re the reason I’m going to college, girl.”

  “What?” Heaven was shocked. “You going to college Ricky?”

  “Hell yeah,” he answered. “Lesley University, this Fall, shutting it down.”

  “Oh my god, that’s in Cambridge too! I’m going to Harvard, they’re close to each other,” Heaven exclaimed, not believing she would have a friend so close.

  “Yeah…I know,” Ricky said lowly.

  Did he apply to Lesley just to be close to me? Heaven wondered.

  “What’s wrong?” Ricky questioned, as they neared the entrance.

  “Nothing, just thinking.”

  “Thinking about how you gonna let me take you out on a date?” He responded in wishful thinking, with a boyish smile that revealed his dimples.

  They shared a laugh as Heaven spotted Shay pulling up.

  “Just let me think, okay?” She asked.

  Ricky nodded and then leaned in to her. Heaven held back scared he was going to try to kiss her, but instead he planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

  “You’re really an angel, you know that?”

  The words melted her heart, and although she was still in love with G, they had been words that she needed to hear from a man. They felt good.

  Ricky was gorgeous, and young, and funny, and he looked at Heaven as if she were a goddess, but what her and G had experienced, Heaven felt like you just couldn’t shake that. It was so good, that Heaven felt for it to be dead, you would have to mourn it for a while. Anything else would be tasteless.

  She smiled her reply and slowly made her way down the steps but something stopped her, perhaps it was a dejavu’ of her making her way down G’s home steps after he had kicked her out. Something made her turn around and look up at Ricky. And something made her open her mouth and say,

  “Okay.”

  Ricky smiled wide and Heaven smiled back and the sun glared off of his face and just for a second, he turned into G, but when she looked again, it was Ricky. I have to move on, she told herself again, and so her and Ricky set a date for Friday night.

  Bowling and pizza was a dating stage that Heaven had skipped. And she was amused to find how happy she was to have doubled back to it. She had gone from ice cream with Khalil to Saint Tropez with G, but found that with Ricky, she was her complete, utter, self. She was in control of everything, and unlike with Khalil, she was not scared and timid, and unlike with G, her obsession and adoration did not have her nervous and bashful. She didn’t feel like she needed to keep up, and she didn’t wonder if she was good enough, she just felt like she was the prize, and many times throughout the night, Ricky seemed to be in adoration of her like she had been with G.

  “How do you know Italian?” Ricky pondered.

  Heaven laughed before answering.

  “I don’t know a lot…I just know how to talk to waiters and stuff.” She thought about the words that G had taught her, the same words she had used at Camillo’s where they ordered their pizza.

  “Wow. All I know is lasagna. Rigatoni. Spaghetti. Marinara,” Ricky named off foods in a bad Italian accent as Heaven laughed hard until soda came out of her nose.

  “Ewww, you nastyyyy,” Ricky joked, as they continued to laugh and she grabbed a napkin. The place was dimly lit and was not too crowded, giving them a private cute little setting.

  “Shut up,” Heaven giggled, embarrassed, but surprisingly, not too embarrassed.

  They giggled some more and Ricky grabbed his napkin and reached over the small table.

  “Here wait…you got a little something, right there.” He wiped by her mouth, where she had a little pizza sauce and she smiled as he looked at her dreamy eyed.

  “Thank you.”

  After he paid and they made their way to his car, Ricky kissed Heaven gently and then opened her door. He drove her to Shay’s with small talk and they shared another kiss before she made her way inside. She couldn’t say that she didn’t think of G that night, but one thing she could say was that she thought of him less than she had been lately, and for her, that was a major plus.

  “How was your date?” Shay asked excitedly, waiting up like a teenager’s mother. Heaven was a little startled.

  “Oh, it was okay.”

  Shay twisted her mouth to the side.

  “Just okay? Oh no, get over here and sit down, tell me about it.”

  Heaven smiled and then sat down, going over all of the little details with Shay and all of the parts that she thought were so adorable. She told her how much fun she had and Shay was happy for her, this had been the only day that Heaven hadn’t asked her if she had seen G at the bar, well, they still had an hour left until midnight.

  “So you like him?” Shay asked, already knowing she had to for her to consider going out with him.

  “He’s nice,” was all Heaven could muster up; she couldn’t say that she liked anyone at this point.

  “Well, that’s what counts.”

  Heaven and Shay girl talked that night for a few hours and Shay told her all about Loc and how her feelings were really growing for him, she felt as if Loc could be the one.

  Heaven honestly could say that she felt awful ab
out the way she had treated Shay. Regardless of whatever had happened between her and Angie, Shay had been there for her in her time of need, and she was forever grateful to her. Before they retired to bed, Heaven went to retrieve a surprise she had for Shay.

  “I want to show you something.”

  Heaven handed Shay her yearbook and opened it to the page of her picture. Heaven Jacy. Shay was proud of her. She read underneath the photo.

  Heaven Jacy

  Harvard University-Chemistry

  Inspiration-Shay Clifford

  ‘Shay, you’ve believed in me and have been here for me when I had no one, you inspire me and I love you, Heaven.’

  Heaven was nervous waiting for Shay’s reply because the last time she had expressed love, it had been with G, and he did not give her the answer that she expected. Other than him, her mother, her father, and Khalil had shown her everything except love, so Heaven did not know what to expect.

  The words brought tears to Shay’s eyes and she was so moved, that all she could do was stand up and hug Heaven. They embraced for a while and when it was over, Shay whispered in her ear, “I love you too baby girl.”

  Heaven became emotional but didn’t want Shay to see. She bent down and grabbed the book, and then headed over to the pull out couch where she slept. She began turning down the covers as Shay gathered up a few dishes off of the table and made her way out of the room.

  “Goodnight Shay,” Heaven yelled after her.