In His Eyes

by Gail Gaymer Martin

  “First, I’m really pleased with your work. When I told your dad I trusted your opinion, I meant that. You know my likes and my lifestyle.” He gave a wry smile. “All right, you knew them, but I still think you know me well enough to know my mind as you did with the addition.” He laid the estimates on the table.

  “I’m glad you like it, Connor. It’s difficult working for a friend. It can cause problems.”

  “No problems on this,” he said, pleased she’d admitted he was a friend, yet sensing she had more to say.

  “Do you want to talk while we have a little privacy? Caitlin will be gone a while, I think, and I sense you have something on your mind.”

  Her expression changed, and he noticed her discomfort.

  “I do, Connor. I don’t even know where to begin. The problem is mine. So I’ll just ramble on and hope it makes sense to you.”

  She began, and Connor listened. He’d heard much of it before, but this time he sensed something new and more profound.

  Ellene seemed to relax after she’d talked for a while. “I told a friend of mine that the lamp of the soul is the eyes, and when I look into your eyes, I can see your soul. You’re so honest, Connor. You shared so much with me. You trusted me, and I let you down.”

  Her comment punched him like a boxer’s glove. He had told her most, but not everything, and if they were ever to make progress in their relationship, he needed to be totally honest. But each time they seemed to reach an understanding, something happened to send her off the deep end, and he feared if he told her the truth, it would happen again.

  He lowered his head. “Let’s not go there, Ellene. It’s enough we’re making sense now.”

  “No, I have to. My father reminded me of some things that I have to face. For one, I’m spoiled. I wanted the world to revolve around me, just like you said Caitlin thinks the world revolves around her. I was the center of my parents’ lives. My parents gave me everything I wanted, but it took me too long to learn that the real world doesn’t work that way.”

  “Habits are hard to break.”

  “They are, and I’m not perfect.”

  “Really?” he said, sending her a teasing grin.

  She ignored his humor. “But I hope I’ve grown a little. At least now I’m aware of it. In the past days, I’ve been looking back over the things I did to you, Connor—not just in the past, but recently. I showed you no respect, and it wasn’t because I don’t respect you, but to please my own ego.”

  “If this is an apology, I accept it.”

  “It’s more than an apology. God sees pride as a sin. I need to be forgiven—by you, God and myself.”

  “You can count on at least two out of the three, Ellene. When you’re humble—and you have been— God honors you and forgives you. You know you have my forgiveness, but I can’t help you forgive yourself. You have to do that alone.”

  She ran her palm along his arm, and her touch sparked his senses. “I’m working on that. And I realized something else. I’ve spent a lifetime waiting for you to apologize to me, and you have nothing to apologize for. You reacted as anyone would who’d been rebuffed by a fiancée. I hurt you to the core.”

  “I could have tried harder.”

  “You did, Connor. You called, and I wouldn’t talk. I played games with our relationship, just as you said, and you know what? I’m guessing our marriage would have failed. I wasn’t mature enough.”

  Her words prickled down his arms. “What about now?”

  Her eyes met his. “I hope I’m maturing, but only time will tell. I can give you this promise. What I’ve said is from my heart.”

  Ellene’s gaze captured his, and he read so much in her eyes. He saw her move closer, and his pulse raced when she leaned across the table and cupped his jaw. Her mouth drew nearer, and he felt her lips caress his.

  As naturally as sunshine, he laid his palm against her cheek, his other hand exploring the tendrils of her hair.

  She eased her lips away, her words playing on his mouth. “That’s my promise,” she murmured. “I’m not playing lightly with your heart. I want us to learn to trust each other. For now, I’d love you to be my dearest friend.”

  Connor wanted to be more than dearest friends, but that was a start. He leaned forward, brushing another kiss on her lips. “The dearest,” he agreed, hoping she understood. He kissed her again, then stood and drew her beside him. “Let’s get Caitlin. She’s been so anxious to spend time with you.”

  “And so have I with her,” she said.

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they headed out the door.

  Connor studied Ellene’s face as she sat in his St. Clair Shores living room, amazed that three weeks had passed since their talk on the island. His confidence in their relationship had grown, and each day he shook his head, grateful that Ellene had been open with her feelings that day.

  “I can’t believe how fast that crew is working. They’ve already—” Hearing a noise, Connor stopped in mid sentence. He rose from his chair and walked to the doorway leading to the kitchen. “They’ve already parked a huge Dumpster along side the house at the cottage,” he continued, heading back into the room, “and the crew has torn down the partition between the upstairs rooms. It’s a big space.”

  “I’m anxious to see it.” With a curious look, she glanced toward the doorway. “Hearing things?”

  “I thought I heard the back door,” he said. “Caitlin should be home from school. Sometimes the knob doesn’t turn.”

  “Soon you won’t have to worry about that doorknob.”

  “I know. It’ll be so nice to get into the new house with everything working right.”

  “How’s Caitlin handling the move? She seemed fine when I talked with her the other day.”

  “She’s okay with everything when you’re around. You’re like a salve that makes things better.”

  “It can’t be me.”

  Connor shook his head. “Don’t kid yourself. Caitlin’s still moody. I’ve hoped she would get excited. Maybe she will when she sees what they’re doing to her room.”

  Ellene brushed a strand of hair from her cheek. “I’m sure she will. She’ll love it.”

  “I’ve asked her to start packing up some of her things so we can get them moved over to the cottage. A few things each trip will make it easier when the time comes. We have to be out of here in another week.”

  “I can help, Connor. Tell me what to do.”

  “You’ve already helped. I appreciate everything. Getting that crew out to the island so quickly shocked me. I figured it would take until midsummer before they even got started.”

  She grinned. “Not when the job’s a priority.”

  “You did that for me?”

  A wry smile lit her face. “No, Daddy did. He’s your fan.”

  “And my partner.”

  She shifted in the chair. “I know. That really upset me when I heard it. I blamed you—a kind of get-even vendetta, I thought—but I talked with my—”

  “Ellene, I’m not the vendetta type. I’ve made lots of mistakes, but I’ve never hurt you on purpose.”

  Her eyes flashed, and he guessed her thoughts.

  “The problem with my marriage to Melissa was my fault. I didn’t use good sense. My sense of self-worth was nil. I hadn’t planned to hurt anyone. I still loved—”

  She held up her hand to stop him. “I know. It’s the trust factor. I’ve had some problems with trust, but let’s get back to the partnership. I’m okay with it now.” She leaned forward. “So, how is the business?”

  “Okay,” he said, unwinding his thoughts and forcing himself to answer her question. “It still needs work, but I think customers are noticing the difference. Tomorrow’s Saturday. How about coming to the island in the afternoon? You can see the cottage and I’ll show you around the store.”

  A scowl settled on her face. “Are you sure you want me to? I seem to put my foot in my mouth.”

  “I want you to, and let me al
lay your fears. I’m not going to be like Mr. Long, if that’s what you’re worrying about. I put a lot of hours and energy into this business, and it’s difficult with Caitlin. You know that.”

  “I’m sorry, Connor.” She fell against the chair back and shook her head. “I wasn’t trying to be smart with you. I only wondered—”

  “Forget it.”

  An uneasy expression settled on her face. “Okay, but I want you to know I’m trying to change.”

  He looked discouraged. “Maybe it’s me, but I hear something in your voice. It’s a tone.”

  “What tone?”

  “It’s just something in the sound of your voice.”

  “I sound prideful…self-important?” Her question rang with discouragement. “If so, I’m trying to do better, Connor.”

  “It’s just a tone. And thanks for realizing it bothers me.”

  Ellene rose, and when she reached his side, she sat on the chair arm and wrapped her arm around his back. “Connor, I need so much work. I wish I could hire a crew to renovate me. That would be so much easier. And keep being honest, okay?”

  Honest. The word struck him. “Nothing in this world is easy, and while we’re talking honesty—” He fumbled. “I need to clear the air. I’ve been avoiding something I need to tell you.”

  A scowl raced to her face. “Avoiding what?”

  He scooted over and slid her onto his lap. “We’ve come far in the past couple of weeks, and I hope you can understand—”

  “Tell me,” she said, squirming sideways to look into his face. “What’s this about?”

  “Daddy!” Caitlin’s voice cut through her question.

  Ellene gave a start as Connor jumped upward, dumping her into the chair. She felt as if he’d taken her to the brink of a chasm and then hung her over the edge. What about his past? What hadn’t he told her that would be that important? Her mind flew with speculation. She had to know.

  “Connor?”

  He turned, his face drained. “Later,” he said, rising to greet Caitlin.

  His daughter gave him a cursory hug, then focused on Ellene. “I thought it was you,” she said, grinning as she bounded across the carpet toward her.

  “How was school?” Ellene asked, managing to keep her voice steady.

  “Good.”

  Caitlin hoisted herself onto Ellene’s lap and fondled the collar on her blouse.

  “I like the flowers,” she said, touching each of the blossoms on the fabric.

  Ellene wanted to scream, not at the child, but at the bad timing.

  Later? When would later be? She couldn’t stay late. She had errands to run, and she knew Caitlin wouldn’t leave her side. She pinched the flesh beneath her nose, trying to regain her composure.

  “What’s wrong?” Caitlin asked, a frown etching her face.

  Ellene scrambled for a response. “Nothing. I was just thinking about you.”

  “I think about you, too. I think about when you were on the island with us. Remember when we went for the sled ride and we tipped over, and when you went shopping and bought me a sweatshirt and one for you so we could be twins? We had fun.”

  Ellene looked at the child, thinking that life just wasn’t always that fun. “I remember.”

  “Caitlin,” Connor said, “change your school clothes so you don’t get them dirty.”

  “Daddy,” she whined. “I always have to do things.”

  Ellene looked away, agreeing with Caitlin, but that was being an adult. “Are you packed and ready to move?”

  “We’re not moving yet.”

  “But soon, your dad said.”

  “I know, but I don’t know what to pack.”

  Ellene rubbed her arm, realizing Connor wasn’t going to say a word with Caitlin nearby. “Would you like me to help you for a while? I can’t stay long though.”

  Caitlin’s face brightened “Okay,” she said, slipping off Ellene’s lap. She turned to Connor. “Where are the boxes?”

  “I set two in your room. I told you.”

  “I forgot.” She beckoned to Ellene, then headed for her bedroom.

  Ellene rose, giving Connor a questioning look.

  “Are you coming?” Caitlin called from the doorway.

  Connor gave her a helpless look. “Don’t worry, Ellene. It’s just something I want you to know, but now’s not good.”

  Ellene knew he wouldn’t budge. “I’ll call you later then.”

  “This isn’t a phone conversation. Please. Maybe tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow? You mean at the cottage.”

  He shrugged. “Yes, if we can find a minute alone.”

  “Ellene!” Caitlin called.

  “Coming,” she said.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ellene stood just inside Caitlin’s doorway and looked at the pile of toys filling the walls, bookshelves loaded with books and clothes strewn around the room.

  “Pretty messy,” Ellene said, giving her a chastening grin.

  Caitlin sank to the floor, flipping one of her tops with her feet. “I know.”

  “Where are the boxes?” Ellene gazed around the room and saw two sitting in the corner, draped with a pair of rosy-colored cords. She tugged at the boxes, then dragged them to the middle of the room.

  Caitlin fidgeted beside the boxes, dragging clothing toward her with her feet.

  “I thought you wanted me to help you,” Ellene reminded the child.

  “I do,” she whined.

  “You said help. That means we both work, not just me. And you know what? It has to be done, so once you get it finished, it’s not a problem anymore. You’ll have time to play with no one nagging you.”

  Caitlin thought that over and raised to her knees. “But I don’t know what to do.”

  Ellene sat on the edge of the unmade bed. “First, let’s put your clothes away, or if they’re dirty, pile them by the door.”

  Caitlin didn’t move at first, and Ellene began to understand Connor’s discouragement. Ellene didn’t budge, either, but glanced at her watch. “Too bad. Time’s flying, and I have to leave soon.”

  Finally, Caitlin got to her feet and picked up the clothing she’d been fiddling with. She dropped it by the door, then gathered some other items.

  Ellene rose and handed her hangers as she worked at disposing of the garments. “Now, what toys can you live without for a week? Those are the ones you should pack. Leave a few things you’d like to have here.”

  “I like it when you’re here,” Caitlin said, as she dropped toys into the carton.

  “Thank you. I like being with you.”

  Caitlin held a toy suspended in her hand. “I don’t remember my mommy very well anymore.”

  “I’m sorry about that, Cait.”

  “I have a picture.” She shifted things on her dresser and carried back a framed photo of a young woman with fleshy cheeks and short brown hair. She had the same shape nose as Caitlin and a similar smile.

  Ellene’s chest tightened watching the child study at her mother’s image. “Your mom’s pretty. I can see you in her smile.”

  “You can?” Caitlin drew the photograph closer so that her nose nearly pressed on the glass.

  “Aunt Phyllis says I look like my daddy.”

  Caitlin lowered the photograph and looked at her as if asking what she thought.

  “Your eyes. They’re just like your daddy’s. They’re beautiful.”

  Ellene saw her tilt her head toward the mirror over her short dresser. She grimaced and smiled, trying on different faces until Ellene laughed. “You look like a monkey when you make all those faces.” Ellene stood behind her and rested her hands on her shoulders.

  Caitlin’s gaze raised from the mirror to Ellene’s face. “You’re beautiful, too.”

  “Thank you.”

  She turned to face Ellene and wrapped her arms around her waist. “I wish you were my mommy now.”

  Ellene’s heart plummeted to her stomach and bounced back. “I know it’s difficult no
t having a mother, Caitlin. Your daddy tries to be a mother and father to you.”

  “I love my daddy,” Caitlin said, “but I want you to be my mommy.”

  Ellene’s heart ached for the child. Her pulse skipped, trying to find a response that the girl could understand. “I’d be honored to be your mother, Caitlin, but being your mom means that your daddy and I would have to fall in love and get married.”

  “Okay.”

  Caitlin’s matter-of-fact response made Ellene grin. She lifted her gaze and saw Connor standing outside the door. He gave her an uneasy look, then moved away from the door.

  “Daddy said if I pray, God will hear my prayers. So I’ll pray that you and daddy—”

  Ellene knelt in front of the child. “Caitlin, we can pray for things, but God doesn’t always say yes. I really like your daddy a lot, but that’s something only your daddy and I can decide.”

  “You, Daddy and God,” Caitlin said, her voice ringing with confidence.

  And God. The child’s words hit her with awareness. Ellene had done much soul-searching, but she hadn’t put her problem in God’s hands and it was time she did.

  She drew the girl into her arms and held her. Her thin body molded against Ellene’s, and Caitlin’s fragrance of grape juice and apples filled her senses. She loved the girl more than she could say. Life would never be the same without Caitlin and Connor, and yet he had a secret to tell her, something he’d avoided.

  Her nerves felt raw having had Connor let the conversation drop in the middle of something so important. She wanted to know what it was, but not today. Maybe tomorrow, she hoped.

  She had her own confession, and it had been on her mind for so long. Sometimes she wondered if Connor would just laugh and say it was nothing. Other times she feared he would be so disappointed it would destroy their relationship. She’d even considered not saying anything at all, but one thing she’d been taught from childhood, honesty was next to godliness in her parents’ eyes.

  God had the answer, but Ellene wanted it, too. She needed God’s help, and she needed patience.

  “What do you think?” Connor asked, while Ellene surveyed the construction work in the upstairs bedroom area.