The Rancher's Miracle Baby

by April Arrington

He couldn’t give Tammy a child of her own. But he’d do everything in his power to give her Brody. And he hoped like hell he and Brody would be enough.

  Chapter Ten

  “Go ahead, Brody.” Alex smiled. “Throw ’em a big handful.”

  Brody looked down at the oats and seeds filling his tiny palm, glanced up at Alex, then pointed with his free hand at the large pond on Raintree Ranch’s front lot. “Dat.”

  “Ducks,” Alex said, gesturing toward the dozens of multicolored birds dunking their heads underwater and ruffling their thick feathers. “Those are ducks and they’re hungry. Go give ’em some breakfast.”

  Brody blinked up at him, forehead creasing, then stepped slowly to the edge of the pond. Alex followed, squatted on the thick green grass at Brody’s side, then guided his hand forward, sprinkling the food into the water with a soft splash.

  He brushed the baby’s brown bangs out of his wide eyes as he stared at the ducks. “If you stay really quiet,” he whispered, “they’ll come grab it.”

  As if on cue, three ducks on the fringe of the group craned their long necks in their direction, then swam over. They skirted around the floating seeds, then dipped their heads and started eating.

  Brody gasped. His brows lifted, and his mouth curved into an O of surprise. He grabbed Alex’s forearm and whispered, “Dat.”

  “Ducks.”

  Brody turned Alex’s hands over and scowled at his empty palms.

  Alex chuckled. “I don’t have any more.” He turned and pointed behind him. “But Tammy does.”

  Brody’s eyes followed the direction of his hand to where Tammy sat on the grass. He took off, running toward Tammy as fast as his short, chubby legs would carry him.

  Tammy held up a plastic bag filled with seeds and waved, urging Brody on. When he reached her, she tipped the bag and poured more seeds into Brody’s hand.

  Alex admired the gentle way her hand cupped Brody’s and the soft smile she gave as she spoke. It was so similar to the one she’d had this morning when he’d drifted kisses over her cheeks and forehead as she slept beside him. Full of love and adoration.

  Her eyelids had fluttered open beneath his lips, and she’d tugged his head down to kiss him back. Her soft curves and warm kiss woke him up better than a strong cup of coffee ever could. But he’d had a hard time leaving that bed this morning. So had she. One night with her in his arms wasn’t nearly enough, but they’d both been anxious to see Brody and spend their last day at Raintree Ranch together. They’d started touring the ranch right after a big Sunday breakfast, showing Brody the animals and enjoying his reactions to them.

  “Get ready,” Tammy said, helping Brody turn without spilling his handful of seeds. “He’s restocked.”

  She laughed as Brody toddled over, and a rush of pleasure swept through him at the sound.

  “Dat,” Brody shouted, stopping at Alex’s side.

  More ducks had glided over—at least a dozen swam around the edge, pecking the water for more food.

  Alex smiled and put a finger to his lips. “You’ve got to be as quiet as you can—”

  “Dat!” Brody slung his hand forward, scattering seeds over the ducks, and squealed.

  The ducks scattered, darting wildly in different directions. Brody stopped yelling, pointed at the fleeing animals, then frowned up at Alex. A wounded question formed in his big brown eyes. “Uh-oh.”

  “That’s what happens when you’re not quiet around them.” Alex picked Brody up and tickled his ribs. “We’ve got to work on your finesse, son.”

  Brody giggled and squirmed, then threw his arms around Alex’s neck and hugged him.

  Son. Alex closed his eyes and rubbed Brody’s back. In his heart, that was exactly what Brody had become.

  “I wish I still had that camera from last night.”

  Alex glanced over to find Tammy smiling at them, her knees to her chest and her chin resting on them. Her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the morning sun, and freckles were scattered along the bridge of her nose.

  “Nah.” He laughed. “You’ve taken more than enough pictures this weekend.”

  He crossed to her side and bent, pressing kisses across her cheeks, then down her neck as she tipped her head back with a soft sound of pleasure.

  A buzz in his back pocket intruded, and he pulled away with a groan, lowering Brody into her arms. “Hold him for a sec, please? Earl promised he’d call with an update on the horses.”

  Alex tugged his phone out and took the call, grinning as Brody smooshed Tammy’s cheeks and ran his tiny hands through her hair. “Hello.”

  “Alex. It’s Maxine.”

  His grip tightened on the phone. Several possibilities as to why Maxine had called formed in his mind. But one stood out more than the others.

  The sounds of Tammy’s and Brody’s laughter grew louder, and he turned, focusing on the pond water as it rippled in the warm breeze.

  “Are you there, Alex?”

  “Yeah. I’m here.”

  “I hate to call so early in the morning,” she said. “Especially when you’re out of town. But it was necessary, and I think you know why I’m calling.”

  His gut roiled.

  “John got in touch with me last night.” She sighed, the soft sound whispering across the line. “He and his fiancée have decided to take Brody.”

  Alex clenched his teeth, a pain shooting through his jaw. Last night while he’d made love to Tammy and imagined himself part of a family, his dream was being dismantled by Dean’s sorry-ass brother in Boston. A man who hadn’t given two thoughts to Dean when he was alive and thought he had a claim to Brody now.

  Hell, no.

  “He can’t have him.” Alex winced at the sharp sound of his voice. He regrouped, striving for a calmer tone. “Maxine, I understand John is blood, but I knew Dean. And I know Brody. He’s been happy with me and Tammy.” He balled his fist at his side. “Brody belongs with me. It’s what Dean would’ve wanted.”

  “I know that’s what Dean would’ve wanted had he known what was going to happen.” Her voice softened. “But he didn’t know, Alex. He didn’t plan for anything like this. And John is Brody’s family.”

  “The hell he is.” Alex shook his head, his chest burning. “I’m the closest thing Brody has to a family. He’s my family—” His voice cracked, and he sucked in a ragged breath. “Maxine, please. If there’s anything you can do...”

  “I’m so sorry.” Her words shook. “We both knew this was temporary. I was hoping things would turn out differently, but they didn’t. We have no choice. You have to bring Brody back now. John is coming to your place this afternoon to pick him up.”

  The peaceful scene before Alex blurred, the green field bleeding into the pond. A hollow chasm unfolded inside him, and every dream he ever had fell right through it.

  “Think of Brody, Alex.” Maxine’s tone turned firm. “I know it hurts to lose him, but he’ll be going to a good home. And whatever John and Dean’s relationship may or may not have been, by all accounts, John is a good man who is doing what he feels is the right thing. He’s promised to take good care of Brody. You, of all people, know how precious finding a permanent placement is, and I know you love Brody. So please try to make this transition as easy as possible for him.”

  Everything turned numb. His chest, his body, his skin. But he managed to speak. “We’ll leave right away.”

  He cut the call, shoved the phone in his pocket, then flexed his hands, trying to dislodge the stiffness and collect his composure.

  “They’re taking Brody, aren’t they?”

  Alex turned, the weak thread in Tammy’s voice bringing his eyes to hers. The shadows in her expression and the blissful, unaware grin on Brody’s face as he bounced in her lap shot a stabbing pain through him. And he wondered
how in the hell he could feel nothing—and everything—at the same time.

  “Yes.”

  The drive back was silent, except for Brody’s sporadic chatter and giggles from the back of the cab. Alex drove as slowly as possible on the highway, ignoring the cars speeding by and trying to hold on to every last second he had left with Brody. He glanced in the rearview mirror every few minutes, catching a quick glimpse of Brody’s shoe kicking the back seat or his tiny fingers lifting as he played. And he tried to make it last forever.

  But the miles continued to pass, and when they arrived at the ranch, the late-afternoon sun glinted off an unfamiliar sedan parked in front of the house.

  “Is that them already?” Tammy straightened. Her hands gripped the edge of her seat, and her voice hardened. “They’ll just have to wait. We haven’t packed his things or had a chance to...”

  She turned away and looked out the passenger window, her shoulders shaking.

  Alex reached out and covered her hand with his, forcing himself to say the words that needed to be said. “He’s going to be okay, Tammy.”

  She faced him. Tears welled over her thick lashes and spilled down her cheeks. “Without us?”

  He nodded, his stiff neck protesting the movement. “Without us.”

  After parking the truck, Alex waited as Tammy removed Brody from his car seat and cradled him to her chest. They walked to the front porch to find Earl standing on the top step with Scout stretched out at his feet. A man and a woman each sat in a rocking chair, visibly anxious.

  “Ah, here they are now.” Earl nodded at Alex, his smile not reaching his eyes as he whispered, “Hope you don’t mind. Maxine called, said they were leaving her office to come out here and asked if I’d hold down the fort with them until you got back.”

  “Thanks.” Alex stepped past him as the couple stood. “John?”

  The man moved forward, brushed a blond curl from his forehead and held out his hand. Alex shook it and forced a polite smile. He looked so young. And nothing like Dean.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Alex.” John gestured to the woman who now stood beside him. “This is Becky, my fiancée.”

  Alex greeted her, then made the rest of the introductions, his throat thickening more with each word. Brody grew frustrated and wiggled in Tammy’s arms, straining to get down.

  “We’ve had a long trip,” Tammy said, setting Brody on his feet. “He hasn’t had a chance to stretch his legs.”

  Brody scrambled off, climbed into the small rocking chair and leaned forward, smiling as it rocked back, then picked up a steady rhythm. Scout darted over, leaped into his lap and propped his chin on Brody’s knees.

  Alex flinched, his skin growing clammy. “I need to pack some of Brody’s clothes. And there’s a few toys he got for his birthday that he’ll want to take with him.” He turned and walked toward the door, needing privacy. Needing to be alone. “Tammy will fill you in on what he likes and doesn’t like.”

  Alex made his way to the nursery, praying his legs didn’t give out beneath him. It took half an hour to pack a few bags for Brody. Alex’s hands shook as he folded small shirts and pants, then packed diapers and toys. When he finished, he stopped on the threshold and took one last look around.

  Years ago, he’d stood here after receiving the news of his infertility. Right in this same damned spot, feeling like a failure and less of a man than he ever had. But back then, he didn’t have a face to the loss. The children he and Susan had planned to have were just bits of imagination. Hazy thoughts, at best.

  But this. Losing Brody...

  Alex choked back a sob. Then he stepped into the hallway and slammed the door shut. And the hell if he’d ever step foot in that room again.

  A few minutes later, Earl said a gruff goodbye to Brody, then left, ambling toward his house. Alex waited by the car with John and Becky, his chest aching as Tammy knelt in front of Brody’s rocking chair, speaking softly to him. Brody smiled up at her as she picked him up, then walked over.

  “He likes to play in water,” Tammy whispered. She kissed Brody’s cheek as he nuzzled his face against her chest. “Do you have a swimming pool?”

  “No.” Becky smiled. “But my mother does. She lives down the road from us.”

  “That’s good.” Tammy rubbed a hand over Brody’s back. “He likes long baths, too. And dogs. He loves dogs.”

  “We’ll take good care of him,” John said, opening the back door and holding his arms out. “It’s time for us to get going. We have a flight to catch.”

  Tammy nodded. She bit her lip and leaned over to pass Brody to John. “This is John, Brody. He and Ms. Becky are going to take good care of you.”

  Brody lifted his head, looked up at John, then back at Tammy. His brow creased with confusion. John reached out, and Brody shrank back, hiding his face in Tammy’s throat and issuing short cries of panic.

  Alex gritted his teeth. His hands clenched at his sides as Tammy tugged at Brody’s arms and tried to coax him into going to John. Brody refused, his wails growing shriller.

  “It’s okay, Brody,” Tammy said, wincing as Brody’s fingers tangled in her hair and pulled. Her eyes welled with tears, and she glanced at Alex helplessly, her voice breaking. “He won’t let go.”

  Grimacing, Alex moved close and took Brody’s hands in his. He gently unwound Brody’s fingers from Tammy’s hair, then forcibly removed him from her arms. Brody stiffened and cried out, the sound piercing Alex’s ears and cracking his heart.

  “It’s okay,” Alex whispered against Brody’s ear as he passed him to John. He inhaled Brody’s soft baby scent, holding it in his lungs and imprinting it on his heart. “You’re gonna be okay, Brody.”

  John and Becky scrambled to get Brody settled in his car seat and shut the door. Brody sobbed louder, the sound echoing within the car.

  “Thanks for taking care of him,” John said hastily, climbing in the driver’s seat.

  Becky gave a pained smile, then slid in the passenger seat. The engine turned over, and they pulled away, dust billowing up behind the car as they disappeared down the driveway. Scout followed for several feet, barking, then eventually turned and darted into a field to snuffle around in the grass.

  It was quiet for a few moments. Then Tammy’s sobs broke the silence, filling the emptiness surrounding them.

  Alex pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight. Her fists dug into his back and her hot tears scalded his throat, each of her cries cutting deeper into his chest.

  And he knew, without a doubt, that he could no longer offer her the family she dreamed of and deserved. That he could never truly make her happy.

  He closed his eyes as her sobs grew louder. God, he couldn’t go through this again. He couldn’t let Tammy stay with him out of a sense of duty like Susan had, only to see her smile fade and regret haunt her eyes. He wouldn’t be able to survive it. He loved her too much.

  Enough to do the right thing? To make her happy? Whatever it takes?

  He cringed. At least he could do the right thing this time, the only thing he could do to ensure she had a shot at getting the future—and happiness—she deserved. And the longer he put it off, the harder it would be.

  Alex waited until she grew quiet again, the shudders sweeping through her body easing and her hold on him loosening. He eased back and lifted her chin with his knuckle, swallowing hard at the trails of tears on her cheeks and feeling completely dead inside.

  “This is the end of our deal, Tammy.”

  * * *

  TAMMY BLINKED, HER EYES hot and gritty, and tried to fight her way out from under the pain of losing Brody. Tried to focus on Alex.

  He stared down at her, his expression grim and his eyes empty.

  “What did you just say?”

  His hands moved, cupping he
r jaw, and his thumbs brushed over her cheeks. “I said this is the end of our deal.” His chest lifted on a sharp inhale. “It’s time for you and Razz to leave.”

  A laugh burst from her lips. She cringed at the bitterness of it and grabbed Alex’s wrists, tugging them away from her face. “I’m going to forgive you for this later,” she said, blinking back a fresh surge of tears. “Because I know you’re hurting right now. And I know that’s where this is coming from.” She shook her head. “But for now, we’re going to go inside, crawl in bed together and cry. And when we can’t cry anymore, we’re going to get up, take a shower and wash this day away. Then we’ll start over. Together.”

  He pulled away and rubbed his hands over his jeans. “I don’t have another fresh start in me.”

  Tammy balled her fists, her legs weakening. “Look, these past few hours have been a nightmare for both of us. But this pain won’t last forever. It’ll pass. It’ll blow over and we’ll survive it.”

  “No, we won’t.” He dragged a hand over his face and looked away, his wide shoulders sagging. “I can’t give you what you want.”

  “You’re not making sense, Alex.” She scrubbed the back of her hand over her cheeks. “I told you what I wanted last night. I want you. I want—”

  “A home with me?” He faced her, his gray eyes piercing. “And children?”

  “Yes.” Her throat ached, and a heavy weight pressed on her chest. “We may have lost Brody, but there’ll be other children once we recover from this.” She pressed her palms to his chest, searching for the strong throb of his heart. “We’ll make them together. As many as we want.”

  His muscles tensed beneath her touch, his expression darkening. “I can’t give you children.”

  Tammy froze. “What?”

  Alex covered her hands with his and searched her face. “That’s why Susan left. It’s what I couldn’t give her.” His eyes narrowed as he stared down at her. “If you stay with me, that nursery will remain empty. You’ll never be able to get pregnant. You’ll never be able to give birth to your own baby, and you’ll never see yourself reflected in a child.” His boot scraped across the ground as he shifted, squeezing her hands hard. “Can you honestly tell me that’s what you want? That just having me would be enough?”