The Rancher's Miracle Baby

by April Arrington

  The ground warped beneath her, and her head spun, the pain streaking inside her becoming more intense. She closed her eyes and pulled her hands away, pressing them tight to her middle.

  Her mind raced, and she scrambled to focus. To comprehend what he was saying.

  They’d never be able to have children. Would never have babies with Alex’s smile or her eyes. Would never be able to watch them grow and know they’d left a small part of themselves behind in the world.

  She’d never have the family she’d longed for as a girl. And Alex would never hold a son of his own.

  Her stomach heaved. It was almost too much to conceive.

  “There’s nothing for you here, Tammy.” His tone turned hard as she opened her eyes. “Nothing but an empty house and beat-up land. You saw it the day we met.” His lips twisted, warped and empty. “I’m broken.”

  Your smile. I thought it looked broken...

  Tammy’s hands flew to her face and covered her mouth, her teeth biting her lip. “Oh, God. I wish I’d never said that to you.” The sharp tang of blood touched her tongue, and she swallowed hard, her cheeks flaming. “I didn’t mean it.” She shook her head and her hair fell into her eyes, obscuring him. She pushed it back and reached for him. “It’s not true.”

  He stepped back, shoving his hands in his pockets and jerking away.

  “This thing between us...” He frowned. “It’s a result of circumstance. If we hadn’t gone through what we did—” He winced. “If I hadn’t helped you like I did and if we hadn’t found Brody, you’d have left long ago. You’d have seen me the same way you saw every other man.”

  “That’s not true,” she repeated. “I love you and you love me. I know you do.” She widened her stance and dug deep, keeping her words solid and firm. “We both have ugly pasts, Alex, and we may not have the future we wanted. But we can build one that’ll be ours. What we make of it. And it can be beautiful—”

  “Nothing can be built here,” he bit out. His eyes drifted toward the road. Toward the wreckage of Dean and Gloria’s house. “This place doesn’t breathe. Everything just dies.”

  “Brody and Razz didn’t.” Tears streamed down her face. “And neither did we.”

  His attention returned to her, and his expression softened, the pain etched into his features making her heart bleed.

  “My chance for happiness has passed,” he whispered. “My dreams died years ago. But you’re so young, you still have a shot at yours. I won’t take away your chance to be happy. I won’t give you a future filled with regret.” He flinched. “You’ll fall in love again and you’ll have children. You’ll build the home and family you’ve always wanted. And you’ll be happy.”

  “Not without you.” She held her breath, fighting off a sob. “I don’t want any of that if it means losing you. I know you want me, Alex. I know you love me.”

  “Then let me do the right thing.” He walked over, cradled her face with his hands and touched his lips to her forehead. “Let me let you go.”

  “Alex—”

  He dipped his head and took her mouth, his kiss deep and gentle. She wrapped her arms around him and held as tight as she could, but he slipped away, moving toward the house.

  Soon, he’d be gone. Just like Brody.

  “You’re not doing this for me, Alex,” she called out as he walked away. “You’re doing this for yourself because you’re afraid. You’ve been so worried about my fears, but you’re the one who’s afraid. You’re afraid to take a chance and trust me. Afraid to believe that you’re enough. But there’s no way I can prove that to you. You have to believe it yourself before you can ever accept it from me.”

  He didn’t respond. Or look back.

  “Alex.” She shook where she stood, struggling to stay upright as he made his way up the front porch steps. “You said you’d never hurt me.”

  He jerked to a halt, his broad back stiffening.

  “This hurts.” Her throat closed, and she forced herself to speak, hoping he’d cave. “It hurts so much. More than anything else ever has.”

  His head dropped forward as he half turned. The line of his muscular profile sagged, growing weak and defeated as he repeated her own words, his voice strained. “It’ll pass.”

  He entered the house, closing the door behind him and effectively shutting her out.

  Tammy stood still until the sun began to set, the darkness creeping over the silent fields and enveloping her. And there was nothing left to do but leave.

  She went inside and packed her bags, then she hooked up her trailer and loaded Razz. She climbed into the driver’s seat, revved the engine, then drove down the winding driveway until she reached the paved road.

  The headlights flooded the land in front of her as she stopped the truck, casting shadows over Dean and Gloria’s crumbled home. She looked to either side of her, but the fading fringes of light didn’t reach very far, leaving the road dark and indistinguishable in each direction.

  Her hands tightened around the steering wheel, and she closed her eyes, knowing the circuit was waiting for her on one end of the highway and Colt and Jen at the other. But neither destination seemed right. And neither path felt the same as it had before.

  She didn’t feel the same. Her heart, broken into jagged pieces, stabbed sharply within her chest. Her arms felt awkward and empty without Brody. Even her body felt different, Alex’s tender touches and movements from last night still lingering deep inside her.

  Tammy opened her eyes, hot tears scalding her cheeks, and realized Alex was right about one thing. Like every painful event in her life, this one would pass, too. Only this time, she didn’t want to move on. And she had no idea which way to go.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Finishing up early tonight?”

  Tammy scraped the shovel across the stall floor, shook out the clean shavings, then dumped the last bit of manure in the wheelbarrow beside her. Sweat trickled down her cheeks and back. She dragged her arm across her forehead, glanced at the man standing in the entry of the stall and smiled.

  “Yeah.” She propped the shovel against her hip and tugged her gloves off. “This is the last one. I’ve already done the rest.”

  She shoved the worn gloves in her back pocket, rolled her head from side to side to stretch her aching neck and laughed. The rest included the other fourteen stalls that were on her job detail as a hand for Red Fox Ranch in Jasper, Georgia. Sixty-five acres and a steady stream of horses to board guaranteed her consistent work and pay.

  “I’ve just finished, too.” The man grinned and propped his arm on the stall door. “I was thinking about driving into town and getting a beer. Maybe shooting a few rounds of pool. Care to join me?”

  Keith Brinson was a ranch hand, same age as Tammy, who’d flirted with her every night since she’d arrived a month ago. He was blond haired, blue eyed and handsome. And harmless enough.

  “I’m standing next to a cart of manure, am sweaty as a pig and probably stink to high heaven.” Tammy cocked an eyebrow. “And you’re still asking me out?”

  “Yep.” His blue eyes drifted over her briefly, then returned to her face. “Doesn’t matter when I catch you. You’re always beautiful.”

  She dipped her head and smiled. Keith was a good man. One of those rare gentlemen who still knew how to treat a lady. A woman would be lucky to grace his arm.

  Her smile slipped, stormy gray eyes and deep dimples intruding into her thoughts. Just as they had every day over the past month since leaving Deer Creek.

  Keith wasn’t for her. Her heart still belonged to Alex. Always would.

  “Thank you, Keith, but—”

  “But you’d rather not.” He winced good-naturedly. “I kinda figured that, since you’ve turned me down every time I’ve asked.” He shrugged. “You taking Razz out tonight, as usu
al?”

  She nodded, glancing toward the open stable doors. It was a beautiful late-September night. “It’s cool out and she loves an evening stroll.”

  That had become Tammy’s favorite part of the day, too, since she’d retired from racing and settled in at Red Fox Ranch. She no longer felt the need to run or dreaded being alone. Instead, she enjoyed sitting on the tailgate of her truck in an empty field, watching Razz frolic and gazing at the stars. It helped her feel closer to Alex somehow. Made her think there was a chance he was outside, too. Maybe sitting in one of the rocking chairs on his front porch, looking up and thinking of her...and Brody.

  An ache formed in her chest. The same one that returned every time she thought of Brody. It was fruitless, really—thinking of him like she did. But she couldn’t help but wonder where he was and what he was doing. If he was happy and safe.

  Tammy sighed and eased past Keith, saying good-night as she made her way to Razz’s stall. She guessed that was what being a parent was like—worrying about your children when you weren’t with them. And that was how she still felt about Brody. He still belonged to her and Alex. No matter where he was or who was taking care of him.

  A half hour later, she sat on the tailgate of her truck in Razz’s favorite field and tipped her head back, taking in the moonlit sky above her and wondering if Brody still thought of her. If he still thought of Alex and missed them both.

  She lifted her hip, pulled her phone from her back pocket, then dialed the same number she’d dialed several times since Alex had sent her away. It didn’t ring. Just went straight to Alex’s voice mail as usual.

  “Hey. It’s me again.” She licked her lips and shifted on the tailgate. “You know if you get tired of these messages, you ought to answer your phone at least once and tell me to bug off.” She laughed, the sound thin and weak even to her own ears. “It’d save us both a lot of...”

  Grief. She cringed. That was the word she was going to say, but it didn’t fit. Being apart from Alex hurt no matter what the circumstances. And grief didn’t quite cover it.

  “Anyway, I thought I’d let you know in case you do decide to call that I’m going off the grid for the weekend starting tomorrow.” She swung her legs, watching as her boots skimmed the top of the tall grass. “I’m driving to Raintree to visit Jen and Colt for a couple of days, and she wants my full attention. She said she has news she wants to share in person. I’m thinking she’s probably going to tell me that she’s adding to the family.” She stopped swinging her legs and gripped the hard metal edge of the tailgate. “Just in case you’re wondering, I’m happy for her. And I don’t envy her.” She pulled in a strong breath. “But I do still miss you. And I still love you.”

  She thought of saying goodbye. Thought of telling him this would be the last time she called. But her heart wasn’t ready for that yet. So she cut the call and laid the phone beside her, wishing she could let go of Alex as easily as he had let go of her.

  “Looks like it’s just us again tonight, girl.”

  Razz tossed her head, her shiny mane rippling under the starlight, and trotted off, taking full advantage of the energetic thrill buzzing through the cool breeze in the air.

  Tammy sighed and managed a small smile. Summer was definitely over.

  A clatter started at her side, and she glanced down. Her phone vibrated harder, skipping across the tailgate. She snatched it up.

  “Alex?”

  Silence greeted her, then, “Tammy?”

  Her shoulders sagged at the sound of a female voice. “You got her. Who’s this?”

  “It’s Maxine.”

  Tammy hopped off the tailgate. “Maxine? Is everything okay?”

  “Well, I hope so,” she said. “I’ve been trying to reach Alex for several days now, and I can’t seem to get him to answer the phone or return my calls. And he didn’t answer the door when I stopped by.” She blew out a breath. “I know he’s there. Earl told me he walked over several times to lend a hand with the ranch, but he said Alex barely speaks.”

  Tammy’s stomach churned. “But Alex is okay otherwise?”

  “Yes, of course,” Maxine said. “He’s just being more stubborn than usual.”

  “Tell me about it,” Tammy muttered under her breath.

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing. What can I do for you, Maxine?”

  “Are you still in Georgia?”

  “Yeah,” Tammy said. “Jasper.”

  “Good.” Maxine cleared her throat. “Actually, Brody is the reason I’m calling.”

  Tammy froze, a chill sweeping over her skin. “Brody? What’s happened? Is he okay?”

  “He’s fine,” Maxine said hastily. “There’s no need to worry. It’s just that John called last week and said he and Becky were having a tough time adjusting.” She paused, the silence rankling Tammy’s nerves even more. “I think it was just too much too soon for them. They were ready for marriage but not for a family. Not yet. And John felt awful about it. He said they thought about giving it more time but that they just aren’t ready to be parents.”

  Tammy reached out and gripped the edge of the truck bed, her heart thumping painfully in her chest.

  “I was hoping to get in touch with Alex, but since I couldn’t reach him, I thought I’d give you a call.” Maxine breathed deep over the phone. “Brody is staying at the home in Atlanta and needs to be placed with a foster parent. We have several options for him, but I couldn’t help but think of you.” Maxine hesitated. “I know things didn’t work out with you and Alex, but I know you love Brody. And since you took such good care of him before, I thought—”

  “How soon can I have him?”

  Maxine laughed. “Slow down. Are you still touring or do you have a permanent place to stay?”

  “Yes.” Tammy shook her hand and tried to collect her scattered thoughts. “I mean, no, I’m not touring. And I do have a permanent place.”

  She winced, a pang of discomfort dimming her excitement. She’d prefer to return to Alex, but considering the circumstances, Raintree Ranch would do just fine. Colt and Jen had made it clear over the past weeks that she was more than welcome.

  “You’ll have to start as a foster parent,” Maxine said. “Then after some time, you can apply for adoption. I’ll draw up the paperwork tonight and pull a few strings first thing in the morning. Can you make it to Atlanta before three tomorrow?”

  Tammy smiled, tears welling onto her lashes. “I’m already on the way.”

  By one o’clock the next afternoon, after a pile of paperwork and a background check, Tammy stood in the waiting room of the Atlanta children’s home, wringing her hands and waiting for Brody to arrive.

  “What if he doesn’t remember me?” Tammy paced and eyed the closed door to the corridor.

  “Relax, Tammy,” Maxine said from her seated position across the room. “Everything will be fine.”

  “But it’s been a whole month since I last saw him. He probably won’t—”

  The door creaked open, and Tammy spun around, clamping her mouth shut. A woman walked in with Brody in her arms. His eyes were heavy, and he looked around the room slowly, as though he’d just woken up from a nap.

  “Brody?” Tammy held her breath, her lungs burning as his head swiveled in her direction.

  Brody blinked, then his eyes widened, recognition dawning on his face. He squealed and reached out to her, wiggling in the woman’s grasp. She set him on his feet, and he toddled over as fast as his little legs would go, his smile bright.

  Tammy knelt and opened her arms, catching him as he barreled into her middle. She picked him up and hugged him close, closing her eyes as he laid his head on her chest and sighed contentedly. She breathed him in, savoring the feel of him in her arms and the comforting weight of him over her heart.

  “I’m her
e, Brody,” she whispered. “I’m here now. For good.”

  Tammy smiled, her broken heart beginning to heal. Alex might not allow her to love him, but she would still be able to love Brody.

  * * *

  A BODY RESTS easier after doing the right thing.

  Head pounding, Alex groaned and covered his eyes with his hand, avoiding the nagging phrase and struggling to slip back into oblivion. “That’s a damned lie.”

  The pounding grew louder and more painful. He flinched and tried to find a more comfortable position, the wood of the table hard and cold against his cheek.

  “Alex?”

  More pounding.

  “I know you’re in there, and if you don’t open this door in the next three seconds, I’m gonna kick the damned thing down.”

  Earl. That was Earl yelling—and pounding.

  Alex grunted and cracked his eyes open to peer through the part in his fingers. Sunlight poured through the windows and flooded the kitchen, glinting sharply off the empty glass bottles littering the floor.

  “One.”

  Alex laid his hands flat on the table, shoved himself upright and scrambled to his feet.

  “Two.”

  “I’m coming.”

  His throat was so dry his words cracked. Which was a hell of a thing, since he’d drunk enough whiskey last night to drown a cow.

  “Thr—”

  “I said I’m coming.”

  He stumbled his way to the front door, unlocked it, then jerked it open. The sun scorched his eyes, and he shrank back, squinting and trying to bring Earl into focus.

  Earl eyed him from head to toe, then frowned. “You look like hell, son.”

  Alex scoffed. “Thanks.”

  Undeterred, Earl shoved past him, clutching a small bundle under his arm, and walked into the kitchen. He stopped in the center of the room and glanced around. “And this room looks worse.”