Deirdre's True Desire

by Heather McCorkle

  They each returned the sentiment. After a long last look at her, Kinan turned and started down the stairs. Deirdre watched his nicely shaped behind until it had descended out of her sight. The moment she could no longer see him, she spun away and marched into the room. Both women gave her knowing smiles. Sadie handed her a glass of wine the moment she sat on the couch beside her. Firelight danced along the red surface of the liquid. She inhaled as she lifted the glass to her lips. The scents of oak, cherries, and a touch of honey drifted to her. Possibly a bit sweet for her tastes, but more wonderful than anything she had drank for months.

  One of Sadie’s brows rose. “Cat tells me we have a wedding to plan.”

  Deirdre lifted her glass high. “We do indeed. To Cat’s wedding!”

  Cat and Sadie echoed the toast as they lifted their glasses to knock lightly against hers. The radiant smile on Cat’s face made Deirdre smile all the more. This moment and these wonderful ladies deserved her full attention. She decided to put the matter of her own heart aside for a bit. Once they all lowered their wineglasses, she fixed Cat with a pointed look. “So, are we planning for a spring wedding?”

  Eyes shooting to the left, Cat picked up a large piece of yellow cheese from the table before them and began nibbling on it. Her long, red hair fell forward, but not quite far enough to hide the fact that she was blushing furiously. “Not exactly. Rick and I were thinking of a winter wedding,” she said.

  Gaze fixed on the different cheeses, Sadie didn’t see their friend’s reaction. “So far away? Why the wait?” she asked.

  To hide her grin, Deirdre took another sip of the sweet wine. When Cat didn’t answer, Deirdre tapped Sadie’s arm to make her look up. “She doesn’t mean next winter, she means next month,” Deirdre said.

  Her heart thrilled at the reason why Cat would want to get married so soon. She had already admitted that she and Rick had made love, so it wasn’t impatience to do the act. That only left one thing…

  “Cat, are you pregnant?” Deirdre asked when her friend still didn’t respond.

  “Deirdre Quinn! She most certainly is…” Sadie’s words faded away as she watched their friend’s reaction.

  Face turning a lovely shade of crimson that matched her hair, Cat looked up with a start, eyes going wide. Surprise melted slowly into joy.

  “You are!” Sadie lunged forward and embraced Cat at the same time Deirdre did.

  They all laughed, embraced, and even shed a few tears.

  “Truly, you’re happy for me? You don’t think me a ruined woman?” Cat asked, glancing from one to the other of them.

  “Of course, we’re happy for you. After what happened with your first pregnancy, this is a blessing,” Sadie said as she stroked Cat’s hair.

  A dark cloud passed over Cat’s eyes. Deirdre took her hand. “She’s right, the child is a blessing. We’re thrilled you’re pregnant. And you’re not ruined at all. A man can stick his cock anywhere he pleases and they merely call it sowing his wild oats. It should be no different for a woman,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

  “Deirdre! While I might agree, at least whisper such a notion if you must state it!” Sadie begged.

  Cat giggled, something she normally couldn’t do after the mention of her deceased husband. Not because of his death, but because of what he had been in life. They hadn’t thought she’d be able to get pregnant again, not after what Michael had done to her and her first unborn baby. The fact that Cat could recover so quickly after his mention spoke volumes about how she had moved on and about how good Rick was for her. Deirdre liked the man more by the moment.

  She hated to press, but she had to be sure. “But Cat, that’s not the only reason he proposed, is it? You deserve to be happy and to have a man that cherishes you. The last thing we want is for you to end up with someone like Michael again.”

  Perhaps it was a bit harsh to say so right after the big news, but Deirdre had to make sure. No matter what, she wouldn’t let Cat make this decision for the wrong reasons. Michael had been a rash decision based on a pregnancy, and he had nearly destroyed Cat.

  Though she sniffled, Cat straightened her back and held her head high. “Thank you for looking out for me, but no, we didn’t find out about the baby until a few months after he proposed.”

  Joy mingled with the look of strength about her. It was very good look for her.

  “Good, because we’re quite protective of you,” Deirdre said.

  Cat gripped Deirdre’s and Sadie’s hands tightly. “I know. Thank you. I’m very lucky to have you both. But Rick’s a good man, nothing at all like Michael. I look forward to you getting to know him so you can see for yourself.”

  “As do we,” Sadie said in a warm tone. But Deirdre knew it for the warning it was. If Sadie didn’t approve of the man, he wouldn’t last long. They’d gone through too much to get Cat back on her feet and confident again after Michael to see her with anyone less than perfect for her.

  “All right, out with the details then. We want to hear all about him, and don’t you dare think you’re getting away with not telling us all the lovely details!” Deirdre said with a wink.

  Sadie gasped and held a hand to her chest, which only made Deirdre grin wider and Cat laugh harder. While Sadie pressed for details about the man’s character, Deirdre pressed for details about their lovemaking and romance. Sadie and Deirdre finished off the bottle of wine—which tasted better by the glass—and suggested colors for the wedding and baby names. Though it lay heavy at the back of her mind, Deirdre didn’t bring up Ainsworth. There would be time aplenty to mull over that problem.

  When Deirdre began to press her about sexual positions and how many times Cat had been with Rick, her friend shook her head. “Enough about me already. Deirdre here has her sights set on two men, and she hasn’t been in town for even a day yet! There’s much to discuss there.”

  Sadie fell back into the cushions. “Two, already? Oh Deirdre, what are we to do with you?”

  Warmth filled Deirdre at the mention of the two handsome men she’d met today. That warmth spread down between her legs when she thought about how one of them was under this very roof with her. “I met Kinan on my way past here, then Dylan, a cowhand in Mr. Fergusson’s employ. California is shaping up to be very promising. I want to hear all about them both,” she said, eyes narrowing upon Cat at the last.

  Sadie waved a tiny square of cheddar back and forth. “Wait, Kinan is the man you mentioned before, the stable hand?” Her big brown eyes turned to Cat. “He doesn’t look like any stable hand I’ve ever seen.”

  The grin dimpling Cat’s cheeks drained away some of Deirdre’s excitement. She didn’t like that smile. It worried her. “That’s because he isn’t a stable hand,” Cat said.

  How forward he was with her despite the difference in their classes, how he spoke about the tapestry, and offered to have things done for her… She hadn’t seen the truth because she hadn’t wanted her simple stable hand to be more than what she imagined him to be. But part of her had suspected, had feared. And the look on Cat’s face confirmed it before she put it to words.

  “Kinan O’Leary owns the inn.”

  Chapter 7

  With a bit of spying and sneaking about, Deirdre managed to avoid Kinan all morning. Not that she didn’t want to see him. She very much wanted to see him. To the point where she often caught herself fantasizing about what he might be wearing—or not wearing. But she couldn’t. She didn’t dare. If she let herself go down that path, it would end in oppression and boredom. No matter how handsome, high-society men couldn’t help themselves. To remain high-society men, they had to be slaves to their fortunes and standing. While his status as an innkeeper alone didn’t necessarily make him high society, from what Cat told her, the man came from a considerable amount of wealth on both sides of his family. And Deirdre had had her fill of such things.

  The wealth sh
e had inherited from not only her father, but her deceased husband—God rest their souls—was enough for her to live out her days comfortably without having to worry about what high society thought of her. And more importantly, what they didn’t know about her.

  The fact that she had worn her finest blue dress with a silk and lace bodice only made her need to avoid Kinan all the stronger. She couldn’t have him thinking she had worn it for him. A misunderstanding of that level would be difficult to remedy. Misunderstanding, right. She couldn’t even convince herself of that. One glance at the desire in her eyes she couldn’t hide, and he’d know she had worn it for him in a moment of weakness. But she wasn’t feeling weak anymore.

  Such was the thinking that had her bustling Sadie and Cat out of the house nearly at the crack of dawn with only half their breakfast eaten.

  “But Deirdre, ’tis near to freezing out here still. Wouldn’t you rather wait for afternoon to venture out?” Cat asked as she pulled her wrap tighter around her shoulders.

  Rock crunched under the heels of their fine boots as they made their way across the circular path between the inn and the barn. Dawn dusted the horizon pink and made the frost on the grass and bushes sparkle. The fresh smell of earth dampened by the spots beginning to melt in the sun invigorated Deirdre. She wished she had thought to go for a hack this morning through the fields with Ciaren. That would have got her out of the house quicker.

  “I’m eager to get the word out about your engagement party. We haven’t a moment to waste. And I’m also dying to see this new town of ours,” Deirdre said.

  “Are you warm enough, Cat?” Sadie said, shooting Deirdre a reproachful look.

  Cat took hold of Sadie’s gloved hand. “Quite, no worries about me. I’m only trying to figure out Deirdre’s plot.”

  Eyes widening, Deirdre blinked several times. “There’s no plot. I’m merely eager to see our new town with my favorite lasses, let them know we have arrived,” she said, rolling the last word almost into a growl.

  One brow rising, Cat grabbed hold of one of Deirdre’s hands. Even through the layers of knit cotton that hugged her own hand, and Cat’s, she felt the woman’s strong grip.

  “Oh aye, I believe that. But I know you too well to believe there isn’t more than that going on under all that black hair of yours,” Cat said.

  Free hand halfway raised to wave off the comment, Deirdre froze. Through the open door of the barn she spied Kinan bent over, a hoof of one of the dun-colored draft horses that was hitched to the wagon in his big hand. Though she could only see his backside, she knew it was him. The round shape of his buttocks in those brown breeches and the knot of hair at the base of his neck were unmistakable.

  “Um hum, more indeed,” Sadie said beneath her breath.

  Steel rang as Kinan tapped a small hammer against the horse’s shoe. He looked up, gaze gravitating to Deirdre, and smiled. Before she could stop herself, she smiled back. She forced herself to look away before she could encourage him any further.

  “I hope you ladies are having a good morning,” he said.

  Deirdre couldn’t focus well enough to form a sentence. Once again wearing a simple tunic and breeches, Kinan looked divine. Such clothes didn’t layer and hide the enticing contours of his body like the fashions of high society did. Much about him seemed unconventional. Perhaps…no. The pain of the last judgment she’d faced from a high-society man she thought had loved her still stung too much. Such men had circles of people to impress, business associates with expectations. The women in their lives came last, particularly when those women had earth-shattering secrets.

  “We are, thank you. A good morning to you as well, Kinan. Is everything all right with the horses?” Cat asked, rescuing Deirdre from the silence.

  Kinan’s gaze broke from Deirdre’s, allowing her to breathe once more. “Aye, well enough. While hitching them up my stable hand noticed this one’s gait was a bit off. He has a loose shoe is all. I’ve fixed it up and it should hold well enough until the farrier comes tomorrow. Though I wouldn’t recommend trotting him,” he said.

  “Thank you for fixing him up. That’s most kind of you,” Cat said.

  Walking around the front of the horses, Kinan watched the gelding with a scrutinizing eye. “You’re welcome to use my team for the day if you’d like. We can get them switched out quickly enough,” he offered.

  The way Cat pursed her lips and cocked her head made Deirdre fear she was considering it. Any longer in this barn with Kinan would be bad for her resolve. Already, she couldn’t stop thinking about how close he had stood to her in Ciaren’s stall yesterday, and how she thought he’d been about to press up against her.

  “That’s quite all right. ’Tis best if we don’t drive a strange team,” Deirdre cut in quickly.

  Hope filled Kinan’s eyes as he looked to her again. “I understand. If you’re able to wait until this afternoon, I’d be happy to take you ladies myself.”

  Oh, saints, she couldn’t have botched that up worse if she’d tried. Her wide-eyed gaze shot to Cat. A slow blink of those blue eyes communicated to Deirdre that she understood but didn’t necessarily agree and certainly wasn’t going to help. If she didn’t get help, she didn’t know how she was going to resist her attraction to this man.

  “Thank you, Kinan, but I’m most eager to show my friends the town. Besides, we wouldn’t want to pull you away from harvesting,” Cat said.

  For that Deirdre would most certainly hug her later.

  Inclining his head to Cat, Kinan walked to the side of the wagon where Sadie stood and offered her his hand. The barest hint of a smile tugged at her lips as she accepted his help into the wagon.

  “Thank you, Mr. O’Leary, that’s quite kind of you,” she said.

  “You’re most welcome, Mrs. MacMurphy,” he said, holding her gaze and offering her a smile as he would an equal.

  Hard as she tried not to be charmed by this man, Deirdre couldn’t help but be impressed with his interactions with Sadie. Due to Sadie being of African descent, many men didn’t bother to notice her because she was too far out of their class to bother with. Or worse, they disagreed that the slaves should be freed. Even up north some held such terrible beliefs, though they were few and far between. But Kinan appeared to not even notice Sadie’s skin was nearly as dark as his own hair.

  Raw emotion burned across her face as Kinan turned to Deirdre too quickly for her to hide it. Someone treating her friends with respect meant the world to her. Yet it could be a ploy. Men had tried it in the past, though most were far more obvious about it. Yes, that could be it. They were out in the country with no one to witness Kinan’s kindness. These justifications for his behavior helped Deirdre get her emotions under control. She fixed a stoic expression as she accepted his hand.

  The rough skin of his fingers snagged at the yarn of her knit gloves. Most high-society men didn’t have rough hands. A crack began to form in her resolve, only to be widened by the warmth that seeped from his skin into her glove. It could merely be from a hobby, not hard work. But she had seen him moving hay…

  Bollocks!

  Drawing her hand back as if his were afire, she mumbled a curt thank-you. His gaze sucked her in. The wagon felt insubstantial beneath her feet, so much so that she sat swiftly down on the bench next to Cat. Kinan held her gaze long after he stepped back. Curiosity, questions, and a bit of the pain of rejection swirled in that gaze. Unable to take its weight any longer, Deirdre used the excuse of getting a blanket out of the back to look away.

  Focusing hard on the red-and-green plaid, she spread it over Cat and Sadie. “A Scottish quilt. Wherever did you get such a thing, Cat, and why?” Deirdre asked, happy to have a reason for further distraction from Kinan.

  She took up the reins, gave a slight nod to Kinan, and started the team of horses forward with a click of her tongue.

  “From Rick. He’s half Scott
ish, didn’t I tell you?” Cat asked in a poor attempt at an innocent tone.

  “You most certainly did not!” Deirdre exclaimed in a voice loud enough to put a bit of extra energy into the horses’ steps.

  “Oh, Cat, a wild Scot? Are you sure that’s wise?” Sadie asked.

  Deirdre waved a hand. “Wisdom is overrated in matters of the heart. This is so exciting! We want to hear all about this wild Scot of yours.”

  As they pulled out of the barn she caught sight of Kinan grinning as if her comment pleased or amused him in some way. Odd. She shook the thought off, or tried, rather. The man clung to her mind. If only that were the case, when truly it was the other way around.

  “And you shall, I promise. But first, we need to talk about the eyes Kinan is making at you—and the fact you’ve been avoiding him all morning,” Cat said.

  Fearful he might have heard, Deirdre leaned out and peered around the side of the wagon. She might faint dead away if he had. Arms crossed over his chest, Kinan leaned against the open barn door, watching them pull away. How the man could make such a casual pose look so enticing was completely unfair. Even the way he rested one foot on the barn door was rakishly attractive. The casual air and relaxed manner that belied all proper behavior intoxicated her. Her cheeks grew hot as her gaze traveled up to his face to find him grinning. She was supposed to be acting uninterested, damn it all! For that matter, she wasn’t supposed to be interested. Someone grabbed ahold of her shoulder and pulled her back into her seat.

  Sadie’s judging stare pinned her to the back of the buckboard seat.

  Eyes wide in an attempt to look innocent, Deirdre said, “I was making sure we were clear of the barn before turning the wagon.” She promptly turned the team to support her words.

  “Um hum. And you had to lean out so far you nearly fell from the wagon to do it?”

  “Well, I couldn’t see.”

  “Um hum.”