Deirdre's True Desire

by Heather McCorkle

  Just when she thought she might die of need if his mouth didn’t replace his hands, he withdrew from her. But his mouth didn’t descend to her breasts as she had hoped. Instead, he rose with her in his arms, a mischievous look in his eyes. Or was it the fire? She couldn’t be sure, but it excited her nonetheless. He stood her on the slightly raised base that supported the huge upright boulder whose oddly shaped top framed the North Star.

  “This should do nicely,” he said.

  She stopped him before his arms could slide around her again. One brow rose in question, but he waited. Feeling perfectly naughty in only her pantaloons outdoors, she took a moment to enjoy the night air on her skin. Darkness cloaked them, but the fire silhouetted them to any who might be close enough to see. Though she knew no one was around, the very fact that she stood mostly naked outside was surprisingly arousing.

  As was the weight of Kinan’s gaze on her. She released her hair from the pins that held it and swept the long curtain of it back over her shoulders. The sound of approval Kinan made emboldened her further. Ever so slowly, she let her hands trail down her neck and over her breasts. She squeezed and rolled her nipples between her fingers. The animalistic sound that came from him was as arousing as her own ministrations.

  He started to reach for her, but she wagged her finger at him and shook her head. The groan of disappointment he let out contrasted with the huge grin that turned his lips up. Encouraged by his reaction, she hooked her thumbs beneath her waistband and slid her pantaloons off. In only her stockings and boots, she knew she should have felt exposed, scandalous. But she felt liberated and powerful, a power that came partially from the look of absolute need on Kinan’s face. That look said he wanted to do all manner of naughty things to her. And she wanted him to, oh, did she ever. But first…

  She unbuttoned his breeches and slid them down over his hips. The impressive erection that sprung free drew her hands to it. His eyes flew open wide as she gripped him. Slightly elevated on the flagstone as she was, it was at just the right level.

  “You’re amazing,” he said as he bent down for another kiss.

  While they kissed, she traced her fingers down the length of him and over his tip. His tongue withdrew from her mouth all too soon. He brushed a lock of hair back from her brow. “Yes, I believe this rock puts you at just the right height,” he said.

  “The right height?” she asked.

  Arms wrapping around her, he pulled her close and suddenly she understood. With her standing on the rock, they were face-to-face, and his erection pressed right at her groin.

  “For that position I found in the book on your nightstand,” he said.

  Eyes flying wide open, she swallowed hard. He went on before she could respond. “I didn’t pry, I promise. When I came in to talk to you I saw it, and recognized it.”

  “Recognized it?”

  An absolutely devilish look that made her tingle deep down came over him. “I have the very same book. You can imagine my surprise. I thought you might have picked it up off the shelves at the O’Leary homestead.” He laughed. “I rode out at once to check, and when I found it nestled in its spot on the bottom shelf behind a piece of artwork, I knew there was far more to you than met the eye.”

  The idea of him reading the same scandalous book, and knowing she was reading it, made her even wetter. She shifted her hips, letting his erection slide between her legs, not inside, but close enough to make her ache.

  “Would this be the position you want to try?” she whispered.

  “Oh, yes, but first…” He drew away, leaving the night to embrace her in his place. But he made up for it when he bent down and kissed the mound of hair at her groin. The kiss deepened, his tongue probing, exploring. She cried out, her knees weakening. His tongue worked at the delicate folds of skin that had only ever received her own ministrations. A finger slid up inside her, making her muscles clench in a wonderful way. In moments, he brought her to the edge and pushed her over into a pleasure that made every muscle between her legs clench again and again in wonderful waves.

  Licking his lips as if he relished the taste of her, he rose and embraced her again. He pressed his lips to hers. His erection slid between her slick folds and a lift of his hips moved it up inside her. That one little move started up the delicious spasms again, making her muscles literally pull him in deeper until he filled her. Hands clutching at his back, her nails raked along his skin. He groaned and nuzzled her neck. His arms supporting her, he started to move in and out, in long, slow movements of his hips that drove her wild. It went on and on—far longer than she had ever experienced—and still he remained hard as iron. She clung to him, gasping for breath, never wanting it to end.

  After a while, his hands slid down to cup her buttocks and lift her a little. He carried her back a few steps, pressed her against the boulder, and started to thrust into her with abandon. She cried out for him to go faster, thrust harder, and he obeyed. Lost in the ecstasy of him moving in and out of her, she let her head rest back against the rock. As he screamed her name, he emptied himself into her. Brilliant stars flashed above her, some of them most certainly not on any astronomer’s charts. But the one that shone the brightest, the North Star, told her she was exactly where she was meant to be.

  Chapter 24

  The next day, Deirdre couldn’t stop stealing looks at Kinan. From across the breakfast table back at the inn, around the horses as they prepared the wagon to go Christmas-tree hunting. Each chance they got, they sneaked around corners and ducked behind doors to steal a kiss. Deirdre found the presence of her friends a challenge to her to improve her skills at sneaking around. Kinan’s warm brown eyes, euphoric smile, and the grace with which his muscular body moved, all captivated her. It didn’t help that she couldn’t stop thinking about just how talented that body was.

  As he returned to the house to fetch a blanket, she searched for a reason to follow. A hand slapped her shoulder. She jumped and nearly dropped the brush in her hand. The horse that she’d been pretending to brush snorted as if to tell her he saw it coming.

  “Deirdre Quinn, have you got something to tell us?” Sadie asked through pursed lips.

  Though she wanted to play it coy, a grin started to tug at her lips and she couldn’t stop it. Soft steps alerted her to Cat approaching her other side. “Aye, do tell us why you’re staring at Kinan like a lovesick lass.”

  Deirdre looked from one to the other, grin growing so large it made her cheeks ache. “Because I think I may be,” she admitted, to herself as well as them.

  Sadie hugged her. “Well, thank the saints for guiding you to a smart choice for once. But whatever changed your mind? You were so determined he was wrong for you.”

  A devious laugh came from Cat. “You laid with him,” she whispered.

  Her face burned so hot she knew she didn’t have to answer; it gave it all away.

  The groan that came from Sadie made the horse snort again. “You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t! Deirdre, you’ll be a ruined woman if he decides not to marry you.”

  Pained by the desperate look in her friend’s eyes, Deirdre took hold of her hands. “I’m a widow, therefore, I’m already considered tainted by most. Besides, if I decide to marry the man, it will only be because he is right for me. And if I don’t, I have the means to take care of myself.”

  One brow rose in that look Sadie got when she wasn’t satisfied. “The world is just now allowing women to start owning property. That right could be challenged or taken away at any time,” Sadie argued.

  “You worry too much,” Deirdre said.

  “I worry because you do not. I only want you safe and happy.”

  Deirdre’s smile returned. “Well, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

  Eyes sparkling, Cat gripped both her and Sadie’s arms. “Enough fretting. Tell us how he was!”

  A flush traveled through Deirdre’s enti
re body. The power of the memory made her eyes close. “Like a locomotive. Powerful, exciting, and very…modern.”

  Cat let out another squeal while Sadie groaned something about being scandalized. But a smile began to work at breaking through Sadie’s stoic expression.

  “Did you try one of the positions from the book?” Cat asked, ignoring the slap Sadie directed at her forearm.

  Deirdre leaned closer to them. “One of the standing ones, the first time.”

  Cat covered her mouth. “You did it more than once?”

  Deirdre nodded.

  “At least you can’t get pregnant in an upright position,” Sadie said.

  Cat’s hand rubbed her belly. “That actually isn’t true.”

  “You didn’t!” Sadie exclaimed.

  “I most certainly did,” Cat said with a touch of pride.

  Both she and Deirdre erupted into laughter that drew Sadie in as well. Beneath their laughter, Deirdre heard masculine voices arguing. She fell silent when she recognized them both.

  “What’s wrong?” Cat asked.

  The answer arrived before she could speak. Dylan stormed into the barn fast enough to make the sleepy draft horses jump in their hitches. Kinan strode in right on his heels. He gave Deirdre an apologetic look that she dared not guess the meaning of.

  Cat put on a cheerful mask so good only Deirdre or Sadie would know it was false. “Dylan, you’re looking quite well. ’Tis good to see you up and about,” she said.

  Some of the tension relaxed out of his shoulders as his gaze shifted to her. “Thank you. I’ve healed up well, thanks to your and Deirdre’s care. I don’t mean to interrupt, but I’ve news about the wedding preparations that Deirdre needs to hear.”

  The mask fell away, revealing the anxiety beneath. Cat started to wring her hands. “Is it the flower arrangements your aunt is making?” The concern in her voice made Deirdre put aside her own problems for the moment. She couldn’t let Cat get worked up, and any complication with the wedding would do exactly that.

  “Aye, the cold has changed what she had available, but no worries, she has several options for Deirdre to choose from,” Dylan said.

  “Perhaps I should come, too,” Cat said, voice high-pitched with anxiety.

  The edge in her tone made Deirdre want to slap Dylan. This had nothing to do with flowers and everything to do with him and her. Such an excuse to talk to her was selfish—and reckless—where Cat’s well-being was concerned. Too much stress could cause complications with the baby, especially considering the condition her last pregnancy had left her in. The doctor hadn’t thought she’d even be able to get pregnant again. Shooting Dylan a hard look, she looped an arm through Cat’s and led her to the wagon. “Not at all. You need to pick out the perfect tree for the foyer since it will be the focal point of the wedding this Saturday.”

  “But—”

  Deirdre shook her head as she passed Cat’s hand to Sadie. “I’ll hear no protests from you. That tree is the most important decoration. Flowers are merely garnish. Trust me, I know what you like and I will choose the perfect arrangements.”

  Sadie pulled Cat into the wagon before she could resist, but that didn’t stop her from protesting. “But you have to help pick out the tree. We can wait for you.”

  One glance at Dylan’s tense profile and Deirdre knew it would be a long conversation. She smiled at Cat. “No need. You all go on ahead and Dylan will escort me to you once we’ve chosen the new arrangements. The wagon takes longer than Ciaren anyway,” Deirdre said.

  Cat eased back into the seat. “I suppose that will work.”

  Forcing her smile to stay in place, Deirdre turned it on Dylan, showing a bit more teeth. “Dylan, if you would be so kind as to saddle Ciaren while I settle Cat and Sadie, I would greatly appreciate it,” she said.

  His gaze darted to Kinan and back to her. “O’ course,” he said with false cheer.

  He dipped his head to her, spun on a heel, and marched off toward Ciaren’s stall. Kinan moved between her and the wagon, putting his back to it and blocking Cat and Sadie’s view. He took up her hand. Tension sang through his fingers, despite his gentle grip.

  “Are you sure?” The concern and vulnerability in his tone tugged at her.

  Even though she feared he may have just told Dylan about their night together, it didn’t change how she felt about him. On one hand, she didn’t want anyone trying to claim her as their property; on the other, it felt good to know he cared enough to be jealous. She took his hand in hers. He almost smiled, but his lips couldn’t quite turn up enough to be convincing.

  “I’ll be fine. I’ll probably catch up with you before you even reach the forest,” she said.

  A nod of his head and the tension drained from his body. “You have your pistol in case of…wolves?” he asked.

  She had to resist the urge to lower his hand to her thigh where it was holstered. “I do.”

  “In that case, I shall leave you to your arrangement choice, and hope to see you shortly.” The double meaning of his words sank in deep.

  He was stepping back and allowing her to choose. Breath shuddering, she struggled to speak and couldn’t. All her life men had tried to tell her what to do. Kinan allowing her to make this choice without a single plea or demand meant the world to her. He lifted her hand to his lips and placed a long kiss on the back of it. Without another word, he climbed into the wagon and took up the reins. He watched her until the wagon pulled out of the barn. She thought she caught the edge of a wistful smile as he disappeared around the corner.

  The sound of a throat clearing loudly made her spin toward Ciaren’s stall. Arms crossed over his chest, Dylan propped himself against the stall. Eyes as sharp and pale as slivers of ice cut straight into her. “Looks like you’ve made your choice,” he said.

  “Dylan…”

  “Have you lain with him?” he cut in. He pushed away from the stall with enough force to make it rattle and stormed over to her.

  Chin going up, she stood her ground. “That is not your business.” Relief let her breathe a little easier despite the man bearing down on her. Kinan hadn’t told him.

  Dylan’s hand flew toward her. She dodged to the side, but his palm only struck the wood beside where she had stood, as if it hadn’t been his intention to hit her. Still…

  “You did. That son of a bitch. I’ll kill him,” he growled.

  Baring her teeth, Deirdre stepped up to him. “You will do no such thing, because you will have to go through me to do it.”

  All that fury melted right out of him. Dylan ran a hand through his blond locks and sank back against the stall again. “It should have been me. It would have been me if I hadn’t gotten hurt.” The defeat in his voice stirred sympathy in her. But his words kept her anger burning.

  “Do you really think I made such a decision that lightly, based solely on physical attraction? Don’t be a fool. If we had lain together, Dylan, what then?”

  Hope lit his eyes as if he had only heard half of what she’d said. It was the opposite of what she’d been going for. “I’d have taken you away from here, on a grand adventure, maybe even eventually to Ireland. I still would.” He reached for her, but she took a step back.

  She didn’t try to soften the look she gave him. “You can’t have both a proper lady who knows her place and one who wants to run off on adventures. At least not in me you can’t. Besides, did you ever think of what I want?”

  He took a step closer, expression softening. “You want me, or at least, you did. If I’d made it to the party that night—”

  She put a finger to his lips. “Stop. If you’d made it to the party, my house would have burned completely to the ground.”

  His head dropped as if he couldn’t bear her gaze any longer.

  “It wouldn’t have changed anything. I want a home, a husband, children. You aren’
t ready for those things,” she went on.

  In one swift movement, he stepped forward and took her in his arms. “What if I was?”

  She shook her head and tried to pull back, but he held her fast. He begged and pleaded for another chance. Breath coming in panicked gasps, Deirdre’s eyes darted every which way, looking for the best way out of this.

  “Let go,” she commanded.

  But he didn’t hear, or wouldn’t. He just kept pleading. Seeing Ciaren’s head poking over her stall door, ears pinned and teeth bared, Deirdre decided. She stepped into Dylan, shoving him back against Ciaren’s stall. The mare promptly bit down on Dylan’s shoulder. With a yelp, Dylan’s arms fell from her. She leaped back.

  “Let go, lass!” Deirdre commanded, knowing the damage a horse’s bite could do.

  Ciaren let go of him. Dylan dashed several steps away from both the stall and Deirdre. Ciaren struck the stall door with her hooves several times before squealing and dashing out into the attached paddock.

  Misty eyes on Deirdre, Dylan rubbed at his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I’m so bloody sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I would never hurt you,” he said.

  Guilt tried to worm its way into her. The man was recovering from bad burns, after all. And she believed that he didn’t mean to scare her. But he had.

  “Yes, well, pull your shite together, man. Did she hurt you badly?” she asked.

  “No, no more than I deserved. I don’t think she even broke the skin.”

  Something crackled beneath her boot.

  Dylan went on in a desperate tone. “I’m leaving for Oregon, and I was hoping you’d come with me. Think of what a grand adventure it would be, the two of us, out in the wild.” He went on but she stopped listening.

  A leather journal with several loose sheets of paper spilling from it lay at her feet. She bent to pick it up. Names and addresses occupied the loose sheets of paper, which were charred around the edges. Embossed on the front of the journal were the letters “F” and “B” surrounded by a circle of Celtic knots. She knew that symbol. Some of the men her father had done business with had used it.