Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1)

by Amelia Hutchins

  “It’s just fucking, Emma,” he said softly. ”Jeg ønsker å begrave min kuk så dypt inne i deg, søt jente.” *

  “What language is that? Scandinavian or something like Viking, right?” I asked with a guarded look burning in my eyes. I didn’t trust him, and yet I felt pulled in his direction. As if something was pushing us together. As if forces I couldn’t understand were at work here. Even after everything we’d been through, I still felt the need to guard myself against him. He gave a slight nod of his head, and a small smile stole across his lips.

  “Norwegian,” he acknowledged.

  “Jaeden doesn’t exactly sound like a name from Norway.” Okay, now his friends Bjorn and Sven were starting to make sense.

  “Changed it; you wouldn’t be able to pronounce my birth name,” he quipped.

  “And it was?” I pried.

  “Járngrímr, it means iron. It’s a mouthful and while back home it was a fairly common name, here in the states it wasn’t something I wanted to listen to people trip over saying.”

  I moved from the water and gave him my back as he worked his way up to where his clothes lay. He was silent as he dressed. I shoved my legs into my jeans and turned toward him as I felt his eyes on me.

  My eyes feasted on the tendrils of water that dripped from his immaculate chest. I looked up to his right pectoral where a raven was perched, tattooed into his flesh. “The raven, what’s it stand for?” I asked noting the outline for the map of Scandinavia on this other peck.

  “In mythology it was used for a gateway between life and death, but most who saw the raven believed that it was linked to the God Odin. They believed the raven was his eyes and ears in the realm of the living, so they would always appear in pairs before a great battle. In the Pacific Northwest, it was a talisman to the Indians.”

  “Is that why you have two of them?” I asked, noting the one on his arm was perched on a skull. I’d absently stepped closer to him, now within touching distance; if he noted this, he did well hiding it. I lifted my hand and ran it over raven and moved it to the script-looking words. “And this?” I asked as his flesh tensed beneath my touch.

  His hand flew to mine, and gripped it hard as his eyes watched my response. “Careful, Emma, I’m trying very hard to be a gentleman and walk away from you. Don’t make me do something we might both regret later.”

  I smiled. “You sound way older than you look,” I turned and headed back for my shirt—but didn’t make it there before his hand pulled me back. “Emma, how many men have you laid with?” My jaw opened in surprise at his question, seeing that he seemed to be pretty singular in what he wanted.

  “Not sure why you’re asking, Jaeden, didn’t you say it’s just fucking?” I teased, but froze when I caught a flash of anger in his eyes as the muscle in his jaw ticked wildly. His grip tightened on my arm, which caused my eyes to flare in panic. I was heading into fight or flight, and the only thing that kept me from running away was his own eyes widening as he realized his grip had tightened painfully on my arm. His features softened for a moment and then confusion registered on his face.

  “Emma, you should go,” he muttered distractedly as he dropped my arm and turned to bend over and grab his remaining clothes. ”Du bedre kjøre hjem, før jeg glemmer hvem jeg er og ta det jeg vil ha.” **

  My jaw dropped at the tinge of anger in his voice and sudden shift in personality. I watched his back as I wondered what the heck had just happened. What had I done wrong to make him act like this?

  *~*~*

  * ”Jeg ønsker å begrave min kuk så dypt inne i deg, søt jente.”

  “I want to bury my cock so deep inside you, sweet girl.”

  *~*~*

  **”Du bedre kjøre hjem, før jeg glemmer hvem jeg er og ta det jeg vil ha.”

  “You better run home, before I forget who I am and take what I want.”

  Chapter 16

  The next week seemed to go by slowly, but it was very productive as everyone worked together to help gather supplies. Lachlan’s people melded easily with our group. I hadn’t seen Dawson since that uncomfortable incident at the pond and wondered where he had been sent, or if I needed to worry that he would be back.

  Lachlan remained his usual likable self; often trying to charm or tease me, yet I could sense that some of it was an act. His men had also been watching me closely everywhere I went. It was as if they knew something wasn’t quite right with me and they were prepared to take action if I should step one toe out of line. Secretly, I was uncomfortably afraid that they might jump the gun and do me in as I also knew in my heart that something wasn’t right with me.

  Mental snapshots of bizarre images kept flashing through my mind and I was terrified to speak to Addy or anyone else about it. No matter how hard I had been trying to adjust since the missing weeks, I still couldn’t get comfortable. I felt like I’d been crawling out of my skin, as if something I couldn’t put my finger on was changing along with my senses. It was growing worse with every passing day.

  One afternoon, Lachlan suggested that we might want to boost everyone’s spirits by having regular Friday night parties, which I’d thought was idiotic but it had a positive vibe and effect on the people that I just couldn’t argue with.

  Tonight I’d dressed in my old scavenging uniform of mask, black fatigues, and combat boots to patrol the area and make sure that everyone was safe. I didn’t join in on the frolicking, for lack of better description, much to Lachlan’s irritation. He tried to convince me that I could use a night off, but seriously, it wasn’t safe here anymore and while I could agree with his reasoning for the party, I couldn’t enjoy myself.

  Earlier in the week, we’d found bodies savagely dismembered and left in places that suggested we were meant to find them. It was as if someone was baiting us, or trying to scare the shit out of us…and it was working. Except for this evening, when Lachlan set up a sound system and brought everyone outside to party. He’d even supplied alcohol, which I thought should be saved for medical purposes…His men had laughed as if it was one of the funniest things they’d ever heard.

  I walked through the crowd of people until I reached the tree that had the best view of the land that surrounded the shelter. I climbed it with purpose and sat on one of the highest branches that would hold my weight. I looked out at the silent woods, noting each of the sentries Lachlan had posted to safeguard the group. My mind wandered as I kept watch and as usual, my thoughts came around to Jaeden.

  He’d either forgotten about me, or decided I wasn’t worth the chase anymore. I hadn’t seen him at all this week and I actually missed him. All the way back to the shelter, he barely spoke to me and seemed to be bothered about something, and I wasn’t sure if it was something I had said. I also noticed that since that afternoon, Lachlan had been trying to impress me.

  It was working, and with each passing day, I did warm up a bit more to him. But, there was still this sick infatuation I had for Jaeden. I felt as though there was in invisible string that kept pulling me to him, several times I almost found myself heading in the direction of the estate he and his men had appropriated, only to catch myself and try to find something else to occupy myself with. Each of them had qualities I was drawn to, yet really had no experience with. Lachlan was self-assured, charming, smart, and protective. While Jaeden had those qualities as well, he was also crass and demanding. If I was smart, I’d go with Lachlan, who I knew would be gentle with me for my first time. But I didn’t want gentle, I wanted Jaeden and his friggin’ dirty mouth.

  The things he’d done to me, and the way he demanded I do things was intensely hot. I’d known he was into control, and I’d give him as much as I could, which wasn’t much…but I was willing to try.

  A movement in my peripheral caught my attention, and the hair at the back of my neck stood up. All of my senses were screaming at me that som
ething wasn’t as it should be. Alert. Defend. Fight. I looked down to the group who was dancing and drinking. “Idiots,” I growled as I started to descend from the trees. I sniffed the air and my body vibrated with a sense of dread that I couldn’t interpret. Something was moving through the woods at an alarming speed. I hit the ground with a thud and kicked out as the first red eyed wolf broke from the thicket.

  It was so quick that I wasn’t even sure I’d killed it. As if a switch was flipped, everything began to move in slow motion for me, and I could see in the dark as well as I could in the day. One second I’d kicked out at the first wolf, and the next I’d brought two knives out of my pants, and had driven a blade into a second wolf’s guts. Another one lunged, and I barely avoided being hit by its wicked claws, and the knife I’d held fell to the ground. I heard screaming, but ignored it as I brought my hands up, grabbed with sure hands, and snapped the wolf’s neck.

  The next one bit my arm, and I could have sworn I’d heard the bone snap, but couldn’t have since my arm felt fine. I palmed the waistband of my pants, brought out the small Sig Sauer, and shot it at point blank range. Blood splattered over my face and God knew what else. A fifth one lowered its head and growled. I moved forward to strike at it, but it took off before I could.

  I looked back at the group which was now gone and only Lachlan and his men remained. They stood staring at me as if I’d grown horns and a tail. I looked from them to the dead wolves and blanched. My heart stopped beating. My blood ran cold, because there were no wolves at my feet—they were humans. I choked on tears as I took in the carnage, wondering if I was losing it.

  “I killed wolves, not humans. Not humans,” I whispered brokenly. I was losing it. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them as I fell to my knees. “You saw it, right?”

  “Emma, ye should come away from them,” Lachlan whispered, as if the dead would rise. He held his hands out to me and I stared blankly.

  “I killed them, but I swear they were wolves! How is this possible?” I whispered. My voice sounded small and scared. I’d killed wolves; they’d had fur! The fur had shed on me and I still had it on my friggin’ clothes!

  Lachlan pulled me up but I shoved him away. I was covered in blood, and fur! Fucking fur! I turned and left them standing there. They could figure out what I’d done, but I had to get away from this. Now. I started running and didn’t stop until I dropped to my knees. I looked up to find Bjorn looking down at me.

  “You okay?” he asked cautiously.

  “I killed them,” I cried.

  “Who?” he asked as he dialed numbers into a phone.

  “The wolves, but they weren’t wolves, they changed…to humans…which is crazy, because wolves can’t change into humans. Right? It’s crazy! One minute they were wolves and I killed them and then they were human, which is impossible!”

  “You killed wolves?” Bjorn asked.

  “Emma?” Jaeden’s voice reached my ears and I bolted into his arms. “Whoa, you’re safe.”

  “I killed them,” I said as my hands trembled and my body shook.

  “Killed who?”

  “I killed four wolves that had red eyes. I killed them, but they changed…I’m losing it, right?” I whispered against his chest. Safe; I felt safe here.

  “You killed four rogues?” he asked cautiously.

  “No, I killed four red eyed wolves that changed into humans!” Was he missing the whole they turned into human part?

  “Impossible,” an Irish accent said from less than a foot away from us. I could sense I had heard it before, but I couldn’t place it.

  I looked at the newcomer with trepidation pulsing through me. Every fiber of my being said to run away from this man. He had inky black hair, with startling violet eyes. I got a chill just looking at him. He looked ancient and yet not a day over twenty five at the same time. My skin crawled while my insides turned hot with need, as if I’d been with him before and far more intimately. Jaeden’s body seemed to stiffen up.

  “She’s stunning, Jaeden,” he said as he stepped even closer.

  I buried myself in Jaeden’s arms as if he’d protect me. “She is,” he confirmed. Then to my shock, he held me out as if to allow his friend a full inspection of my attributes. I struggled against Jaeden’s hold, as tears tried to push through. “Let me go!” I shouted, and Jaeden did as if my skin burned him. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I shouted as I took a small step backwards.

  “Why did you come here, Emma?” Jaeden asked in a terse tone.

  “My bad,” I said as I turned with as much dignity as I could and left him with his men.

  I made it about twenty steps before Lachlan stepped from the woods and headed straight for me. I stopped and shook my head, warning away from him. The last thing I wanted was someone else who may suddenly run hot and cold on me. I had no idea of where to go, but after the dick move Jaeden just pulled, I just needed to get away from here.

  “Emma, are ye okay?” he asked and when I nodded he continued on without me. I turned and looked back to find Jaeden glaring at me. I flipped him off and started towards the woods. Tears began to slide down my face at Jaeden’s behavior; what I had done tried to sink in, too. I say tried because I was either going crazy, or men had actually looked like wolves, which again, crazy. That kind of shit only happened in the movies.

  I moved quickly into the outer edges of the woods and froze, because that same tingly warning hit me. I looked around the silent trees and stepped back into the clearing. I could feel the eyes from the men on me, but worse, I could sense a cold, malevolent evil watching me. I had no warning, but somehow I managed to side step the huge wolf that burst from the thicket. I reached for the knives, only to find the straps empty.

  The wolf spun around and I kicked its jaw as my entire body spun from the blow. I punched out, and the yelp of the animal was sickening. It lunged again, but this time I was ready and I used both hands to grip its neck and twist it using its own weight against it, violently. The sharp snapping of bones made my stomach momentarily lurch.

  I watched emotionlessly as it transformed to a tall brown haired man, whose neck and head were at odd angles to each other. I swallowed the sob that tried to leave my throat and turned to find the small group of men watching me in shocked silence. Some friggin’ help they’d been. I flipped them all off, as a sob escaped and I tried to put as much distance between myself and them as I could.

  Maybe I was dreaming, or maybe I was actually dead and this was my hell.

  *~*Jaeden*~*

  All week, I had tried to stay away. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The words we had at the pond rang in my head; it was just supposed to be fucking. No attachment, nothing different than any woman before her. Except Astrid. Astrid was once an obsession, and now I find that despite my vows, the feelings I have for Emma are far stronger than anything I had ever felt for Astrid. The pond was a sharp wake-up call that I was getting in far too deep with her, and I couldn’t allow myself to get in that far. I had orders, and they always came first.

  She’d run to me. The knowledge was heady. The reminder came back to me that I couldn’t let this get any deeper. I didn’t want to feel for her. I didn’t want to chance her getting too close and feeling the sting of betrayal again. My heart knows she’s loyal to her core, but everything Astrid did destroyed any chance of having faith in women again. I wanted her, but I had to re-establish what our relationship would be. I wasn’t going to be her love; that much I was sure of. Fucking; that’s all it could be. That’s all I could allow. Bond or no bond.

  This want. This attachment. Desire. Fuck it, this obsession wasn’t something I could deal with, or would chance happening again. If she wanted a quick, unattached fuck, I wouldn’t say no, but that’s all it would be. She should hate me for how I held her up for Shamus to inspect her. As if she was there for the takin
g. The last time he’d seen her, her body had still been behaving as if she was still in the thrall of change and had been unaware of him. It gutted me to offer her to another male, but it had to be done.

  I hated that I allowed myself to want her this badly. I despised it, that she was in the shelter with Lachlan and his pack of mongrels. I hated that I wanted to keep her. The longing and anticipation, like a fucking green horn with his first voyage across the ocean. This coldness I felt, I deserved. This eternal fucking hard-on I had for her, again it was deserved for thinking I could have her.

  “We got company,” Shamus’s voice broke into my thoughts as I watched the wolf move to Emma; concern was written all over his face. Instead of throwing herself at him as I thought she would, she warned him away with an angry hand. I narrowed my eyes at her response. She’s almost cold to him, as he said something and then continued walking to us.

  “She took on a fucking rogue squad an win. She disna see the change an noo she thinks she’s losing it. She fucking fought like a banshee possessed.” I hadn’t heard him rattled like this before; to the point that his burr was so thick his words were almost unintelligible.

  “That’s impossible and you know it,” Shamus spoke the words before I could.

  “Aye, ye dinna think I ken it!” he spat.

  I turned and leveled her beautiful ass with a killing glare. My senses felt the attack before the others. She moved with inhuman speed, as she dodged the giant brown wolf. Her hands moved to her knives, only to grasp air. I moved to lunge to her aid, but Shamus grabbed me and refused to allow me to pass; his sharp word was binding as my sire. I fisted my hands at my sides, helpless to do anything but watch as the wolf spun with lightning fast speed. It lunged at her, only to have her kick its jaw so hard that it stopped mid-attack. I watched her small frame shake, then the wolf’s head swiveled and it stumbled momentarily with a pained yelp as she followed through with a punch to its side that seemed to carry more strength than her small body should have been able to deliver.