Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1)

by Amelia Hutchins

  “Watch this,” Lachlan’s calm voice was laced with anticipation.

  I glared at him briefly before turning my eyes back at Emma. She moved much like we do, and there was a cold, calculated precision to each move she made. The wolf lunged at her again, but this time she wrenched its neck sharply, snapping it in one deft move. As the carcass slumped lifelessly, her eyes filled with tears, and I wasn’t sure if anyone else noticed. Her eyes grew wide with horror as the wolf transformed back to its human shape with his death.

  She turned as a sob racked her small form, and flipped us off. That’s my girl. She’s fire in the midst of a storm, brave when most would cower. She’s stubborn to the mother fucking core. I turned to Lachlan and leveled him with a glare that would make most men cower and that niggling jealousy roared to life, and I couldn’t hold back any longer. .

  “Have you fucked her?” I snapped, and watched as his eyes lit up with deviltry.

  “Does it matter?” he laughed.

  “Answer the fucking question,” I demanded, but he just smiled.

  “Boys, simmer down. That human just took down a rogue alpha, and instead of figuring out who should be fucking her, you should be figuring out if we should allow her to live. She had a full transfusion of Jaeden’s blood, and yet she didn’t change into one of us, and I know she smells too fucking hot to be a fucking wolf. Figure out what the hell she is, and how to bring her to our side, or kill her. That’s what you should be worried about,” Shamus said as the voice of reason.

  “Take her, Jaeden. She’d give up anything for him, do anything, tell us anything,” Sven pointed out with a wicked twinkle in his eyes.

  Lachlan shook his head. “She’s done nothing but distance herself from the entire shelter in the last week. She eats with us, and tries tae avoid conversation. She goes oot on runs, but she does it alone. She makes lists and stockpiles supplies. It’s almost like she’s on auto mode, and unable tae shut it off.” He catalogued her daily movements thoughtfully and I hated that he knew every aspect of her daily routine.

  “Maybe she doesn’t care for your company?” I offered.

  “She deals with me just fine, Jaeden, and several times a day. She’s breaking away from her group, as if she’s protecting them from herself. Ye changed her, even if ye didnae turn her. She’s not the same as she was when I first got tae town.” His eyes bored accusingly into mine.

  “I’ll go to her,” I whispered as I moved through them and headed to where I knew she would be. The change may not have occurred, but I could feel her presence inside of me as if it had. I could feel her in me, as if I’d sired her; the bond was minimal and limited, but there. She’d gone back to the cliff, where this had all begun.

  I watched her from the trees as she kicked the ground where she’d gone over, and then teetered on the edge. My heart pounded faster as she held one foot over the edge as if she was considering jumping. She moved back and swiped angrily at her tears.

  I could feel her walls closing down as her mind tried to grasp what she’d done. I stepped out from behind the trees and headed to her. I could tell that she felt me as I moved closer, and I felt the bond as it reached for her, but she was stronger than most. She was resisting it. She somehow managed to hold it at bay, but barely.

  “Emma, come away from the cliff,” I whispered and flinched as she leveled me with a nasty glare.

  “Go to hell, and take your fucked up shit with you!”

  “I deserve that,” I replied.

  “You’re damn right you do! You held me up as if I was yours to give away! I came to you for help and you threw me to the wolves!” she blinked as if her choice of words were sour.

  “What do you think is happening between us, Emma? Did I make any promises to you?” I snapped, and watched as her eyes narrowed and leveled me with a cold look. “You asked me once if Lachlan and I were friends; we aren’t. He used something of mine that I cared for; he was just one of a long line of betrayals that stemmed from the same poor decision. I made a vow to never allow myself to be in the same situation for it to happen again.”

  “Something?” she spat out. “I’m not a fucking something! I’m a friggin’ human being! How dare you treat me like that just because you have some fucked up shit going on in your head. News flash, Jaeden! I’m not yours to give away! I’m not fucking anyone! Not now, not tomorrow, and not ever! That also includes you!”

  “You’ve not fucked anyone?” I asked carefully.

  “It doesn’t matter! There’s so much more happening right now! You need to get your friggin’ priorities straight. I killed a wolf who was a man! In what friggin’ world is that right? I’m going crazy!” she swiped angrily at tears. “I’m afraid to be around my friends and my brother because I’m seeing shit! I have dreams that scare the shit out of me, as if I’m actually in them. I don’t know what you did to me, but you should have let me die!”

  My heart clenched at her words. I watched her face carefully and took a shot at the truth. She deserved this; the only question was how she would react to it. “Werewolves,” I said simply and watched as her eyes flew to mine.

  “Okay, no wonder why I liked you so much, you’re crazy too!” She sniffed as she wiped at the tears again. “You’re so full of shit, Jaeden. But thanks for playing along with my crazy mindfuck of a day.”

  I laughed, but was empty. I flashed my fangs and, startled, she stepped back towards the cliff. I reached out and pulled her to me. She fought against my hold, and it took everything I had to pin her. This small woman was now a match for me or any of my men. She went still suddenly, as something else caught her attention. She looked at me, then to where Lachlan stood in wolf form. His green eyes gave him away.

  “Holy shit,” she said. “I went to sleep and woke up in Twilight!” she laughed, and continued. “Oh! I get to be Bella!” she giggled more. “Oh, wait, Twilight was like, PG, can we kick it up to an adult version and so help me God, Jaeden if you sparkle, I want to see that penis pulling off a disco ball in the sunlight!”

  Yeah, it was very possible she’d been damaged in the fall. I shook my head at her strange hysteria, and I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. I think she was making fun of me, which stung. I finally spelled it out for her and I’m not sure what I expected, but it certainly wasn’t this.

  The wolf nodded and left her to me. Everything in his bearing told me that it was only for now. Her shoulders shook, and I felt her pain. The confusion of everything I’d just thrown at her. The shock at everything she had experienced tonight. Her soul pulled at mine, shredding my resolve and my legs moved towards her against my will. I walked up and stood beside her, slipping my hand through hers, threading my long fingers through her delicate ones.

  “Lachlan, and his men,” she started hesitantly. “I didn’t kill any of his men tonight, did I?” she asked and then her shoulders released the tension they’d held in them.

  “No; his people and my people are fighting against those packs. It is a long story, but know that we will protect you and your people, Emma.”

  “Did you ever find the wolves that killed Bonnie and Jillian?” she asked with a guarded look in her eyes.

  “We found the squad that killed them about two weeks after their deaths. I put them down, personally. They hurt you, maybe not physically, but like most things rabid, they needed to be put down.”

  “This can’t be real, right? I’m dreaming,” she whispered brokenly.

  I pulled her to me, and tilted her chin. “Does this feel like a dream?” I asked, before lowering my hungry lips to hers. She was silk to my leather, innocence to my brutality. My tongue pushed past her teeth, and the noise she made started a maelstrom in my balls, and tightness coiled in my stomach. I groaned as I deepened the kiss, while her arms wrapped around my waist.

  I wanted nothing more than to lay her on the
ground and ravish her body. I picked her up and approved of how her legs wrapped around my waist. Her hands gripped my hair, as if she was afraid I would remove my mouth from hers. Not a fucking chance. I kissed her harder, my nostrils flaring with the scent of her sweet nectar as it dampened her pussy.

  I pulled away, my eyes searched hers for the one answer I needed. She didn’t give it. She unwrapped her legs and pulled away instead. “You can’t be real, because that would mean you really did feed me your blood to save my life. That I wasn’t hallucinating…”

  “I did, and would do it again in a heartbeat, Emma,” I whispered through fangs that slid further from my gums with anticipation. Her eyes focused on my mouth, and I watched as her small hand lifted to my mouth and stopped.

  “Can I see them?” she questioned, and I nodded. “Do they hurt?”

  “Only when I deny them the sweet taste of you,” I replied with a crooked smile breaking across my lips.

  “Do you want to taste me?”

  “Yes,” I replied with my heart racing at the mere idea of tasting her sweet, intoxicating blood again.

  “How does it work?” she asked with a shyness that I hadn’t seen with her before.

  “I’d kiss your flesh, and caress it with my tongue. My saliva would release a numbing agent, to prevent you from feeling pain from my bite. I would pierce your skin, and I’d feed from your blood.”

  “Does sex and feeding really go together?”

  “Yes,” I replied hoarsely, as I wondered where she’s taking me with her questions.

  “So if I allowed you to feed from me, I’d have to allow you more?”

  “No, but I’d want more. I’d want you at my mercy.”

  “What does that even mean?” she asked innocently.

  “I’d want to control you. I’d want to dominate you, to have your full submission in the bedroom, Emma. For a woman to submit to a man in the bedroom is one of the ultimate gifts she can ever give him. To give her body and mind to him, and trust him enough to satisfy her needs.”

  “It sounds kinky,” she whispered with wide eyes. “Way more than I think I could commit to,” was her sultry reply as I clasped her chin between my finger and thumb.

  She gasped, and I smiled at the sweet sound of it. “You’ve already had a taste of what I can offer you. The spanking, when your pussy filled with the proof of what it made you feel? You were soaked for more abuse, and then when you came in my mouth…That Emma, is what I need from you. I could teach you everything, if you’d just let me.”

  She nodded as though she was considering it. “Maybe one day,” she swallowed. My insides clenched at her soft words. I’m not a nice guy, not since the day Astrid betrayed me, and then fed me to the wolves, literally. I had made a vow to never let myself get that involved with a woman again. Not even Emma with her supple curves, and her wide eyed stares.

  Even now she pulled at me, her soul knowing me as though she was fated to become mine, and it was fucking strong. I hated that I wanted her, that I was trying to tempt her, even knowing she could rip me apart. I’d been there, and hated the idea of it happening again.

  Shamus wanted her. He’d said it as soon as he heard about her. She was a cock magnet, and a fucking hot one at that. Raphael hadn’t even made it this far north yet, but I was sure he’d want in on her as well. He was my best friend, but also had a fondness for fiery redheads.

  I can’t afford any distractions right now, not with the rogue wolf packs moving in to test our defenses. Testing us, as they convert her kind into theirs. She could die tomorrow, and I couldn’t take the chance of her becoming a weakness. I had to get her back to her people and I needed to circle back to mine. The thought of the mutt being so close to her was like choking on my own sword, but unless she was prepared to take only what I can give, he was her best protection.

  Chapter 17

  A week had gone by since my little world was rearranged, and I’d stayed away from men in general. My head was a cluster fuck of things which I’d never imagined I needed to be worrying over. Like the fact that I was in some major lust with a vampire, who didn’t seem to have a sunlight allergy, and I was currently living with a werewolf.

  There were times I noticed the reality of what they were and I also noticed that I typically would have one of them tailing me. Like Landon, the youngest of the wolves and the one who always thought the floor was more interesting than whatever it was that I had to say. Oh, I probably wouldn’t have noticed them before, but since my cliff-diving resurrection, I felt like I noticed everything.

  So many questions I had for them… However, they were a tight lipped bunch, and Lachlan wasn’t quite like Jaeden and the men who followed him, that much I could sense. However, I had clearly been changed after I had fallen. The unknown of what I had changed to was bugging the shit out of me.

  We’d begun the first steps of gathering supplies that we would need to winterize the shelter and this allowed me multiple opportunities to slip away from the main group. I told Addy that I needed to go out alone today because I wanted time to think, but I’d ended up at my old house, going through my dad’s office. There were pictures that had been left behind and now had a thick layer of dust on them. I ran my finger over one absently and then wiped it on my pants.

  I scoured through the filing cabinets, but found nothing. I was putting things back when I heard the front door open and close. Addy was in the front room, looking up at a picture of me standing in a meadow that was hung above the mantel.

  “I remember taking that; you looked so happy,” she said as she wiped at tears. “You were just standing there in the meadow, and the flowers were in full bloom. The baby doll dress looked perfect on you,” she continued. “Your father asked that I give him a copy. He said you looked just like your mother.”

  “I remember,” I said as I stepped closer to her. “What’s wrong?” I asked. She hardly ever cried. I could sense her sadness as surely as I could sense Jaeden’s moods.

  “I miss my parents,” she whispered brokenly.

  “I miss my dad,” I admitted. “He’s dead,” I said and realized it was the first time I’d admitted it out loud.

  “He might be okay, Emma,” she lied to keep the pain at bay. It was weird; I just knew stuff like this now.

  “You don’t have to protect me. I know he’s dead. He wouldn’t have left us alone for this long if he was still alive,” I replied. Deep down I’d known when he’d left the shelter that he wasn’t coming back. I’d felt it in my soul, and as he’d left, I’d said my goodbye and made my peace with him. “What’s really wrong?” I asked, knowing my best friend enough to know this wasn’t just melancholy.

  “Liam broke it off, said he wanted to spend time with Kyra. How am I supposed to live in the shelter knowing he’s with her?”

  “You want me to kick them out?” I offered, and I would. I’d kick them all out without a second thought for her. I was the person who’d help her hide the body if she needed it, because that was what best friends did for one another.

  “No,” she said as she wiped her tears away.

  “Okay, well then suck it up buttercup,” I said as I punched her arm. “I’m pretty sure those guys love trying to hump every girl they can in the shelter. Did he make any promises or lead you on? I will so neuter him if he did.” She shook her head and giggled at me. “C’mon Addy, you weren’t ready to get married and have puppies yet,” I chided.

  “Puppies?” she snorted.

  “Never mind,” I said as I looked away and paid a little too much attention to the little mementos on the mantle.

  “Did you get the rest of your stuff? Oh, and the jewelry box I think you hid when we were twelve?” she asked.

  I smiled; I’d forgotten all about it. I’d hidden it under the floorboard with my other personal items to keep them away from
Grayson and Dad’s prying eyes. In the small wooden box was a pendant my mother had given me. She’d made me promise to never take it off. I broke that promise within a week of her death; wearing it was just too painful. I knew it was still there, without even entering my room.

  I walked into my room and noticed that someone else had been in my room, judging from the streaks in the dust. I looked around and found other signs that someone had been there, such as my underwear drawer was open and empty. Someone had stolen my panties? And my perfume? They’d also taken the senior portrait that had been on my dresser.

  I ignored the nagging feeling of being watched and lowered myself to the floor, then popped up the floorboard to retrieve the wooden box. Inside the box was a cut lock of my hair and my mother’s, which had been braided together. A beautiful sterling silver necklace, which my mother had given me when I’d turned ten. I’d taken it off the day of her funeral and placed it in the box. I opened it and allowed my fingers to caress the silver pendant. The etched 3-D detail was the image of a spreading tree, which I’d always loved. The detail was incredible, but I couldn’t really tell what type of tree it was.

  There were words scribbled on the back, but they were in another language, which I couldn’t read. I smiled and pulled it out of the box and placed it around my neck. The moment I did, I felt something inside of me open and a weight lift off of my chest. I gently ran my hand over the locket, and dug further in to find my diary, and photo albums.

  “It’s beautiful,” Addy said.

  “My mother gave it to me.”