Abundant Rain

by Vanessa Miller

  The day of their how-could-you-sell-my-company blow up, Kenneth walked back in the house looking caged. House arrest hadn’t drawn as many forehead creases from would-be criminals, as the prospect of keeping house with Elizabeth had for Kenneth. She was determined to win his heart and his trust back. Elizabeth took Kenneth to see a specialist. Dr. Thomas did not promise a miracle cure after examining Kenneth. He told them that Kenneth’s memory was locked somewhere in his mind. That’s the kind of information three hundred bucks an hour will get you. Like they didn’t already know his memory was on sabbatical.

  Kenneth should have already regained his memory, instead of the few glimpses he’d managed to garner from the deep recesses of his mind. Dr. Thomas told them that Kenneth’s inability to remember might be self-imposed. “You see, there might be some traumatic experience that your husband wants to block out. To do that, he must block everything else as well,” Dr. Thomas explained to Elizabeth.

  Kenneth looked at her, as if she were the trauma he was trying to forget.

  “Don’t look at me. You’ve already remembered all the drama I put you through,” she said.

  She had to deal with Kenneth’s hidden memory. Now, her deliverance group wanted her to deal with the hidden things in her heart. They were still delving into some of the reasons women clung to everything but God.

  Elizabeth reluctantly admitted that she never believed she was good enough. She always thought she had to do more to get someone to love her, to want to be around her.

  One night, while searching the scriptures, Elizabeth came upon Isaiah 66:2:

  For this is what the Lord says: I will extend peace to her like a river.

  Excited by the proclamation, Elizabeth scrawled the words on a piece of paper and taped it to a wall in her bedroom. She read her prophecy every night before she went to sleep.

  Tonight, however, she couldn’t sleep. She was drawn to the memories of her friendship with Nina. Nina had befriended her without receiving anything in exchange. Why would she do that? Elizabeth picked up the phone and dialed.

  “Hello?” A groggy voice on the other end said.

  “Hey, I’m sorry to wake you, but I need to know something.”

  “What? What’s wrong?”

  “I told you about the deliverance class that I’m going to, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, one thing I’ve discovered is that I don’t feel worthy of love unless I’m doing something to earn it. You never made me earn your love or your friendship. Why?”

  “Hold on, let me sit up and turn this light on.” The rustle of the sheets came across the line. “Okay, I’m woke now. What are you talking about?”

  “Why are you my friend, Nina? I’ve never done anything for you.”

  “I just am. You don’t have to do anything, but be who you are.”

  “You know that scripture in the Bible that says, It is by faith that we are saved and not of works, lest any man should boast? That’s how our friendship is. We love each other just because that is what we have decided to do. And when God decided to love me, He didn’t wait on me to become perfect.” Elizabeth smiled, thinking she had said something deep.

  “None of us would be saved if God waited on perfection.”

  “I know, I know. But don’t you see? I gave Kenneth everything I had so he wouldn’t leave. I’ve tried to wow my fans so they wouldn’t leave. But they left anyway.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “When people give you something, it should be free. I’m tired of paying!”

  “Okay, okay. Stop paying, you sick puppy. Now go to bed and call me in the morning.”

  Elizabeth heard the dial tone then smiled. Okay, maybe Nina didn’t get what she was trying to say. She had experienced a lot of that lately. Friends, family, and fans didn’t understand her, but she was beginning to understand a few things. She hung up the phone and looked toward heaven. “Lord, I will accept Your free gift of love. I will accept Your friendship. Thank You for these precious gifts.”

  Joy was her companion; as she lay down to get a few hours sleep before morning.

  ***

  “Wha – what’s wrong?” Elizabeth asked, as she burst into Kenneth’s room. He thrashed back and forth, eyes closed. Asleep, but in torment. “Kenneth, wake up!” She shoved his shoulder. “Come on, you’re having a nightmare.”

  Kenneth shot up, gasping for air. He looked around. Still gasping, he turned his gaze on Elizabeth. “Who – who are you?” Sweat dripped from his forehead as he searched the room. “Where am I?”

  “I’m your wife, Kenneth. Liz.” She shook him. “Look at me. Don’t do this, you know who I am.”

  He wiped the sweat from his brow, sat up a little surer, and centered his gaze on the woman sitting in his bed. “Thanks for waking me up. That one was a doozy.”

  “Did you remember anything? The doctor said you should try to retain your dreams, even the nightmares. It might be the key to help unlock your mind.”

  Kenneth shook his head. He brought his knees up to his chest, rested his elbows on his knees, and put his hands on his head. “I’m sorry. I can’t remember.”

  She grabbed his arm and pulled at him. “You’ve got to. I want you to come back to me. Tell me what the dream was about, Kenneth. Let’s get it over with.”

  Three weeks had passed, since they talked with Dr. Thomas. Almost every night since, Kenneth had experienced tormenting dreams.

  “Do you want me to stay in here with you?”

  Yeah, he wanted her to stay. He wanted to pull that midnight black negligee off her mocha chocolate body and show her what else he wanted. But the way she asked to stay with him sounded maternal, like she wanted to chase his boogieman away. He was almost certain that he hadn’t sucked his thumb since he was a child, and equally as certain that he hadn’t needed a mama in his bed since that time either. No, he needed much more. But whether he liked it or not, Tommy was still between them. He wouldn’t share any woman, and certainly not his wife.

  “You go on back to bed. I’ll be fine.” He pulled the covers over his shoulders and laid down.

  She started to say something, but got off his chaise – the bed he preferred to hers – walked over to the French door, then looked back at her husband. He was staring at her. “Sweet dreams,” she said before closing the doors behind her.

  A couple hours later, they sat across the breakfast table, eating in silence. Passing the salt and pepper, while ignoring the issues between them. Kenneth put the last piece of bacon in his mouth, stood, and scraped his plate clean. “See you later,” he said as he walked back to the table and kissed Erin and Danae.

  Elizabeth puckered up and kissed the air behind Kenneth’s back. He had on his power suit. The Brooks Brothers navy blue double-breasted number always made him look like the king of the hill. That yellow tie didn’t hurt none either. She knew without asking that Kenneth was job-hunting again today. Every morning since their big blow up, Kenneth hit the pavement in search of a new gig. The economy was on a downturn and jobs for professionals were lean. Kenneth was a CEO minus the company. A tough sell to most Human Resource professionals.

  “How long do you think you’ll be gone today?” Elizabeth asked.

  “Couple hours. I want to stop at the church and speak with Pastor Lewis. Then I need to check on a lead I received yesterday.

  Her eyes sparkled. “What kind of lead?”

  “Two Fortune 1000 Companies are looking for vice presidents to run the IT department.”

  She wanted to hug him and wish him success with his hunt, but they weren’t cool like that yet. “Will you be able to attend the benefit for the homeless with me tonight?”

  All of Elizabeth’s engagements cancelled on her. She had received an invitation to perform at a benefit. To her, it was a Godsend.

  “What time do you need me to be ready?”

  “By six.”

  “Not a problem,” he said as he left the house.

 
; Elizabeth stayed in her seat, marveling over the civilized conversation they just had. “It’s a beginning,” she said to herself as she picked up her tea and sipped.

  Erin’s brows furrowed. “Beginning of what?”

  “What? Oh, nothing,” she said, as if she’d been caught staring in the boys’ locker room. “Eat up.”

  While Kenneth was out, Elizabeth cleaned the house and enjoyed her children. At five o’clock, she laid her dress on the bed and jumped in the shower. She towel dried, lotioned up, then squeezed into her evening gown. It was a remarkable dress. Red, with irregularly scattered sequins, and just a suggestion of cleavage. The knee-length dress was lined with red silk. Sexy, but in a respectable way.

  Kenneth walked into her room. He fumbled with his bow tie, then threw up his hands.

  “Here, let me help you.” Elizabeth grabbed the tie from him and proceeded to fix him up.

  “I like your dress,” he told her as she stood close to him, putting the finishing touches on his bow tie. “Have I ever been able to put one of these ties on?” he asked as he covered the left side of his face with his hand.

  “Never.” She laughed. “But I’ve always enjoyed doing this for you.”

  He looked into her eyes, then stepped back. “Thanks.”

  “My pleasure. Oh, before I forget.” She picked up a small box and handed it to him. “The stuff I ordered for you came in today.”

  “What’s this?”

  “Mudear’s Herbal Salve. I surfed the net looking for something that might ease some of your pain.” She gave him a half-smile. “Just rub it on your knees every night.”

  ***

  The cod, au gratin potatoes, and six green beans weren’t bad. But, Kenneth kept eyeing her, sucking his teeth, and clinking his fork on the plate. Good cause or not, Kenneth hated paying a hundred bucks a plate. Would have hated it, even when he had money to burn. And since she wasn’t getting paid for singing tonight, he was probably calculating how much each green bean cost.

  “So Kenneth, what line of work are you in?” asked Roger McDaniels, a high-powered executive with a Fortune 100 Company.

  Elizabeth put her fork down and lightly patted his hand. Betty, Roger’s wife, put her elbows on the table, hands under her chin, and waited for Kenneth to speak. Clarence Johnson and his wife Sue were also all ears.

  “I’m actually between jobs right now.”

  “I see,” Roger said, then studied his food as if looking for bones in his cod.

  Elizabeth wanted to scream at him and tell him that he didn’t see at all. Kenneth wasn’t avoiding the child support police, or selling dime bags on the corner like other men who claimed to be between jobs. He was a good man. With more talent and ability than all the Fortune 100 executives Roger McDaniel knew.

  Clarence Johnson said, “Well, if you’re looking for something to do while your job hunting, I could sure use some help.”

  Elizabeth smiled. Kenneth pulled his hand from under hers. “What type of business are you in?” he asked Clarence.

  “I run the Hope Center. It’s a place where the homeless can get food, clothing, some Word, and a room for the night. I couldn’t pay much, but God’s rewards are much better than anything I could give you anyway.”

  “Let me think about it,” he told Clarence, as Elizabeth stood to handle her business.

  Sitting behind the piano, Elizabeth could feel the judgmental stares of the small crowd. She had sung in crowded coliseums, churches with ten and twenty thousand members. But tonight, as she readied herself to sing in front of two hundred fifty people, her nerves did a jig, and her palms got sweaty.

  “I want to thank you for allowing me to sing tonight. You’ll never know how much this means to me.” She wiped her palms on her nine hundred-dollar dress. “It has been rough for me these last few years. I thought my husband was dead, and I didn’t know how to cope with that. God was supposed to love me, so how could He have allowed such a tragedy to happen?” She looked at Kenneth, smiled sweetly, then continued. “My husband had been everything to me. When he was gone, I didn’t want to live. But God has taught me how to live. He has taught me how to love Him. When all desert me, God is still my special friend. This song is my tribute to God. I hope you enjoy it.

  She turned to the black and ivory keys and began to play:

  Sitting thinking about all of my yesterdays,

  Trying to find a reason for all the mistakes I made.

  Not knowing that it was Your loving grace that spared my life.

  Now I’m daily learning how to totally trust in You,

  I’ve found that Your love is – Your love is really true, and

  Mighty good to know I can count on You –

  Lord, You are my special friend.

  Elizabeth serenaded the Lord, as her audience, mesmerized, listened to her sweet, soulful melody.

  Pictures in my head of long ago memories and

  Failures from my past are continually haunting me,

  But I know, right here and now,

  You have delivered me – You’ve made me whole.

  Now that I’ve found You, You’ve given me liberty,

  Saved my sin-sick soul, set my spirit free – and,

  How I love You Lord, cause You first loved me,

  You are my special friend.

  Oooh, I adore You, I live for You. How You’ve blessed me.

  My confession is, You amaze me. You fulfill me.

  When I’m hurting You console and then You thrill me.

  How You’ve changed me – I’ll never be the same.

  You are my special friend. Hey, Lord, You are my special friend.

  Clarence leaned over and told Kenneth, “Your wife sings like Yolanda Adams.”

  Kenneth grinned like a schoolboy with his first crush. “You must be joking, man. She sings better than Yolanda Adams.”

  And what a friend we have in Jesus,

  all my sins and grief He’ll bear.

  What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.

  Standing ovation, and pass the Kleenex please, were the responses when Elizabeth finished her love song to God. “Thank you. Thank you so very much.” Elizabeth looked out into the small crowd. For two years, she had seen Tommy’s face in the room as she did her thing. Kenneth’s face was the one she looked into tonight. He stood and clapped with the others. For a brief moment, Elizabeth saw adoration and love swimming through his gray-green eyes. She smiled at her husband and he smiled back. Thank You, Lord.

  Then she remembered Tommy and the smile faded. She hadn’t heard from him in weeks. Lord, she silently prayed, wherever Tommy is tonight, watch over him. Bring him home, Lord. Help him to know that You care for him.

  20

  Tommy was into his third scotch. Looking at a ten and a five, hollering, “Hit me again!” A red lady, full of heart, was laid down on the table in front of him. “Dag. Where are all the tramps when you need ‘em?” Tommy asked, as he threw his hand in. Blackjack wasn’t his game anyway.

  He was a craps man. In the mood to get paid and make some noise, he moved to the crap table, where he could do both. He placed a five hundred dollar, don’t pass line bet and picked up the dice. He kissed them and cursed them at the same time. “Don’t you dare be a seven or eleven.” He threw the dice and waited. Around the table, everybody was yelling, cheering him on. Actually, they were drunk, but Tommy would take what he could get.

  The dice hit the backboard and then bounced back midway of the table. “Two. Player wins,” the dealer informed the rowdy group.

  Cheers went up. Tommy took hold of the dice and worked his magic again and again. By the time he finished, he had twenty thousand in his possession. Pretty good. Especially since he had lost ten thousand at the tables the night before.

  As he collected his bounty, Cynda Stevens strutted over to him like this was his lucky day. Tommy recognized her immediately. A face like Cynda’s was not easily forgotten or dismissed. Her amber-colored skin, coal black h
air, and beauty mark just above her pouty lips sent shivers through him. This girl would give J-Lo a run for her money. Beauty wasn’t her problem; it was those cold black eyes. Eyes that carried pain. Eyes that knew too much, had seen too much. She used to be one of Isaac Walker’s women. She’d come into the Belanté Club either with Isaac or looking for him countless times. But that was years ago.

  “What brings you to Georgia, Cynda?”

  “Oh, this and that. What about you?”

  He lifted up some of his winning chips. “I came to gamble. Needed to clear my head, think some things over.”

  She cozied up to him. “Well, do you think best alone, or would you like a little company? Maybe have a party?”

  “Who’s having the party?”

  Cynda put her hand on Tommy’s thigh and squeezed. “We are. And I have two friends right over there.” She pointed him in the direction of a woman with ample bosom, and a pretty boy showing off his Nautilus body in a tight muscle shirt. They both smiled and waved at Tommy.

  So, Cynda was tricking. She needed her butt whupped, Tommy thought. But, he wasn’t her daddy, so the butt whupping he contemplated was not about to make her keep her dress down and panties up. “How much?”

  She grabbed a couple of his winning chips. “It won’t break you, Daddy.”

  She had to go call him Daddy, and he had a good and thick belt on too. He licked his lips. “What about them?” He nodded in the direction of Cynda’s so-called friends.

  “Why don’t we handle the negotiations in your hotel room?”

  He wanted to thank God for his good fortune, then remembered he wasn’t talking to God. “All right. Let me settle up, then we can go.”

  It took twenty minutes to settle up. Cynda and company waited patiently. When Tommy was finished handling his business, Cynda introduced him to Jasmine and Sam.

  “Nice to meet you. Come on, let’s go,” Jasmine said.