Father by Choice

by Amanda Berry

  Chapter Eighteen

  “You left her with Sam?” The accusatory tone in Maggie’s voice couldn’t distract Brady from a dressed-up Maggie. Her red dress wasn’t particularly fancy, but it hugged her in just the right places, making his thoughts less than pure.

  “Sam promised her Dairy Queen, a movie and chores in the morning. Besides, Sam owes me a lot more than one night.” Brady offered her his arm. “Are you ready to go?”

  She hesitated for a moment, almost as if she wanted to bolt up the stairs and hide in her bedroom. Instead, she gave herself a slight shake, which made her dress dance around her knees. “I’m ready.”

  He led her to his rental car and opened her door. All afternoon he’d worked on the logistics of how to get her to New York. He’d even put together a presentation. More for himself than her. It was the way he worked through things. It was comfortable.

  He climbed in and started the car, turning the music to a soft volume. Now that he was with her, all the preparation flew out the window with one look at that dress. The soft floral scent that emanated from her didn’t help the tightness in his pants. He’d be lucky if he could get through dinner—let alone the important conversation they needed to have—before he kissed her.

  They had fifteen minutes to drive to the restaurant, an hour to eat, then the drive back before he could kiss her. When he kissed her tonight, unless she objected, he had no intentions of stopping.

  “Did Amber enjoy the farm?” The thought of his daughter cooled him.

  “She fed the lambs, and Sam let her try milking a cow.” Brady pulled away from the curb as he told Maggie all about the “pet” cow that Amber spent the better part of an hour trying to milk. By the time they reached the restaurant, he was completely in control.

  The hostess sat them in a booth toward the back. Very few people were in the restaurant.

  “I think last time I was in here it was a barbecue joint,” Maggie said from behind her menu.

  “Looks like they decided fried chicken might work better.”

  “Until next week.” Her smiling eyes peeked over the menu.

  He couldn’t resist returning the smile. The waitress came over and took their order. When she left, she removed the menu Maggie had been hiding behind.

  Maggie smiled at him and it seemed as though she wasn’t hiding anything like she normally did. Her makeup was subtle, but her hazel eyes seemed even more intense than normal, and a slight blush touched her cheeks. Almost the same flush she had after they kissed.

  “You wanted to talk?” Maggie closed her hands on top of the table.

  “We need to figure out where we are headed and what situation would be best for Amber.” This was what Brady was good at, presenting a solid plan to corporate for a new venture. He never felt nervous about it anymore, but now his stomach twisted slightly.

  “We’re both adults, Brady. I think we can come up with some arrangement that makes sense.” Maggie leaned forward. “I’m glad you want to spend time with her.”

  “I hope I’ll always be part of her life.”

  “Of course. We could probably come out to see you for a few weeks in the summer. Maybe you could come here for holidays. Since Sam is here. We usually have holidays with Penny.”

  “I was hoping for more than that.” Brady interrupted her flow, which seemed to throw her off balance for a moment.

  “More?” Maggie sat against the booth back and grabbed the locket around her neck. “You mean like a month in the summer?”

  “No, Maggie, I mean—”

  “Here we go.” The waitress put down the plates, oblivious to the fact that she’d interrupted them. “Can I get you anything else?”

  “Not for me,” Maggie said.

  “Thank you.” Brady waited until the waitress was gone.

  Maggie picked at her food. Tears hovered in her eyes when she lifted her gaze. “I can’t let you have her for half the year. It’s not going to happen. She’s my life. I know that’s not fair to you, but I can’t.”

  He reached across and grabbed her hand. “I’m not asking you to, Maggie. I would never take Amber away from you.”

  Her chest rose and fell as she searched his eyes. She drew in a deep breath and nodded. “I’m sorry. I assumed that’s what you were building up to.”

  “You have every reason to want Amber with you. I can’t imagine missing one more day of her life.” Brady took a bite of his chicken, trying to figure out the easiest way to propose his suggestion. She wasn’t a CEO. She was a woman who had an emotional attachment to what he wanted. If he had some way to convince her that if they went through with his plan everything would be fine, he would tell her. But it might fall flat. He didn’t think it would, but there was a small chance it could.

  She watched him warily as she nudged her mashed potatoes around her plate.

  “Remember at Luke’s party, I couldn’t find a way to tell Sam that I wanted to take the internship in London?”

  Confusion lit her face. “Haven’t we been through this—”

  “Bear with me.” He smiled to reassure her. “You approached me when everyone else at the party ignored me.”

  “Nobody was ignoring you.”

  “Okay, avoided me.” He winked at her to try to put her at ease, but his heart warmed from her rising to his defense. “I wasn’t exactly good company that night, but you sat and listened. I’d barely acknowledged your presence in high school, but you listened to me. Instead of telling me my dreams were ridiculous, you encouraged me to follow them.”

  “Everyone knew you were going places, Brady. You didn’t need me to tell you that.” Maggie tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

  “But I did that night.” Brady took in a deep breath. “I needed someone to tell me it was okay. That running away from my brothers didn’t make me a bad person. Not that I asked you that, but you made me feel like I was making the right decision. Even if it was for the wrong reasons.”

  “What is wrong about wanting to go to college?” Maggie had stopped the pretense of eating and intently listened to him.

  “It wasn’t just the opportunity that I wanted.” He swallowed. “Only Sam knew the truth of it.”

  Her brow furrowed, but she reached out a hand to him.

  He accepted her offer and tangled his fingers in hers. She gave him strength. She deserved the truth. “I was running away, Maggie. I couldn’t stay in Tawnee Valley after my parents were gone. Everywhere I went they were there, but they weren’t anymore. The constant reminder was driving me nuts. I was weak. I couldn’t have Sam and Luke relying on me.”

  “They did okay.” Maggie squeezed his hand.

  “Luke had a rough time of it and Sam was too controlling for his own good. But none of that matters now.” Brady shook off the past. “I wanted you to know that I’ve run in the past, but that I don’t plan to this time.”

  “What are you saying, Brady?”

  “Come to New York with me. You and Amber. We’ll find a good school for her.”

  She started to pull her hand away.

  “We don’t have to sleep together. I can find a bigger place, if you want. But I can’t deny that I want to be with you. To see where this thing between us can go. Aren’t you the least bit curious?” Brady could almost see the shutters shut over her eyes as she closed him out.

  * * *

  “Curious?” Maggie finally pulled her hand back. Touching him did funny things to her brain. Made her hear things that surely Brady hadn’t said.

  “Amber would be better off with two parents who loved her, right?” Brady’s blue eyes turned calculating.

  “I’m not denying that Amber needs both of us. But New York is far away...” Would it be so bad to go with him? To stop hiding like Penny thought she was doing?

  “We’d be there together. I can help both of you through the transition.” Brady reached across the table but she pulled her hands into her lap.

  Something was wrong with what he was saying. If he touched h
er, she wouldn’t be able to figure out what it was. Everything he said was what she wanted to hear. Almost everything.

  “What happens when we don’t want to be together?” Maggie folded her arms across her chest. “What if all we have is a shared past, a child and lust? What if that isn’t enough?”

  What if she wanted love?

  “It’s a start, isn’t it?” Brady straightened. “We don’t have to decide anything tonight. You can take a few days to think it through. I want you and Amber with me, Maggie.”

  “We’re supposed to leave Tawnee Valley and everything we’ve ever known to run off to New York and start over?” Maggie couldn’t wrap her head around it. “Where would I work? What if things didn’t work out? I couldn’t support Amber and me in New York.”

  “Think it over. Please, Maggie. The one regret I have is not knowing what you were going through.” Brady held up his hand to get the waitress’s attention. “Let’s go somewhere and talk. Not here, okay?”

  She nodded. He hadn’t offered her love. Not even marriage. Even though she had pushed it aside for years, she wanted the whole package. A man who loved her. A marriage that would last until they were old and gray.

  He wasn’t offering that. He was offering her a maybe. Maybe this could grow into something, but what if it didn’t? What if he never loved her the way she loved him?

  Before she knew it, they were in his car parked outside her house. Neither of them made a move to leave the car. His fingers curled around the steering wheel.

  “Would you tell me what happened during those years?” Brady didn’t look at her but stared ahead with his head resting against the car seat.

  She undid her belt and shifted in the bucket seat until she was comfortable. “Do you want the long story or the short?”

  “Whatever you are willing to tell me.” Brady dropped his hands into his lap and turned his head to her. “You’re an amazing mother. Any fool could see that. But I know that wasn’t your only struggle. I want to know you, Maggie. Not the brave facade you put on for the rest of the world, but you.”

  She breathed in deep. How much should she tell him? What did he really want to know? “I found out about my mother’s cancer a month before graduation. I think I was still in shock by graduation. I canceled my college plans including the scholarship I’d worked hard to get. My friends were leaving, and all I could do was hope that treatment worked for my mom. While they were going off to begin their lives, I was staying behind to save hers.”

  “We don’t always get a choice.” Brady held out his hand and she took it. “Knowing someone might die is difficult.”

  “At the party, I wanted something I could have control over. I wanted to find out if the guy I had a crush on for as long as I could remember might possibly want me, too.” She smiled softly in the dark, remembering the fanciful, romantic thoughts she’d felt that night.

  “And then you found me?”

  She squeezed his hand. “I went searching for you. All I could think was how this might be the last time I did something for me. Something entirely selfish. Something I’d wanted for so long.”

  His thumb stroked over the back of her hand. In the weak streetlights, she caught his gaze.

  “You were leaving. I knew it was a one-time thing. I wasn’t trying to trap or trick you.”

  “I know.” Brady’s low baritone sent shivers down her spine.

  “I found out I was pregnant when I was as sick as my mother after her therapy. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want you to think I did it on purpose. I didn’t want you to think I needed you. So I wrote a damned letter.” She laughed self-deprecatingly. “A letter I hoped you never received. But when Sam brought me money, I didn’t question anything.”

  His fingers tightened on hers, but he stayed quiet.

  “We needed the money. I wanted to believe you were that type of guy. The guy who thought throwing money at a problem made it go away. Because it would be easier to lose you if I never had you. I knew what Mom had gone through with my dad and I was scared.” She used her other hand to wipe away a tear that slipped out.

  “Amber was born. Mom went into remission. Things were good for a while. When Mom got sick again, we had a rough year and then it was over. She was gone.”

  “And you were alone again.” He reached out and brushed another tear from her cheek. His hand cupped her cheek, making her feel cherished.

  “Amber and I carried on. The end.” If only it had been that easy. If only it hadn’t been a constant struggle for her.

  “You’re a wonderful person, Maggie.” His soft words startled her.

  She searched his eyes for the hidden meaning behind his words. “I kept you from your daughter for eight years and you think I’m wonderful?”

  “You were protecting yourself and Amber.” Brady touched his forehead to hers. “We all run away sometimes. In our own ways.”

  He was right. She hadn’t run away physically but she had emotionally. Too afraid that the voices telling her he would hate her would be true. Too afraid that he didn’t want Amber.

  Now he wanted them both to go to New York with him. She’d never considered that he’d want them as a package deal. She’d never considered that he would want them at all.

  Could he learn to love her? She pressed her lips to his. The brief touch sent warmth throughout her body. She loved him. Maybe not when she’d been eighteen, but the man he was now, the one she’d gotten to know over the past week. In all her life, she’d never loved anyone the way she loved Brady. He made her think. He made her laugh. He made her sigh with pleasure. He made her feel as if everything would be okay as long as he was in her life.

  “Let’s go inside,” she whispered. The decision for New York could wait until morning. Denying that she wanted him was only driving them in circles.

  “Are you sure?” His thumb caressed her cheek. His blue eyes searched hers.

  “Aren’t you?” She leaned into his hand. They both needed to heal and they needed the other to help. Even if it was only one more night, she wanted this.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Maggie held Brady’s hand as they made their way upstairs to her bedroom. No disruptions tonight. No mindless passion.

  Tonight Maggie would give Brady her heart the only way she knew how.

  He turned her until they were face-to-face. “I’ve always wanted you, Maggie.”

  Want. Lust. Desire was easy. Just standing next to him had her pulse racing, her nerve endings waiting for his touch, her breathing choppy. His thumb traced a path of fire over her bottom lip.

  She met his eyes and began unbuttoning his shirt. No rushing. No hurry. Every moment would be savored and remembered. His blue eyes glittered in the dim light of her room. His hands smoothed over her shoulders. He paused at her zipper and lowered it until his hands reached the base of her spine.

  Helping him shrug out of his shirt, she never broke eye contact. It kept her centered, reminded her that this was for her heart. To be with Brady and see if she could stand loving him, when he didn’t love her in return.

  He drew her closer and lowered his lips to her forehead. Light kisses trailed over her face, closing her eyes and making her body pulse with need. When his lips finally took hers, she drew in his breath as her own.

  The urgency of last night was forgotten as he sipped slowly on her lower lip. As he rediscovered her mouth, his fingers slipped through her dress’s open back and touched the trembling flesh beneath.

  She didn’t want to hurry, but her body was beyond ready to move to the next step. Her fingers threaded through his hair as she deepened the kiss. He followed her lead and slipped the dress from her shoulders. She kicked off her heels without relinquishing his mouth.

  This time wasn’t about hiding behind passion. Or even about succumbing to a chemistry neither of them could deny. This time she wanted the way her lover touched her, the way he kissed her as if it were the last time they would be together or the first, to touch her soul.


  The rest of their clothes followed the dress and shoes. Each piece brought a new sensation until nothing but air separated their bodies. Her breasts pressed against his lightly haired chest. Her stomach shivered inside as it pressed against his heat.

  And yet his hands remained low on her hips. He wanted her to lead this dance. She broke off the kiss and gasped in air, causing her body to fit tighter to his.

  He groaned as he kissed the side of her neck. “You are so beautiful,” he muttered against her skin. His fingers flexed into her hips, pulling her tight against him.

  Fire and heat coursed through her veins, pooling between her legs. She pulled away from him slightly and caressed the stubble growing on his cheek. The words I love you hovered on her lips, longing to be released. To share with him the joy and fear, but she couldn’t.

  “I’ve waited a long time for this.” She pulled the covers back on the bed and held her arms out to him. “Do you remember what you said to me that night?”

  Closing the distance between them, he wrapped his arms around her. Her ear rested against his beating heart. She wondered if hers pounded like his.

  “I said that I wished I hadn’t wasted my time.” He kissed the top of her head. “That I’d really seen you when we were in school.”

  He tipped her chin up and lowered his lips until his barely touched hers. “That we had more time.”

  “We have time now.” Maggie met his gaze, hoping he could see how much she wanted him to love her. Knowing it left her vulnerable but not caring.

  “We have the rest of our lives.” His words sent a shock wave through her being as his lips claimed hers. They moved together on the bed, connected lips to lips until they lay beside each other.

  She forgot to breathe as his hand wandered over her breast, encircling her nipple until it hardened. When his hand left her, his mouth claimed her other breast. His fingers drew circles down her belly until he cupped her in the palm of his hand.