Father by Choice

by Amanda Berry

  The need to touch him, to give him the pleasure he was giving her, filled her. Her fingers traced over his tightened abs and caressed his hip bone. His moan made her smile, but then he changed positions, taking her other breast into his mouth. Her breath hitched. His fingers moved over her until she could think of nothing but the next touch, the next sensation. The heat built until she feared she’d burst into flames if something didn’t change soon. If he didn’t let her find the release that had been building for the past week.

  Her fingers closed over him and he stilled. His harsh breath bathed her breast in warmth. She explored him with the lightest touch. His tongue flicked out at her nipple. His hand resumed the slow tortuous pace until her hips rose to meet him.

  It was right there, so close she could almost touch it. He moved up her body and took her mouth with his. She clung to him as her body burst with sensation and pleasure.

  Her breath caught as he caressed her breast. The fire started to rise within her again. He shifted on the bed until they were chest to chest, stomach to stomach, thigh to thigh.

  He made short work of a condom. When he lifted his head, his eyes were liquid pools in the darkness. She could feel her heart quietly singing as his thumb stroked her cheek.

  He entered her slowly, making their bodies one. Never once taking his gaze from hers. She needed to see his eyes, to see if there was even a little hope that he could love her. A little hope that she could cling to as her heart broke.

  As he moved within her, the flames built until thought became impossible. His lips found hers in the storm and they clung to each other, reaching for something just out of their reach. In this moment, they made sense. They fit each other perfectly. Matched each other unlike anything else she’d ever felt. As they climbed closer, he held her tighter, and her heart wished it was because he was afraid to let her go.

  Sparks burst behind Maggie’s eyes as a new rush of sensation flowed through her and she felt him join her as they were engulfed.

  * * *

  Brady woke slowly, a little disorientated in Maggie’s bedroom. Maggie’s warmth covered his side, and her hair tickled his nose. They must have fallen asleep at the foot of the bed. Covers were thrown over them and spilled onto the floor.

  He hugged Maggie to him. For once, his heart felt settled. This felt right, having Maggie with him. Last night had been amazing. There hadn’t been the normal awkwardness of sleeping with someone for the first time. Granted it wasn’t their first time, but it had been eight years.

  In a week, he could have Maggie and Amber in his apartment in New York. He’d written an email to his assistant yesterday to start a folder on Josh’s ideas for Tawnee Valley, including the files he’d started the other day. He’d also requested that the refrigerator in his apartment be stocked. He’d sent her a couple of pictures for the guest bedroom to be transformed into a little girl’s room for Amber. Fresh flowers were to be in every room when they arrived.

  Two weeks ago when he’d been preparing for the Detrex presentation with Jules for corporate, he would have laughed if someone told him he’d have a family in a week. It surprised him that he hadn’t even thought about the project in the past few days. So consumed with Maggie and Amber that it hadn’t been as important as it always had been. They could be a family. Brady hadn’t had any part of a family since he was eighteen. He’d been driven to fill that emptiness with his career. Now he had Amber and Maggie.

  He wanted to shout from the rooftops, proclaim to the world his happiness. Instead, he stared at the woman in his arms. Who knew Sam would be right years ago? Maggie was a keeper. Brady had been stupid to let her out of his life before. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

  Maggie stretched and looked at him with sleepy eyes. “Morning.”

  Yup, this was how he wanted to wake up every day. “Morning.”

  She glanced around, noticing their feet near the pillows. She shrugged and put her head on his chest.

  “Want to go over to The Rooster to get breakfast before going to pick up Amber?” He tucked his hands beneath his head.

  She propped her chin on her hands to look at him. “You’re lucky today wasn’t a school day.”

  “I’m one of the luckiest men alive. Come on, we can’t spend all day in bed.”

  If she had protested even a little, he would have stayed in bed with her all day. Instead, she sighed before getting up. The sunlight lit her skin in a golden haze. He sucked in a low whistle before she put on her robe and slipped out of the room.

  A half hour later they sat in the only café in Tawnee Valley, where they served cholesterol with an extra helping of cholesterol and a side of burned caffeine. A few older farmers sat at the counter nursing their coffees. Brady was getting better at recognizing people. Bob Spanner had sold Dad a few head of cattle. Russ Andrews helped Sam with the crops in the west field. Guy Wilson’s property abutted the Ward farm on the north side. Brady had run into probably half the town in his week here. Nothing changed in Tawnee Valley. It was comforting and exasperating.

  He needed to put a spare set of clothes at Maggie’s. Maybe he should bring his whole bag and spend the rest of this little vacation from reality with her.

  He gave Maggie a smile that made her blush. Nothing could touch him this morning. Not even the email from Jules saying the project was going poorly in New York. He hadn’t even felt compelled to answer right away. It could wait until this afternoon.

  “Morning, Maggie and Brady.” Their waitress was Rachel Thompson, who used to babysit Brady and Luke. “What can I get for you?”

  “Two specials.” Maggie handed the menu back. “Over easy with bacon.”

  “All righty. I’ll have those up for you in two shakes.” Rachel winked at Brady before sauntering off toward the kitchen.

  “About New York...” Maggie didn’t meet his eyes.

  “Like I said, up to you if we sleep in the same room or not. You don’t like the apartment? We can get a different one. There’s a few schools we’ll need to contact to see if we can get Amber in on such short notice. I can have my assistant put together everything we need.”

  “Hey, Maggie.” Brady recognized Josh’s voice behind him. “We don’t see you here often.”

  Brady stood and held out his hand to Josh. “Josh. Been meaning to call you.”

  Josh took Brady’s hand, but stopped shaking it. His gaze darted to Maggie, then back to Brady. His light mood darkened. “You’re the deadbeat?”

  “Josh. This isn’t the time.” Maggie’s tone was level and meant to cool things down.

  “Deadbeat?” Brady repeated. He released Josh’s hand. For some reason the connections weren’t coming together for him. He and Josh had had a great conversation the other day. He’d even seemed pleased to see him for a minute. What was different now?

  Maggie’s eyes were huge, but she had that under-control look she had when taking care of a problem. Was there something going on between her and Josh?

  “I always figured it was Luke.” Josh glared over Brady’s shoulder, obviously speaking to Maggie and not Brady.

  Brady didn’t like his tone. The other diners had stopped talking to see what was happening. What was Josh accusing Luke of?

  “Not here, Josh,” Maggie said through her teeth.

  “Why the hell not, Maggie?” Redness seeped into Josh’s face. “Oh, I even thought it was Sam for a while. But Brady?”

  “It’s none of your business, Josh.” Maggie stood and moved to Brady’s side.

  “I’m missing something here,” Brady said. Maggie’s angry eyes locked with Josh’s. He was keenly aware of the other diners and unlike in New York when they had been curious strangers, these people knew him, knew his parents, knew his brothers. “What do my brothers have to do with Maggie?”

  Ignoring Brady, Maggie and Josh continued to have their silent battle, but it didn’t seem to be getting them anywhere. The only thing he and his brothers had in common was looks. Like a spark igniting tinder,
Brady’s brain made the connection. This had to be about Amber.

  “Why don’t we calm down, have a seat and discuss this like rational people?” Brady gestured toward their booth. This wasn’t an issue for the other diners.

  “Seriously, Maggie?” Josh finally gave Maggie a disappointed look before turning his anger on Brady. “Do you know what kind of hell you put her through?”

  “Josh, no.” Maggie stepped forward, but Josh held out his hand.

  “Do you?” Josh asked again.

  “I have some idea.” Brady straightened, ready for whatever came next. He’d already made amends with Maggie over the past. “I didn’t know about Amber.”

  “Didn’t know?” Josh turned to the people at the counter. “He didn’t know, and that makes it okay.”

  “Josh Michaels, you cool it right now.” Rachel came from inside the kitchen to stand next to Maggie.

  “How can you all just sit there and watch? Eight years this woman went through hell. We were all here. We all saw. Grace Brown had been a loving, thoughtful woman. She’d loved that little girl with all her heart.” He spun to Brady and shoved Brady’s shoulders, but Brady absorbed the impact.

  “All it would have taken was one phone call. One visit. And you would have known, but you were too busy in London to think about the girl you impregnated. And how devastated she was when her mother died.”

  “Maggie says it’s none of your business.” Had Brady been so self-centered? So focused on forgetting that he hadn’t had the decency to at least check on the people he’d left behind?

  “I would have married her, if she would have had me,” Josh spat out. “Because that’s the right thing to do.”

  Maggie gasped.

  What could Brady say? He hadn’t been aware? All he could do was stand here and take it. Josh wasn’t going to be done until he’d had his say. The tips of Brady’s ears burned as every eye in the diner turned on him. What did they expect of him? What they always expected from him?

  To be the better man. To be their champion. But in this case, he wasn’t.

  “I wouldn’t have sent her ‘hush’ money.” Josh looked down his nose at Brady.

  The diner went silent as if everyone held their breath to see what Brady would say.

  “Brady?” Maggie touched his arm. “Let’s go.”

  “That’s right, Maggie.” Josh stepped away with his arms wide, inviting Brady to hit him. “Protect the man who did you wrong.”

  “Please, Brady,” Maggie said.

  Brady had never been the type to fight. He’d always solved his battles through negotiation. Luke had been the passionate one who had been in more fights than Sam and Brady combined. But in this case, Brady had no standing. He deserved whatever this man flung at him.

  Brady took his gaze from Josh and searched Maggie’s eyes. What had he done? What had he forced her to live through alone?

  “Let’s just go.” Maggie tugged on his arm. “I’m sorry, Rachel.”

  “Men.” Rachel seemed to think that was the most reasonable explanation.

  Brady let Maggie lead him out. The stares of the people who had once deemed him the golden boy of Tawnee Valley burned through him. He wasn’t even worth their regard now. He’d used Maggie for one night of passion a long time ago and had never once thought about the possible consequences. He’d barely thought of her at all throughout the years.

  When they were seated in the car, he said, “I’m sorry, Maggie.”

  It would never make things right. It wouldn’t change the past eight years. But he had to try. He had to fix this.

  “It’s not all your fault.” Maggie didn’t meet his gaze.

  “I never even checked to make sure you were okay. For all I knew you could have been killed driving home from our house at four in the morning.” Those looks. Brady would never get them out of his head. Disappointment, disapproval.

  “I could have tried harder to reach you. I knew you and Sam didn’t get along.” Maggie’s voice was soft. When he turned to her, she was gazing out the window away from the diner.

  She could have married Josh. Amber would have had a dad and maybe even some brothers and sisters. But she hadn’t. She’d chosen to stand on her own.

  “I admire you.” The words came out softly, almost unintentionally.

  Finally, her hazel eyes met his. Her smile was wistful as she took his hand. “Let’s go get Amber, okay?”

  It didn’t matter what the town thought of him and Maggie. It mattered that she was with him now.

  Chapter Twenty

  The drive to the farm didn’t dispel Brady’s sour thoughts. With every mile, one fact burned in his mind. If Sam hadn’t been such a control freak, Brady would have known about Amber from the beginning. Whether he would have returned or not would have been on Brady. He could have been the deadbeat, but they would never know.

  When he parked near the house, the anger Brady had been repressing for years churned within his gut. Maggie had been silent the whole car ride.

  “Why don’t you go in and get Amber. I need to talk to Sam.” Brady didn’t wait for Maggie’s reply before heading to the barn where music played.

  He pushed open the barn door and stopped. Amber was in the process of painting a wooden chair while Sam tinkered with his tractor.

  “Morning, Daddy.” She smiled at him from her task.

  “Morning. Why don’t you run in and get cleaned up?” Brady waited while she rushed to the house.

  Sam wiped his hands on a greasy rag. “That kid can sure pack away the food. I think she ate more than me.”

  The whole world was off-kilter this morning. First the diner and now Sam acting as if Amber had always been a part of their family. “Don’t act like you like having my kid around.”

  “Why not? She’s a good kid.” Sam looked over the tools on the workbench.

  “If you thought she was such a good kid, why wait eight years to tell me about her? All you had to do was tell Luke, if you were worried about being the first to cave.”

  “Is that what you think happened?” Sam was a little too cool for Brady’s taste.

  “Just another way for you to control everything on this farm.” Brady paced the barn door opening. “You interfered with my life. With Maggie’s and Amber’s lives. Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

  Sam set down the tools as if he didn’t trust having them in his hand before he faced Brady. “I was protecting you.”

  “By keeping Amber a secret? How the hell was that protecting me?” Brady could feel the burn on the back of his neck as anger pulsed through him.

  “What would you have done if you’d known?”

  “I sure as hell wouldn’t have expected Maggie to take care of everything. I would have done something.” Brady felt flustered. He had no idea what he would have done.

  “For God’s sake, Brady, Mom raised you better than that.”

  “Where do you get off—”

  “Do you think my life has been all that great? Do you think I wouldn’t have given anything to be able to get away for at least a while?”

  Brady hadn’t given it much thought. It had always been Sam who would take over the farm.

  “I did everything in my power to make sure you and Luke were able to live the lives you wanted. Did I make some crappy decisions along the way? Hell, yeah. What do you want? I was only twenty years old with the responsibility of two younger brothers and a farm to deal with. I was happy Luke graduated at all.”

  “You didn’t have to—”

  “Didn’t I? Think, Brady. Who did Mom turn to when Dad died? She asked me to stay and I did. I don’t regret the decision, but sometimes I hate it. I hate the farm and I hate our parents for leaving me with everything.”

  “I tried to help.”

  “Your ambition has always outstripped this town. Did I want to see you get stuck here in a marriage you felt obligated to offer? Watch you turn bitter and disillusioned about life?”

  “It was my life.
My choice. You could have trusted me to make the right one.” Brady’s chest hurt as if Sam had punched him. “And even if I had been impulsive at twenty, why wait eight years before letting anyone know?”

  Sam’s lips tightened and his brow furrowed. He turned to the tractor without another sound.

  His silence was the only proof Brady needed. As much as Sam had claimed he needed Brady, he hadn’t wanted him around.

  “Dammit, Sam. Not this time. You don’t get to turn your back on me and act like a freaking martyr. If you aren’t going to say anything, you might as well listen.”

  Brady took a deep breath to clear his mind. “Eight years. You could have told me anytime in eight years. You could have waited until I was older and time had healed whatever wounds I had, but you didn’t. You owe an explanation to me.”

  “A month ago, I had to get a chest X-ray for insurance. My heart is enlarged, but since I don’t have any other symptoms, I’m monitoring my blood pressure and going to the cardiologist in a month.”

  It felt as if the floor fell out beneath Brady’s feet. “You’re sick? Have you told Luke?”

  “What? So he can stare at me like you are?” Sam moved around to the other side of the tractor, obscuring his face from Brady’s view. “I’m fine. I feel fine. I thought you should know about your daughter since you came back to the States. In case something happened to me.” Sam the martyr. Brady hated this side of Sam.

  “We can’t fix the past, Sam. What’s done is done. I’m sorry I wasn’t around to help more. I’m sorry that I left you to raise Luke on your own. I’m sorry you had to take on everything. I’m sorry about your heart.”

  “That’s an awful lot of sorry,” Sam grumbled.

  Brady sighed. Sam wouldn’t even lift his gaze.

  “I know you won’t say you’re sorry for what you’ve done.” Brady let the anger slip away. “But I forgive you.”

  * * *

  “I painted a whole chair by myself,” Amber proclaimed in the car.

  Brady had been stiff and silent since the conversation with Josh at the diner. Maggie wondered if she should talk about New York. Last night had been wonderful, but it wouldn’t work long-term. If she kept sleeping with him, she would fall deeper in love with him.