Father by Choice

by Amanda Berry

  “Sam wouldn’t let the dogs sleep with me last night, even after I threatened to sleep outside.” Amber gave her prettiest fake pout.

  “Dog kisses, yuck.” Maggie made a face for Amber.

  “When I’m older, I want to have ten dogs.”

  The car slowed to a stop at her house. Maggie dared a glance at Brady’s profile. He seemed to be processing something.

  “Here’s my key. Amber, go inside and get ready for lunch.”

  Amber wrapped her arms around Brady’s shoulders from behind. “Are you staying for lunch, Daddy?”

  “Maybe, but I might have to go.” He touched her arm with his hand. “We’ll do something fun this week together. I promise.”

  “’Kay.” Amber bounced out of the car. Within seconds, she disappeared into the house.

  “You know what I can’t get out of my mind?” Brady stared straight forward through the windshield and into the distance.

  “No, I don’t.” But she wanted to know.

  “How much better my life would have been if you and Amber had been in it all along.”

  Not exactly what she thought he would say. She couldn’t keep it inside anymore. “We can’t move to New York.”

  That got his attention. She wanted to clap her hands over her mouth and take it back.

  “It’s scary, Maggie, but we can make this work.”

  She took a deep breath. “I’m sure your life is great in New York. You don’t know how flattered I am that you want me and Amber to be part of that, but...” She wished she hadn’t put that disappointment in his eyes.

  “We can take it slow. It doesn’t have to happen right away.” He traced the line of her cheekbone with the back of his fingers. “Think about it?”

  “It’s not going to happen, Brady,” Maggie said firmly. “Our lives are here. New York isn’t the best thing for Amber and me. I know how attached you’ve become to Amber. We’ll visit and our door is open anytime you want to come down.”

  “Marry me.”

  “What?” She leaned against the car door.

  “We have a wonderful daughter. We’re obviously compatible in bed. It would guarantee that I wouldn’t just leave you in New York alone. If that’s what it takes to have you with me, that’s what I’m willing to do.”

  Her heart stopped pounding for a moment. Had he just rationalized a marriage proposal? When she’d found out she was pregnant, she’d hoped for this. For him to offer to take care of her forever, but when he didn’t show up, she’d had to become stronger and start taking care of everything herself. No one was going to sweep in and do everything for her.

  “If you’d known about Amber, you would have proposed to me because it was the so-called right thing to do. But you didn’t love me then, any more than you love me now. I would have said yes because I was scared out of my mind to be alone.”

  “It doesn’t have to be about love. It makes sense for us to be together for Amber.”

  “Don’t you see, Brady? I’m not scared anymore.” She rolled her shoulders back and opened the door. “I’ve raised Amber on my own. I don’t want ‘good enough.’”

  He opened his mouth.

  Maggie smiled even as her eyes filled with tears. “I love you, Brady Ward. But I don’t think you could ever love me the way I deserve to be loved.”

  Before he could change her mind, she slipped from the car and hurried into the house.

  * * *

  “Peterson has a meeting with Kyle on Wednesday. He wants to put an ax in our project.”

  Brady looked up at the sky, wondering why he’d suddenly become some butt of a cosmic joke. Everything seemed to be going wrong. The report on his computer screen claimed the project was aiming to go over budget in thirty days. That couldn’t be correct. Brady had been diligent in making sure the budget was spot-on.

  “Have you talked with Kyle?” Brady rubbed his hand over his hair and looked out over the farm from the top of the hill.

  “I’m going to go in tomorrow morning, but your files have disappeared from the server.” Jules sounded as upset as he felt. “This project is going to die before it got started.”

  Which wouldn’t look good for either of them since a significant amount of money had been spent up front. Brady had lost his brother and possibly Maggie and Amber. He couldn’t lose his job, as well. What more could he do here? At least if he went to New York, he could fix the project. After all, it seemed as if work was the only thing he was good at.

  “Schedule with Kyle for tomorrow morning. I’ll call my assistant and book on the next plane out.”

  “Brady, you don’t have to do that. Email me the files. I’ll try to reconstruct what you did. You have your family to worry about.”

  Sam walked from the house to the barn. A small figure on the gravel drive below. Sam had almost sacrificed the farm to keep giving money to Maggie for Amber from what Brady sent home. Sam had given up his dreams so Brady and Luke could have a chance at theirs. He’d gone about it the wrong way, but he’d been as young and impulsive as they had been.

  For once, Brady wanted to make Sam proud, to honor that sacrifice. This was what Brady was good at.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Jules.” Brady hung up the phone. He double-checked to make sure the files weren’t on the company server before logging out. A quick phone call and he was on the next flight headed to New York. He would save this project and he’d go on with life as it always had been. Maybe Maggie would come to her senses after a while.

  But first, he had to say goodbye.

  After several moments of searching through the winding rooms of the barn, he found Sam in the back garage. A stripped-down version of a ’69 GTO sat on wheel ramps.

  “Is this your old car from high school?” Brady strode forward to touch the silver hood. “I remember when you and Dad worked on it that summer.”

  “I remember you kept trying to help and how I wished you would just go away,” Sam said from under the car.

  “I felt the same way.” Brady smiled at the memory. Each of them vied for their dad’s attention but Sam had always won.

  “I tried to go away.”

  “I’d almost forgotten about when you went to college.” Brady leaned against the workbench in a space that looked a little less dirty. “You went to Iowa State. Mom and Dad were so proud. You’d only been there a week when Dad had his heart attack.”

  Sam rolled out from under the car and sat on the creeper. “I got home in time to say goodbye. Dad told me that you were all my responsibility now.”

  “You never told me that.” Brady lifted a hammer that had been around the farm longer than he had.

  “You didn’t need to know.” Sam rested his arms on his knees.

  Brady let his gaze roam over the old car that he used to want so badly. He’d begged Sam to let him ride in it. Eventually, Sam had caved and took him around the back roads. It had been like flying. “I have to go back to New York. A situation has come up at work.”

  “You don’t owe me any explanation.” Sam’s voice was gruff.

  “Actually, I owe you an apology. I ran out on you and Luke, and when you didn’t try to reach out, I thought you were telling me to stay away. I didn’t mean for things to end up like this. I should have been here with you.”

  Sam stood. “I wished I could trade places with you. That you would be the one stuck on the farm with no escape, while I was the one living the good life somewhere far away.

  “There’s no need to apologize, Brady. I wanted you here, but I wanted you to have a better life outside of Tawnee Valley. To make something out of yourself and make our parents proud.”

  “They’d be proud of you, Sam.” Brady took in a deep breath inhaling the smell of old oil and grease and that slight hint of dirt. Things that would always make him think of his dad and Sam. “Why didn’t you tell me about all this?”

  “Because you were angry and hurt when you left. Because I was angry and hurt that you were leaving. I didn’t kn
ow how to make it okay after everything that had been said. You were better off without me.”

  “I’ve never been better off without you, Sam. If anything, I should have let you know that. I want to work on this. I want to be part of this family again. I want what Mom would have wanted, us three brothers together.” He held out his hand to Sam. “Do you think that’s possible?”

  “I hope so.” Sam took his hand and jerked him into a quick one-armed hug.

  “I’ll try to come back soon.” This time Brady meant it. He would schedule it months in advance if he had to, but he would make sure that he had time to visit Tawnee Valley. He had one last stop before leaving town. One last chance to convince Maggie to come with him.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Brady knocked on Maggie’s door. He wanted to talk to Maggie alone.

  The door opened and there she was. His mood lightened at the sight of her.

  “Amber’s not due home for another thirty minutes from Penny’s.” Maggie had that stubborn tilt to her jaw, but now it made him want to smile. “If you are here for the internet—”

  He stepped closer and kissed her. Her hands went to his shoulders as if she was going to push him away, but instead he felt her fingers grip tight to his shirt. He could spend days kissing Maggie and never get his fill. Thirty minutes suddenly didn’t seem like enough time.

  Gently he guided her into the house with his body, because he was damned if he was going to stop kissing her if this was all he was going to get for a while. He closed the door with a kick. Like a starved man presented with food, he couldn’t help himself when it came to Maggie. She filled a need he hadn’t realized he had.

  Her tongue lightly stroked his. Heat surged in his system. No other woman had this effect on him. Scary as it was, he didn’t want to leave her behind. If that took marrying her, he would do it. Whatever she needed to feel comfortable.

  He lifted his lips from hers and touched her forehead with his. Their heavy breaths mingled in the small entryway. She clung to his shirt. He held her like a desperate man, hoping to never let go.

  “Reconsider, Maggie.” He wanted to beg, to grovel, to worship her until she couldn’t think straight.

  Her hazel eyes met his. The green sparkled in the light while the brown around her pupils pulled him into their depths. A touch of wistfulness filled her eyes. Her smile tugged at the little piece of hope he had left.

  “You are persistent.”

  “When I want something? Yes.” He didn’t step back. Wanted her to remember what it felt like to be with him. She said she loved him, but he was reluctant to use that as a bargaining chip.

  “Why don’t we go inside and talk this through? We should be able to find a manageable solution.” Maggie pressed lightly against his shoulders.

  He released her for the moment. “Manageable solution?”

  She shrugged and took a seat at the dining room table, patting the chair next to her.

  Time was against him in this negotiation. Maybe he should pull out all his big cards right away. He took the seat.

  “I know you want us to move with you to New York.” She held up her hand to stop him from talking. “This town is the only home Amber and I have ever known. You aren’t asking us to move across the town but to another dimension.”

  He raised his eyebrow. “Dimension?”

  “I’ve been there. I’ve seen all those people so driven to get to the next spot that they are as likely to mow you down as go around you. That style might suit you, Brady. But it’s not who Amber and I are.” She folded her hands together on the table. “It’s not who I want Amber to become.”

  “You would get used to it. We would be together. Isn’t that what family is about?” A low blow, but time was running short.

  “Family is about finding what is best for everyone,” Maggie said softly.

  “My being employed—isn’t that what’s best?” Brady stood. Energy bounced through his body, making it impossible to sit still. He paced the carpeted floor. “What I do for a living isn’t something I can do anywhere. I have to be in New York to be effective at my job. We don’t have to live in Manhattan. We could move to a suburb.”

  “It’s not just the city. You are asking us to give up what we have here. You aren’t the only one who works. The furniture store lets me work flexible hours with Amber’s schedule. I have friends who love me. A community that looks out for us. You can’t offer that to us.” Maggie remained surprisingly calm.

  Didn’t she realize what this meant? Didn’t she realize his plans now included her? What would make her change her mind? “Isn’t that what family is for? Isn’t that what love is about?”

  Her expression clouded over as she stood. “You have no right to tell me about love.”

  “Show me. Teach me what I need to know.” Brady didn’t want to leave like this. He wanted her to come with him.

  She shook her head and backed away. “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it isn’t something you learn.” She hugged herself and leaned against the wall. “I wish I could help you, but you have to find it on your own.”

  Brady moved in front of her and caressed her cheek. “Maggie, I have to leave. Today. I don’t want to go until I have your promise that you will consider the possibility of moving. Of making our family whole.”

  “More promises?” Her eyes filled with tears. “What about your promise of time?”

  “It’s unavoidable. My career is hanging on this project. I have to fix it.” Brady dropped his hand. A few days away from work and the whole project depended on one meeting. He couldn’t lose everything. He had to keep his career.

  “Your career.” Her voice was flat, emotionless. But her eyes were a deeper shade of green than he’d ever seen them.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” he said.

  She shook her head. That hated pity came into her eyes. “When you figure it out, let me know.”

  The door opened behind them.

  “Daddy!” Amber tackle-hugged him from behind. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  Maggie slipped away from him, but he couldn’t wash her image from his mind. Why couldn’t she understand?

  Amber let go and rummaged through her backpack. He had to resolve this thing with Maggie. Amber deserved to have a family.

  “How was school?” he asked. Maggie had disappeared, maybe to give him time to say goodbye to Amber or maybe to clear the tears. Eventually, she’d give in and come to him. He needed to give her more time to adjust to the idea.

  “It was awesome.” Amber held out a piece of red paper. “We are having an art show this Thursday. Can we make this our special outing?”

  Her eyes sparkled with hope and love. He loved Amber. It was natural. But he couldn’t reconcile what he felt for Maggie. Right now, the fact that he had to cancel Amber and his outing ripped his heart in two.

  “I’m sorry, Amber.” He wished he didn’t have to ever say those words to her again. “I have to go to New York today.”

  Her smile turned into a frown. “But you’ll be back.”

  Needing to be eye to eye, he got on one knee in front of her. “It’s not that simple. I need to go back to work, but as soon as I get time off, I’ll be back.”

  She sniffled and her lower lip trembled. He felt like the world’s biggest jerk.

  “It’s okay, Daddy.” She put her arms around his neck. “I’ll miss you.”

  That made him feel even lower, but he wrapped his arms around her tight. “I’ll miss you, too.”

  She pulled away and smooshed his face in her hands. She placed a single kiss on his forehead. When she pulled away, he smiled at her.

  “What was that for?”

  “Nana says that when you love someone and they are going to leave you, you should kiss their forehead to seal you into their memory. Nana always kissed me right here before I went to sleep.” She pointed to a spot on her forehead.

  “Your nana was a wise woman. I be
t you miss her.”

  Amber nodded. “But she’s right up here whenever I miss her too much.”

  “Would it be okay if I kissed your forehead, too? That way you don’t forget about your daddy?” Tears welled in the back of Brady’s throat as she nodded yes and leaned her forehead forward.

  He kissed her lightly next to the spot her nana always kissed her. “I’ll get back as soon as I can. I promise.”

  “I’ll wait for you.” Amber grabbed her bag and ran into the kitchen.

  Brady stood slowly. This house was home to two people he cared so much about. If only he could box it up and take it with him. Including the wobbly kitchen chair and the recliner it took a good shove to recline in. It was as unique as Maggie and Amber.

  A movement by the kitchen doorway pulled his attention. Maggie stood there. Her blond hair in a ponytail. Her hazel eyes watchful. Her lips slightly curved in a sad smile.

  He wanted to stay, but he had to go. Within two strides, he had her in his arms. Maybe he couldn’t convince her to go with him this time, but he’d keep trying. He kissed her lightly on her mouth before touching his lips to her forehead.

  “Don’t forget me, Maggie.”

  * * *

  Back in New York that night, Brady stood alone in his apartment. Since he was early, no flowers warmed every room. However, the guest bedroom had begun its transformation. A soft lavender covered the walls and the old furniture was gone. Painter drop cloths were placed on the floor to protect the wood.

  It remained an empty shell. Brady sighed and went to his bedroom to unpack. Maggie’s red silk scarf called to him. He dropped to the bed and pulled the silk into his hands. Though it seemed like the only living thing in the apartment, it wasn’t truly alive. That spark had come from Maggie.

  His phone rang, breaking the silence.

  “I’ll get the files from my backup drive,” Brady told Jules.

  “I could have handled the meeting on my own.”

  Maybe she could, maybe she couldn’t, but the fact of the matter was Brady had returned for just this purpose. To save his career and the job that consumed all his time.