Forgive & Regret

by Kaitlyn Cross

  “Congratulations on getting published. My dad showed me your first copy and it is so beautiful.”

  Sawyer turned to her with a crooked grin. “Told you I’d do that too someday.”

  “I’m so happy for you; I know how much you wanted that.”

  “Thanks. It’s a dream come true.”

  She looked him over while he drove, stomach sinking. He’d turned his pain into something creative while she let the grief pull her down. “I hear you moved to the city.”

  Sawyer pushed against the steering wheel and stretched his back out against the seat. “Yep, I’m pretty cool now,” he replied, slowing down for a logging truck with a full load. “I landed a nice gig with a graphic designer.”

  “You did?”

  He got into the gas and went around the turning truck. “Mainly drawing up commercial logos and signs, but the pay is decent.”

  Her eyes skimmed the new dashboard and white bucket seats. “I guess. I still can’t believe this truck. It looks brand new!”

  “I love it.” He hedged for a few seconds before speaking again. “So how’s school going?”

  Her gut twisted. This was the other question she was dreading. “Don’t be rude, Sawyer, I wasn’t done praising you yet.”

  He snorted. “That good, huh?”

  “How long are you back for?”

  “Not sure. However long it takes to sell my mom’s house.”

  Stella nodded, taking a moment to appreciate his profile.

  “How long are you back for?” he asked, pulling into Hank’s bar and parking. He shut off the throaty engine and turned in the seat to face her, resting an elbow on the wheel. “Don’t tell me Stella Talvert is back home for good.”

  She stared at him in silence, pulse thudding thickly in her temples. It was still there, hiding in his eyes. She wondered if he could still see it in hers and guessed that he could. It would always be there. She wanted to kiss him again and this time never let him go, hang on like she should have done the first time. Stella took his hand and leaned closer, his cologne releasing her endorphins. She closed her eyes and was about to press her lips to his when Jase pounded on Sawyer’s window. She screamed instead, making Sawyer crack his knuckles against the glass.

  Chapter Eight

  The bar smelled like fish fry and onion rings, but Stella wasn’t hungry. Around her brother (and everyone else for that matter), she hid the fact that all she could think about was Sawyer. It was a heavy mask to wear. After quick hellos with Hank, Stella promised to find him after lunch and then joined Sawyer and Jase at the bar.

  “Sure is good to see you again, pumpkin pie.” Jenny set three curvy glasses of Coke in front of them, her red hair shining under the bar lights. “I swear you get prettier each time you come back.”

  Stella blushed and twirled her hair around a finger. “Thank you, Jenny.”

  The bubbly redhead opened a glass case on the counter behind the bar, stopping the revolving pies and cakes inside. “I know you like to have your dessert first,” she said, setting a slice of French silk pie down in front of Stella.

  “Only way to live,” she replied, unrolling her silverware.

  A smirk lifted into Sawyer’s cheek. “Good to see some things never change.”

  She kicked his leg under the bar and he kicked her back, neither able to stop the smiles tugging on their lips. Stella’s heart fluttered as she ran a fork through the thick cream and chocolate. For buried beneath a brave façade – somewhat dulled by the years – Sawyer’s playful eyes could not hide the sorrow churning inside. Like her, it would always be there, biding its time before unleashing the despair masquerading as complacency.

  “What about me?” Jase asked, holding his hands out. “I like pie.”

  Jenny leaned over and rested her milky breasts on the bar. “I hear the big man finally gave you the go ahead to remodel the place.”

  Jase followed Jenny’s gaze to Stella, his face souring. “What!”

  “Can you believe it?” Stella took a small bite.

  “Wait a minute, hold on.”

  “Congratulations, sweet pea.” Jenny patted Stella’s hand. “I know how long you’ve been wanting to tear into this place and you’re just the person to do it.”

  Jase violently shook his head to clear it. “Oh hell no, this is not happening on my watch. Did Dad really say that?”

  Stella giggled. “Don’t worry, Jase, we’re just going to make a few changes here and there,” she said coyly, wondering how much it was going to cost to blow out the god awful stone fireplace by the pool table.

  Jase pulled a hand through his short, sandy brown hair. “This place is fine! Ask Sawyer.”

  They turned to Sawyer who shifted uneasily on his stool and cleared his throat. “I like it just the way it is.” He paused to suck some Coke down and swallow with a sigh. “Unless you just watched Deliverance or Cabin Fever, then it’s a little on the creepy side.”

  Stella laughed. “See?”

  “Thanks for the help, Sawyer.”

  “Do you still want to change the menu?” Jenny lifted her brow, her smile brightening her green eyes. “Because I’ve got a few ideas for some new tapestry dishes that would knock your socks off.”

  Jase slapped the bar. “We are not doing tapestry dishes!”

  Sawyer hung his head and chuckled.

  “I would love to hear your ideas, Jenny, especially anything that will blend well with a Mediterranean theme. I’ll have some designs next week for you to look at.”

  “Ooh, I can’t wait.”

  Jase pressed his lips into a white line. “You’re all fired. Get out.”

  Stella closed her eyes, rich chocolate melting in her mouth. “This is still the best French silk pie I’ve ever had.”

  “This is so exciting!” Jenny knocked two times on the bar with her wedding ring. “Food will be right up, kids,” she sang out, disappearing into the kitchen.

  “I don’t know who you think you are.”

  Stella arched an eyebrow at her brother.

  “You think you can just come waltzing back in here and take over my bar?”

  “Don’t you mean our bar?”

  Jase blinked blankly at her. “I’m not loaning you any money now.”

  “Jase, you know we can make this place way better. I just…need something to do, so cut me some slack, huh, little brother.”

  “Don’t play the sympathy card – and I’m only littler by two minutes, but in here I wear the big hat.”

  “And rides the short bus,” Sawyer murmured.

  Stella took a dismissive bite of her pie and changed the subject with a wave of her fork. “So how’d it go with Jodi last night?”

  A heavy exhale slumped Jase’s shoulders. “It didn’t happen so I had to let her go.”

  A slow moving frown ran down Stella’s face like cold molasses. “Let her go?”

  “I told you I wasn’t playing the virgin game.”

  “Well, you can’t just fire her.”

  Jase spread his palms. “Look, I’m a single successful guy with a restored sixty-nine Camaro. Do you really think I deserve to keep not getting laid?”

  “Deserve?”

  Jase lowered his voice to a whisper. “Here’s the thing, I want a woman who’s a lady on my arm in public and a freak behind closed doors.”

  Sawyer cheered him with his glass. “Hear, hear!”

  “Girl’s gotta bring it in that bedroom.”

  Stella shot a hand up. “Okay, I get it.”

  Jase looked past his sister and leaned on the bar. “So when do you want to get started on the house, Sawyer?”

  “Whenever is good for you, brother.”

  Jase nodded. “I say we start with the kitchen tomorrow and gut the entire place. It needs it, man.”

  Stella stole a look at Sawyer and he let her keep it. She loved seeing him again but the feelings that swept her up in the cemetery frightened her to death. Repeating mistakes wasn’t on the docket this time a
round. Not a chance in hell.

  “Either the kitchen or the downstairs bathroom,” Sawyer replied, brushing elbows with Stella and sending a warm tremor pulsing through her. “They’re both in bad shape.”

  She turned to face him, heart melting as quickly as the chocolate cream in her mouth. He was gorgeous and could have been hers to hold forever. She swallowed thickly, turning away when he caught her staring, and pushed the pie around her plate as Jase and Sawyer talked shop. Maybe she should give it another chance. Maybe that’s why she was here. Maybe they could run away to the city and make new memories to bury the old.

  Stella’s fork scraped against the plate. “Kitchens sell houses, boys. Never forget.”

  Jase nodded his agreement. “Just take a sledgehammer to that laminate countertop like it’s made out of ice! I love demo.”

  With her fork hanging in the air, Stella turned to Sawyer and blurted words before she could prevent them from coming out of her mouth. “So, are you seeing anyone in the city?”

  A grin of satisfaction crossed his lips. “Nobody serious.”

  “Sabrina?”

  She searched his eyes, trying to catch another glimpse of the darkness coiling within. She knew it was hiding in there somewhere, waiting to spring from the shadows and bring back the pain.

  Jase pulled his cell phone from his jeans and started tapping at the screen. “Not to worry, my man. I know a hot little brunette who has the prettiest sister you’ve ever seen. We’ll double.”

  Sawyer traded an uneasy glance with Stella. “No thanks, Jase. That house is going to keep me pretty busy for a while.”

  “Excuse me? Sabrina?”

  Jase stopped texting and looked up.

  Stella’s heart rate spiked when the raspy voice coming from behind registered, freezing her in place. It couldn’t be.

  Sawyer’s leather coat squeaked when he swiveled around in his bar chair. After a few seconds, he nudged Stella’s elbow. “I think this guy is talking to you,” he whispered out the corner of his mouth.

  Stella shoved some more pie down even though food was the last thing on her mind. “Who is it?” she whispered back.

  “Some guy wearing a suit and tie.” Sawyer leaned in closer. “I think he thinks your name is Sabrina.”

  Her pulse quickened with the sugar racing through her bloodstream, leaving her lightheaded and flustered. Grudgingly, Stella followed Sawyer’s tapered gaze to the man standing behind them. The floor dropped out beneath her, pinching her windpipe. It wasn’t possible. Roman Weathers just picked the worst time for a reunion in the history of bad timing.

  Chapter Nine

  Even though the room was spinning like a merry-go-round out of control, Stella smiled at Roman like it wasn’t. Oh no, everything was in perfect control. She swallowed the pie in her mouth and promptly started choking.

  Jase patted her on the back, eyebrows slowly drawing together. “Geez, Sabrina, are you okay?”

  Stella ignored her dumbass brother and cleared her throat with some soda, buying herself a few precious seconds to think of a way out of this jam.

  “It is good to see you again,” Roman said, eyes bouncing to Jase and Sawyer.

  She set her glass down and acted like it was all coming back to her now. “Oh, hi!” she said in a high-pitched voice reserved for people she hadn’t seen in ages. She shook his hand, not sure if that made things look better or worse, and fell head first into those steamy eyes of his again. Holy shit, what was it about those eyes? There was nothing hiding in there but sexy fun and untroubled promises. Eventually, she realized she was still holding his hand and dropped it.

  Roman stuffed his hands in his dark gray slacks and took a look around, noting the bar’s mahogany walls and stone hearth running from floor to ceiling. “Is this where you were heading?”

  Her brave front almost crumbled, leaving her looking like she’d just seen a ghost. “This is home,” she said, hanging on to that polite smile reserved for people who’ve never fucked your brains out before.

  Rule number three: Always hide behind fake smiles – unless of course, you like sharing your darkest secrets with the entire world.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, conscience of the way Sawyer and Jase were hanging on her every word.

  “I was finally on my way home from the motel and thought this place looked like a good spot for lunch.”

  While he admired the vaulted ceiling and deer head mounted over the fireplace, Stella admired the tailored-to-fit suit hugging him like she had done the other night when their bodies curled into one. She forbid herself from thinking about how, less than forty-eight hours ago, he was buried inside of her, pounding her with a fervor that made her skin glow. Stella freshened up her smile. “You have to try the pork tenderloin. It’s the best around.”

  A smug grin stretched Roman’s lips and she wanted to lick it off his face. “Is it?”

  “Won best in state nine years in a row,” Jase boasted, eyes bouncing between them.

  Roman kept his attention focused on Stella. “In that case, I will have to try it,” he smiled, the glimmer in his eyes saying more than he led on. “Well, it was nice to see you again.”

  “You too,” she said too fast. “Enjoy your lunch.” She cringed as the words left her shiny lips. It sounded forced and only made Roman’s shit-eating grin grow like a weed.

  He nodded and walked away, mercifully commandeering a corner booth on the far side of the bar.

  Jase turned to Stella with a puckered brow. “Sabrina?”

  Stella cringed, curling her toes in her knee-high boots. “You know I don’t give my real name to strangers.”

  Jase exchanged a troubled look with Sawyer. “What motel?” he asked, pressing the point.

  Stella shriveled beneath Sawyer’s eyes. “I…”

  “Soup is on,” Jenny sang out, setting three steaming baskets of cheeseburgers and fries in front of them. “When you’re done, I want all three of you to guinea pig my new strawberry rhubarb pie and let me know what ya think.” She planted her hands on her hips and smiled. “Can I get y’all anything else?”

  Stella exhaled slow and low. Yeah, a one way ticket to somewhere warm would be nice. She laid a napkin across her lap, tossing a quick peek over her shoulder.

  Roman’s eyes looked up from his menu as if he could feel her gaze on him. He smiled like the cat that just ate the canary, a pretend feather dangling from the corner of his mouth.

  Stella turned around and swallowed hard.

  Oh shit.

  Chapter Ten

  Stella took an unmotivated bite of her cheeseburger and swallowed with a satisfied sigh that was as fake as her bar name. “That was so good!” She turned to Sawyer and lifted her brow. “You about ready to get going? Don’t want to keep you from that kitchen.”

  He stopped his burger in front of his mouth. “We just got our food.”

  “So who is that guy?” Jase asked, prickling her irritation while licking Hank’s homemade barbeque sauce from his fingers.

  Sawyer chewed with his mouth closed, eyes glued to Stella.

  She drained her soda, pretending not to notice. “Who?”

  “Orlando Bloom.” Jase nodded to the corner booth. “Who do you think?”

  Stella resisted twisting around for another peek. Too risky. She shrugged instead. “Some big shot plastic surgeon I met on my way home,” she replied, dabbing the corners of her mouth with a folded napkin. “Tried talking me into getting my lips done.”

  “Seriously?” Sawyer and Jase said as one, matching looks of derision bending their faces.

  “Right?” she said with an as if chuckle, trying to throw them off her scent. Glancing over her shoulder, she watched Roman take off his suit coat in a sow, sinuous motion. His slim fit dress shirt hugged his chest, reminding her of how defined his muscles felt beneath her fingertips. “The nerve of some people,” she muttered.

  “Say Jase?” Hank said, popping out from the kitchen behind the bar, an invo
ice in his hands. “You know where the basement keys are? I can’t find them.”

  Jase wiped his messy fingers on a napkin. “In the desk.”

  “I checked there.”

  “Top drawer.”

  “Didn’t see em.”

  “Behind the Viagra.”

  Hank tipped his chin down. “Funny,” he said, summoning his son with a curling index finger.

  Jase sighed and dropped his napkin to the bar. “Hey, what’s with telling Stell she could remodel the place?”

  “You and I already talked about that.” Hank tossed Stella and Sawyer a friendly wink before vanishing back into the kitchen.

  Fearful of being left alone with Sawyer, Stella grasped for something to get Jase back in his seat. She could feel the wave of questions building behind Sawyer’s eyes and now was definitely not the time for crashing waves. “I’ll get the keys, Jase!”

  He shot her a look as he went behind the bar. “Like you know where they are.”

  She watched him go into the kitchen, spirits sinking.

  “Your friend is staring.”

  She turned to Sawyer and watched him bite into his cheeseburger. “He’s not my friend.”

  He chewed for a moment, eyes squeezing together. “So you met at a motel, huh?”

  She turned away with a surrendering sigh. “At the Morning Dove Inn, on my way home.”

  He arched an eyebrow.

  “We bumped into each other at the ice machine.”

  “Sounds romantic.”

  “Well, it wasn’t,” she countered, fighting back the charging memory of Roman heatedly invading her core. Stella pulled on the collar of her sweater. She could feel the million dollar question coming and avoided Sawyer’s eyes at all costs. She didn’t owe him anything, least of all an explanation. He knew damn well why she left him and never looked back. How could he not? To bring it up now would only ignite the sorrow and pain smoldering within.

  “You remember when we first met?”

  She found his eyes, heart swelling with a hurt laced desire that tore her in two. “The drinking fountain outside the music room in first grade.”