Forgive & Regret

by Kaitlyn Cross

  Sawyer finished his soda while Elvis serenaded them from a jukebox in the corner. “From that day on, I always thought...”

  “Can you excuse me for a minute?” Stella shot from the chair and headed for the bathroom. Roman caught her gaze as she breezed past his table, his coy wink making her look away.

  The bathroom felt like a fancy outhouse, complete with a deer hoof coat rack and framed pictures of people fishing and boating on the lake. It also felt like a sanctuary. She stopped at the sink and exhaled a pent-up breath, her reflection giving her a pitiful look. Stella straightened up and watched her reflection pull some lip gloss from her bag and run it across her lips. The pretty blond in the mirror bent closer and smacked her lips. “Forget about Sawyer and stop looking back. You tried that, remember?”

  Stella tossed the tube into her purse and left the bathroom before losing her courage, deciding Sawyer needed a push in the right direction.

  Here’s the writing.

  Here’s the wall.

  Roman looked up from his cell phone, a surprised look stealing across his face when she sat down across from him in the booth. His eyes flitted over to Sawyer, who – Stella was very aware – was watching them like a hawk.

  “What are you doing here?” she whispered.

  He set the phone down and clasped his hands on the table. “Like I said, I’m on my way home from the motel, after they finally fixed my car, and now I’m having some lunch in your beautiful little town.” He paused to reflect. “If I would’ve spent one more night in that hell hole…” He shuddered at the thought. “I feel like I just got out of prison. I want to go sailing. I want to eat an entire pizza. I want to live.”

  She cocked her head to the right. “Are you following me?”

  His abrupt laughter made her swallow a smile. “I just got my car back. How would I know where to find you even if I was?”

  “You could’ve run my plates.”

  His eyebrows went up. “Run your plates?”

  “Yeah, used a QR code generator on your phone or something.”

  Words clung to the tip of his tongue for a moment before releasing. “A what?”

  “Maybe you stuck a GPS thingy under my car when I was asleep. How do I know?”

  “A GPS thingy.”

  “I just find it all a little odd, don’t you?” she whispered, swelling with nervous anticipation. The thought of anyone so beautiful following her anywhere made her almost forget all about Sawyer.

  Roman leaned over the table and grinned. “Coincidence, my dear Sabrina.”

  Embarrassment blazed in her eyes, his dimple stirring her hormones into a frenzy. Something about the way he watched her gave her pleasure. Desire was in his eyes of coal and the bend of his lips. “Sorry, old bar name.”

  Roman leaned back, his midnight purple shirt pronouncing his trim fit – probably a fitness buff at a gym with wall to wall mirrors. He was an easy read. Probably liked watching himself go through women like tissue paper. “Are you going to tell me your real name?” he asked.

  A defeated sigh squeaked past her glossy lips. “Stella Talvert.”

  “Talvert?” His eyes pinched together. “Is this…?”

  “My dad’s place. My twin brother, Jason, helps him run it.”

  Roman swallowed what he was about to say when a waitress, named Cassidy, delivered his pork tenderloin and onion rings. “Thank you,” he said, smiling as Cassidy exchanged a brief look with Stella before walking away. He pushed the plate toward Stella and she shook her head. Roman pulled it back and unfolded a napkin, exhaling a winded breath. “I was crushed to find you gone yesterday morning, Stella.”

  Her gut tightened. Here she avoided Sawyer’s looming interrogation only to run head first into the same thing from Roman. “Sorry, I was running late.”

  His smile made her heart skip a beat. “I’m just teasing,” he said, squirting ketchup onto his plate. “Although a lipstick note on the mirror would’ve been nice.”

  “I wear gloss.”

  “Touché.”

  Stella softened her voice. “Look, Roman, you were just supposed to be my hot and sexy one stand I could look back on when I’m old and gray. Every girl needs those moments in her life.”

  “But now?”

  “But now,” she said, tucking a flyaway strand of hair behind an ear while tossing a nonchalant glance Sawyer’s way. “Now I’d hate to ruin that memory.”

  He dunked a fry in the pool of ketchup. “So it was that nice? A memory you will cherish until your death.”

  She cut off a giggle, her stomach doing a quiet back flip. “It was okay.”

  He bit into a ring, sizing her up for several seconds as he chewed. Even the way he ate was sexy, with his mouth closed and that constant eye contact that left her tingling with desire. Roman swallowed and wiped his mouth with the napkin. “If it was so good, maybe we should have recorded it if it.”

  Her eyebrows knitted together. “For all I know, you probably did.”

  “Slipped my mind that night.”

  They studied each other under the log cabin lights for a short moment and then burst into a hushed round of laughter before growing quiet again. They exchanged a silent stare, the world spinning around them. Roman tapped a finger on the table. The jukebox switched songs. Stella shifted on the padded bench seat. “Did you really record it?” she finally asked.

  “No, what kind of guy do you think I am?”

  Her gaze narrowed. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

  “Then have dinner with me tonight and I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

  Stella’s mouth opened.

  “I’ll text you my room number.”

  Her brow folded. “What room number?”

  “I saw a nice little B&B on the way into town.” His gaze flickered to Sawyer. “And no one will ever know. I can promise you that.”

  “Tonight?”

  He nodded. “Este noche.”

  “I can’t,” she lied, pulling her hair over her shoulders.

  Roman’s eyes jerked to Sawyer. “Boyfriend?”

  “No, it’s nothing.”

  “Seems like a nice guy.”

  “He is.” She coiled a strand of hair around her finger. “Are you going to tell me what you’re really doing here?”

  “I told you, I’m on my way back to the city.”

  “That’s where you live?”

  He nodded and bit into his sandwich. “But I’m glad I bumped into you. Looks like fate wants me to ask you out on a proper date.” He grinned with his mouth closed. “And who am I to argue with fate?”

  “Don’t you have to get back home?”

  “That’s the beauty of being the boss. I can come and go as I please.”

  “What about your clients?”

  “I am very fortunate to have a properly trained staff.”

  The way his eyes devoured her brought a pretty smile to her lips, smothering her pointless rebuttal. She knew what he wanted and she wanted it too, but timing was everything and this was bad timing.

  Noting the confliction in her eyes, Roman bent closer and tightened his proposal. “Look, I know you just got back into town but let me steal you away for one night. I promise you won’t regret it, and then you can go on your way and I’ll go mine.”

  She stared at him over her clasped hands, wanting to feel his perfect lips between her legs again. Her reflection popped into her mind, arms crossed in anxious expectation, waiting for her to do the right thing. After all, there was plenty of time for family and friends, especially if she was going to be stuck here for the rest of her life. “Fine,” she said curtly, surrendering to his will.

  A devilish grin ducked into his dimples. She knew what he was seeing behind his smoldering eyes because she was seeing it as well. How could she forget the way he served her? She couldn’t.

  Roman took a few more seconds to gloat, beaming from ear to ear, before sliding his cell phone across the table. “Put in your number.�
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  Stella stared at the screen.

  “Or I can have a plane write my room number across the sky if you would prefer. Because I’ll do it.”

  “No, you wouldn’t.” She snatched the phone up and searched his eyes. The only things moving in there were the flickering flames of desire.

  No history.

  No ghosts.

  Just want.

  She punched in her number, turned the camera to face her, and snapped a picture of her blowing him a kiss that made him laugh.

  “Oh, and one more thing,” he said, adjusting his skinny black tie.

  Stella bent an eyebrow into her forehead and slowly lowered the phone.

  “Bring my tie clip with you. That belonged to my great grandfather and my dad would kill me if he knew I’d lost it. My great grandma gave it to him just before he went off to war. He never made it back but his tie clip did.”

  Stella stared at him with her jaw dangling in the air, heart pattering. She could only manage a shrill laugh in response. “Tie clip? I don’t have the slightest…”

  “It was on the nightstand at the motel.”

  Her nose wrinkled like something smelled dead. “Maybe it fell behind it when you were shaking the entire room.”

  He shook his head. “I checked.”

  “Well, I have no idea where…”

  “Hey, are you about ready to get going? I should probably get back to the house.”

  She looked up into Sawyer’s eyes, heart plummeting off a cliff. “Uh, oh, sure,” she stammered, turning back to Roman. “Good to see you again.” Stella was about to get up when Roman extended a splayed hand to Sawyer.

  “Roman Weathers.”

  Sawyer’s eyes darted to Stella. “Sawyer Campbell,” he said, shaking Roman’s hand.

  “Nice to meet you, Sawyer.”

  Sawyer nodded, still shaking Roman’s hand with a firm grip. “Where’re you from, Roman?”

  “The city.”

  Sawyer traded a look with Stella that made her nervous. “North-sider?”

  “I am.”

  Sawyer nodded, finally releasing Roman’s hand. “Nice part of town.”

  “It really is.”

  Sawyer held Roman’s fixed gaze, the sound of clattering plates punctuating the quiet between them. “So what brings you to Cottage Grove?”

  Stella tried to slide out of the booth and Sawyer blocked her exit.

  Roman tapped a finger on the table. “I speak about cosmetic and reconstructive surgery around the region.”

  “Cosmetic surgery? Very nice.” Sawyer swung his mischievous gaze to Stella. “I keep telling Stella to get those lips of hers pumped up but she will not listen.”

  She pressed her lips together and pushed past Sawyer, getting to her feet. “Well, it was good to see you again, Roman. Enjoy your lunch.”

  He pointed at her. “That’s my phone.”

  She looked down to the black cell phone in her hand and set it on the table like it was suddenly very hot. “Sorry.” Turning, she hurried Sawyer toward the front doors, face turning beet red.

  “Oh, and hey!” Roman shouted after them.

  Stella stopped in her tracks, blood pounding thickly in her temples, and forced herself to breathe. Courageously, she turned back to face him.

  Roman smiled. “Looking forward to tonight.”

  A faint smile crept past her lips as she turned for the front doors again, towing Sawyer along and dreading the ride back to the cemetery.

  Chapter Eleven

  FOUR YEARS AGO

  It was dark by the time they reached the hospital and Stella couldn’t breathe. Everyone was already inside, killing time while it slowly killed them. It hurt between her legs when she ran but that didn’t slow her frantic pace across the sprawling lot. Head down, the rain blurred her vision as she jumped a puddle in her boots, one thought churning inside her head: Her mother had been in a car accident. That was all Hank would say over the phone but the gravity in his voice said so much more.

  “Come on,” she yelled over her shoulder, the wind grabbing at her tangled hair.

  Sawyer struggled to keep up with the high school track star, his Adidas slapping against the wet pavement. “I’m coming.”

  The last thing in the world she wanted to do was bury what just happened between them. The magic they just unleashed in his bed was bright and shiny and all she wanted to think about. Despite that, she buried it just the same. Everyone was waiting inside beneath the fluorescent lights and the last thing those poor people needed right now was to find out she and Sawyer were madly in love and moving in together this fall at Cornell. Timing was everything and this certainly wasn’t the time. Stella could just imagine the shocked looks crippling their already morose faces. She and Sawyer’s parents were close, spending every Friday night playing Bridge while sipping gin martinis before switching to scotch on the rocks. They vacationed together in Maui the past two winters and this year were going to Rio. Judging by her mother’s reaction last night, their secret may remain a secret forever.

  Jase would take it the worst.

  He would explode if he found out his best friend just deflowered his sister. Jase was protective of her like that, but it would be the sneaking around behind his back that would hurt the most. Stella knew things would never be the same between the three of them again and it broke her heart. But she and Sawyer were in love and willing to take the chance that, one day, he would come around.

  Some things must die for love to bloom.

  But not today.

  “I’m sure she’s fine,” Sawyer repeated, leaping a large puddle and coming up short.

  Stella prayed he was right, ignoring the bad feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. She pushed through a revolving glass door, her heavy breaths loud in her ears with the absence of the driving rain. Rushing into the brightly lit lobby, Stella stopped. Hank looked up from where he was wearing out the carpet and rushed across the room, wrapping her in a tight embrace that scared the fucking shit out of her.

  She pushed him away, rainwater dripping from her nose to the thin carpeting below. “How is she?”

  Hank stared at her through bloodshot eyes, mulling over how much he should say and how he should say it. Stella knew that look. It was the same one he wore after finding Scratch curled up in his favorite hole in the backyard on Stella’s fifteenth birthday. She loved that little wiener dog and took it hard. Hank looked over when Jase set a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Hank exhaled and ran a hand down his face, trying to wipe away the worry wrinkling the skin around his eyes. “We don’t know much, honey,” he said. “Not yet.”

  Debbie hugged Sawyer hard as a doctor in blue scrubs and a mask emerged with a metal clipboard clutched in his hands. Each step he took vibrated Stella’s bones as if he weighed ten thousand pounds. The distance stretched between them as he trudged closer in booty-covered feet. The ground shook and the lights buzzed, interfering with her ability to read the doctor’s impassive eyes. Hank wrapped his arms around Stella and Jase, steadying them for whatever the fuck was coming their way. Stella forgot to breathe. Regret hampered her vision when she thought about earlier this morning. Her legs turned to rubber as the doctor came closer.

  Doctor Goldstein stopped in front of Debbie and Sawyer and pulled his mask down, revealing a grim look hiding beneath. “I’m sorry,” he said in a soothing tone. “We did everything we could but there was too much damage.” A heavy sigh ruffled his whiskers. “Steven didn’t make it.”

  Debbie burst into tears and dropped to her knees, weeping hysterically while Sawyer stared at the doctor with confusion in his eyes.

  Chapter Twelve

  PRESENT

  Stella squinted against the sunshine pouring through the front windshield, the silence between her and Sawyer nowhere near as comfortable as the ride to the bar. She wondered what he was thinking and then quickly reminded herself she didn’t care. Roman surfaced in her mind with that sly dog grin and slicked back hair she wanted
to pull on again. Outside of serving her right that night in the motel, he made her laugh, which sometimes felt foreign to Stella. She remembered the first time she laughed after her mother’s death. It wasn’t even anything that funny but, for whatever reason, the horrified look gripping her roommate’s face after stubbing her toe on a coffee table sent Stella into a wild bout of hysterics that felt wonderful to unload, like drinking cool water after a long run. It had been a small step back to humanity with Maddie hopping around their living room on one foot, shouting obscenities at the top of her lungs.

  “So what’s tonight?”

  Stella’s eyes darted to Sawyer, tires humming in her ears. “Tonight?”

  He looked back to the road, steering the Scout along a winding river of pavement cutting through the soaring hillsides around them. “That Roman guy said he was looking forward to tonight.” The truck gobbled up dotted lines beneath the low rumble of a rebuilt engine. Out here under the watchful eyes of the old trees and hills, it felt like they were the only two people on the planet.

  “Dinner.”

  He screwed his face up. “Dinner?”

  “Yeah, you know, with food and drink.”

  Sawyer pulled into the cemetery, a cheerless look settling into his face, and parked behind her car. He turned off the engine and she wished he hadn’t. It was too quiet, inflating the tension pressing between them. Even stopped, she could still feel the road vibrating beneath her, could still see the hurt in his eyes.

  He smiled thinly at her, softly drumming his fingers against the skinny steering wheel.

  She looked away, reminding herself to breathe. Her throat clicked dryly when she swallowed. Car keys in hand, Stella examined her red nail polish, carefully selecting her next words. “It was good to see you again, Sawyer.” Throwing caution to the wind, she met his eyes. Something moved in there. Stella opened her door and stuck one boot outside, desperate for escape.

  “So are we going to just keep pretending that you didn’t leave without saying goodbye?”

  Her heart jumped the tracks. In a way, she felt relieved to get it out in the open so they could bury it and move on. But first, she’d have to make him see the light.