Forgive & Regret

by Kaitlyn Cross

  “Aw Jesus,” Sawyer cried, painting the wall with a silver pan of ribs. “What the fuck is wrong with you people!”

  “I’m sorry, Sawyer, and I get why you’re angry.” Stella looped her arm through Roman’s and tried not to let her voice crack. “But I am moving in with Roman because I love him.” She turned from the hurt slashing through Sawyer’s eyes to the man standing next to her. The lights hummed above. Her heart thumped in her ears. Laughter punctuated the mariachi music. “I love you.”

  The color brightened in Roman’s face as fast as it fell from Sawyer’s. Roman pulled Stella into his arms and buried his face in her hair, whispering in her ear, “I love you too.”

  Jase turned to Sawyer and pointed at the pans of wings. “Don’t do it, Sawyer!”

  Hands curled into fists, Sawyer burned his hateful scorn into Stella, pressing his lips together until they turned white, biting back the words he knew would fall on deaf ears. Without another word, he turned for the backdoor and kicked it open. They watched him slip into the gravel lot out back, glowing orange under the tall lights. The door slowly closed behind him and made a light click when it shut. They stood there watching it, waiting for him to barge back inside, waiting for things to get even uglier. They exchanged cryptic glances without moving. Stella fought the urge to run after him. It consumed her like the regret she felt for leaving him in the first place.

  Roman leaned into her ear. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

  “He needed to know,” she whispered back, wiping away a tear before it could get too far. “He has to move on.”

  Roman sighed and looked over to Wendy and Jase, both of whom were watching with rigid stares. “I’m sorry, Jase.”

  “It’s not your fault, Roman.” Jase blew out a tired breath. “It’s just…a series of unfortunate events.”

  Roman nodded. “I know.”

  Wendy grabbed a frosted brownie and peeled back the white wrapper. “All I know is I am going to miss you, girl. You are too fun to hang out with.”

  “Great balls of fire!”

  Everyone turned to the horrified look warping Jenny’s face. Mouth agape, her round eyes assessed the cupcakes and ribs littering the floor while her fingers rubbed at a sapphire necklace draped around her neck. Slowly, she looked up, her black dress having trouble with her ample chest. “What happened in here?”

  Wendy hid the partially eaten brownie behind her back. “I slipped in my heels; I’m sorry, Jenny, they’re brand new and killing my feet.” She knelt down and started piling pieces onto a fallen platter.

  Jenny inched forward as if the floor were a sheet of ice. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  Jenny exhaled a long breath and grabbed a broom. “We’ve gone seventy-nine days without an accident and I intend to make it to eighty.”

  Stella and Roman bent down to help, getting sticky pink frosting on their fingers and glancing at the backdoor.

  Jenny stopped sweeping to scratch her head. “Odd how it’s all over the walls but not a drop on you.”

  Wendy smiled. “Talk about lucky. Hey Jenny, you like those houses on Magnolia Lane?”

  “Oh, they’re beautiful,” she replied, back to sweeping. “Why? Do you know something I don’t? Don’t tease me.”

  Roman’s fingers brushed against Stella’s as they reached for the same cupcake. Their eyes met and she smiled, a silent understanding passing between them. It was funny how life turns out. Grand dreams turn to dust in the blink of an eye. Since she was a little girl, she imagined being with Sawyer: Getting married in the big church on the other side of town, fixing up their starter house, and having a baby with his eyes and her nose. Those dreams had taken her by the hand many times over the years and led her to places she could not wait to visit for real. It all seemed so predestined, so concrete.

  But then things change.

  The mood changes, the timing is off. Suddenly, the sure thing becomes a stepping stone to a place she didn’t even know existed. Here is this other man next to her on the floor, watching her with that glimmer in his eyes that makes her heart beat faster in her chest. Just the sight of him changed her mood, let alone his touch. He opened up the sky for her and helped her breathe again. There was nothing hiding in his eyes. Just true love. A smile pushed into her cheeks when Roman smeared pink frosting across the back of her hand, his touch leaving tingling tracks across her skin. Stella sighed. She belonged to him now and there was nothing left to stop them.

  Here’s the writing.

  Here’s the wall.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  ONE WEEK LATER

  The sun cast Stella’s shadow over her mother’s grave and beyond. The signs of age on the gray stone tore at her heartstrings. Before she knew it, a decade would have passed. And then another. Stella knelt in the lush green grass, studying Sarah’s grave through disbelieving eyes. Could it have been four years already? Two chipmunks scurried past, throwing her a look on the offbeat chance she might have a treat for them. To their dismay, Stella laid a bouquet of red roses in front of the grave before brushing away some leaves. Her eyes snagged on the empty plot next to her mother, the one Hank purchased long before any of his hell began. Stella swallowed against the sadness lodged in her throat. He would never be buried there now. No, now he’d be buried next to Vicky, who, more than likely, would never betray him under a thin veil of complacency. Sarah, for her crimes, would remain alone.

  “Hi mom.” Stella’s voice was weak and easily carried off by a warm breeze. She stared at the dates carved into the stone. It all seemed so final. So needless. “I wanted to say goodbye before leaving town.” A faint smile passed her lips. “Again.” Her glassy gaze fell to the roses – her mother’s favorite. “I’ve met someone, and don’t worry it’s not Sawyer.” She exhaled into the breeze. “His name is Roman and I am in love with everything about him.” Her eyes drifted to the woods in the distance, her mind pulling up wonderful images. “You’d like him. He’s smart, funny, sexy, and he loves me back.” She pulled a blade of grass from the earth and twirled it between her fingers. “He’s asked me to move to the city with him and we’re leaving tonight.” A fast moving cloud passed in front of the sun, momentarily draining the cemetery of its color before slipping off into the blue sky. The sunshine was warm on the back of Stella’s neck. She took in the beauty around her. It was beautiful in Cottage Grove this time of year.

  She tipped her head back and inhaled through her nose, detecting the lively notes of yellow jasmine and fresh cut grass swirling in the air. A teardrop landed on her jeans, darkening a small blotch on her thigh. Her eyes fell to Sarah’s grave again. “I’m sorry for what I said to you that morning.” She shook her head and blinked out another tear. “I didn’t mean it and I regret it. I wish I could go back and do it again but I can’t and I’m sorry.” She shifted on her knees, brushing at her cheeks. “I know how it must have torn you up inside dealing with Dad and Steven. I’ve felt the same about Roman and Sawyer and it has pulled me in two.” Lips rising a little in one corner, her fingers slowly traced the dates on the headstone, rising and falling with each numeral. A sweet smelling breeze ran through her hair. “I forgive you,” she whispered. “I forgive you for breaking this family apart and I forgive you for lying to me, but I will never forgive you for leaving me.” Stella dropped her head and sobbed. “I miss you, I love you, and I want you back!” She pounded the earth with a fist, gritting her teeth against the sting in her eyes, seconds from sprinting back to her car and never coming here again. She stiffened instead as a familiar presence slipped over her like a cold black wind. The hairs on her arms went up. Her eyes rose to the shadow kneeling next to her own. In slow motion, Stella turned around to find Sawyer kneeling in the grass behind her. Her heart jumped the tracks. She tried to see through her tears, mind spinning.

  “What are you doing here?” she said in a faint voice, even though she already knew the answer. He was here to stop her. That much was obvious. After al
l the sorrow and pain she caused him, he still had one last stand in him and it warmed her heart beyond her wildest imagination. Relief swept through her like a tornado, untangling her insides and clearing her lungs. Because somewhere deep down inside her heart, she wanted him to stop her from leaving. She wanted him to take her in his arms and kiss her on the lips before promising everything would be alright. Her eyes dared him to do it, dared him to ask her to be with him forever one more time. Her chest heaved and she could taste the yes waiting on her lips.

  Sawyer spoke in a choked voice, his eyes locked with her watery gaze. “I came here…”

  She braced herself to let go, lowering her walls and eyebrows in the lengthy pause that followed. Her heart beat his name. The cemetery spun around them, looping flashes of green, yellow and purple into a dizzying blur. Her pulse thudded in the hollow of her neck as she dove into his pools of gold. In this moment, right here in this cemetery, she wanted him to stop her, to beg her to be his until the end of time, like it was supposed to be.

  “To get hurt,” he whispered, leaning forward and kissing her forehead. Cradling her cheeks in his warm hands, Sawyer soaked her in like he was going off to war.

  Confusion crumpled her brow beneath his lips. When he pulled back, a single tear rolled down his cheek and dropped to the grass. He looked her over, but only for a moment as Stella struggled for air. In a punishing silence, Sawyer got to his feet and walked away. She watched him shuffle through the grass in total disbelief, the wind toying with her hair. “Don’t you do that!” she yelled from her knees, curling with the pain clawing inside.

  A few yards later, Sawyer crested a gentle hill and disappeared, refusing to break rule number one: Never look back.

  Stella dropped her face into her hands and wept in front of her mother’s grave, hating herself for being so fucking weak. She had picked a side and here she was already second-guessing herself. Had she made the right decision? Was Roman the one? A small breath of air squeezed into her lungs, helping to push the doubt from her head. The next breath was even bigger. She wiped her eyes and exhaled, eternally conflicted but not blind. Her gaze wandered back to the hill, looking for Sawyer to reappear on the horizon. Once the moment passed, reality sank in. Despite her longing, she knew her love for Sawyer died with their parents on that rainy night and was never coming back, gone from perfect to dead in the blink of an eye. He knew it as well.

  Another gulp of air inflated her chest, erasing her doubt and lifting her mood once again. She stood up and looked down at her mother’s grave, feeling foolish yet free.

  Some things must die for love to bloom.

  Roman glistened in her muddy thoughts. His face, his hair, and that smile fought through the tangled mess that used to be her life. No, she was not her mother. She was Stella Talvert and she would make the right choice the first time around. She loved Roman and he loved her. That was all that mattered now. Her future was back and it was easy to imagine what wonderful things were up its sleeve. Inhaling through her nose, the warm smell of cherry blossoms and azaleas filled her with hope.

  Stella pulled her keys from her bag and turned for her car with a spring in her step. A gentle breeze brushed the wavy locks of honey from her face, letting the sun brighten her smile.

  The End

  NEW YORK TIMES AND USA TODAY BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF THE FATE INTERRUPTED SERIES.

  Fate Interrupted Box Set

  Also now available:

  Brooke & Ben: Before Fate Interrupted

  Making Secrets

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  Life is short, eat the dessert first!

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  TWO YEARS LATER

  Stella stretched out on the bed in her new black dress, flipping through the latest copy of Sawyer’s graphic novel while Roman showered. She picked it up at a corner bookstore on the way home from her design studio and time was of the essence. Lying on her stomach with her bare feet swinging in the air, her eyes hurriedly scanned from left to right, absorbing every panel before the water shut off in the master bathroom. They were heading to a fundraiser tonight for Operation Smile and she needed to finish getting ready, but couldn’t stop herself from reading just one more page. And then another. Her heart hammered her ribcage, palms slick with sweat against the glossy pages. She owned every copy and kept them hidden in a drawer in the back of the walk-in closet. Roman had no idea that Sawyer’s artwork had only gotten better over time. It was no wonder Paramount Pictures optioned the rights for a movie with him last month.

  Her eyes grew with every page she turned, each colorful pane seeming larger than the last. It didn’t take her long to figure out Bigfoot wasn’t watching over the sleepy little town of Cottage Grove as much as he was watching over Tabitha. It also wasn’t hard to see that Tabitha was Stella, and Bigfoot was desperately, and hopelessly, in love with her. A different villain hunted Tabitha under the watchful eyes of her protector in each issue: Drunken hobos, a snooping stalker, something with wings and claws, the new-to-town stranger with slicked back hair and a morbid collection of female body parts hidden in his basement.

  The shower turned off, drawing Stella’s eyes. She flipped the page and dove back in, knowing she still had a good minute or two left to devour the last few pages. In this issue, the villain took the form of a handsome coworker named Lance, who, Bigfoot eventually discovered, wasn’t a villain at all. Lance and Tabitha quickly fell in love and in the second to last panel, Bigfoot watched from behind a ponderosa pine as Tabitha and her new protector walked into the sunset, holding hands and smiling into one another’s eyes. Stella’s thin gaze jerked to the next pane – taking up the entire last page. She pulled it closer, examining an extreme close-up of Bigfoot looking back into a lonely forest with darkness staining the sky.

  Stella looked up from the graphic novel and slapped it shut, wondering what would become of him and weeping for Sawyer all over again. With a heavy heart, she shook it off. Wendy hadn’t heard much from Sawyer over the last two years but that’s because she was busy traveling with Roman’s hot doctor friend, Augustus. Jase, on the other hand, visits Sawyer often and, together, they tear up the town. Other than the occasional fling, Sawyer was still flying solo, waiting for Stella. It used to piss her off but now it just made her sad. He deserved the same happiness that Roman showered her with on a daily basis. Every now and then, she imagined Sawyer sitting alone in his condo, stubbornly waiting for a knock at the door, whereupon he would make haste whipping it back and pulling her out of a thunder storm into his arms. Stella wet her lips as if she could taste the rainwater on them now. She had broken her promise to Debbie. The bathroom door clicked open and Stella blinked back into their warm and colorful master bedroom. Slipping the graphic novel under the mattress on her side of the bed, she leaned on an elbow and played it cool.

  Roman came out with a black towel wrapped around his waist and a pleased gleam in his eyes. He stopped to look her over, water running down his chest. “You look beautiful.”

  Stella blushed. “I feel overdressed compared to you.”

  He let the towel drop to the floor. “We can fix that.”

  Stella returned his cocky grin with one of her own, heart bursting at the seams. He made her feel wanted, like there was somewhere she belonged and that would never change. The nightmares had stopped, the love begun. Bigfoot was on his own now but he would live to fight another day.

  Thanks to him, they all would.

  Rule number seven: Always bury the past before it buries you – unless of course, you like missing the roses.

 

 

 
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