The Will to Love

by Selene Chardou

  I would have to change my panties before I left.

  Will’s blue eyes were electric as he said, “No shorts. I need easy access. A skirt or tight dress would be better.”

  I smiled though it almost came off as a smirk. “I have this ridiculous dress I bought at the Hustler Café off Sunset in West Hollywood. It’s perfect. I planned to wear it for your eyes only…you know, something a little naughty and sexy but I won’t stick out like a sore thumb if I wear it.”

  “Well then, put it on. There will be women there wearing a lot less clothing than you.”

  I walked around the bar and headed for our bedroom when he grasped my right arm with his left and the momentum spun me around to face him. His eyes were a mixture of curiosity and excitement.

  “Are you sure you’re ready to see this side of me? I mean…I know you knew about Grant and I but that was plain vanilla in contrast to what I’m about to introduce you to. The club…it’s not for the faint of heart—”

  “I know that, Will. I’ve been to the New York location and from what I’ve heard they’re pretty much the same.”

  His eyes never left mine before they narrowed slightly and he asked, “When you were there, what did you do?”

  I blinked and tried not to think about that night. I was high as a kite on mixture of cocaine and MDMA. It was the only way I’d felt bold enough to go in the first place. However, I could have taken all the drugs in the world and never scrubbed that experience from my memory.

  “I watched my boyfriend get flogged and strapped to this piece of equipment. He was fucked by some guy who wore one of those face masks. Then…a train was pulled on me and I don’t know how many guys took turns fucking me in every sexual hole on my body. I lost count after ten. It was not consensual but as you know in places like that, there is a fine line to what is consensual and what isn’t. I was high and I’d signed some kind of waiver so I couldn’t press charges against the men involved or the club.

  “Besides, Severin Krieger was there and he observed the whole scene. I…I know he has a lot of connections, one being to a guy who make snuff films—”

  “—that director’s work is bullshit, Laurel. They are fake killings. Real snuff films are so rare, they virtually don’t exist.”

  I shook my head. “No…the director…he was there that night. He filmed my little ‘show’ and then he allowed me to view some of his handy work when I was half sober, crying about how I would go to the police and ruin the club. I don’t remember his name, only that he was tall, German, and blond. The snuff video he showed to me…it was real. It’d been shot with professional equipment…none of that eight millimeter shit. I heard the young girl scream and come and get off on being raped, humiliated and ultimately murdered.

  “The guy…he had one of those hunting knives and he stabbed her at least thirty or forty times before he slit her throat. It was the most disturbing shit I’ve seen in my life. The other Krieger brother, Rory, he was really upset about my situation. He paid me off…I went home with a million dollar transfer into an offshore account with my name on it. I never told anyone what happened. Not even my best friends or my sister. You’re the only other person who knows.”

  Will glared at me with crystal blue eyes. “You’re one of the few people I know who has ever met that guy…the snuff director. His name is Korova Ludovico. A fake name of course because it comes from a cult film from the seventies.”

  “A Clockwork Orange. Yeah, I’ve seen it.” I breathed deeply as Will slid his arms around me and pulled me to his chest.

  “I promise I won’t let anything happen to you tonight and something that humiliating will never be forced upon you again. You understand me?”

  I nodded. “I know you wouldn’t allow anything to happen to me. This was years ago, Will. I was twenty and stupid. I thought I knew everything and I didn’t know shit. Anyway…most people who go to those places are pretty well adjusted in contrast to some of the sick fucks who hang out there but I’m assuming you fall into the former category, not the latter.”

  “You’re right.” He kissed my forehead. “I worked there and I knew what went down but I kept to myself, did my job and made a lot of money. I walked away with a nice bank account while the band was still strugglin’ and the worst part was I couldn’t even share it because Kaz and Jaden—they come from some real tough shit. They’re part of an MC for Christ’s sake and it was enough of an adjustment for them to find out I was gay. Not that Kaz gave a shit but it really bothered Jaden.”

  I rolled my eyes. “And do you really care about having that motherfucker’s approval? He certainly has no room to throw stones when he lives in a very fragile glass house with a druggie for a girlfriend, a side bitch, and a baby on the way. He shouldn’t have room to talk about anyone if I’m being perfectly frank.”

  “True but he’s also Kaz’s half-brother and if he really wanted to, he could have gotten me kicked out of the band. If it wasn’t for Scarlet Fever, I might still be working at the club and a thought like that is scarier than death itself. All I have ever wanted to do was play music, not be some rich guy’s slave boy, know what I mean?”

  “A little too well.” I turned away from him so he wouldn’t see my eyes burning with fresh tears.

  I didn’t allow myself to cry until I reached the bathroom and when I did, I sank to the floor and my body wracked with sobs so fucking hard, I thought I would begin to convulse.

  Will would never know the full story. No one ever would because that was something I kept to myself. I couldn’t let him know about what was done to me and how I was blackmailed because of who I was.

  I was never filmed with the men who pulled a train on me but I was forced into making fake snuff films and the thought sent shivers down my spine. It was a mixture of sadistic sex and finally the guy choking me into unconsciousness. I had to hand it to Karl Schmidt, Korova Ludovico’s real name. Between the wigs and the makeup, I was virtually unrecognizable and since I’d had no tattoos or piercings at the time, no one would know it was me.

  Karl fucking Schmidt. The man who had one time owned every piece of me, including my heart and no one would ever know it but him.

  I’d been in love with a monster at one time and goddamn, he was a beautiful liar if one was ever created.

  Now that I was with Will, I did have the obligatory tramp stamp with Scarlet Fever and Will’s name underneath but it was a word play game to me and I’d had Loire tattoo ‘Will you love me?’ Although he wasn’t exactly pleased with the end result, I was and it stayed no matter how much it annoyed the hell out of him because it was a question and not a statement.

  I showered in record timing before I pinned my hair into a high ponytail and slipped into the ridiculous black and red leather and vinyl strapless dress which barely skimmed my ass. I wore the tiniest of black lace La Perla thong just so I wouldn’t be leaving the hotel commando style.

  After a quickly re-doing my makeup, I slid into a pair of six-inch Christian Louboutin studded black high-heels and walked out with all the confidence I could muster. I wasn’t scared to go back to Club X-Tasy but I was afraid of who might be there.

  News in high society traveled fast and I knew Rory and his wife, along with Severin and his spouse, and Karl and his new significant other, now resided in Vegas. Rory didn’t bother me but I couldn’t help the fear that brought a lump to my throat when I thought of Seven and Karl.

  Should I warn Will I’d fucked them both and Seven had been the man in some of the fake snuff films that had done things to me? He’d brought me to pleasure many times during the shoot and although the actual film itself disgusted me, I couldn’t deny how much what he’d done to my body had actually made me discover my own sexuality. Before him, I’d never enjoyed anal sex or any of the deviant activities he’d tried on me but BDSM was like anything else—it became an addiction, one I had to quit cold turkey because the “stockbroker” guy was the last man I’d dated who’d been an outright freak until Will came along.


  I suppose maybe that was a reason why I was so turned on by him. I saw a kindred spirit who didn’t mind kink and was a bit of a freak himself although our sex life was surprisingly vanilla—BDSM talk for conventional and staid—for someone who wasn’t afraid to let himself go when he and Grant had been together.

  I knew that was one of the biggest reasons why I was jealous.

  Why did Grant get to see a side of him I could only dream about? I wanted him to stop treating me like a lady in the bedroom and the slut I was capable of becoming. It’d been slow going but now that he and Grant were no longer together, he had no choice but to become more open about his sexuality with me and this certainly was exciting to me. It was the main reason why I’d decided to go to the club in the first place. I desperately wanted to see him unleash the freak side of him; more than that, I needed him to be open and honest with me.

  I wanted and needed him to trust me with his deepest, darkest and dirtiest secrets.

  It was the only way we would ever be able to get past all the shit we’d been through and bond as a couple. We both knew this but would he completely trust me and if he ever did, his regret wasn’t an option for me.

  I was in love with him but I didn’t grovel or beg for anyone’s love and he’d have to give himself over to me unconditionally.

  Anything else and there was no future for us.

  Period.

  Chapter Six

  Will

  WILL HAD ENVISIONED a dozen different scenarios but taking him back to his past wasn’t one of them, not with Laurel.

  He knew she had a past and wasn’t perfect—what young, wealthy heiress was?—but she certainly wasn’t a Kim Kardashian or a Paris Hilton with sex tapes and nefarious activities spread all over the worldwide web for anyone to view at the click of a button.

  The fact that she’d had more than her share of men didn’t bother Will because he certainly wasn’t a choir boy and although he’d outright lied about how many men had used his ass—it was certainly more than he could remember let alone count on his fingers—some secrets were best kept to one’s self. He wasn’t proud about his occupation at Club X-Tasy anymore than he was about how many cocks he’d sucked, fucked, and had been fucked.

  He wouldn’t tell Laurel it was Rory—not Severin—who’d kept him because frankly, the man was a worth billions of dollars, owned the hotel they were about to sign a major contract with and now, happily married to the woman of his dreams who was pregnant.

  The past was just that and if he could move on from it, she would too.

  Will showered quickly and stepped into a pair of black leather pants and a fishnet sleeveless top before he covered his wardrobe choice with a leather coat. It wasn’t exactly cold in Vegas but they could get away with it since every place in town featured arctic temperatures regardless what time of the year it was, and that definitely worked to their advantage.

  Why he hadn’t tried more with her up until now had everything to do with Grant. They knew each other inside out and it was easier to let go and be himself with someone who understood his sexual predilections and didn’t judge him.

  Somewhere deep inside, he knew Laurel would never judge him either but he couldn’t be one hundred percent sure and it was hard going back to old fashioned vanilla sex when one was used to the deviant side of sexuality—or at least what society deemed deviant.

  He wanted to tie her up and fuck her hard and raw in the ass before he kissed, licked and caressed her all over. He could easily fuck every hole in her body in one setting and still get it up again—he was young, after all. But how would she feel about that and would she hate him for putting her into a position she’d already experienced years ago? Would it be different for her because it was just the two of them or would he bring back memories she desperately wanted to forget?

  Laurel was a hard read because as open as she seemed, she was a closed book; an enigma he needed to figure out, and a puzzle he desperately wanted to solve.

  What made her so fucking special he found himself having feelings for her he’d never experienced with another woman before? Could he be bisexual and not know it?

  That would be a hell to the no.

  He didn’t even find women attractive and everything about them—from their breasts to their cunts—was a fucking turn off.

  Laurel was the exception.

  Full stop.

  She was his kryptonite and when he was around her, he couldn’t help how he felt about her. That bothered him more than anything else because he had so little control when she was within his vicinity.

  If she was not in his life, he could imagine his perfect man. Bronzed, dark-skinned with a gorgeous body of a Calvin Klein model and a very long and thick cock. They would have a lot of fun together and just the thought of his dream man had an erection the size of Texas straining his leather pants uncomfortably. He would have to find a man tonight, even if the guy did nothing more than suck him off in front of Laurel. She had to understand who he was and how he couldn’t just change his sexuality like one flipped off a light switch.

  She had to know the true him or it would never work between them no matter how hard they tried.

  Will quickly fixed himself a straight Irish whiskey and downed it as Laurel emerged from their bedroom suite. Not only was she drop dead gorgeous but she exuded sexuality and he knew there was a kinky side to her waiting to be unleashed.

  She’d hid her outfit underneath a knee-length, close fitting, black wool coat. Her makeup and hair was perfect; the way she walked in her impossibly high heels, she resembled a model, and a date that could make tonight very fun indeed.

  Her eyes were hidden behind a pair of blacker than black Ray-Bans. “These are just to get me through the hotel. I suggest you also put on a pair before a fan recognizes you or we’ll never get to the club before midnight.”

  “That is when everything is just starting to get good.”

  Laurel smiled at him slightly. “Club X-Tasy is never boring or ‘slow.’ I’m sure we’ll have a great time regardless so let’s go, babe.”

  Will had absolutely no idea why he was so shocked by her sudden enthusiasm but it was catching and he realized he, too, was looking forward to a night out. It had been too long since they’d actually had time to themselves and they were bound to have a good time, regardless what happened.

  WILL AND LAUREL arrived at the club shortly after ten o’clock. Heightened security surrounded the upscale, black chrome high-tech building with circular dome cameras that looked like art-deco accents; there wasn’t a line but there were two buff security guards standing outside the front entrance , which consisted of double black chrome doors.

  The men glared at Will and never made eye contact with Laurel. He pulled out a black membership card, which one of the men scanned with his phone.

  “Nice to see you again, Cullen. You haven’t been here in over six months. We were wondering if you lost our address.”

  Will smirked. “I’ve been working on a new album with my band and before then, I was on tour.”

  “Nice to see you and…your lady friend,” the other security guard responded before he finally looked Laurel’s way. “Do you have a membership card, Miss?”

  “No, I don’t.” She merely stared at him, her sunglasses still on her face. “But I have been here before.”

  “Your name?”

  “Munsen, Laurel.”

  The security guard punched the name in his phone before his eyebrows shot up. “Actually, you do have a membership…a Centurion one just like your male friend here. You were sponsored by Mr. Schmidt—why didn’t you say anything?”

  Will turned towards Laurel in shock.

  How fucking well did she know Karl Schmidt and what the hell wasn’t she telling him?

  “Mr. Schmidt and I haven’t had the pleasure of one another’s company in over two years. I was hoping he would have…terminated my association with the club by now.” Laurel’s eyes were trained on the guard aft
er she took off her sunglasses and she refused to face Will though he continued to shoot daggers her way.

  “Mr. Schmidt doesn’t sever connections. If you were one of his girls then he would always want a way to get in…contact with you.”

  Will turned toward Laurel before he grabbed her arm and whispered in her ear, “What the hell is going on and how the hell do you know Karl?”

  “Laurel, hello. Claus buzzed me and told me you were here. It’s been…a while, wouldn’t you say?”

  Her hazel-green eyes met Karl’s voracious gaze before she said, “So, we meet again. I never thought I would see you after the last session. It was hard…really fucking hard without turning into the shell that Faith is now but I beat it…and I don’t plan to go back…ever.”