The Will to Love

by Selene Chardou

  So why am I secretly blaming her for what happened?

  He’d been there and if Laurel could take it all back, she would but a part of him still hated her for responding to her ex-lover and enjoying what he did to her. He could keep all the questions he had to himself or he could ask her and hopefully get some answers without making her suffer too much.

  Although she would suffer a little because I’m a sadistic prick and I want her to feel my fucking pain.

  “How long were you with him?”

  Her pretty hazel-green eyes already showed early signs of intoxication as she swallowed half the bottle of Cristal. “Too long.”

  “And how many DVDs are out there with you spread-eagled, showing your goods to the world?”

  Laurel shook her head. “No, Will. You don’t get to ask these kind of questions because private buyers bought those DVDs. It’s not like Karl sold them to Vivid Video. They were commissioned. One of a kind. I did at least fifty…maybe a hundred. Who the fuck knows? There were only a small number of buyers who were interested in the fake hard-core snuff videos so maybe they are spread among twenty collectors, maybe less. I don’t know and I didn’t ask. I just did what I was told by the man who claimed to love me and I always acted with the same two men: Severin or Karl.”

  “My God, you allowed Severin to put his dick inside you?”

  “No different than you putting your dick inside of Grant now drop the fucking subject.”

  Will shook his head. “And here I was thinking you were a party girl but I had no idea you were into making videos and doing all this sick, twisted shit.”

  “Yep…same as you were. You don’t think I don’t know what you did too? I don’t care if you were with Rory or not. He’s a freak too, just like his brother, but he has the ability for empathy whereas Severin doesn’t. I won’t speak of this again with you because we’ll just go around in circles and that doesn’t do either one of us a damn bit of good.”

  Laurel finished her Cristal and tossed it in the recycle bin. “You have a past and I have a past but mine is no worse than yours. That’s not why you got together with me and if we break up, that’s not the reason why you’ll end it with me but I can see you’ll use it as a very convenient excuse.”

  “I would do no such thing, Laurel. I’m just trying to understand what the fuck is going on here and why didn’t you tell me about any of this before.”

  “Because I was ashamed! What part of that don’t you understand? Do you think I want to revisit that time in my life? I don’t and I won’t. If it makes you feel any better, what happened—what went down…it’s the reason why Faith is so fucked in the head. She did them too and now she’s burying her pain in sex, drugs and booze. That won’t be me because I’m stronger than that.” She collapsed against the back of the seat and turned away from him, her gorgeous hair a fan hiding her face.

  Will looked her way until they reached the hotel and got out of the limo. Surprisingly, the alcohol had made her pliable and easy to control. She didn’t fight him when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and they walked up to their suite playing the part of the happy couple in love.

  Once they arrived, she shrugged her coat off, unzipped her dress and walked straight to the bathroom. She wanted Karl’s—and his scent as well—off her body as quickly as possible.

  He removed his coat and walked over to the bar. It was well stocked and as soon as he found a bottle of Bushmills Irish whiskey, he poured himself a healthy glassful and drank it down like it was water.

  Will wasn’t playing with the getting fucked up part because if tonight had torn Laurel into two different directions then it was on the verge of tearing him apart at the seams. He was barely holding himself together because everything seemed to converge at once and he didn’t know where to turn.

  His heart beat in his chest fiercely and his stomach was on fire from the strong single malt but he needed to feel the pain to make tonight real. If he could feel it from the inside then it wasn’t just his imagination and this one woman hadn’t just torn him a new asshole and then some.

  Will had gotten his wish in a twisted way and fucking her the way he had was incredibly satisfying and even more so, knowing she’d enjoyed it and had no problems, inhibitions or fear when it came to the kind of sex he preferred.

  Laurel was a kinky, naughty girl dressed up as the perfect, high society young woman. She certainly deserved someone much better than him but he wanted her around and he had every intention of keeping her.

  Will refilled his glass and took out his phone. He checked his Facebook newsfeed but it was just a bunch of shit from friends and family. He had a couple of PMs from his sister and his mother but other than that, fuck all was going on. His phone began to go off and the ring tone from “Misery”, one of their songs from their upcoming album, Nothing Lasts Forever, lit up the room.

  Fuck, it was Kaz. What the hell did he want?

  Will answered it reluctantly and put him on speaker phone as he set his Note down on the bar counter. “What?”

  “Hey, did I call at a bad time?”

  “This whole night has been pretty much been shit since you dropped us off so yeah, the timing isn’t great to be honest.” Will swigged from his whiskey and the affects were slowly lifting all the weight and pain of tonight off his shoulders. He felt lighter, freer than he’d been in a long time.

  “Sorry to be such a nuisance…if I’d known it was your time of the month, I would have tried to plan this trip better—”

  “What. Do. You. Want?” He managed to keep the slur out of his voice though if he kept drinking at his current pace, that would be a harder feat to manage.

  “Listen, it isn’t a good idea for you and Laurel to stay at the hotel tonight. Paul told us Rory has a thing for…cohesion. He wants to make sure there aren’t any issues with the band. If he sees Grant and I show up separately from you then that will raise a few eyebrows.” Kaz’s voice was cold and it was obvious he was just as pissed off as Will felt.

  “What did you tell him about Jaden’s absence?”

  “Um, pregnant girlfriend and she’s having a few complications. It’s no secret Jaden’s life is a walking, fucking tabloid. Rory isn’t worried about him but he would be concerned about you staying the night at his hotel.”

  “Laurel’s taking a shower so I suppose we could get there before two in the morning, if we’re lucky.”

  “Cool. I’m sending the limo service out now.”

  “Okay.”

  “And Will?”

  “What, Kaz?”

  “Thanks,” he replied, his voice almost breaking.

  Will had been so wrapped up in his own shit, he’d almost forgot about the issues going on between Syd and Kaz. Mostly because he didn’t really feel all that sorry for their lead singer. He’d gotten his way his entire life and it was about time someone knocked him down a peg or two.

  “No problem.” Will ended the call and finished what was left of his whiskey before there was a knock at the door.

  He’d almost forgotten about the request he’d made to hotel services.

  As he stood to his feet, the whiskey almost knocked him back down on his ass. He was officially drunk and thank fuck they didn’t have to rely on him getting them to the suburbs of Vegas where Paul and his wife, Jerrica, lived. It was at least a thirty minute trek from the Strip without traffic but plenty of people were still out and about, and the Strip still looked like a parking lot due to out of town drivers, massive limousines arranging from the more classic type to Hummers and Escalades.

  Will wandered over to the door swaying a bit and took the package from hotel delivery before he tipped him a fifty and closed the door.

  “Laurel, babe!” he yelled out, “what the fuck you doin’ in there? Kaz is sending a limo—we gotta stay with Paul and Jerrica tonight.”

  She left their bedroom suite and met him in the sitting room where he’d collapsed on the sofa. She looked completely different, her damp hair in a h
igh pony tail and she wore a pair of boyfriend jeans and short-sleeved, black burnout tee with Winter’s Regret in silver-blue letters.

  “There’s no need to shout. I never unpacked so I’m ready to go downstairs when you are.”

  “Good. Here you go.” He threw her the package and she caught it with ease.

  “What the fuck is this?”

  “A happy pill…at least for me.”

  Will watched her reaction as she opened the brown bag and removed a box of Plan B One-Step. “What the hell is this for?”

  He watched her carefully as she opened the box. “That bastard fucked you bareback, Laurel. He might have had your body tonight but he will not control an ounce of our future and that means making sure his seed wasn’t planted tonight. You got that?”

  Her eyes, more green than hazel at that point, looked terrified but she nodded her head vigorously. She stood on slightly shaky legs and strode over to the bar, grabbed a miniature bottle of Grey Goose, and swallowed the tablet with the alcohol.

  “It’s a much better alternative than a drive to a clinic, wouldn’t you say?”

  “Of course.” Laurel finished her vodka. “I wasn’t thinking and thank God you bought this because I don’t want Karl’s kid. He’s engaged to be married for Christ’s sake. Let his fucking wife have his perfect, tow-haired, blue-eyed fucking kids.”

  Will glared at her before he smiled slightly to himself before there was a knock at the door yet again.

  “The limo must be here.”

  Laurel looked up before she quickly walked into the bedroom and grabbed her luggage.

  Meanwhile, he opened the door and the bellhop started loading their luggage onto the luggage cart.

  Will and Laurel left the hotel together. The ride to Paul and Jerrica’s was mostly quiet. She leaned her head against his shoulder and he finally grabbed her hand closest to him.

  She breathed loudly before she buried her face into the crook of his neck. He could feel the wetness from her eyes and realized she was crying.

  “I thought you hated me. Please just tell me that you’ll give us another chance. I don’t know…if it’s fair to base everything we’ve had on past mistakes. We’ve both made them but I promise I won’t hold anything against you if you do the same for me.” Her voice was quiet and muffled but her mouth was so close to his ear, he heard every word.

  Will’s heart thundered in his body and he realized the decision was out of his hands. He couldn’t not give her a second chance. It wasn’t even about him not wanting to be alone but she was his and he was hers. This was the way it was supposed to be and tonight would haunt them for the rest of their lives if they allowed it.

  If they chose to be strong and forgive one another then they could have one another and perhaps even a real future together.

  Only time would tell.

  Part Two

  Slow Down The Song

  Seven Months Later

  Chapter Nine

  Laurel

  “WHAT DO YOU think?”

  I looked around the house Will had bought us in the community of Lake Las Vegas and it was quite stunning to be honest.

  Of course it was way too much room for the two of us but we were down the street from Kaz and Sydney. Grant and Sasha lived on the other side of the gated community and Jaden had bought a home near them though he was on his own. As far as I knew, he saw Faith every now and then; he had pretty much the same schedule with Talia.

  I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and smiled back at Will. I didn’t want to think about the personal life of certain people. I was happy and so was my boyfriend so that’s all that mattered to me. It sounded cold and callous but I couldn’t conjure up any sympathy for either Faith or Jaden. They were a train wreck waiting to happen.

  “I love it.” I smiled at Will as we walked through the large living room and stepped into the hallway where a set of wide spiral stairs led up to the second floor. “It’s a bit large, isn’t it? I mean, it’s just you and me.”

  He grabbed me by the waist from behind and buried his face in my hair. “Yes but eventually, there will be more people here than just you and I. Or did you forget?”

  “No, I haven’t.”

  I’d been off birth control for the past three months and Will was so sure we would be getting pregnant any moment. My body wasn’t actively helping us out on our baby journey although I was healthy and of child-bearing age, according to my gynecologist, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with me downstairs.

  “Maybe I should marry you before we get you preggers. Your parents don’t actually like me very much and I think your mother would kill me if you were to be ‘with child’ before any vows were said.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Fuck her. She’s just an old prude. You know they’ve always considered Sasha their perfect daughter. My parents are just…ugh. Do we have to talk about them at all?”

  “Actually, we do because we have a dinner date with them tonight along with Grant and Sasha.” He nibbled on my neck and I started to laugh out loud.

  My attitude changed and suddenly I was a bit melancholy. “Do you ever miss it? I mean…part of me feels so selfish because I’m infringing on a part of you that doesn’t want someone like me and your parents resent me. I think they were looking forward to having a son-in-law. They certainly don’t like me.”

  Will turned me around and made me face him. His crystal blue eyes were clear and bright. “Listen, yes, I do miss men and gay sex but you are perfectly capable of giving me what I need and more than that…I’m in love with you.”

  My heart felt like it stopped in its tracks though I knew it beat just the same. “You’re what? With me?”

  “You heard me the first time. I didn’t choose to fall in love with you and frankly after what happened seven months ago, I had a hard time believing I would move on from that. It just seemed like it was all too much too soon. Grant and me ending our sexual relationship, and then that incident at Club X-Tasy. I really thought I hated you for a while even though I now know what happened that night is really my fault.”

  “How do you figure that?” I wondered as I grabbed the side of his clean shaven face and kissed him on the lips. “Why? Because you took me there? It’s not your fault—it’s Karl’s—and if he’d left us alone then it would’ve never happened. Don’t you dare blame yourself. Now, he’s married to some plastic French bitch who looks like a goddamn upscale Barbie Doll. Let her fuckin’ deal with his weird ass sexual kinkiness. It’s not our business.”

  “If you’d let me finish, I wanted to say that I realized you’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. Most women—that would’ve broken them but it made you a different person. You seemed to be even less conscious about designer labels and all that frivolous shit. You have kept me going all these months with all the changes that have taken place and I enjoy your freakiness. I think it keeps our sex life interesting.”

  “That it does.” I smiled again before I kissed him yet again. His tongue probed my open mouth and I accepted his intrusion with ease as the fire in my loins grew and I could feel myself respond sexually.

  Once we separated, I whispered, “We’re gonna have to christen this new pad soon. Is it fully furnished?”

  Will nodded as he grabbed the back of my neck and sighed out loud. “But not now, unfortunately. I have to get to practice. You wanna come and watch your man?”

  I laughed out loud. “Like I have a choice. I have to take some photos of you all in action. Per Mr. Krieger’s orders, the studio photos are great but he wants some natural photos too.”

  “So, you really like this house? I mean, I could have gotten us a place in Summerlin but I thought you’d like living in Hell’s half acre.”

  We separated and I quickly grabbed my camera equipment along with Louis Vuitton hobo bag. “We’re not that far from civilization and the Strip is only about half an hour, forty-five minutes in heavy traffic. I like the area, even if it is full of stick-up-their-ass type
s I grew up with but…maybe the neighborhood will change a little now that so many stars live in the area. You know Chyna Bleu and Damian Phillips live here too? They’re pop stars. Maybe we can transform this place into Vegas’ own version of the Hollywood Hills.”

  “Dream on. Wait until we spend our first night here and you’ll see how fuckin’ quiet it gets around here at night.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t doubt that.”

  We walked out to Will’s silver Porsche Cayenne. I had a pearl-white Cadillac Escalade because he wanted me to have a bigger vehicle. I’d also kept my black Mini Cooper just in case though we both agreed I shouldn’t drive it during the summer months.