The Will to Love

by Selene Chardou

  Now that it was late autumn, the weather was starting to cool down. I wore a short black wool coat over a pair of skinny jeans and a lace sweater. I had a feeling I might have to put on some more clothes since the casinos were notoriously cold and we would have to pass through Vogue’s casino area before we reached their state of the art arena.

  I got into the passenger seat as Will swung around and got into the driver’s seat. His phone began to ring and he answered with a button in the Porsche.

  “Yeah?”

  “You on your way? Take your time. We only have to practice for a couple hours.” It was Kaz trying to be serious though since he and Syd had gotten back together, he was less of an asshole than usual.

  The time they’d spent apart had really fucked with his head and now that she’d agreed to marry him, he was a changed man. This wasn’t such a bad thing because as he’d brightened and become a better person.

  Jaden, on the other hand, was on a one-way train to Clusterfuck Central; no one could help him because he refused help or good advice from anyone who offered.

  Syd and I had grown close while she’d been separated from Kaz and although Talia had taken over as her primary BFF, we were still besties too and there wasn’t much I didn’t know about either woman’s situation.

  Unfortunately, I didn’t feel like I could be that honest with either them about what was going in my life because Syd didn’t know about my relationship with Karl or the DVDs or any of that shit. The only people who knew were Will and Karl, of course. It was one of the reasons why we bonded so easily after the whole incident. He knew every part of me; more than my best friend or my own sister or even my parents.

  I don’t know if it was his burden to carry but I’d placed it on him and he carried it without complaint.

  “Why are you so quiet over there?” Will said as stroked my hair lovingly.

  “Just thinking…I don’t know if I should have unloaded all that crazy shit I’ve done in my life on you. Keeping all my dirty little secrets away from everyone and not being able to tell anyone. I feel downright crappy actually.” I looked over at his profile since he couldn’t face me due to traffic on the I-215.

  “Listen, I’m more than happy to protect you in any way I can. It’s not a burden, believe me. I don’t want you to ever feel embarrassed or ashamed to walk out of the house because the press got a hold of one of your films. It would hurt me more than it’d hurt you and it’s not because I think it would damage me or my reputation. I just know enough about your parents to know they probably would disown you if they knew the truth.”

  I raised worried eyebrows. “You’re not wrong about that. There’s no way they would respect me or call me their daughter if any of that shit came out. I’d be well and truly fucked.”

  “Let’s not even talk about what your sister what say or what kind of PR disaster she’d have on her hands. It’s not like she doesn’t have enough on her plate with Jaden and his ‘baby mama drama’ and that drugged-out whore he still insists on calling his girlfriend.” Will whistled out loud. “Shit’s getting’ fuckin’ deep with that situation and if he doesn’t handle it soon, someone is going to end up in the motherfuckin’ ground.”

  My heart beat fiercely in my chest and I tried to control my breathing as I felt myself break out into hives, whether real or imagined, I wasn’t quite sure. “What do you mean dead? Do you think something would happen to Talia?”

  I admit I didn’t know the lead singer of Winter’s Regret as well as Syd did but she had an enigmatic stage presence and she was one of the friendliest and most genuine rock stars out there. She was raising her son, Kaelan, alone, and without any help what-so-ever from Jaden. Hell, though she didn’t need it, he didn’t even pay child support.

  To say I despised the lead guitarist of Scarlet Fever was an understatement of the year.

  “No, nothing like that…no way would Desmond murder the mother of his grandchild,” Will dismissed suggestively. “Plus, he has a soft spot for her but…Jaden knows all this. He grew up in a motorcycle club for God’s sake and he knows what his family is capable of. Dizzy never liked Faith and I wouldn’t put it past him to try to slip her a hot dose. They do run coke for the Navarro family so it wouldn’t be too far out that they would have contacts who could get to her.”

  “Then why does Jaden continue to play with fire? Why doesn’t he just pick a goddamn woman and be done with it? He must know the game he’s playing is very dangerous and granted, I don’t talk to Faith much anymore, but we were former BFFs and she’s fucked in the head.” I ran a nervous hand through my hair before I pulled out my phone and checked for text messages and phone calls I might have missed.

  “Who the hell knows what goes on in Jaden’s head? I gave up tryin’ to figure him out a long time ago when he called me a ‘cock sucking faggot.’ That pretty much killed any camaraderie I would feel for him. We’ve never been friends. We’re band mates—that is as far as our relationship goes.”

  The silence between us seemed natural and completely ordinary as Will turned onto the Strip and drove to Vogue Hotel & Casino.

  There were a couple of texts, one from my sister, but I knew I would see her at the warm up show the guys had to practice so I didn’t bother replying back.

  The moment we pulled in the valet area, both Will and I stepped out of the car and quickly made our way through the casino all the way to the arena area. I almost stopped in my tracks as I saw Sasha talking to Faith. She spoke quietly but by the look on her face, she wasn’t exactly pleased to see her.

  Will glared at the two women and his gaze softened as he stared in my direction. “I gotta go and warm up my bass but I’ll see you later. Take some awesome photos, sweetie.”

  I smiled warmly as I watched him walk off before I strode over to Sasha and Faith.

  “What the hell are you doing here hanging around? You know Kaz will go mental if he sees you here. Syd and Talia are best friends for Christ’s sake!” I exclaimed while trying to keep my voice down.

  Faith rolled her eyes. She was dressed to the nines as usual and with a fully made up face, she was no one’s picture of a druggie. She just didn’t fit the stereotype with her professionally dyed blonde hair, gray-green eyes and healthy complexion. However, it was easy to hide a lot, especially when one was swallowing OxyContin like it was going out of style and snorting the finest Colombian cocaine. She wasn’t exactly a meth or heroin addict therefore she didn’t look “rough around the edges.”

  She looked normal and that’s what was so scary about her addiction.

  “Why is everyone trying to get rid of me?” Faith wondered out loud before she crossed her arms against her cleavage.

  Her words were clear and concise though she must have been at an even keel; safely between the low of Oxy and the high of cocaine therefore it made her feel perfectly sober and not high at all. “Jaden invited me to be here—I’m not trespassing like you two bitches think. If you can be here well then why can’t I?”

  I ground my teeth down against one another because if I would have said something, me and my former BFF would have come to blows.

  “The difference between your presence and ours is you’re a distraction. I’m Scarlet Fever’s Press Manager and Laurel takes the photographs—photos which have been requested by Mr. Krieger—you know, that drop dead German fella who owns Vogue Hotel and Casino—personally. You’re nothing but a groupie and sorry, babe, but no girlfriends allowed while the band is rehearsing, period.”

  “This is bullshit and both of you can go fuck yourselves!” Faith exclaimed before she stalked over to the opposite side of the arena.

  “That chick doesn’t know when to quit.” Sasha began to pace before she grabbed her Ulysse Nardin cell phone from her black Birkin bag made from crocodile skin. “Yeah, we might have a situation down here. A drugged-out groupie who won’t leave and I don’t want to cause a scene for the hotel.”

  “You really think that was necessary?” I set my bag in
one of the arena seats and grabbed my camera with the paparazzi lens to get the best photos. “Kaz is coming down from the stage now and heading straight in Faith’s direction.”

  “One can never be too careful.” She placed her $50,000 phone in her $100,000 handbag and shrugged her shoulders. “Listen, sis, this is a business and all you get to see are the fun parts about it. I have to deal with the other side. Scarlet Fever are a band and a brand. To say that Faith is fucking with the brand is an understatement of the year. Someone should do her a favor and kill her off or something. She’s such a fucking waste of human space.”

  I looked at my sister, appalled by what she’d just said but one gaze into those amber eyes of hers, ablaze with emotions, and I knew she meant what she said.

  Moments later, Kaz started to escort Faith out before she snatched her arm away and began to leave the arena on her own. Before she could make it to one of the exits, two burly security men, accompanied by Karl, walked in.

  Karl said something to them before she was taken by the men, one holding each arm as she screamed crazily and put up a fuss.

  Fucking Karl Schmidt.

  It didn’t seem like I could get a break today.

  I breathed deeply and braced myself as he began to walk towards my sister and I; he would no doubt go in for the kill and if he said anything slightly incriminating in front of my sister, I was dead.

  “By the way, Mama came down with food poisoning so we won’t see them until they come out for Grant’s and our engagement party,” Sasha said in a blasé voice.

  “When’s that?”

  “The weekend of the twenty-sixth. My engagement party is the twenty-eighth, and Kaz and Syd are getting married on the thirtieth. It isn’t an inconvenience for you, is it?”

  “No, not at all.” I smiled again before Sasha’s eyes wandered past me and a large grin lit up her face.

  “Well, well. What do we owe the pleasure, Mr. Schmidt?”

  “I just came down to see how two of the most gorgeous women in the world are adjusting to Vegas.”

  Sasha laughed—that fake, annoying high society laugh that sent chills down my spine—and I think I threw up a little in my mouth. “Flattery will get you everywhere, Karl. By the way, do you know my sister, Laurel? This is Karl and Karl, this is Laurel.”

  “We’re acquainted,” I replied tight-lipped though I still shook his hand. “What are you doing here?”

  “Same reason you two are here. Business and I’ve been dying to see Scarlet Fever rehearse.”

  Holy shit and Christ on a cracker. I needed to get away from him quick and a hurry, otherwise it would be a very long day.

  Chapter Ten

  Will

  Will warmed up on his bass, oblivious to the drama going on around him. He finally made some kind of lame joke as Kaz walked back onto the stage and before he could get to the mic, Jaden began an argument with him.

  Grant whistled to him from his drum kit.

  “Oh, shit. What the fuck is that freak doing talkin’ to our girls? I heard he’s heavily involved in the BDSM community but for all I know, it could be an urban legend.” Grant stood up from his kit as Kaz turned around and then he sat back down.

  “‘Filthy Kind of Love’—let’s take it from the top!”

  They began to play and Will tried to control his feelings as they built up inside him like a goddamn inferno. He literally couldn’t stand to look at the man who’d taken a part of his beautiful woman and she’d never be the same again.

  You’re a firecracker

  A natural disaster

  A hurricane, an earthquake and tornado wrapped together

  Excuse me, sweetie, if I can’t tell you I’ll never say never,

  But you drive me crazy with those juicy red lips

  That beautiful face and those killer fingertips

  All I can say is you’re a cute little bird but never a dove

  C’mon darlin’, we gotta filthy kind of love

  Will joined in with Jaden and they truly did get into the moment even if part of his mind wandered about what was going on in the arena and why Karl was spending time talking to both Sasha and Laurel.

  Can I borrow your body for just one night

  You gotta know I want you all right?

  My engine’s revvin’, and I can’t get enough

  Why are ya makin’ everything so fuckin’ tough?

  I want ya lovin’, gotta have it right now

  Your performance is amazin’ so take a bow,

  I told you before that you will never be a dove

  I don’t need an angel, just our filthy kind of love

  Will started playing like his life depended on it and in a way it did. It was the only thing that was keeping him from jumping off the stage and tackling Karl. He knew he was a lean guy but he could fight dirty and would do so to protect his woman.

  You’ve always been mine

  We gotta keep it in line

  Everything’s fuckin’ complicated

  You got me so goddamn frustrated

  And all I want is a little piece of your heart

  You can have mine but don’t tear it apart…

  He and Jaden began a duo between his bass and his band mate’s lead guitar before they merged and started to play in perfect harmony. It was a work of art and pure beauty; music was one of the major reasons why he got up in the morning but it wasn’t his whole life.

  So we keep it nice and steady

  Hope you’re wet and ready

  Lovin’ you is torture but darlin’, it’s worth it

  And I can’t believe how you’re so perfect

  So let’s get together and fall into lust

  I know it’s a lot to learn how to trust

  You’re beautiful baby even if you’re not a dove

  Honey, baby, we got a filthy kind of love

  I never wanted you to be an innocent dove.

  You’ve got dirty wings but you’re the one that I love

  Will and Jaden brought the song to the end as Grant brought up the rear and they all laughed and clapped as soon as the song ended. He smiled though it was only one song and they were going through a whole set.

  Song, after song, they practiced until Kaz turned toward them. He was covered in sweat—they all were—and he nodded to them all. “Last song to go so let’s do this shit. Mr. Schmidt has decided to grace us with his presence. Let’s get this crap over and done with so we can get outta here. ‘Misery’—take it from the top!”

  Grant counted off on his drums and Will joined Jaden on his bass shortly after the mid tempo song kicked into progression.

  Misery, baby

  That’s what you bring to me

  You’re killing me lately

  It don’t mean a thing,

  Tell me you’ll change your mind

  Make me your witness

  How can you be unkind

  I’m losing my bliss

  A lone bass number was played by Will with a little more force than he needed while he watched that son of a bitch flirt with both Sasha and Laurel. It helped him to focus that Laurel looked as uncomfortable as he felt. She wanted nothing to do with Karl any more than he wanted him coming around.

  Baby, stop pulling me down

  Feet on the ground

  I get you and that’s why it’s you and I

  Tell me some secrets and add in a lie

  No way for me to deny you

  And what you’re putting me through

  Will played on autopilot; it wasn’t like he didn’t know each of their songs from back to front. He was one of the lucky ones who had a photographic memory and there wasn’t anything he ever forgot. Seeing Laurel and Karl together brought back every terrible memory of that night. It was a classic version of the agony and the ecstasy. He’d never come so hard in his life but at the same time, it was the wrong time and definitely the wrong place. The thought that he would never not remember drove him towards the brink of insanity.

  Mi
sery, baby

  It should be your name

  So save me

  And let’s play a game

  Of maybe and I’ll definitely win

  You know that before we start