by Marie Yates
There was such a mix of people in that welcome lecture. It’s much easier to stand out, or not, when you’re allowed to wear your own clothes. As usual, Katie looked like she’d spent all morning getting ready, Maya looked like she’d stepped out of a rock video and I was in my favourite jeans and hoodie. I didn’t need to worry about being boring with my clothes choices; there were plenty of other people wearing similar things to me. Maybe we’re all boring! I’m all right with that.
I recognised some people who were in my year at school. I felt myself getting quite anxious when I spotted a couple of Nina’s groupies, but they didn’t even glance in my direction. I was right, without their ringleader they were just the same as me. It was weird; they didn’t have that same power over me anymore. I felt a bit sorry for them as they didn’t look like they were having as much fun as us three. They weren’t really even talking to each other, just sitting there playing on their phones. I felt grateful to have Katie and Maya with me. We did get our phones out to send a selfie to Callie…we were missing her. She replied straight away saying ‘Laters, losers…everything you can imagine is real.’ I had no idea what she was going on about, but Maya said it was a quote from some famous artist called Picasso! Katie laughed at me for having no idea who Picasso was and then couldn’t tell me what he was famous for! Callie wouldn’t have been impressed.
We were told to have a look around and make sure we knew where were going in the morning as lessons would start then. If we had any questions, today was our chance to ask them. We went to the café where we spent the rest of the afternoon. I could get used to this! This is the new start I had dreamed of when we moved. It’s a year late, but better late than never. I’m almost looking forward to tomorrow.
A new start is a good time to do the goals stuff that I promised Jane I’d do more often:
• It is September and I have my green belt in taekwondo – not long now and I’ll be doing that!
• It is September and I have started the way I mean to go on with sticking to homework deadlines. The staff called them assignments today, but it’s still homework to me!
I think two is still enough at the moment! Those two will keep me busy for the rest of the month.
Today has been a big success. I didn’t freak out, I wasn’t too nervous and I had a really good day. It’s the same as what I’m grateful for. Really grateful for a day with my friends, for feeling like I fit in amongst all the other new people and for feeling like this is a real opportunity for a new start.
Eight
Mum’s out and not answering her phone. She never goes out and now I need her. I remember her saying something about seeing a friend from work tonight but it is Friday and I don’t know what to do. Reggie is limping. He was fine, we had our usual walk and I’m sure he was okay. We got home and I didn’t notice anything weird, then when I went downstairs to feed him, he started limping. I’ve googled it but it could be anything. I remember when I had a bad headache and googled the symptoms; I really scared myself, so I decided to call Mum instead. Why would you have a mobile phone if you’re not going to answer it? I know the vet is open tomorrow but I’m worried, what if he’s badly hurt? He’s lying here next to me, snoring, so hopefully he’s not in too much pain. I’m staying with him tonight; I don’t care what Mum says.
Okay, try to think about something else.
I was doing really well and started the way I meant to go on with homework (assignments!) but now Reggie has side-tracked me and I’m lying with him in the living room. I suppose I could bring my laptop down but last time I did that he sneezed all over the screen! He’s such a classy boy.
I’ve been doing okay; I’ve enjoyed having the backup of Maya and Katie in everything except PE. We’ve been sitting together and Katie is definitely a better influence than Maya. Biology was blowing my brains in the first lesson but Katie was taking notes and seemed to understand every word. That worked in my favour as when we then had to work in pairs, she explained what was going on and I finally got it. Why the teacher couldn’t have explained it in simple terms, I don’t know. They just have to try to make themselves look smart I guess.
In English, we started on Chaucer and Maya couldn’t stop laughing at the fact he’s called Geoffrey. It wasn’t even that funny but once she started laughing, I couldn’t help myself. I have no idea what happened for most of that lesson and am now trying to read a book that I’m pretty sure is NOT English. Seriously, it makes absolutely no sense. If Katie was doing English I’d probably have my own personal translator, but it’s Maya, and she just wants to take the piss out of everything. It’s fun, but isn’t going to help me make sense of the book! She was just as bad in Psychology but at least that was easy to understand and in my own language. I actually really enjoyed Psychology. Jane will be pleased. She seems to think it’s harder than rocket science (or Chaucer!) so I won’t say that I am finding it pretty easy. Maybe I should give it more than two lessons before I start saying that!
Even PE hasn’t been too bad. I was nervous but didn’t have much time to think about it. The first lesson was at nine o’clock. Reggie had helpfully chosen that day to run off after a squirrel so I was late getting home. I had to walk as fast as I could to make sure I wasn’t late. I made it on time, found a seat and before I knew it, I was there, starting a PE A Level. Glancing around, most people looked pretty fit, but that didn’t worry me. The course was a lot of theory but would have some practical stuff too. I was perusing the timetable they’d given us up until Christmas and saw that hockey was going to be part of the programme.
‘I hate hockey,’ said the voice next to me.
I looked around, not completely convinced the voice was real, to find a welcoming smile.
‘Hi, I’m Frankie, I really hate hockey!’
‘I’m Dani, and I’m not a huge fan either,’ I replied.
That was the start of a fun PE lesson. Frankie hates hockey because she hates team games. ‘They do my head in,’ she said. ‘I can play my heart out, but because some other idiot doesn’t give one hundred per cent, we still lose. If I give it everything, I want to win. That’s why I started running, it’s just me and my legs. If I lose, I only have myself to blame.’
I laughed as I admitted, ‘Since I’ve started taekwondo I’m not bothered about other sports and I’m not really competitive, I just love the training.’
‘Woah, taekwondo, you’re hard-core. Remind me not to mess with you, although, I could probably run away!’
I didn’t bother explaining that I was still quite new to taekwondo. It was nice to have a laugh with someone and it doesn’t hurt to let her think I’m hard-core! That could have made all the difference at school last year.
It was such a relief to go back to the second lesson today and have someone to sit with. Frankie is quite like me, she’s a mix between Maya and Katie. She’s not taking the piss all the time but not taking so many notes that could dictate the entire lesson. I’m glad I stuck with doing PE.
I made it through the first week, laughed a lot, made a new friend and everything has been good. Nobody has a clue who I am, and nobody cares…in a good way! I’m not ‘the new kid’ like I was last year and for the first time in what feels like forever. I feel like a normal teenager. I hate that word ‘normal’, but I can’t think of a better one.
Now I just need Mum to get home so we can decide what to do for Reggie. He’s still asleep, still snoring. I guess that means I don’t have an excuse to avoid Chaucer!
Nine
We took Reggie to the vet first thing this morning. By the time Mum made it home last night, I’d fallen asleep on the sofa. I woke up with a blanket over me and Reggie still snoring by my side. I forgot that I was annoyed at Mum for not answering her phone and just sprinted upstairs to tell her about Reggie’s limp. He followed me upstairs, proving he was still limping. I didn’t think that through.
She called the vet who said they’d fit us in and when we got there, Mum realised she’d put her top on th
e wrong way around and was wearing odd socks. She’s so embarrassing. After a quick trip to the loo, she came back looking a bit better. Reggie seemed fine in himself. He was wagging his tail and trying to say ‘hello’ to everyone else in the waiting room. There was a cute cat waiting in her basket who hissed at Reggie when he got a bit too close. He certainly understood what that hiss meant and backed right off. The cat’s owners laughed at him, saying that despite being small, their cat was usually the boss.
The vet was kind, and thankfully, Reggie behaved. It was a bit of a mission trying to get him to sit on the weighing scales but he got there in the end. After a full examination, she was pretty convinced he’d only sprained his front leg. I felt so bad as he must have done it when we were out together. I didn’t notice him doing anything different and promised Mum that I’d been watching him. I really had.
‘These things happen, don’t worry, he’s fine,’ she said.
‘I bet your mum felt bad whenever you fell over or had a bruise,’ the vet added. ‘Parents feel bad over the slightest thing, so it’s natural to feel that way, but there’s really no need. Dogs can have accidents just like we do, even if we’re watching!’
Mum went very quiet. She has become a professional at feeling bad because of what happened to me. I get it though. I feel bad and Reggie’s only got a small injury.
‘Thanks, I just don’t like the idea of him being in pain,’ I replied, to fill the silence.
The vet gave us a list of things we needed to do to help him get better. Along with drugs and ice packs. She said, ‘You can only walk him on the lead for short walks for a couple of days to let him rest.’
‘You’re joking?’ I replied. ‘If he doesn’t sprint around the park for at least an hour in the morning he’ll be bouncing off the walls at home.’ I could see Mum mentally preparing for the destruction that would take place in the kitchen.
The vet laughed. ‘He’ll be fine.’
She gave us some information about other ways we could keep him occupied. She called them ‘brain games’… if only Reggie had a brain. He’s not the brightest dog in the world. He proved this as we were leaving the vet and he walked into the glass door.
When we got back in the car, I felt a wave of relief. Reggie would be fine. It was the first time we’d had to take him to the vet for an injury and I was so grateful that everything was okay.
Mum must have read my mind as she said, ‘God, I was so worried. That bloody dog means the whole world to me.’
Yeah, ‘that bloody dog’ had completely changed our lives. I couldn’t imagine life without him; I didn’t want to imagine life without him. I looked at him, sitting in the boot with wide eyes as if to say, ‘Well that was fun, it’s got to be time for the park now, right?’ It was going to be a long weekend.
We got home and started checking out the links to the information on brain games. They actually look like quite a lot fun. It wasn’t until Mum then asked me if I was hungry (obviously the answer was ‘yes’) that I realised it was lunch time and I’d missed taekwondo.
I can’t believe now that I didn’t even think about it. I’d miss anything for Reggie, but my grading is next week. I’ve just emailed the instructor to apologise and explain but I need to get loads of practice in. Mum’s gone to get fish and chips as she said she can’t be bothered to cook. I’m not going to argue with that. I just know that I won’t feel like practicing with a belly full of takeaway food. I can make sure I go through it all this evening while Mum is teaching Reggie to use his brain. She said she’d take him for his short walks this weekend as he’d probably be troublesome. I saw her cuddling him when we got home; she looked as if she’d been crying. I sometimes forget that he’s not just my dog. I don’t mind missing out on the lead walks. I don’t want him to think I’m depriving him of park fun.
So far today, I’ve got a lot to be grateful for and it is only lunchtime.
A reminder that I need to get moving later on though:
• It is September and I have my green belt in taekwondo – argh, it’s next week!
• It is September and I have started the way I mean to go on with sticking to assignment deadlines. Okay, so I need to do these over the weekend too!
I don’t feel very successful so far as I’ve missed taekwondo and am about to eat fish and chips…but I have a lot to be grateful for:
• Reggie only has a sprained leg and will be fine.
• The vet was really good with him…and us.
• I’ve had a message from Frankie asking about the PE assignment so it looks as if I have a new friend!
Ten
That was tough. Really tough. I have just passed my grading and I have my green belt. YES! Before we got started on the grading, I was able to take my oath. I’ve wanted to do that for ages and in our club, it’s something we do before the green belt grading.
I do solemnly promise to:
• Abide by the rules and regulations of the taekwondo association.
• Strive always to be modest, courteous and respectful to all members, in particular to my seniors.
• Put the art to use only in self-defence or defence of the weak.
Taking the oath made me feel like I was part of the family. I’ve always felt welcome and I have loved going, but today was different. Taekwondo has been my only sanity in recent months. I was in a bad place when I started going and, other than Reggie, it was the only good thing I had going on in my life. I’ve worked hard to get to this stage so taking the oath really meant something. I like what it says, I like that it’s about respect. If I took that oath into other areas of my life, I’d probably be more successful. It’s not that I’m purposely disrespectful, but sometimes I just can’t be bothered to make a big effort. I always make the effort with taekwondo though, I wouldn’t dare be disrespectful!
Mum was there, watching as I took the oath and as I did my grading. She looked proud as I came out with my new belt, she didn’t even make a dig about it being something else for her to pay for. We would have gone out for a celebratory dinner but Reggie’s still on his short walk regime so we don’t want to leave him for long. Mum even took the morning off work so that he had company while I was at Sixth Form.
I felt completely focused while I doing my grading. I’ve been nervous about it all day, not really concentrating in lessons but trying to go over all the moves in my head. That was a lot more fun than Chaucer, which makes less sense the more I read it. I told Maya that I was doing my grading; she understood how nerve wracking it would be as she had a similar system for her music grades. ‘I just don’t get to wear my pyjamas,’ she always says. She sent me a good luck message this evening, which was nice.
Frankie sent me a message too, that was a nice surprise. We met up to go through our assignment before class today but it turned in to more of a chat and we didn’t get all the work done.
‘Is green the one before black,’ she asked, almost sounding impressed.
‘Uh, no, I’ve got quite a long way to go before I get to black.’
‘That’s cool,’ she said.
‘I’ve got quite a long way to go before I actually win anything.’
‘So, do you know many people here?’ She was assuming that I’d been living here for ages. It was a normal assumption as I figured she’d also have loads of friends.
‘Not many.’
‘Me neither.’
‘Wow, so you don’t know anybody? It was like listening to my very own cover story a year ago.
‘Nope, my folks and I moved here over the summer holiday because my dad got a new job. My older sister’s away at uni so my parents decided that it would be a good time to move, not that I got a say in it. I don’t really mind as all my friends were going off and doing different things anyway, my best mate’s joined the Army but I didn’t have the guts to go with her.’
Frankie went on to say she was counting down the days until she was allowed to visit as they’d been inseparable since they started secondary sc
hool. She looked a bit upset when she was talking about her friend so I started telling her about my move. I stuck with the cover story but did admit to hating Year Eleven. The cover story that we moved for Mum’s new job almost feels real now. We really moved so that we could both have a brand new start. After the rape, nothing was the same. We could have stayed and rebuilt our lives, but Mum said that she wanted a new start as much as I did. Some people might think we were running away, but I think we were doing what was best for us. It wasn’t easy, especially not at school, but I wouldn’t change what I have now for anything.
I couldn’t believe I was telling her all this stuff as I opened up about the bullies.
‘No wonder you’re learning to kick some arse,’ she said, gently, as I finished by saying I was lucky to know Maya and Katie.
I promised to introduce them all as it was exactly what Katie did for me at school last year and I’d have been lost without them. It was good to be able to do this for someone else.
I sent them all, including Katie and Callie, a picture of me with my green belt on saying, ‘I passed!’
Along with nice messages of congratulations, Maya wrote, ‘Goodnight, nice PJs.’ And Callie sent a message saying, ‘Dude, it brings out the colour of your eyes!’
What a difference a year makes.
I need to update my goals, now I need to start working on my next belt!
