Lost and Found

by Jennifer Bryan Yarbrough

  He let Eden pick the book and she asked him to read it, as she got as close to me as she possibly could. She reached over and was playing with my hair, as she intently listened to him.

  I kept watching him, as he would talk in different voices for each character in the book. He was really getting into it, which would make her giggle at certain parts and my heart was swelling, because every time she would giggle, she would scoot over a little closer to him a little at a time. I could tell he noticed, because every time she moved closer, he would look at me with amazement in his eyes and wanted to make sure I saw what was going on too.

  By the time he read his fourth book, she was crawled up next to him with her head in the crook of his arm and her arm on his chest, resting against his heart. I was silently crying tears of joy for the both of them and was so happy I got to witness this father and daughter bonding moment.

  He is watching her sleeping against him with tears in his eyes as well. He kept looking at me, while grinning from ear to ear. He reached over and picked up a couple of her curls and watched them slide through his fingers.

  I motioned to him that I was going to leave them alone and he nodded his head and continued watching his daughter sleep, with adoration in his eyes.

  I walked across the hallway to my bedroom to use the bathroom and released the tears of joy that I was trying to hold back and was thinking about what a crazy 24 hours it has been. What a roller coaster of emotions. I walked into a house that was out of control, with so many broken hearted individuals and in less than 24 hours, I can feel all of the love that everyone had kept suppressed, to so many hearts opening up and ready to love again.

  I go to wash my hands and I look into the mirror and realize that I can't quit grinning through my tears. I have never felt so happy in such a long time and I can't quit crying either, and they're not tears of desperation, but tears of joy. I grab some tissue out of the box to dry my tears, splash my face with water, and reach for a towel to dry my face.

  I open the door to my bathroom and see Cash sitting on my bed, grinning from ear to ear, with tears still running down his face.

  "She called me Daddy, and fell asleep in my arms!" I just giggled and started crying. I was so happy for him.

  "I know. Pretty amazing, huh?" I couldn't quit smiling. He stood up and walked toward me and was just inches from me.

  "You're an angel, Liv. You're my personal angel that came into my life, to give me the biggest kick in my ass, and I am so thankful for it."

  He pulled me to him and grabbed the back of my head and I knew right then that he was going to kiss me again, and kiss me he did. It was hard and demanding this time, not soft and slow like last time, and I put my arms around him and kissed him back just as fervently. I could taste the salt from our tears and the hope and longing, as he pushed me into the wall and we stayed like that for I don't know how long.

  When he finally pulls away, we are both panting from lack of oxygen from the long kiss we just shared and he put his forehead to mine and smiles.

  "I want to kiss you again, but I think we better go eat our lunch, before Carmen starts chasing us down with one of her kitchen knives."

  I busted up laughing, trying to picture her doing just that, but after the way she jumped me about making my own cup of coffee this morning, I can picture her doing it.

  "I'm not kidding. She's come after me with one of them before." He grabs my hand and pulls me along to follow him and stops, turns around, hugs me, and presses his lips against my temple.

  "Thank you, Liv. I owe you so much for what you've shown me today. I'm going to do better. I promise."

  ********************

  I am packing up my clothes to go back home for the weekend, and I'm so excited to go home, because I have missed Claudia terribly. I have so much to tell her, and can't wait to just sit with her and relax and tell her about the last few days with Cash and the children.

  While I'm packing, I start remembering everything that's happened during the last few days and how fast time flies when you're not keeping yourself in limbo every day. It's crazy that tomorrow will be a week since Claudia came barging into my bedroom, raising my blinds and telling me to get my ass out of bed. This past week has been like being on one roller coaster after another, and now it's Cash that has impressed me by the ass kicking I gave him.

  Just yesterday, he was going to surprise Gideon by picking him up from school and take him for ice cream, but Eden woke up before it was time for him to leave and before he could leave, she asked him if he would push her in the swing outside.

  He looked over at me in desperation, because I knew he felt like he had to make a choice and couldn't figure out what he was supposed to do, so I told him not to worry and that I would pick Gideon up for him, so that he could spend time with his daughter. I know he had to be shocked at her request, but he just hasn't realized just how forgiving and resilient children can be. They bounce back from hurts far quicker than adults do.

  As I was leaving, Eden grabbed his hand and it was such a beautiful sight. With him being so tall, he had to bend over to keep from pulling her up into the air and that was when he decided to pick her up and carry her. As she rested her head on his shoulder, he turned around to show me what she let him do with a grin on his face and her contented look, and then turned around and walked out the back door.

  As Gideon got into the limo, he immediately looked at me and looked around and I knew he was looking for his dad. He looked a little upset that he wasn't in the car with us and sat across from me, instead of beside me.

  "How did your day go? Did you have a good day at school?" He has a sullen look on his face.

  "Yes. It was alright, I guess."

  "Did anything happen? Was Mr. Marks nice to you? He wasn't mean to you, was he?" Oh, he better not have been, or I'll put more than a tack in his seat.

  "No, everything was fine and he was very nice to me. He even let me be the classroom leader today." He's looking down at his feet and not looking at me at all.

  "So, what's wrong? If you had such a good day, then why are you acting like you just lost your best friend?" I know what's wrong with him, but I want him to trust me enough to tell me.

  "It's just, well, I was hoping that Dad was going to be the one to pick me up. I'm glad that you're here and all, but I just thought that maybe he loved me again, because he came up to the school for me." He still won't look at me, but he's crying now. I get up out of my seat and sit next to him and put my arms around him, as he cuddles up beside me.

  "Gideon, your father does love you. He's always loved you. He's just been so sad since your mommy died that he forgot how to show it. I know it's hard to understand sometimes why we adults do the things we do, but never ever doubt your dads love for you or your sister. Do you remember what he said to you this morning?" He looked up at me and nodded.

  "He said from now on, I'm here for you and your sister. I didn't forget, but he's not here now, is he? He's at work, isn't he? He's always at work!" Gideon’s mad looks a lot like Cash when he's mad, and I'm amazed at the similarities.

  "No, he isn't. He took off today and he had all intentions of coming and picking you up, but your little sister asked him to push her in her swing and he didn't have the heart to say no to her, so I came to pick you up." He looked up at me and grinned.

  "Eden asked him that? She never talks to Daddy. Ever. She always says she's scared of him, when we talk about him."

  "I know, but your Daddy really is trying to make it up to you two. So, what do you want to do when we get home? Do you have homework?" He started kicking his feet from excitement, wipes his tears away with his sleeve, and can't contain his excitement.

  "Nope! No homework for me! You wanna know what I want to do? My favorite thing in the whole world. Mrs. Williamson wouldn't ever let me, because I think she knew I loved it so much." I started giggling, because he was bouncing in his seat now.

  "What is your favorite thing to do in the whole world?" Wh
at a mean vicious woman she was to not let him ever have any joy.

  "Swimming!" He had me laughing my head off by the way he said it. What a mess he is and so adorable. I wished I had knocked her on her ass before she left, for the way she treated him.

  "Then swimming it is!"

  I could barely keep him in his seat, as we pulled in the driveway, he was so excited. When we finally reached the house, he ran inside. I walked in after him and Cash was standing there with a kid on each hip, grinning.

  "I guess we are all going swimming. Let’s go get our suits on."

  Oh, the three of them are quite the trio. No one would have ever believed how the last five years had gone for them. Everyone was so excited that Lucas went swimming with them as well. Lucas and Cash kept taking turns throwing the kids in the air and it became a game between them of who could throw which kid the furthest.

  I must say. Cash in his bathing suit, without a shirt on, was a sight to see and I was glad I didn't miss it. Claud was right about her Greek God comparison and watching him with the kids without a care in the world, made him even more attractive.

  He kept trying to talk me into getting in too, but I didn't have a suit and never even thought about buying one on my little shopping spree. I didn't mind, though, because I would have rather watched the bond he was forming with his children, which was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen happen right before my eyes.

  After everyone was tired from swimming, they washed up and changed and went upstairs to dinner. Eden made sure to sit between me and Cash and Gideon got on the other side of his daddy, and talked his legs off all throughout dinner.

  Cash hung on to every word he said and I still couldn't believe how just the day before, this place seemed like a mausoleum, because it was so eerily quiet and now it sounds truly like a castle full of children laughing, with lots of belly laughs from the adults as well.

  At bedtime, I pulled Cash aside and asked him if it was too much too soon and how did he feel about helping me with their baths and bedtime.

  "Are you kidding? Too much? I've already missed too much, Liv. There's no going back for me. I'm done being a shit to them, like I have been. You were right about them, ya know. Not only is Gideon like looking in the mirror, but he's smart and funny and man he's tough. He got that from Vanessa. If I were stronger like her, I wouldn't have treated them the way I have and for him to just let me pick up where I left off with him, with no judgments? Like he already loves me?" He's going back down that road again and I can't let him.

  "Cash, he's ALWAYS loved you. Haven't you always loved him?" He nodded. "It's the same for him too. He's just been waiting for you and he has been very patient, and yes, he is strong, but he never quit loving you. You have to realize that." I give him a hug and whisper in his ear.

  "You're doing well. One step at a time and quit being so hard on yourself. Kids are more resilient than we are, ya know. Just love them. That's all you have to do." I pull away and look at him.

  "You're right. This is not about me anymore. I can do this."

  Pep talk over. I was never a cheerleader, but I suddenly feel like one, and Cash is my starting quarterback that I'm rooting for, telling him he can do what is expected of him.

  "Then help me put your kids to bed, Mr. Kingston." The look on his face was priceless, because I knew how he hated it when I called him that.

  I giggled and dragged him upstairs and he helped Gideon with his bath, as I helped Eden with hers and when we had them both clean and in their pajamas, my last memory from last night was Cash between his two children in the middle of Gideon's king sized bed, all three of them with their arms around each other asleep after story time.

  I'm finally all packed up and ready to go home for the weekend. The kid’s grandparents had just picked them up and I had forgotten a few things while packing.

  As I'm walking down the stairs, I'm all turned around and realize that I had taken the wrong stairway. I still haven't seen the entire castle and hadn't even thought to ask for a tour, because everyone's been so busy and tied up with the kids, so I had no idea where I was.

  I hear something to my left and I go to check it out, when someone picks me up from behind and puts their hand over my mouth, as I scream and get pulled into a dark room. I immediately recognize his smell and his hard body pressed against mine. I feel his breath at the back of my neck.

  "What are you doing so close to my dungeon? There are fines for trespassing, ya know." His deep husky voice tickled me behind my ear.

  Oh my God, I am so turned on right now and so terrified by this man at the same time. He's still holding me tight against him and has one hand still over my mouth and the other grazing up and down my side, and I can't dare myself to move a muscle.

  "I'm going to really miss you while you're gone this weekend, Liv. The last two days have been truly amazing and I just wanted to thank you in a proper way."

  He turns me around and kisses me with everything he has, hard and demanding, while his hands roam all over me, up my back, and into my hair to pull me even closer to him. I break away and push him back.

  "Cash. You have got to stop this. You're my boss."

  I can't deny that I'm not attracted to him, but I'm also not going to deny that what we are doing isn't going to hurt me further on down the road. I'm not the kind of girl that just casually makes out like a teenager when the urge hits. Granted, we have kissed a couple of times, but they were due to loneliness and the need to feel close to someone, and joy at this new zest for life we have both been feeling.

  "Liv, come on. Don't you feel it? This attraction we have? I feel so alive when you're around, and I didn't realize how much I missed feeling like this. You don't wear perfume, do you?"

  I shook my head. There are lights on now, but they're as dim as candlelight and all I can see are his piercing blue eyes staring intently into mine. He stands closer to me, leans in, nuzzles my neck, and starts kissing me behind my ear. I hear him inhale, like he's breathing me in.

  "What is it about your scent that hypnotizes me before you even walk into the room? That's how I knew you were outside the door."

  Lavender has always been my favorite flower and he's referring to my body wash and shampoo. Him saying that, reminds me of how I feel when I smell his cologne. I'm having problems finding my voice.

  "It's lav.... lavender that you smell. It's in... Mm mm my shampoo and body wash."

  Why am I stuttering? He brings his face close to mine again, breathes in, and grazes my lips with his teeth, which has me losing my balance and crashing into his rock hard body, pushing him back into the stone wall. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me even closer.

  "Lavender, hmmmm. I think I have a new favorite scent. Can I talk you into staying for the weekend? We would have the whole place to ourselves. Lucas and Carmen always leave me alone on the weekends. I'll even pay you extra for your time."

  I seriously was tempting it carnally at first, because I knew what his intentions were, but he lost me at paying me. Pay me extra? Like I'm what? A whore? Because he wasn't insinuating us palling around swimming in the pool or watching a movie or a game on TV, like friends would do.

  I pushed him away with both arms, forcefully and walked out of the room. He caught up with me, as I reached the stair way where my bag was, and I leaned down to pick it up. He grabbed my arm and turned me around to face him.

  "What was that, Liv?" He's yelling at me and looks confused.

  "What was that? I'm not a whore, Cash! I will see you Sunday when it’s time to CLOCK BACK IN for the job I am PAID TO DO!"

  I can yell too. I yank my arm out of his hand and walk away from him, while he has a confused look on his face. As I'm practically running down the stairs, I hear him trying to catch up to me.

  "That's not how I meant it! I swear! Liv, I'm sorry!"

  I didn't even turn around to look at him, as I walked out of the door and got in my car. I headed home, wanting to crawl into my bed and not come
out all weekend to deal with the humiliation at how he made me feel with that one sentence.

  CHAPTER TEN

  As I pull into the driveway at home, Claudia is sitting on the porch talking on the phone. I get out of my car and get my bag out of the trunk, start walking up the walkway, and I hear what she said.

  "Yeah, she just pulled up and I'll tell her." She hangs up the phone, smiles and gives me a big hug.

  "I'm guessing that that was Cash on the phone?" I knew immediately that it was, because even though she's a cut throat lawyer, she can't lie to me to save her soul.

  "Yeah, he seemed really upset. Said he hurt your feelings and you took something that he said wrong. O, what's going on? I can tell that you're upset and have been crying."

  "Claud, I don't want to talk about it, not right now. Just give me a few minutes, ok?" I go to walk into the door and the smell hit me as soon as I opened the door. Claudia was yelling at me, as I walked in.

  "I might as well prepare you for the flowers!"

  Lavender. Everywhere, all over the house in every fashion. It was if he had bought every lavender plant and bouquet that he could from two counties. I didn't even want to look at any of the cards; I just collapsed on the couch and looked around at the entire array of colors all over the house.

  They were on the kitchen table, the floor of the kitchen, and there wasn't much of a walk way in the living room. I bet there's even some in my bedroom. Good lord, this man has gone from grief stricken to...to what?? It's just way too much too soon. My emotions are all over the place.

  "Looks like he's trying to prove a point, huh?" I just shook my head and looked at Claudia. But what point would that be, because I don't even know. Yes, we are definitely attracted to each other, so much that it has me scared to death!!

  "I would say so. He said that he said something to you that you took the wrong way. He didn't tell me what it was, but he did say, and I'm quoting here," "I messed up Claud and I think I hurt her because of something I said, and she took it the wrong way. Please tell her I'm sorry." When I asked what he said, he wouldn't tell me. Said he was too embarrassed to repeat it. So, the suspense is killing me! What'd he say?" She giggled and gave me a light slap on my leg, trying to get me to loosen up. I might as well just get it over with and tell her.