Whatever It Takes (Bold As Love)

by Lindsay Paige

  “Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

  “Like what,” he replies innocently.

  I raise my eyebrow and wait for him to answer me.

  “I'm sorry that my looking at you like a lovestruck puppy is bothering you. I'll stop this nonsense right now.”

  Okay, now I feel bad.

  “Sorry. Look all you want. It's just been awhile, I guess. You caught me off guard, so to speak.”

  He seems hurt by the comment.

  “I caught you off guard by looking at you with love in my eyes?”

  “Just ignore me. My mouth doesn't seem to be functioning correctly with my mind.”

  “No, no. This is serious, Sweetness. If I look at you that way, you shouldn't wonder why I am. You don't doubt that I love you, do you?”

  “Not at all. You are extremely affectionate. It's just that today you seem overly so. I guess I was just trying to figure out why. I should stop talking,” I finish as I see the look that strikes his eyes.

  I look down at my empty plate. It seems as if Jake is speechless. I feel horrible. We are just getting back on solid ground and I decide to jump and make a few cracks.

  “We should go. You have to be at the rink in a few minutes.”

  “Yeah,” is all he says. He pays for our supper and I can't help myself. I keep my eyes focused on the ground. Jake stares straight ahead and I can’t look over at him. Silently, Jake opens the door for me and I get inside.

  I look down at my hands resting in my lap as he walks around, gets in, and drives to the arena. We park alongside the building and I'm out of the car before Jake can open the door for me. The bitter air nips at my skin. It's a much welcomed distraction that I don't want to ignore. I cross my arms as goosebumps break out across my skin.

  I feel hands land on my hips and turn me around. Jake tilts my chin up to make me look at him. His forehead rests against my own.

  “Sweetness, I'm sorry for my reaction. I don't want you to be taken by surprise when I show more affection than usual. I love you,” he adds wrapping those strong arms around me.

  “It sounded worse when I opened my mouth than it did in my mind. I'm sorry love.”

  “I've got to get inside.”

  Neither of us move though. I kissJake and took his hand.

  “Let's go. You've got a game to win.”

  Before I can get inside, Drake calls me.

  “Hey, Emily!”

  “Hey, buddy. How are you today?”

  “Good. Has Jake's game started yet? I was wanting him to help me with my homework.”

  “No, not yet. I was just about to go inside.”

  “Okay. Well, can you call me when it's over and tell me the score?”

  “I sure can. I'll talk to you soon.”

  “Bye.”

  I lean against the cement wall. Jake disappeared inside when I answered the call. I look down the walkway and see Kyle walking my way. A smile spreads from ear to ear as he catches sight of me.

  “I'm happy to see you,” he says when he reaches me. “I wanted to come to see how good your boyfriend is. I wasn't entirely sure if you were going to be here or not.”

  “He is one of the best,” I state proudly.

  We walk over to the booth to buy our tickets. Inside the arena, we find our seats. It seems as if Kyle's knee is glued to mine. Every time I try to move it away, his always follows. An uneasy feeling rises in the pit of my stomach.

  The players are skating around on the ice. I find Jake and wave when he looks my way. Soon, the game starts and my focus is completely on the ice. During second intermission, Kyle asks if I want to walk with him and get us something to drink.

  “Sure,” I reply.

  There are a lot of people mingling about. Kyle grabs my hand and tugs. I’m not paying attention and soon find that Kyle has led us into the janitor's closet.

  “What are you doing?”

  Kyle pushes me against the wall and starts kissing me. Instinctively, I kiss Kyle back. Kyle? I push him backwards as I come to my senses.

  “What the hell Kyle? I have a boyfriend!”

  “Sorry. I just couldn't control myself. It won't happen again.”

  I leave him in the closet and return to my seat. What just happened? That didn't really just happen. Kyle wasn't that type of guy. Right?

  I don't really know Kyle that much. Am I dreaming? Kyle is the nice guy who has been giving me helpful advice. No. Kyle is the guy who just kissed me!

  The rest of the game is lost on me. I am distracted. Kyle left, I assume. He didn't return to his seat beside me. I am still lost in thought, standing beside Jake's car when he comes up to me.

  “Did you see that last shot? It was epic!”

  Jake gives me a kiss and tosses his duffel bag into the trunk.

  “Sorry. I missed it. You should call Drake and tell him though. I'll drive.”

  I learn the details of the final period as Jake talks with such excitement to Drake. The entire drive home, I debate whether or not this is something to tell Jake about. After my shower and Jake's, I slip under the covers.

  I am in another world, a world where Kyle's lips are against mine, and I'm sure Jake can tell. Jake always knows when something is adrift. He pulls me against him, kisses my shoulder and asks what is wrong. Here goes nothing.

  “Kyle sort of bombarded me at the game.”

  The muscles against my back go rigid.

  “What do you mean?”

  “He dragged me into a janitor's closet and kissed me.”

  I wait in worried silence as Jake takes in my words. Suddenly, Jake rolls me over to face him. Anger rages like a thunderstorm in his eyes.

  “He did what? How did he drag you into the closet?”

  “We were going to get drinks and next thing I know, we were in the closet and he had me pushed against the wall. Like you had me earlier.”

  “Do not compare what happens between us to that. I could beat his ass. Doesn't he know that if you wanted him, you would be with him and not me?”

  I rest a hand on Jake's arm.

  “Let's forget it ever happened.”

  “You want me to just ignore the fact that he basically sexually assaulted you?”

  “Yes, I want to ignore it all. It was a bad experience that I don't want to talk about any more.”

  Jake's storming eyes tell me that he isn't going to forget it so easily. I lean forward and place a kiss on his lips.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too Sweetness, but...”

  “But nothing. I want to fall asleep in your arms feeling safe and loved. Let's do that, okay?”

  After a hesitant pause, Jake nods and pulls me against him. It's not long before I fall asleep.

  8

  Jake

  Emily is asleep long before I am. I can't get the image of that jackass kissing my girlfriend out of my head. When I saw Kyle touch her knee the other day at Coffee Beans, I knew something wasn't right. Like an idiot, I ignored it and now my girlfriend had been violated.

  A little extreme? Maybe. However, Sweetness was on the receiving end of an unwanted kiss and I am pissed off about it.

  When I awake in the morning, I am still pissed off. I'm going to hunt Kyle down. For Sweetness, I won't beat the guy senseless. On the contrary, I am going to make sure he knows that he should keep his distance from Emily from now on.

  I find Kyle inside Coffee Beans. His demeanor is calm and collected when he sees that I'm walking towards him.

  “May I speak with you outside,” I ask calmly.

  “Sure,” Kyle replies.

  We step outside and he follows me to the alleyway on the side of the building. I swiftly turn on my heel and face him.

  “Stay away from my girlfriend.”

  The arrogant bastard has the nerve to laugh.

  “That's it?”

  I throw my fist which connects with his jaw. Kyle staggers a few steps backwards.

  “That was for kissing Emily when
she clearly didn't want it.”

  Kyle stands up straight and smirks.

  “From the way she kissed back, I doubt that she didn't want it.”

  My hand grabs his shoulder and I throw a punch to his gut. Only, Kyle was able to right hook me seconds before. I hit him once more in the gut before backing away.

  “Leave her alone,” I tell Kyle's hunched over body.

  Turning, I walk away. My schedule returns to normal. I wish I could go straight home after practice, but work calls. On the way to work, I call Emily to see if Kyle has been around today.

  “No. I saw him earlier, though. His lip was busted.”

  Emily waits for me to explain that it was I who gave him that busted lip. I'm not giving anything up.

  “Really? That's odd. Wonder what he got himself into.”

  “Jake,” Emily begins.

  “Sweetness, I'm at work now. I'll talk to you later. I love you.”

  Emily sighs and I can't help but smile. “I love you too. Oh, and wipe that smile off of your face.”

  “Yes ma'am.”

  I hang up and get to work.

  Back at home, Emily is already in bed. I kiss her forehead before going to shower. I'm as quiet as possible since my Sweetness is sleeping. Working late, I didn't expect her to wait up for me, but part of me wishes she had. It's a wonderful feeling to know that when I come home from a long day someone is waiting up for me.

  I want to see those beautiful brown eyes and her smile. Even if it's just a sleepy smile. I want to share with her about my day and learn about hers.

  I turn the shower off and the cool air surrounds my wet body as I open the stall door. Stepping out of the shower, I grab a towel from the counter and dry off. I step into my pajama pants and brush my teeth. The water seems extra cold in my mouth as I swish. I spit and wipe my mouth. Darkness envelopes me when I flip the switch.

  My eyes take a moment to adjust and I can faintly make out Emily's figure in the bed. Slowly, I walk over, turn back the covers, and climb in beside her. Once comfortable, Emily turns around.

  “Hey,” she whispers as her hands run up my chest.

  “Hey, Sweetness. How was your day?”

  “Fine. How was yours after you punched Kyle three times?”

  Her tone carries a serious note even in a whisper.

  “It was long. How'd you know how many times?”

  “I guessed.”

  I can hear the smile in her voice. Grabbing her hands, I kiss her knuckles before pulling her to me. Quickly, I realize that she isn't wearing her pajamas, but an old tee of mine along with a pair of my sweatpants instead.

  “Wearing my clothes again?”

  “They're comfortable, Jake. Are you working tomorrow?”

  “Yes, but I get off early.”

  I know she's smiling. Quickly, I kiss her without a second thought. I can’t contain myself. She is so damn beautiful even in complete darkness. Resting my head on my pillow, Sweetness starts talking.

  “Since we don't have to work the night away, what do we plan on doing?”

  “We could go out.”

  “How about we just stay home?”

  “And do what,” I ask, a smile playing on my lips.

  Her reply is a kiss that makes me never want to leave this bed.

  ***

  Today, I'm supposed to get off early. Damn work. Of course, the one time I have plans and I have to work overtime. Hearing the disappointment in Emily's voice is enough to make me want to quit and go home to her. Bills need to get paid though. The extra money will come in handy, no doubt.

  By the time I get home, all I want to do is go straight to bed. Emily has other plans and begins to bitch at me the moment I walk in the door.

  “What happened to helping out around the house, Jake? I'm sick of doing all the work.”

  “Emily, can this wait until tomorrow? I'm tired and would love to go to sleep.”

  “No! I've spent all day thinking about this and we are talking about it now. You said you would pick up your slack, but obviously not.”

  She is pacing back and forth behind the couch. I lean against the door frame, a smirk playing on my lips. No need to deny that a mad Sweetness turns me on.

  “Jake! Have you heard a word I've said? Don't even think about trying to seduce your way out of it! I'm sick of having to work, going to school, and then coming home to clean up after us all the time. I'm tired of dealing with the miscarriage myself. You don't seem to be good for anything other than sex.”

  Taken aback by her words, I just look at her for a second. Then I unleash a storm that I didn't even know was brewing inside of me.

  “Dealing with it yourself? You've got to be kidding me. I've been trying for months to get you to talk to me and you insist on going elsewhere. Damn it Emily! I've tried and tried but all you do is shut me out. What more do you want?”

  “I'm tired of the emotional train wreck. There's nothing I want more than to feel better about everything. I don't know what to do anymore. If I bottle it up, it hurts our relationship. If I let it all out, it hurts our relationship. Maybe we should just take a break from each other. What if what I need is to be to myself for a few weeks?”

  “You are ruining us. That you got right. If you would just let me help you, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. But hell no. The world has to go up in flames before you allow yourself to trust me in helping you. You want a break? Then you have it.”

  I go to our bedroom, slam the door shut, and begin packing a few essentials. The plan is to give Emily all the damn time she needs to herself. Why I said I would do whatever it takes to help her I don't know. She has made it apparent that she doesn't want my help. With clothes and other essentials, I walk out of our bedroom. I don't look for Emily and I don't say goodbye as I see myself out.

  9

  Emily

  I want to scream at Jake not to go. It's me who wanted this. Not him. Sometimes, I hate the fact that he will do whatever I ask if he thinks it might help me. His strength, his love. I need them both, especially with my mind in turmoil and my stomach in knots so tight, I would have to cut them out just to get rid of them.

  Yet, I didn't stop him from walking out.

  I could have. But I didn't.

  If worries were warts, my body and soul would be covered in them. I feel like a scared turtle hiding in its shell only to peek out for a glance. I eventually come out once it's clear that Jake isn't going to come back. In my bed, I finally allow myself to let out all my grief and heartache.

  Bolting upright, I regain some composure from the nightmare I just had. I must have fallen asleep while crying. Rolling over I expect to see Jake but the night's events come back full force. Fine. I don’t want him here anyway. In this dream, he once again killed my precious little baby with a smile on his face while blaming me for the entire thing.

  Hours pass and I'm still awake. Not knowing what to do with myself, I'm tempted to call Kyle. After all, the girls don't know about the miscarriage and I don’t want to explain everything to them at four in the morning. However, I know that I shouldn't. All this thinking has made me realize that I was sending Kyle the wrong message. That's clear to me now. Even though I know that we are just friends doesn't mean that Kyle or Jake knows it.

  The realization that I am mad at Jake hits me like a cannon ball. The house feels empty without him, but I ignore it. I am still pissed at having to clean up after both of us. A little help here and there would be nice. I am just as busy and tired as he is. It ticks me off that he would be too tired to help out, but not too tired to have sex with me.

  I kicked Jake out. My nightmares are worse. Jake's probably furious with me. I'm tired of dealing with everything. I want to be able to sleep one night without waking up in fear. Every time Jake and I get on solid ground, something happens and I go and mess it up.

  What am I going to do? I love Jake so much, but what if it's not enough?

  I just want to go back to the way thing
s were before. What if I've messed things up permanently? Nothing is easy anymore, but what was I expecting?

  It is like a storm with dark, ominous clouds covering up the sun. It's so hard to remember the sun is there at all with all the darkness covering it up. I have to find my sun again. It is something that I feel I need to do alone.

  Days pass in a numb routine. I want to go to Jake's hockey games to see how he's been doing on the ice. Instead, I have been sitting at home. Sometimes alone, sometimes with one of the girls. They have been really supportive, even if they don’t really know what all is going on between Jake and myself.

  Finally, I give in and go to a game. I sit in the very last row in order to conceal my presence. I'm relieved to see Jake at his best, even with me at my worst. It's good to know that our current situation isn't affecting his playing.

  In fact, it seems as if it is benefiting his game. Shots that Jake normally wouldn't try to make, he was hitting them anyway. Nine times out of ten, he scored.

  “Hey,” a female sits beside me.

  I look over, but I don't recognize her.

  “Um, hey.”

  “I'm Eve. I am the girl who dropped Jake off that night at Coffee Beans.”

  “Oh. Okay. Are you good friends with Jake?”

  “Shouldn't you know? You are his girlfriend, aren't you?”

  “Not at the moment.”

  Realization dawns on her face and her small lips form a tiny o.

  “Well, we are good friends. We've been hanging out a lot lately.”

  “How is he?” The voice that slips out is the one I spent too long with. I thought I had parted with it forever, but there it is.

  “He seems distracted mostly. Except for when he's playing.” Eve turns to look at Jake skating across the ice.

  “Jake always gets lost in the game once he steps into the rink.”

  “I know.”

  I tilt my head to the side to look at this girl who was spending so much time with Jake. Jealously rises but I push it away. Kyle had been at the house a few times since, so it isn't like he is the only one hanging out with someone else.