Once Upon A Time in the West . . . Country

by Tony Hawks

3 This comment only makes sense if you are familiar with this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_a_Minute

  4 Listen here: www.tony-hawks.com and click on Once Upon A Time in the West Country.

  Chapter 17

  1 That’s how I describe it. Brother Tom would have supplied a tad more detail.

  2 Actually it wasn’t sheepishly. Sheep have the good sense not to drive tractors. It’s about the only sensible thing they do. Or rather don’t do.

  Chapter 18

  1 Always thinking of the environment. It’s well-known that pan pipes can be recycled into . . . well, more pan pipes.

  2 There was a picture of me, too. It was slightly behind Titch’s, because it must have got knocked.

  3 This is because the baby is pressing down on the bowels. It’s worth noting that, generally speaking, wanting a poo is not a sign that significant events are about to take place. (Although I believe Neville Chamberlain wanted a poo when he declared war on Germany.)

  4 I’ve had these at the dentist and I’m a fan of anaesthetics that are administered locally. They’re so much better than the ones that are administered twenty miles away.

  5 All that research hadn’t been wasted.

  Epilogue

  1 We’ll have that sorted by the time of the sequel.

  2 It seems we live in a culture that supports the notion that boys like blue and girls like pink. If you don’t believe me, go out and try to buy a pink card for a male newborn. If you’re lucky, you might find one in Brighton.

  3 Yes, I know – only a man could describe birth thus.