Leminscate as-2

by Jennifer Murgia

  But Brynn? To feel such a devastating unhappiness. What would make her do something so desperate?

  And me?

  You’re the pawn … Hadrian’s words stung me now.

  I had never trusted Brynn, and yet I still felt betrayed.

  My hand hurt. It felt welted and hot, and when I made a fist I felt it on the tips of my fingers. The gentle wind was whispering to me again. I floated to the surface. How long have I been under? Please … I want to stay. I was unable to remember why I was here or why the beating of my heart sounded so far away.

  For a brief moment I remembered someone … blonde, blue-eyed … he lingered on the edges of my reality, but I couldn’t reach him.

  My skin prickled. I was almost awake. Knowing flooded my brain and I heard it once again …

  “snuff the light …”

  It would not go away and I knew…

  I am the light of which she speaks.

  Chapter Thirty

  I cautiously opened my eyes.

  My wish for darkness had been granted. It surrounded me … wings, arms … a feeling of weightlessness. And then a most beautiful face. The face of an angel.

  “Hadrian,” I whispered.

  He seemed relieved that I recognized him.

  “That insipid child should know not to play with fire. She has no idea what she’s done by opening a gate,” he warned, stealing a glance just behind his shoulder.

  My eyes must have shown my confusion. I was having trouble snapping into focus.

  “Gate?”

  “Her desperation let him in and he’s the purest form of evil, Teagan. He’ll stop at nothing now, ripping away from us all we hold dear. Your mother … your friend, Ryan … ,” he looked away for a moment. “He’ll take you away from me.”

  “What do you mean, she let him in?” My tongue felt thick in my mouth, but with each passing second I was swiftly becoming aware of my strange surroundings — and that I was with Hadrian, whose dark eyes appeared tender.

  “She didn’t just open a gate to let Lucifer in. She is the gate.”

  I felt a shudder creep down my spine at that. Although I didn’t understand the significance, it still seemed obvious that it was a starring role for Brynn.

  Something important, and horrific at the same time.

  “As heaven exists in our minds, so does hell. To someone like Brynn, who has offered herself as a vessel, it is a very strong reality.”

  “She sees him?”

  “In her mind, yes. Lucifer wields his power through emotional thought, much like a guardian.”

  “He doesn’t look like a person? Like you do, and …” I was about to say Garreth.

  “When Lucifer was cast out of paradise he was stripped of all luxury, including the ability to materialize in the flesh. He renounced his role as a guardian and chose the path of darkness, so in darkness he shall always remain, seeking refuge in the minds of those who allow him in.”

  “But how do we help her?”

  I looked at Brynn with new eyes. The fuse of loathing that would usually ignite faltered. It spluttered and fell silent. She looked back at me and her eyes said so much. We didn’t need words. She knew. I knew. We each stretched a little out of our normal zone of comfort and finally, we met in the middle.

  I couldn’t bring myself to hate her anymore. She was just a girl, like me. My hand tingled and instantly, I knew the endless stream racing through her thoughts; that I could give her something.

  Something she would be willing to accept.

  Something I was on the brink of being ready to give.

  I could see a glistening tear escape and roll down Brynn’s cheek. Could there possibly be a way to undo the damage she’s started? How she learned of Nate’s journal in the first place, I’d never know. She was vindictive and harsh, always seeking a means to destroy and gain. But as I looked back on how she treated my mother, how she was so careful and tentative with her actions, I understood. To Brynn, my mother was a fragile thing that could be broken at any moment. Brynn was trying to recreate one desperate attempt to hold once again what had been ripped away from her. Reason was lost to her the moment her heart broke. She had made a wish … and the wrong person heard it.

  On unsteady legs, I walked over to her. Clearly, I didn’t expect an apology. Brynn had never been the type to give one. I knelt down beside her, still leery of this girl who would go to such lengths to get what she wanted.

  “We can’t bring your mother back. I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  Brynn shrugged, then looked away.

  “Your father loves my mother. Perhaps …” it was the last thing I wanted to offer, but I knew in my heart it could be the beginning she needed. It could be the very thing Nate said only I could give her.

  “I didn’t know what I was doing!” Brynn cried. “He promised me I would see her again!” Her body practically crumbled, she was shaking fiercely with regret. “I didn’t understand.”

  Hadrian approached quickly. “When did Lucifer make you this promise?”

  Brynn sank back to the floor, her entire body drawing in to a tight little bundle. She shook her head violently to and fro.

  “Tell me!” Hadrian’s voice made the room shake and even I trembled at the enormity of his power.

  But Brynn’s body went completely still.

  Hadrian and I stood staring, waiting, but there was nothing. It was as if someone had just turned off Brynn’s switch. Her expression was blank and her tears, which moments before had been flowing freely, now seemed to be frozen on her cheeks. I leaned in, venturing to get a closer look at the girl who had just been freaking out, hoping to get some reaction, but she was a blank canvas. Empty.

  “What just happened?” I asked breathlessly.

  Hadrian’s eyes were still focused on Brynn. “I’m not quite sure.”

  My eyes darted around the room, but I saw nothing that should cause Brynn’s sudden muteness.

  With a flash, her eyes closed tight, and she turned her head as if trying to face away from something. Her arms cautiously reached out, slapping at the empty air of the antechamber, then quickly recoiled back to her chest where she crossed them protectively around her. Brynn scooted backwards, her once beautiful dress ripping beyond repair, until her back was flat against the dirt wall, where she whimpered in fear.

  “She’s struggling, but Lucifer is too strong for her to fight off alone.”

  “She’s fighting him off? That’s good, right?” I tore my eyes from the trembling girl before us back to the angel next to me.

  “Yes, it’s a start. A part of her has come to her senses, and she’s attempting to resist him. Having her in this place helps.”

  Hadrian studied her face, his eyes widening. I took an apprehensive look for myself, worried and fearful.

  Brynn’s body jerked violently and then shuddered. She opened her mouth and exhaled a breath so deep it sounded as if it would be her last. Her eyes shot open and focused on the ceiling. Hadrian and I stood frozen. The air in front of us shifted, as if the room were breathing on its own. Hadrian’s body stiffened, his back poised and ready for the full expansion of his magnificent wings. I moved closer, positioning myself safely at his side, but there was only silence and stillness as Brynn’s face transitioned back to a peaceful expression. Her chest now rose and fell at regular intervals and she leaned her head back against the wall. Sweat beaded across her dirty face, but at least she was calm for now.

  “Brynn did well,” Hadrian’s voice broke the silence.

  “Well? As in a good job?” I turned and looked back at Brynn and suddenly felt the need to take a step away from them both. All I could think of was how her eyes looked, how her chest sounded when she breathed. How it all began and ended so suddenly like a ticking time bomb; how it could all start over at any given second.

  “Yes, it was a start, but Lucifer is allowing his strength to show. Rarely does he manifest himself physically as well as mentally in someone.”

  �
�Why Brynn? Why is he attacking her? Tormenting her so violently?”

  Hadrian looked at me like the answer was obvious.

  “Because she’s trying to back out of the deal.”

  I stared at Hadrian. How could he explain this all so easily; how could he take it all so lightly?

  Looking back at Brynn, I could see she was sleeping, at least for now. The crease on her forehead was gone and she looked serene, even after all that had happened. But I shivered inside.

  He was there. Waiting. In her mind.

  And here.

  Waiting in my mind.

  Hadrian took a step closer to me, his hand reached for mine, the very hand I had once feared now stretched toward me to comfort me.

  “I told you of the journey, of the pilgrimage. The river was not always there. The tunnels connected from church to church, from one sacred point to the other, scattered throughout these parts. There are eight of them.”

  The significance hit me. I looked down at my hand.

  “It was during one year, there was a terrible flood and the river changed course, crushing parts of the tunnel. The water could not erase it from the earth, but only give it new meaning.”

  “Birth,” I whispered.

  “Yes, birth. Not human birth, but birth from darkness and evil. A strength to overcome in numbers. This place is holy. Each stone laid with a prayer that still resonates to this day. But it isn’t enough,” he said with the upmost gravity, “we must guard what we choose to believe.”

  But I was having trouble believing in anything other than what I had just seen. If Lucifer was in Brynn’s mind, then that meant he was in this very room with us. Right now. I was having a moment. My breath was suddenly stuck in my chest. I looked at Hadrian, who was my only anchor in this right now.

  “So, if Lucifer is in her mind, then that means he’s still here. With us.” I watched and trembled as Hadrian nodded slowly confirming my fear.

  Then, all my thoughts snowballed at that point. I looked at Brynn. I looked at the fire. If this place was so holy, then why would Lucifer be here?

  “How did Brynn get here?”

  And out from the shadows on the opposite side of the room stepped my still-beautiful guardian, Garreth.

  “I brought her.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  He was like a beacon of light stepping from the dark side of the stone room. He was brilliant and beautiful, and my heart tugged painfully.

  Although I was happy to see him, the realization set in once again that I was caught between two angels, and I felt Hadrian tense beside me. He had a cold, almost protective fierceness about him now, while Garreth appeared surprisingly calm, yet significantly changed.

  “You brought her?” Hadrian seethed dryly.

  “I did.”

  Hadrian’s eyes narrowed, “You came across the water?”

  “No, I’m well aware that the full journey can only be made with the help of one’s guardian, and I’m not Brynn’s guardian.” With that, Garreth looked directly at me, confirming what had been nagging at me for so long. That he indeed still cared for me, and that I really did have two guardians.

  “And we’re supposed to believe you did this, for what? To help Brynn? Out of the goodness of your heart?”

  “Hadrian, please.” I gave him a look that I hoped would settle him.

  “Did you believe I’d forgotten my role as guardian? That I’d abandoned all that I really am?” Garreth asked. Then shifting his focus, he walked slowly toward me. It had been weeks since he’d shown me any type of consideration or concern.

  “You needed Brynn where she would be at her weakest. So, here she is.” He handed me a curled paper—the map Brynn had stolen from Nate’s study, which would have only taken her to the first chapel.

  I wanted to cross the space between us and bury myself in his arms, bury the past few weeks that had been miserable without him. But I stood still, my feet planted firmly on the hard dirt floor. He stopped a few feet from me, reluctant to come closer without invitation. I searched his eyes for anything harsh that would otherwise convince me not to trust him, but I only saw the familiar blue that I had feared was lost to me.

  Hadrian intervened, stepping between us, his gaze on Garreth.

  “You left her unprotected.”

  “And I see you had no problem stepping in.”

  I could feel a strange force take shape within the room. Hadrian and Garreth’s energies were colliding, and I could immediately sense that, if taken too far, it could be destructive.

  “This is not what we’re here for! Stop fighting about this!”

  But neither angel relaxed nor took his steely gaze off the other.

  With Hadrian between us, I was almost afraid to move closer to Garreth. Afraid that if I took one teensy step, it would mean I was once again choosing sides. Was it possible to be neutral? Where exactly did my heart draw the line? Somehow deep inside, I knew the answer to the choice I would soon need to make, no matter how painful that choice was.

  We silently assessed each other, standing still as the fire crackled away. A slight motion shifted our attention, and I could now see that Brynn was beginning to stir. Hadrian was the first to move closer, checking her pulse, examining her pupils beneath her weary, transparent eyelids. But as he stood and faced me, the look in his eyes made me fear Brynn was not making any sort of recovery yet. She was pale with deep circles beneath her eyes and looked extremely weak. In fact, I was beginning to think the worst. Perhaps she couldn’t fight this, even with our help.

  With heavy doubt, I knew Nate’s instructions were not going to be easy. Even with the three of us working together to stand up against Lucifer, to push back whatever darkness Brynn had invited in, we would have to work extremely hard.

  “Where do we start?” This was all so confusing to me. I had pictured a fight against Lucifer similar to the fight against Hadrian last year in the woods.

  That there would be flesh to flesh combat, that we would have to outwit each other, that perhaps one or even all of us wouldn’t make it. I looked at my hand and mentally split the eight in half. I pictured a three, hoping to draw strength from the fact that it symbolized us, right here and now. I knew we were up against the purest form of evil. Perhaps one that couldn’t even be destroyed.

  Looking back and forth from Hadrian to Garreth, I tried to connect what we had to work with. Hadrian was dark and strong. Garreth was pure and comforting.

  And me? I was the glue. Supposedly, I was the light. The stake.

  The pawn.

  Hadrian’s confrontation with Brynn rang through my head.

  I had to let Lucifer in.

  As if I had been speaking aloud, Garreth and Hadrian’s heads simultaneously turned sharply in my direction, knowing my thoughts instantly.

  They both began protesting in unison, their voices growing, bouncing off the stones until I felt dizzy and screamed for them to stop.

  “Enough!” Sternly, I looked them both in the eyes.

  Garreth spoke first, cautiously, however, as he seemed to realize his absence and distance from me was not entirely forgiven.

  “This isn’t the same, Teagan. You were lucky you were able to cross over to save me, but this is in no way the same. You can’t.”

  I turned to Hadrian. Moments ago he had plenty to say, but now …

  “For once, I agree with him,” he finally chimed in.

  His dark, green eyes locked with mine. I could feel the change in the air immediately. It was calmer, lighter.

  “You are an unexplainable radiance to me in a world where I have known only shadows. I couldn’t help but want to be near you. I came back because of you.” Then peering over my shoulder, Hadrian asked, “Why do you think Garreth risked so much, changing into flesh and blood just to be with you? You are remarkable. You are not a guardian, yet you have protected like one, and you are more than human as well. The explanations simply evade us all.”

  He paused then, as if feeling the
impact of his own words.

  “I do know that there is a prophecy of a light coming to break the darkness. The story is very old and now your hand, your mark, tells of its truth.”

  Very gently, Hadrian pulled me closer to him and rested his forehead on mine, “You are this magnificent illumination.”

  It was so easy for him to take my breath away, and it didn’t even phase me that Garreth was witnessing this moment between us.

  “The answer cannot simply be given to you, for it is so much more than any of us realize. Somehow you must draw Lucifer away from Brynn.”

  “But how will I know? When?” I whispered back.

  “No time better than the present.” But Hadrian’s eyes held something even he didn’t wish to acknowledge. Reluctance, maybe?

  Immediately, Garreth sprung forward. “You’re sending her to the lion’s den!”

  Hadrian looked up. “Do you have a better plan?” he replied flatly. “Brynn’s obviously not strong enough to do it alone.”

  He turned back to me. “This is about second chances. You gave me a second chance. You saw through the lie I believed in for so long.” Hadrian glanced coldly at Garreth. “I like it no more than he does, but if you don’t do it, Lucifer will win.” He paused. “And I’m willing to help you.”

  His pledge seemed to stop Garreth in his tracks as he realized that the three of us needed to work together. Would I be willing to give him a second chance as well?

  I stared down at Brynn. Her eyes were open, yet unseeing, and every couple of minutes her body would shake with tremors. Time was crucial now.

  I held out my hand and in turn, my two angels gave me their hands, our marks united. A burning sensation seared through my skin.

  It was time.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  “It’s not the same; remember that,” Garreth’s face was a mask. He wore the concentrated resolve well, but I knew worry and fear bled through the strength he was determined to give me. He sighed deeply, afraid for me. For all of us.

  “You aren’t leaving and going to another realm.”

  I nodded my head, understanding.