by Reid, Angela
“I will be close by, watching you, while dancing to your amazing music. I can’t wait to see you perform with your band. You are going to be great,” I said. “We should go, though, they are probably waiting for you.” I would’ve been happy to skip the dance and head somewhere where we could be alone, but he had obligations.
We arrived as Unraveled unloaded the last of the equipment. We were two hours early for the dance to help set up the stage. Student council was finishing decorating the gym as Cade introduced his band members to them. The outlandish group of young men, created a curiosity that reflected in the faces of our classmates. Brax, the bass player, had long black hair that reached his jeans which were slung low, revealing a pair of boxers with footballs on them. Nice touch for a homecoming dance, I thought. He had his eyebrows, nose, and lip pierced with full tattooed sleeves of dragons and half naked women running down his arms. Scott, the drummer, had a short blonde mop, spiked with purple tips. He had piercings on his nose and chin and a huge stud through his tongue. The words, don’t tread on me, were inked on his neck, and several more tats ran the length of his arms. The other guitarist was strangest of all. His name was Jinx, just Jinx, no last name at all. His tresses formed a rainbow Mohawk that stood over six inches tall, and his ear lobes sagged with giant gauges that brushed his shoulders and emitted a terrible odor. A long goatee decorated his chin which he had separated into three plaited sections ending in large African beads. He also had an eyebrow piercing and several devilish looking tats that resembled flames and ran all the way onto his fingers. It was as if a freak show had arrived in our red-neck town. I could see Mrs. Cash staring at the band, uncertainty plaguing her features as the principal seemed to scold her for allowing such riff-raff into our school.
The guys were polite and well-spoken with our supervisors, and the principal finally calmed himself after taking Cade and his mates outside for a little chat. I helped them set up the equipment, the best I could in a backless dress and high heeled shoes. The staging was elaborate, complete with multi-colored lighting and a sound board. Two technicians ran the entire show from that panel, adjusting sound and illuminations as necessary.
“Wow,” I said to Cade. “This is really quite a big deal. You guys look like a professional band. How did you ever afford all this equipment?”
“We were a professional band, Ellia.” He chuckled, not seeming offended by my comment. “We played a lot of big venues and made pretty decent money, but my dad funded most this equipment. Even though I’ve temporarily left the band, I let them use the gear. They’ve had a guy filling in for me, but I retain all the rights to my music. It’s all legal and binding, another courtesy of my dad and his lawyer. He believes in my music almost more than I do.” He shuffled his feet nervously. “Um … I need to tell you something, Ellia, and I am not sure how you will feel about it. The band wants me to go down to the Big D on the weekends and play with them again. I am thinking about doing it. The guy they hired isn’t really working out for them. I mean, it’s only a two and a half hour drive, and it might be worth it to keep our name out there. I can stay with one of the guys while I’m there, so it’ll only cost me gas money and food. Of course, I have to get my aunt to agree to it. She has legal custody of me until I turn eighteen, and she’s vehemently opposed to my setting foot in Detroit.”
I stared at him, shocked and a little hurt. He had never mentioned it to me until then. I wasn’t even aware he was keeping in close touch with his band. Not once had he talked about them or shared one of their conversations with me. Just when I thought I knew every detail about Cade, something new always surfaced. Every single aspect of my life, past and present, had been unveiled to him, and I hated feeling like I didn’t know him at all. Maybe he has a totally secret life of which you know nothing, ever think of that? I asked myself. Jealous insecurities filled my fixated brain.
I took a step back from him, forming the indignant posture he knew so well. “So you will be gone every weekend, then?” Even though I sounded like a pouting child. I didn’t want him out of my sight. What if he meets another girl, Ellia, a girl better than you? What if he stays down there and forgets all about you? Self-doubting tears sprang to my eyes.
Cade took my hands in his and kissed my cheek. “You have nothing to worry about, babe. I love you and only you. You can go with me any time you want. Your dad lives there, right?” I nodded. “Well, you could stay with him and then go to my gigs with me.” He stared at me, searching my face for truth. “I won’t do it if you don’t want me to, though. I won’t let it come between us.”
As selfish as I wanted to be with him, I could never deny him his passion. This was his dream and most likely his future. I couldn’t rob him of that because I was insecure about him being away from me.
“No, I’m sorry. I am being stupid; of course you should go. You made a very mature and responsible choice in deciding to finish high school before taking your music to the next level. It’s important to keep the momentum of your band, and I will support whatever you want to do.” I bestowed a light kiss on his lips.
“To be honest with you about my mature and responsible choices, Ellia, the main reason I turned down the recording contract was a promise I made to my mom before she died. When I started this band, she worried I would drop out and chase my dream. She made me swear I would finish high school, no matter what, and then at least consider college. My dad basically forced me to move north, leaving me no choice but to put the band on hold. I could’ve just taken the contract despite my parents’ wishes, but I would’ve never felt right about it. They always looked out for my best interest, so I had to trust them.” He paused a moment and squeezed my hands. “It was the best decision, in the end, because I found you. I would give up my music if that’s what you wanted. You come first for me, babe. I don’t know what will happen when we graduate, and it scares me, knowing that you will be off to college. I have a lot of things to consider about my own future, but the most important thing is finding what works to keep us together.”
I couldn’t believe he offered to trash his life’s dream for me—stupid, insecure, me. Never would I ask that of him. “Cade, if we are meant to be together, it’ll work out for us. You would end up hating me if I tried to hold you back from what you love, so I would never do that to you. It’s only October, so we have a lot of months to think about what we are going to do about college, but right now, you need to be a musician.” I kissed him again, and he backed me up behind the speakers so Mrs. Cash wouldn’t see us.
“Hey, get a room,” said Scott, the drummer, walking past. We stopped kissing and laughed, both knowing that someday soon we would.
“I better go back to work,” said Cade, hugging me again.
Sitting on the bleachers, I watched them do a sound check and tune-up the guitars. Cade removed his suit jacket, the lights making him too warm, and his silver tie was loose around his neck. He had undone the top two buttons of his white dress shirt, drawing my eyes to the hollow space on his neck, that when kissed, drove him crazy. Watching him made my heart ache. I didn’t want to think about the future. One of us would have to give up something to continue our relationship. The thought of being without him, forced my stomach to twist into sour knots. Two months prior, Cade intended to go to college to obtain that business degree he’d placated my mother with, but he’d been having second thoughts. Before then, I didn’t realize he’d been in contact with his band, but now it made perfect sense. Whether it was the band’s influence or not, he missed the music. My mother would kill me, but I knew I would dump college and go on the road with him if he asked. It was crazy thinking. I’d worked my entire high school career to get into a good college, but this boy ruled my heart. I would do anything to hang on to him, and it frightened me to grasp how much power he had over me. I’d always thought myself above such silly emotions, and now I was ready to drown myself in them. Cade Cantrell was my Pikorua. He was my beginning and the only place I ever wanted to end.
&nbs
p; When the dance started, and the students arrived, Maria got on stage to announce the band. “Hello, everyone. I would like to congratulate our football players for their amazing win last night.” Everyone in the gym cheered, and Maria quieted them with her hands. “I would also like to congratulate our homecoming court and newly appointed king and queen, Bridgette and Jeremy.” Again the students cheered. “We have a special treat for all of you tonight. As most of you may already know, our newest student this year plays in a band, and this band has won many awards in the Detroit area, including the coveted WZRK’s best new band of the year, last summer. They graciously agreed to travel up here from the motor city to play for us. We have CD’s available for sale at the back table for ten dollars apiece, the band will donate a percentage of the proceeds towards our food drive for the needy this year. Also, they will be available for autographs after the show. Trust me, these guys are going places, and you’ll want to get your signed copy today.” Maria smiled at the crowd. “Now, I would like to introduce to you, straight from Detroit City, Unraveled!” She yelled, clapped her hands, and jumped up and down, her boobs nearly spilling out of her dress.
He is so damn handsome, I thought again as he walked out on stage with so much confidence it surprised me. I sighed out loud like one of his swooning groupies. The music started, and the bass made my body vibrate. If it wasn’t for the gymnasium walls, I’d believe we were at a real rock concert. My peers were as mesmerized as I, and soon we were all writhing on the dance floor to sound of Cade’s original music. Between songs, he talked to his audience, keeping us all engaged. Sometimes, he shared the meanings behind the lyrics, but nothing overly personal. He was a true front man on stage, so completely sure of himself. He was intriguing to watch and unbelievably talented as a musician and singer.
The sound technicians DJ’d between sets, and Cade danced with me on their breaks. “You guys are so good,” I said. “I swear Cade, I am totally blown away by your performance. You are phenomenal and irreplaceable. I completely understand why they need you back.”
Cade held me close and kissed my neck, giving me a shiver that radiated the length of my body. “Thank you, babe,” he whispered in my ear. “But honestly, I am having a hard time concentrating up there while you are down here dancing without me. God, I want to be alone with you more than just about anything right now.” He pecked my lips as his hands pulled my hips into his.
My forehead rested on his when he bowed his head towards me. “I know what you mean,” I answered back and gave him a wicked smile. I still couldn’t believe I’d fallen so hard for a boy in just a couple of months. It was beyond crazy, and so far from who I thought I was.
When Cade returned to the stage for the last set of the night, they played hard, but ended on a tender note. Cade’s introduction to the final song, propelled frissons down my spine.
“I wrote this melody not long ago and sent the music to my band mates. This is the first time we have played it together. It’s about an incredible girl I met and how she changed my life. I want her to know how much I care about her.” His eyes met mine, and he sang the most beautiful love song I’d ever heard. Too enraptured to be embarrassed, I never wanted it to end. When the last note closed, Cade set down his guitar and jumped off the stage. So as not to get us in trouble, he simply hugged me and whispered. “I love you, Ellia.”
We ignored the cat calls, whistling, and applause. “God, I love you, too. The song was so beautiful, I am trying not to cry,” I said, holding him close.
“I don’t want you to cry, I just need you to understand what you mean to me. I want them all to know.” he replied and kissed me chastely on my cheek. His hands roamed the bare skin on my backless dress. “Listen, the guys offered to tear down without me. Want to get out of here?” I nodded eagerly, and we snuck out the back
Later that night, I lay in my bed, wrapped in my white, eyelet comforter, considering the new sexual lines we crossed in my truck by the lake. The crickets serenaded us under the moonlight, and the windows became sightless through the condensation we’d worked up on the glass. We were now on equal sexual ground and going all the way was the final step. I was more than ready to give myself fully to this boy. Not wanting to be impetuous teenagers, the act had to be approached maturely with well thought out protection. A baby would ruin whatever future we chose for ourselves. We were way too young for that kind of responsibility. In those precious moments of remembering how Cade’s hands and mouth had made me feel, I decided to visit the clinic for birth control.
***
The SUV was rolling along the highway at top speed, but the truck was keeping pace. Two more shots came through the back window before Cade fired off a few of his own. I thought my ear drums would explode from the assault of gunfire in close quarters. Clasping my hands over my ears, I hunkered low in the seat.
Agent Roberts took the corners so sharp, I was sure the SUV would flip, but he maintained control of the huge beast. We could not shake the black truck no matter how expertly the agent maneuvered. Cade had crawled into the back of the vehicle, and I feared for him. I wanted to protect him, especially after all the revelations he shared, but he was a trained professional in the art of defense, so I had to keep the faith he knew what he was doing. The black seat belt cut into my abdomen from the swerving and jerky driving, firing up the bruised ribs and pelvis Mr. Gordon had given me. I heard Cade fire his gun again, two more shots in succession, and the next sound I perceived were tires screeching on pavement. Against orders, I put my head up and looked out the back window. Cade had shot out the black truck’s front tires, and the driver lost control, going over one hundred miles per hour. The truck hit the ditch and went into a series of acrobatic flips before smashing up against a large oak tree. Agent Roberts had slowed by then, and the sight of twisted hot metal was in my line of vision. There was little hope the occupants of the vehicle were alive. I covered my eyes. It was horrific, and the image burned in my retinas.
Agent Roberts was on his phone reporting the incident to someone as Cade crawled back into the seat next to me. He pulled my hands away from her face. “Are you all right? Did you get hurt?” he asked, and I thought I saw real concern in those dead eyes. I shook my head, and pulled away from his touch. I was emotionally sick. Having stood witness to more than one tragic passing in a just a few short days, was more than my senses could handle. I was shaking so hard my teeth chattered together while Cade sat calmly looking at me like this was another ordinary day in his world. And it was, I supposed. This was his life now, but not mine. Death was nothing to him because human life had lost its value. I hated who he had become, whether it was for the good guys or not. We drove on in silence as if the event had never occurred. From the corner of my eye, I watched him reload his weapon with sure steady fingers, and it made me queasy. The back window lay in pieces strewn about the SUV, and I was freezing. I huddled up against the door, staring at the farm land that passed by in a blur. Cade retrieved a coat from their bags in the back and put it on me. I didn’t acknowledge him or thank him. The warmth of the heavy jacket with the FBI letters on the back was comforting, but I was cold from the inside out more so than the other way around, it seemed. When we pulled off the expressway and into a gas station, two more unmarked Bureau vehicles waited for us. The men exchanged keys, and Cade told me we were changing SUV’s, this time taking a dark green Ford Expedition.
“Let’s go inside so you can use the rest room, Ellia, we still have a long drive ahead of us.” I didn’t speak to him but let him help me out of the suburban. My legs felt rubbery, and my neck hurt from being whipped around so much in the earlier car chase. Cade kept a hold of my arm, even when I tried to pull away from him, a smart decision on his part. My footing was unsteady, and I tripped when stepping onto the side walk. He escorted me to the bathroom but waited outside the door. I relieved a bladder I hadn’t realized was full and vomited again. I scrubbed my hands, which were shaking so violently it was hard to control them, and looked in
the mirror. Death stared back, a pale figure with dark circles under one eye and purplish, green bruises surrounding the other. The stress and illness had taken a toll, and my gaunt features reflected it. A significant amount of weight seemed to have melted away, and I looked damn near skeletal. Tangles of crazed blonde hair framed my face. My appearance was reminiscent of an escaped mental patient. I splashed warm water on my cheeks. That sick and scared sensation came over me again, feeling like a tsunami sent to drown me. Tears fell in hot rivers, and I gripped the edge of the sink trying to keep a hold on reality. My head was pounding as my heart beat deafened me. Somehow, I must have slipped down to the dirty white tile as I lost track of time. Cade’s hand gripping my upper arm brought me back to reality.
“Ellia,” he said, pulling me to my feet. “We need to go. Are you ready to move?” he asked. I pulled away from his grip and grabbed a handful of paper towels to blow my nose. I walked right past him, leaving the bathroom and heading towards the door. He matched my pace and opened the expedition’s door for me. I got in, but this time, he didn’t sit next to me. He got in the driver’s seat, and Agent Roberts got in the passenger side. The shot-up SUV was taken away. We headed out to the highway as I sat alone in the backseat.
Cade spoke over his shoulder to me as he drove. “There is food in the bag and bottles of water. I also got you a coffee,” he said, motioning to the cup in the holder. “Try to eat and drink something. You need to get your strength back.” He turned his attention to the road that loomed ahead. I ignored him and the sustenance, not sure if I could hold it down even if I wanted it.
“I need to find my Mom and Sam,” I said, staring out the window but feeling determined to do the job they couldn’t.
Agent Roberts answered, turning around to look at me. “Miss Meyers, your mother and your brother went missing the same day you were abducted. Our agents that delivered the vehicle relayed information that your brother is confirmed alive, and he is being held at a remote location.” He stopped short as Cade shot Roberts a look, warning him not to say anything else. I wouldn’t be satisfied until I knew the truth though.
