by Reid, Angela
“That’s nice of you, Lucas, but you have a life down there. Don’t disrupt it for me. I’m fine, really I am. Besides, I won’t leave Cayden alone, even with my mom here. I can’t even bear to put him in his own room. He sleeps by me every night.” I said.
“That’s understandable. I will come up anyway and bring dinner to the house. I miss your mom. I think we’re in love,” he joked. We said goodbye with the plan that he would come for dinner on Saturday.
***
When the day arrived, I found myself anxious for Lucas to get there. As much as I loved my mother, having another person around would be a welcome distraction. He held true to his word and brought a feast to prepare for us.
“I am going to treat you both to authentic Mexican food,” he said, beginning to prepare the meal. I opened a bottle of wine and poured a glass for each of them. I had tea, instead. Cayden sat in his carrier on the counter, the center piece of my life.
“I love Mexican food,” said my mother, sipping her wine. “And I love not having to cook.”
“You don’t cook, Ellia?” Lucas asked. My mother snorted and laughed, while I shot her a dirty look.
“My mother never taught me to cook,” I teased, even though it was true. “Matt taught me the basics, but I never mastered any special skills, I’m afraid. Matt and I actually met while I was buying cook books, funny enough.” I got lost in a moment, and my mother touched my arm, bringing me back to the present.
“Don’t honey,” she said. “Don’t think about painful things right now, let’s just enjoy Lucas’ meal and have a nice evening.” I nodded, though sadness had fallen on me, as it always did when I thought of him.
After dinner, the three of us talked for hours, until my mother, after too many glasses of red wine, began nodding. She went to bed while Lucas finished off the second bottle by himself. “Do you mind if I spend the night? I probably shouldn’t be driving, truth be told,” he said, with a little laugh.
“That would be fine. I hope you don’t mind the couch,” I replied. I got a blanket and pillow for him, and when I had his bed all made on the sofa, I turned to fast tripped on the coffee table. Lucas grabbed my arm to steady me. He looked at me with complete yearning, and then he kissed me.
I pushed him backwards. “Why did you do that?” I asked, angrily wiping my mouth off. “What the hell, Lucas?”
He held his hands up in front of him as if to ward off a physical attack. “Shit, Ellia, I am sorry. I am so sorry. I don’t know why I did that. It was just an impulse, and I gave into it. It must be the wine. Jesus, I am so sorry. It will never happen again, I promise,” he said, looking mortified and embarrassed.
The tears welled up in my eyes. My disappointment in him was profound. “Lucas, you are my one and only friend, and I thought I could trust you. I think you should just leave. Call a cab and go to a hotel.” I picked up the baby’s carrier and took him to bed with me, not saying another word to him. I changed Cayden’s diaper and put him in the crib next to my bed. He went right back to sleep. I locked my bedroom door, for what purpose I wasn’t sure, other than that I didn’t trust Lucas anymore. I changed into my pajamas and cried, furious with him and missing Cade, until I fell asleep.
The next morning, I stayed in bed and fed Cayden, tired and not wanting to get up yet. When I finally surrendered to the need to urinate, I figured I might as well get on with my day. I found Lucas having breakfast with my mother. Still angry with him, I avoided eye contact. He seemed contrite, and I knew he wouldn’t give up until I forgave him.
“Good morning,” said my mother.
“Morning,” I replied, getting a cup of decaf coffee and a plate of eggs. “Sleep well, everyone?” I asked.
My mother nodded, and said, “You must have slept well, too. There was no blood curdling screams coming from your room.” She laughed, but I didn’t find it amusing. The dreams still sporadically plagued me, and I found no humor in it.
“There are occasional blessings, I suppose,” I finally replied, shooting Lucas a dirty look. He looked down at his plate wearing a mask of shame.
After breakfast, my mom wanted to give Cayden his bath, so I agreed, though I didn’t care to be left alone with Lucas. “Shouldn’t you be heading back to Detroit?” I asked, wiping the counter.
“Not until we talk,” he said seriously. “I’m sorry about last night, Ellia. Can you just forgive me and forget it happened?”
“But why did it happen? Do you try to kiss all your friends after a couple glasses of wine?” I asked.
“Only the pretty ones,” he joked. His face got serious when I didn’t play along. “Okay, here is the thing. I do think you are pretty, for the record.” He grinned again, but I didn’t bite. This was not a joking matter for me, he’d crossed a line. “I admit I am attracted to you, but I know you are devoted to Cade and he is to you. In my right mind, I never would’ve done something so inappropriate. I guess I’ve been lonely, too. It’s been a long time since I had a wife with which to share my thoughts. It’s not excuse, I’m just trying to explain. I have come to cherish your friendship, and I don’t want to lose it over one stupid incident. Please just forget about it.”
I sighed. “Our friendship feels weird now, so I am not sure I can just forget it. I don’t think about you like that, Lucas, and you made things awkward.”
“Don’t let it be, just forget it. In fact, let’s not even mention it again. So what are your plans for the day?” he asked.
I exhaled in exasperation, knowing he was going to push forward whether I liked it or not. “Hmm … I don’t know, maybe take Cayden for a walk later, if it warms up a little bit,” I said. Just then, the phone rang, and it was for my mother. I took over the rest of the bath, and when I emerged, Lucas was by the door, putting on his coat.
“Your mom has to leave, Ellia,” he said. “Something went wrong with her house, and I have to take off, too. Are you going to be okay here alone?” My mother joined us, suitcase in hand.
“What’s going on mom? What happened with the house?” I asked.
“Oh, it’s nothing too serious, honey, just a water leak. I need to get an insurance adjuster in there and get it fixed. I will probably be gone a few days. Are you going to be okay here?” she asked.
I wondered why everyone but Cade was so concerned about leaving me alone. He had no problem disappearing from my life when it suited him. “Yes, I will be fine,” I said to both of them. “Mom, don’t feel like you have to rush anything, to get back here. Do what you need to do, and don’t fret about us.” I hugged her.
“You know I am a phone call away if you need anything,” said Lucas.
“Thanks,” I replied. “Just keep me updated, okay? Cade is so evasive, I never feel much in the loop with this case.”
“You got it,” he said. He looked at me very seriously. “Do you feel safe, Ellia? I can make arrangements to stay up here if you want me too.”
That was the worst idea I’d ever heard. “No, last I knew my evil father was out of the country with the family he actually cares about, so I am sure I am fine.” He nodded and gave me a wave goodbye. I watched them both drive away from the house.
The quiet house felt instantly lonely, but I had Cayden and that was enough. After a shower, I took him for a long walk. When I returned, nothing seemed out of place. I fed him and put him in his crib for a nap, then I lay down in my bed to rest as well. A noise in the kitchen made me bolt upright. I checked the baby and grabbed a gun from the nightstand. I crept down the hallway, but no one was there. I lowered the gun, wondering if I had fallen asleep and dreamt the noise. Then I saw the package just inside the door. I checked the alarm and realized I’d forgotten to set it. It was a careless mistake, and I wanted to smack myself. I quickly remedied that and double checked all the locks. I then searched the house to make sure the delivery person was not hiding somewhere. All rooms were empty.
I stared at the package in its brown cardboard confines. The box was heavy and the contents fel
t dense. There was an envelope taped to the top, I opened it first.
Dear Ellia,
This is what was supposed to be in the car for you. I am sorry my husband thought it necessary to dispose of a few FBI agents, including your Cade, by way of an explosive in the Lexus he gave you. Thank God you did not open that trunk. I fear your father’s mental state has seriously deteriorated. I promise, the explosive was not meant for you or your baby. His narrow focus didn’t allow him to comprehend the danger he created for you and his grandson, but he regrets that decision now. He is grateful that neither of you were harmed. Please take this as a token of my sincere apologies for the atrocities you and your family have suffered. This is all yours to keep. The money is from my personal account, a product of an inheritance, not your father’s ill-gotten gains. Do what you like with it--a fresh start for you and Cayden perhaps. Best of Luck to you and yours.
Sincerely,
Marisha
I understood I should probably call Cade or Lucas, or anyone in the FBI, for that matter, before opening it, but I didn’t. For some reason, I trusted Marisha. She had seemed kind and sincere, even though she had to be a monster in her own right for standing by my murderous father. I doubted that a bomb would be in the box since it was addressed directly to me. Marisha had to know that I was alone while Cade was off chasing after them. Just to be safe, I pushed the box out into the back yard, protecting Cayden if anything nasty were inside. I put my ear to the cardboard and listened for some time and heard nothing. I ran inside and retrieved a box cutter. Opening a small square on the side seemed safer than ripping open the top, hoping to avoid a detonator.
I cut a tiny opening first and nothing happened. I saw a gray plastic bag inside. I cut away more of the cardboard and still nothing went awry. I tipped the box on its side, no easy feat with the weight of it, and cut the entire side out. I stuck my hand in and felt around the perimeter of the bag. There seemed to be no wires or lumpy objects, but of course I knew nothing about bombs. Perspiration covered my face, and I absently wiped it away. I gasped when I tore open the plastic. It was money, just like she said, but it was an unfathomable amount of money. I flipped through the mega stacks, and found no booby traps. I was shocked and had no idea what to do with it.
My instinct was again to call Cade at once, but he would be so angry at me for opening the box, that I decided not to tell him yet. Using all my strength, I pushed it into the house, where I removed it all and counted it. It totaled nearly five million dollars, and I was dumb struck. Not knowing what to do, I drug it down the hall and hid it away in the closet until I had time to think through my options. It was enough money to secure a safe future for Cayden. We could leave the country if we wanted too. I might actually be able to find a safe haven somewhere for us, and I could take care of my mother for the rest of her life. Of course, there was the question of the IRS. I couldn’t exactly claim the money, but if I didn’t, I could end up in federal prison for tax evasion. It was too overwhelming to consider; I shut the closet door and decided not to do anything for the time being.
By the end of the week, I was obsessing on the box in the closet. My mother had not returned and was still dealing with her house troubles. Lucas called every day as usual, and I wanted to tell him about the money, but was too afraid. My feelings about it turned into paranoia, and I started to worry that someone would take Cayden for ransom if they knew I had it. My isolation was feeding into irrational fears and every noise sent me running for a gun. Lucas wanted to come on the weekend to see me again, but I put him off, not trusting anyone with this huge secret. I feared if he came, I would end up telling him, wanting to free myself from the burden of it. I’d seen firsthand what money and greed could drive people to do, and I’d also learned that a law enforcement shield meant nothing in terms of scruples and morality.
Cade finally called that Sunday, and I was relieved to hear his voice. We were so far apart, in every sense, it surprised me that he could still sense something was bothering me. “What is it, Ellia? I can tell something’s wrong,” he said.
“Nothing, I just miss you. Can you come home soon?” I felt the tears in my eyes, but tried to hide the desperate emotion that threatened to spill over into the receiver.
“Not yet, but hopefully soon. We’ve had some great leads that have gotten us close, but your dad is always a step ahead of us. I miss you, too, and Cayden. Has he grown much?” he asked, his voice sounding so sad, it put my water filled eyes to capacity and the tears fell down my cheeks.
“A little I guess. He is doing great, very healthy, and content,” I said, not knowing what else to say to him. “He is fussing right now, though, so I should probably go.” I was lying, but I wanted to get off the phone. As much as I loved him and wanted to hear his voice, the money in the closet felt like an unbearable weight, and I couldn’t risk telling him.
“Oh,” he said, sounding hurt that I was the one rushing him off the phone for once. “I will try to call again soon, then. Are you sure you are okay?”
“I’m great,” I said trying not to sound sarcastic “I love you and will talk to you--whenever.” I hung up before my lips leaked any of the information that sat perched, ready to spill.
Another week came and went much as the previous one had. Cade had not called back, and I avoided Lucas’ calls. My mother initially planned to return the following week, but since they had to do a lot of repair work on the home, she’d decided to stay there and oversee a complete remodel. It was going to take some time. “I will gladly come back if you and the baby need me,” she told me, “but you seem to be doing fine without me.”
“We are fine, and I am enjoying this bonding time with Cayden. Just stay home and take care of the house. All is good here,” I lied. I didn’t want my mom to come back either, afraid of the secret in the closet. The more people who knew about the money, the more dangerous it could be for all of us. Lucas was harder to get rid of when he insisted he was coming. I was barely talking to him anymore, and he assumed it was over the dreadful kiss.
“Ellia, just let me come up there. I don’t know how many ways a person can say they are sorry. I just want to make sure you are okay, and that’s hard to do over the phone,” he said.
“It’s not about the kiss or anything like that, Lucas. I am just enjoying this quiet time with my son and don’t feel like having visitors. I thank you for your caring and concern, but this isn’t about you. Just relax, and we will get together again some other time,” I said sweetly to him, trying to hide the angst from my voice. He finally agreed to give me some space.
Chapter 21
It was a late Friday night, after another full week had past, and I was sleeping when I heard the front door. I grabbed the gun I now slept with and ran down the hallway. There was no doubt someone was in the house this time, and they apparently knew the code. I went around the corner with the hammer on my loaded pistol cocked, hands outstretched in a shooting stance. I wouldn’t hesitate to shoot if I needed to defend my son. Cade startled when he saw me. “Jesus Ellia, what are you doing?” Realizing who it was, I lowered the weapon and released the hammer before setting it down on the counter.
“I didn’t realize it was you,” I said casually, not wanting him to see my fear.
“I didn’t mean to frighten you. I guess I should’ve called to tell you I was coming.” He searched my eyes. “What’s wrong? Why are you so jumpy? Did something happen to scare you?”
“No, nothing at all has happened.” I bit my lip to keep the truth locked inside my mouth. We stood looking at each other in awkward silence, the tension hung heavy in the room. This was not the normal homecoming that would’ve had me in his arms at once.
“Are we okay?” he asked, seeming nervous as he rubbed his jaw.
“I don’t know,” I replied, because it was true. He felt like a stranger again. I backed further away from him. “Why are you back? Is there news?”
“We caught him, Ellia, him and Marisha. They are both in custod
y.” He sighed with relief. “It’s over, this shit is finally all over, and I’m home for good.” He closed the space between us and hugged me so tight, I couldn’t breathe. “Please tell me we are okay.”
“Do you still love me? Even after everything my father has done to you?” I asked, looking up at him, my arms still at my sides.
“Of course I still love you,” he whispered. “How could you even ask me that?”
“It’s hard to tell anymore. Actions tell the tale so much clearer than words. I feel so … disconnected from you right now.” I stepped from his embrace and crossed my arms.
He shoved his hands in pockets and leaned against the counter. His face remained blank and I couldn’t tell how my honesty affected him. “I guess I thought you understood my absence. It was for us, our family. Don’t you know I hated being away from you and Cayden? Maybe I should’ve called more often, but it was hard talking to you, knowing I was missing so much. My only choice was to focus on what I was doing so I could get home to you.”
“It was never your only choice, Cade.”
He exhaled deeply. “For me, it was the only choice, El. Putting your dad in prison ensures your safety, and Cayden’s. I should’ve been here to help you deal with what happened in that warehouse, but it was the circumstances that kept me away, not because I didn’t want to be here. Does that make any sense to you?”
“As I’ve said, I understand, and I dealt with everything fine without you, as usual. I guess the sight of death doesn’t really bother me anymore--maybe I’ve become just like you.”
He stood there motionless, not responding, so I forged ahead with my pent up feelings. “It’s not that I am angry with you, per se, because I surpassed that emotion a while back, but I don’t know where we stand right now. Of course I still love you, but a wall stands between us, and it’s safer to love you from this side of it. It keeps me from being a basket case every time you leave.”
