Serenity

by Ava O'Shay

  “I didn’t realize you knew I went to school.” Ren headed straight for the stairs. The house was a pit. Whatever they’d been up to this morning left clothes and dishes scattered everywhere. A strange smell filled the room and made her stomach feel queezy.

  “You need to be in school,” she muttered. “Education is important.”

  Ren turned on her. “Dammit Mom why aren’t you at work? Why are you home in the middle of the day instead of earning some money so we can keep living in this shit hole? Because if you don’t do something, we’re going to lose this place. And we can’t afford anything better.” She hadn’t meant to yell, but her voice got increasingly louder the more she talked. At the mention of a job her mom pulled herself from the couch and stood wavering.

  Before Ren knew what happened, her mom’s palm hit her cheek, knocking her to the side and into the corner of the stairwell. Her head cracked against the wall, and she fell to a knee.

  “Don’t you talk to me like that,” she hissed, spit hitting Ren’s cheek. “I’m your mother.”

  She braced herself against the wall and stood. Her face burned where her mom’s hand made contact. Ren’s temple throbbed where it hit the wall.

  “You’re not my mother. You gave that right away when I was ten.”

  “If you’re so unhappy call your stupid case worker and get out. It would make my life easier.” She took a swig of her beer.

  Ren clenched her fists, digging her nails into her hands.

  “Oh that’s right. You won’t call because they’ll take your beloved Quill away from you.” Her voice was so patronizing Ren wanted to punch her. But she was right. Ren couldn’t risk being put back into the system. She wouldn’t risk being separated from her brother.

  “You don’t know shit.” Ren grabbed her backpack and walked back to the door.

  Her mom grabbed her arm. “I’m your mother. I carried you in my stomach and gave birth to your sorry ass so I expect some respect from you.”

  “I will never respect you.”

  Her mom raised her hand to slap Ren again but stopped herself. A sad look crossed her face but was quickly replaced by one of resentment. “I tried to be there for you but do you know how hard it is raising twins alone? I needed help.” Her hand gripped Ren tighter. “Every man who came into our lives…every time I found someone willing to help you screwed it up. You stole them from me.”

  Ren pulled her arm free. “They were pedaphiles you stupid whore. They didn’t want you they wanted Quill and me.”

  -oOo-

  Ren had gone by the drug store and got a cheap bottle of concealer then stood in the store bathroom trying to hide the red welt her mom left on her cheek. She was thankful her head hadn’t split open when it hit the wall, but a purplish bump formed along her hairline. The concealer was too thick, and she ended up washing it all off. It was better to have a welt than look like she’d caked on the make-up. She hoped by the time she made it back to school it would fade.

  Jolin’s Camero sat in the front lot. The school ran a lottery for kids with cars to see who got the prime parking spots. It was rigged though. All the popular kids ended up in the front lot, especially the football players and the cheerleaders. Ren slid onto the hood of his car and settled in to wait. She wondered why the debate club never got preferential treatment. Weren’t they the future leaders of America?

  Ren knew the minute Jolin left the building. She felt the hair on the back of her neck tingle. She shifted so she could watch him walk across the parking lot. He was incredibly good looking. Although they hadn’t talked in years, if playground banter in fourth grade even counted, she knew as soon as she walked through the doors of the school who he was and the power he held. She’d also watched that power slowly fade after his injury. Brock’s motives for giving her over to Jolin were spurred by his need to destroy what little popularity Jolin had left. Ren should have felt bad for her part in Brock’s diabolical plan, but as Jolin slid from his throne and his rose colored glasses of popularity dissolved he seemed to be able to see her clearer. She wasn’t sure that was such a good thing. Living apart from his kingdom of high school popularity had made her invisible up to now.

  She held little doubt Jolin had no idea she was in his elementary school classes or that she disappeared until ninth grade. She should hate him for his lack of interest in anything without a cheerleader uniform on, but she couldn’t. No matter how far off his radar she was today, he’d invited her to her first and only birthday party. She never got to go, but the sentiment remained with her. As much as she hated it, she liked him, and she liked spending time with him. Even if it was under completely fucked up circumstances. He’d find out sooner or later. Ren had no doubt eventually Brock would spill the plan and totally screw her over. But it didn’t matter. As soon as she graduated she was taking her money and Quill, and they were out of there. And Jolin would forget about her as easily as he had in fourth grade.

  “Get off the car.” Jolin was in a crappy mood.

  . Ren looked up when she heard Jolin’s voice then slid slowly onto the ground. Patting the car as if making it better. A few of the kids stopped to stare at their pairing. She wanted to flip them off but was at the very least trying not to provoke an incident. Eventually, Elizabeth’s minions would track her down. She didn’t need to pave the way.

  “If we’re going t-t-to work t-t-together there is a no sitting on the c-c-car rule.” He pulled the keys from his bag and manually unlocked the door. Ren moved to the passenger side and rested her chin on the roof.

  “Gotcha, Casanova.” She slowly chewed a piece of gum. His eyes stared at her lip ring move with each chew before he dropped into the car, leaning over to unlocked her door. When she tried to open the door it wouldn’t budge. She pulled the handle harder but it was stuck.

  “It won’t open.” She tapped on the window.

  Jolin looked up from inside the car, muttered something she couldn’t hear, and leaned over to push on the inside of the door. With a loud screech the door popped open.

  If his expression was any indication of his mood this study date was certainly not following the same path as the first.

  Reluctantly Ren climbed in placing her bag neatly on her lap. She sat perfectly still except for the constant movement of her fingers as she picked at her nails.

  “Rule two. You can’t smoke in my c-c-car.” He seemed to be setting the tone to this study session from the get go. Apparently he remembered what happened when he sat back and let her take control.

  “Does it look like I’m smoking?”

  Jolin laughed dryly. “Just k-k-keep it out of the c-c-car.”

  “I suppose you don’t fuck in the car either. Don’t want to get…all over the seat.” The roar of the engine blocked out her words.

  Jolin kept his gaze forward, refusing to let her get to him.

  The drive to the library was quiet. After an intial statement of the rules for riding in Jolin’s car neither one of them spoke. Jolin parked, climbed out of the car, and waited for her to do the same.

  “This is going to be fun,” she muttered to herself before trying to open the door. She pulled the handle and nothing happened. She pushed her shoulder into the door and it still didn’t budge. Ren ducked her head to look out the windshield at Jolin. He stared back at her unaware of the fact she was stuck in the car.

  “Are you c-c-coming?” He asked.

  “You’re car won’t let me out.”

  Jolin’s eyebrows drew together. He walked to her side of the car and tried to door. Surprise it didn’t budge.

  He pulled on it a few more times then shrugged. “C-c-climb over the seat.”

  “I’m not climbing over the seat.”

  “Then I guess you’re st-st-stuck,” he said dryly.

  “God dammit. Go over there. I don’t want you checking out my ass,” Ren yelled through the window.

  “My j-j-junk was in your face I would think you owe me an ass.” Jolin crossed his arms determined to stay
where he was.

  Ren frowned. “You wanted it there. I don’t want my ass up in your face.”

  Jolin chuckled and shook his head. “I d-d-didn’t have much choice in the matter. You gr-gr-grabbed it.”

  “I’m not getting out until you move.” She pulled her bag to her chest.

  “Guess you’re rethinking what Mr. Carson said about your shorts not m-m-meeting dress code huh?”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Like I haven’t been t-t-told that a million t-t-times in the last couple weeks.”

  “Shit,” Ren said under her breath then straddled the console and climbed out of the car. “Enjoy the show?” She pulled at the hem of her short shorts.

  “Most definitely.” Jolin grinned, walking around the front of the car. “Let’s g-g-go.”

  Ren wanted to be angry at him but seeing him smile after the shitty expression he wore on the way to the library made flashing him worth it.

  Jolin

  Thursday, October 17

  4:00 p.m.

  When they finally got settled at a table in the back and emptied their backpacks of their lab materials, Jolin decided to clear the air. “I think we should t-t-talk about what happened yesterday. What p-p-people are saying.” Jolin wished he could get through this conversation without the stutter. It was hard enough without drawing out the words in his sentences.

  Her gaze flashed at him then took on a guarded look. “Are you going to give me more rules because I might need to start writing them down.”

  He ignored her snarky comment and continued, “I want to ap-p-p…apologize for letting things g-g-get out of control. I’d never smoked b-b-before and I—well I—I’m not sure what I was doing.” He rubbed his hands over his face.

  She stared at him for a long time before a small grin tugged at her mouth. “You aren’t sure what we were doing?”

  “N-n-no,” he stammered. “I know what w-w-we were d-d-doing. Fuck.” He ran a hand over his hair, staring down at the table. “I should have st-st-stopped so-soo…faster.”

  “You didn’t like it?” Her voice was quiet.

  “Yeah.” Jolin laughed a little too loud before he leaned back to cover his face with his hands. Regaining his composure he lowered his voice. “B-b-but I’m with L-l-l-izzie.”

  Her mouth turned down. “Yeah you said that yesterday. No biggie. I was stoned.” Ren brushed him off. “I have to work tonight so if we could get started…”

  Jolin’s mouth opened and closed. No biggie? She’d had his dick in her mouth. How could she just blow that off?

  She met his stare. Unspoken words hung heavy between them. That’s when he noticed the red welt on her cheek and a bruise along her hair line.

  “What happened t-t-to your face?”

  Ren broke their stare down and fidgeted with her fingers again. She wasn’t going to answer him.

  “Are you… okay?” He reached out to still her hands. She pulled back before he made contact.

  “Can we just do this?” Her voice was tight, and he worried she was going punch him. He watched as she fought for control of her emotions.

  Jolin grabbed the instructions for their project. “Okay.” He cleared his throat, mentally shaking the uncomfortable feeling he was left with. Here he was apologizing for letting things go too far while she shrugged the entire thing off as no biggie. Not to mention, while he was stressing over making sure she knew he was still with a girl he wasn’t actually with, someone was beating the shit out of her. Akeo was right. He was a self-centered asshole…and he didn’t want to be that guy with Ren.

  Jolin cleared his throat again. “We’re supposed to choose an animal fr-fr-om an endangered area and d-d-devise a p-p-plan for revitalization.”

  She cocked her head at him. “Did you always stutter? I don’t remember you stuttering.”

  His heart skipped a beat. She remembered him. “N-n-no.” He tapped his head. “Football accident.”

  “I didn’t know.” Her voice actually sounded sincere. Elizabeth sounded bored at having to wait for him to get his words out. She’d finished his sentences for him. Ren had yet to look annoyed by his stutter.

  Jolin closed his eyes and willed himself to relax and get the sentence out without pause. “Head trauma. Short term memory screwed.” He shrugged. “Doctor said stutter is psychological.”

  A frown tugged at one side of her mouth. “Got that all out didn’t ya?”

  His jeans got tighter when he looked into her eyes. He dropped his hand under the table and readjusted.

  She waved a hand in the air as if wiping the conversation away. “I don’t care. What animal do you want?” She slid a spiral notebook out of her backpack.

  “How ab-b-bout the orangutans of B-B-Borneo. I always liked the show Orangutan Island.” He wanted her to know he wasn’t going to shirk all the responsibility to her.

  “You watch a show about orangutans?” She raised her eyebrow. The silver ring encircling it sparkled. Jolin’s upper lip started to sweat. His keeping cool points were going down.

  “Well…y-y-yeah.” He tried to make it sound like everyone did, and she was odd man out on this gem of a show, but she wasn’t buying it.

  A little smile tugged at her mouth. He would give anything to get a full smile on her face. She didn’t seem to do it much. It disappeared before it emerged completely. “I don’t have a TV.”

  “You c-c-can watch it online, t-t-too. A few of my friends don’t have satellite TV anymore. They stream through their computers.”

  “Don’t have one of those either.” Her voice was so small if they weren’t in the silent library he wouldn’t have heard her.

  Jolin cleared his throat again. “Well it will give us a head start on the r-r-revitalization aspect. They’ve already d-d-developed a rehab facility so we can take it from there. Since we’re behind it would be easy to use what they’ve d-d-done, then expand on it. We’ll catch up faster.”

  She sucked on her lip ring.

  He shifted in his chair and ran a hand over his hair. He hoped he didn’t have to stand up any time soon. “D-d-does that sound ok-k-kay?”

  “What?” She released her lip.

  “Orangutans?”

  Her gaze never left his. He waited for her response. It was odd she had such direct eye contact. Most girls in high school diverted their eyes every time he tried to talk to them.

  “I’ve never seen the show,” she finally said.

  “You c-c-can come to my house. There’s b-b-back episodes online.” Jolin’s enthusiasm at her coming over was out bit out of proportion for the event. He slid back in his chair and tried to regain his cool persona.

  Her expression didn’t waver. “I don’t really like to watch TV. I prefer to read.”

  “Then you can read all the b-b-books, and I’ll watch the show.” He had a feeling this was her way of saying there was no way in hell she was coming back to his house.

  “Look. I have to work tonight so if we could divide the information up and decide who’s going to do what, I need to head out.” Ren leaned back and flipped her hair off her neck.

  “Where do you work?”

  She challenged him with her green eyes. “Perks.”

  Perks was the local coffee hangout. It wasn’t exactly on the way to his house, but he didn’t want to end their time together yet. “I can drive you.” He met her challenge and told himself he would not divert his gaze first. His heart beat faster when the feeling of her mouth against his came flooding back.

  She raised that eyebrow.

  A noise he wasn’t even aware he could make came from deep in his throat. God had he just growled at her? He felt his ears turning red and made a quick decision to bail. “I’m going to get a few more b-b-books.” He pushed his chair out and escaped to the dark stacks of books in the back of the library. He leaned over his knees and pulled in deep breaths trying to cool the heat growing in his stomach. “Shit. You’re an idiot. You need Liz b-b-back.” He chastised himself.

  S
he hadn’t made a sound walking up behind him. Or if she did, he was so wrapped up in his embarrassment he hadn’t noticed. Her black boots came into view in his peripheral vision. He stood and let his hands drop to his sides. Looking at her made him wonder when exactly he had lost his mind. Her vanilla scent filled the air around them, pushing back the musty smell of the old books.

  “I don’t think this is where the orangutan books are.” Her voice brought goose bumps to his skin.

  “The hell with it.” Jolin wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and pulled her to him. Any thought he had that kissing her was only good when he was high was quickly put to rest when her mouth met his.

  He wrapped his bad arm around her waist, but didn’t have the strength to pull her close so he used his hips to swing her around and up against the bookshelf. Ren’s mouth sat unmoving beneath his own. He wanted her to touch him, to run her hands through his hair like she had in his room, but her arms hung unmoving at her sides. He deepened the kiss encouraging her to open her mouth against his.

  She placed her palms on his chest and pushed against him.

  Jolin released his hold on her and ran the back of his hand over his mouth.

  “You need Elizabeth back,” she quietly repeated his words.

  Shit, she’d heard him. He stood against the stacks of books and watched her walk away.

  Then went after her.

  She stood with the table between them shoving books and papers into her messenger bag.

  Jolin leaned over and grabbed her hands. “Don’t leave. I screwed up. I’m sorry.”

  She jerked her hands away and pulled the strap of her messenger bag over her head, adjusting it between her breasts.

  He waited to see what she was going to do, but she’d already made up her mind. He was an asshole. Akeo already told him that. Apparently it was harder to change his ways than he thought. Without a second glance she headed to the stairs.

  “Dammit!” he yelled. Then apologized when the occupants of the upper floor all shooshed him. He shoved everything into his backpack and took off after her. At least he knew she didn’t have a car.