Serenity

by Ava O'Shay

  “Why?”

  “Because when I was eight my mom’s first boyfriend had me sit on his lap while he touched Quill and came up my back. I saw the look on Quill’s face as he touched him. It ripped my heart out, and I told myself I wouldn’t let it happen to him again. I couldn’t. He was the best of all of us. His smile could light up a room. I watched as his light began to go out. How they began to destroy him. So I stepped in. I went after them. I had to save him. I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t know what I was doing. I grabbed their dicks and used the same motions I watched them do to Quill. They liked my eagerness and helped me learn. Every boyfriend that went after Quill…I had to be better…make them forget the little boy in the room. I had to offer more. By the time I was ten, my mom’s current scumbag taught me what a blow job was. How to do it the way he liked.” Ren laughed. “Then I Googled it. Can you believe it’s on the internet? I had to be the best so they’d leave Quill alone. I did the only thing I could and then they took more. But Quill was untouched and that’s all that mattered. That’s what I do now to keep us together.”

  Ren’s voice was fading as Jolin continued to massage her scalp and run his hand through her hair.

  “Why didn’t your mom stop it?” Jolin asked.

  “Oh, it pissed my mom off. I was going after her men. I didn’t even wait to see if they wanted Quill. I’d offer myself up. I began to crave the control it gave me. I wasn’t being used, I was using them. I could bring a grown man to his knees. Mom started locking me in my room. Not feeding me. Burning me with cigarettes. But the men kept coming. So she started charging them. Either money or drugs. When I was too little to have a dick put in me, she’d let me get them going, and then she’d have sex with them. I was nine maybe ten and sitting beside a bed while my mom was fucked up the ass. I was eleven when they decided the blow job wasn’t enough.” Ren shivered. “I used my skill to get things I wanted in the homes. I stopped when Grams found us…when I found you again.”

  Jolin slid to the floor. Moving Ren so she could lay down and rest her head in his lap. He grabbed the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around her.

  “So you see. You’re the guy who saved me. You saved me when I was little and you did again after Grams came. When I saw you at the high school, I knew things would be okay. You were the guy that climbed the tower and rescued me.” Her voice was getting sleepy. “But then my grams died, and my mom came back…and Brock came.” Ren yawned. “When Brock asked me to come to your house…I was so scared. I was afraid when you found out what I did…do, you wouldn’t want to rescue me again. But you did.” Ren laughed half asleep. “But now you know about me and you’ll leave. Everyone does eventually. Even Quill.”

  Jolin used his free hand to wipe away a tear that escaped his eye. Ren lay still in his arms, her breathing smooth and slow like she’d fallen asleep.

  Jolin jumped when she spoke again.

  “So, Jolin. Do you know the answer to the question you asked?” Her voice was quiet as she fought to keep sleep away.

  Jolin leaned over and kissed her head. “Yeah. I know.”

  “What is it?” She reached out and grabbed his hand. Threading her fingers though his.

  “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  Ren’s head jumped a little as she laughed. “You got to ask the right questions,” she mumbled before falling asleep.

  Jolin

  Tuesday, October 28

  5:00 a.m.

  Jolin’s neck was stiff from the angle he was sitting. He’d fallen asleep with Ren on his lap. He watched her sleep quietly before succumbing to sleep himself. Shifting slightly, he took time to assess the damage done to her. Her face was covered in bruises and a lump was on her temple. He turned her arm over. Her forearm was covered with circular burns, some deeper than others. He stopped counting at fifteen.

  “Jesus,” he said under his breath.

  He pulled in a shaky breath. Her confession last night floored him. After she’d fallen asleep, he’d stayed up, haunted by her words. He hadn’t even remembered her a few weeks ago and here she was banking on him coming to rescue her. Akeo’s words rung so true. He’d been wrapped up in some insignificant world of high school while Ren was struggling day to day.

  “Fuck,” he muttered as the vision of Ren as a child came to him. Her small mouth taking in some dirty mother fucker’s dick. A shiver ran through him. He needed to move. He couldn’t sit here with all this tension building in his body.

  Moving her off him, he stood and stretched. It was still early. He was surprised his mom hadn’t come in and insisted he get out of Ren’s room.

  He readjusted the blanket over her sleeping form and headed to the bathroom. After taking care of his morning ritual, he slid on some sweatpants and a T-shirt, then headed downstairs to find his mom.

  “Hey,” his mom said, leaning across the center island reading the paper.

  Jolin walked around the counter and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her cheek. “Thanks.”

  “For what exactly?” She giggled as Jolin’s stubbly chin rubbed against her.

  “For letting me stay with her last night. For trusting me to not do anything. For believing in me.” Jolin paused. “For being my mom.”

  His mom turned around. Her eyes were glassy from tears that had yet to fall. “Thank you for being my son.”

  “I’m sorry about putting you through so much. I’m sorry I screwed up college.”

  “Sweetie,” his mom cooed. “It was an accident. You had no control over it.”

  “I disappointed Dad. I let him down.”

  His mom rubbed at an invisible line one the counter. “Jolin. Your dad is complicated. Don’t blame yourself for how he deals with his disappointment. He doesn’t know how to react so he pulls away. I know it’s worthless to ask you to not take it personal. But it’s his issue not yours.”

  “I think that’s why I try so hard to be popular. To win dad’s approval again. If I can’t be the football star at least I can be a star in the high school.”

  His mom shook her head. “Oh, Joli. I’m sorry you feel that way. He loves you in his own way, and it has nothing to do with whether you are popular or not. I don’t know how to fix this.”

  Jolin rubbed her arm. “You can’t.” Jolin grabbed a cup to get some coffee. “Talking to Ren just made me really look at myself and why I do what I do.”

  His mom smiled at him. “I think a lot of people could benefit from examining why they do the things they do.”

  Jolin sipped at the bitter coffee. He wasn’t much for coffee, but he was in need of the caffeine fix. “Why are you so understanding? Most moms would swear me off a girl like her. Tell me she isn’t good enough for me.”

  His mom leaned against the counter. “Everyone needs a chance. I know she is a product of her circumstance and if we don’t help her rise above it what’s the point of being human.” His mom turned around and resumed reading the paper and drinking coffee. “But last night was a one night deal. You will be in your own room tonight.You guys are too young to be shacking up together. I’m not that understanding.”

  “Shacking up together?” Jolin laughed and took a drink.

  “I’m not promoting teenagers having sex in my house.”

  “What if we do it in the garage?” Jolin teased.

  “Jolin Daniel…” his mom warned.

  Jolin’s laughter subsided and he got serious again. “She says she’s going home.”

  “Like hell.” His mom covered her mouth with her hand. “Sorry, but she is not going home.”

  Jolin smiled at is mom’s embarrassment at using the word hell. Guess he better tone down his use of fuck. “That’s what I told her.”

  “I have to get to work. You two can stay home today” She narrowed her eyes and pointed at him. “I’m trusting you. I’m trusting you understand the significance of what she’s been through and not take advantage of her past.Or my kindness at taking her in.”

  “Mom.” Jolin said a l
ittle too loud.

  His mom raised a warning eyebrow.

  “Give me a little credit. I picked her up at the police station last night after getting the sh…” He paused and gathered his thoughts. “Crap. Getting the crap beat out of her. I am not trying to get in her pants. Besides it isn’t like that with her…she’s special.”

  His mom smiled. “Okay, but you’re back at school tomorrow. She needs a day to recover. The hospital report said she suffered abrasions, possibly broken ribs, and a large cut on her arm. They assume it was self-inflicted. A bloody razor blade was found in her room and there isn’t evidence the boyfriend was in there with her. Keep an eye on her today. She’s been through a lot.”

  Jolin ran a hand through his already sleep messed hair. “You think she tried to…” He didn’t want to say it. She didn’t seem suicidal last night. In fact, to be honest, last night wasn’t anything compared to some of the shit she’d been through.

  “No. I don’t think she was trying to do anything more than let out a lot of anger. The other scars on her arm indicate this isn’t the first time she’s cut. She’s lucky she didn’t go too deep or we wouldn’t be sitting here. Just be here for her today. I think that will be a great gift for her.”

  “I’ll keep her close.” Jolin was planning on keeping her close for a lot more than today. “Mom?”

  She had her coffee cup up to her lips and raised her eyebrows at his question.

  “You knew about her past didn’t you?”

  She lowered the cup to the counter a sad look crossed her face. “Yes.”

  “You didn’t tell anyone?”

  “By the time I knew, the authorities were already involved. I knew her mom was bad news. But I had no idea what she was doing to the kids.”

  Jolin nodded. “We’ll lay low today. No worries. We’ll stay out of trouble.”

  His mom laughed. “Jo, I know you aren’t a saint.” She held up her hand before he started to argue. “You’re a great kid, but I’m not naïve. I know what kids are doing. I’m not sure she’s any worse than another.” She fiddled with her coffee cup. “You’ve come home drunk and smelled like…” she waved her hand. “Whatever. I know you aren’t perfect and she isn’t going to lead you astray. If you survived Elizabeth, I imagine you’ll survive Ren.”

  “I like her mom.” He didn’t make eye contact.

  “I know.”

  “I really like her.” He couldn’t suppress the smile that pulled at his mouth.

  “I know. But honey? You have stuff you need to deal with, and she has stuff she needs to deal with. I’m not saying it won’t work. I’m just saying you guys are behind the eight ball in this and it isn’t going to be easy. If you want easy, leave her alone Jo. Don’t give her something she’s never had, and then take it away. Do her a favor and keep your feelings to yourself if you’re going to let the high school dictate your future.”

  “She could just as easily do the same to me.”

  “Yes she could. But I doubt she will. She won’t give up her heart easily, and she won’t let the gossip sway her feelings.”

  “She told me some awful stuff. I wanted to hunt the fuckers down and kill them.”

  “Jo!”

  “Sorry Mom, but what word would you use?”

  His mom frowned. “Okay, but don’t be saying it all over this house.”

  “I thought you were just happy I seemed to have lost the stutter.” He grinned. “You should celebrate.” He walked around the island. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

  His mom smacked him in the arm. “Jolin knock it off. Besides that was never one of your trigger words.” His mom rubbed his arm. “I’m indebted to her for helping you. It’s beautiful to listen to you speak.When it isn’t profanity.”

  Jolin felt his cheeks warm at his mom’s words.

  She reached up and cupped his face. “Be careful with your heart sweetie. And be careful with hers.”

  “I know. Don’t worry too much.”

  “I’m a mom. It’s what I do.”

  Jolin ushered his mom out the door and headed back upstairs to check on Ren.

  “Holy shit, Jolin!” Ren yelled, wrapping her arms around her breasts. “Get the fuck out!”

  Jolin smacked a hand across his eyes and staggered into the door jam. “I’m sorry. I thought you were sleeping. I’m sorry.” Jolin couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “Hey, you saw my dick, I should at least be able to see a boob. We could call it even.”

  “You’re such an ass.”

  Jolin spread his fingers apart and peaked at her. “I didn’t see anything. Really.” She turned her back to him and was sliding a black lace camisole down her torso. He felt his stomach clench at the black and blue bruise covering her side.

  “Ren.” His voice lost its’ teasing tone.

  She turned on him. Her shield up and in full force in her eyes.

  “Did he do that?” Jolin walked across the room until he stood directly in front of her. “Did he?”

  Ren dropped her head and shook it. “No.”

  “Jesus, Ren.” Jolin slowly reached out and tugged at her shirt. At first she pulled away, then with a sigh, she conceded.

  He pulled the hem up until her side was exposed. He ran a finger lightly along her soft skin. “Are any ribs broken?

  “Cracked.” Her eyes brimmed with tears. Quickly, she rubbed her hand across them, wiping any trace away. “It was my fucking mom.” Her voice lacked its’ usual conviction. “Her boyfriend.” She shook her head as if it would erase the event. Then cocked it to the side and gave him a small, sad smirk. “The night you saw me at the club? When I got home.”

  “That’s what you and Quill were arguing about outside the weight room?”

  “He doesn’t get that we’d be on the street without Brock’s deal. He thinks everything magically works out.”

  “Why the hell don’t you tell him? He’s a big boy, he can handle it.”

  “No, he can’t. He’ll blame me then he blames himself for not protecting me or getting fired or whatever his latest screw up is. He gets all worked up and then goes off and gets high or drunk or something.”

  “I don’t think you give him enough credit.”

  Ren looked up. “You’ve met him right?”

  Jolin snorted. “Yeah.”

  Jolin stepped into Ren. His chest brushed against hers. “I wish I could have protected you,” he breathed out the words. Then carefully trailed his fingers along her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away a tear that escaped earlier. “I want to be here for you. Now.” He traced the bruise across her jaw. Leaning in, he kissed the mark. Ren tried to step back but Jolin wrapped his arm around her waist and held her tight. “You don’t have to be alone,” he said against her neck. “Let me help. Let me protect you. No one will touch you again without your permission,” he whispered, trailing light kisses across her cheeks. Stopping, he looked into her eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

  Ren’s eyes closed. She was so beautiful. Lightly Jolin pressed his lips against Ren’s, waiting, judging her response. When she didn’t flinch or slap him, he moved his lips softly against hers, hoping she would let him know if this was okay. Ren’s lips moved slightly. Enough for Jolin to know she was responding to his touch. But like his mom said, she was vulnerable. She didn’t know the feel of a loving touch.

  Before he lost control and pushed her, he pulled away, pressing his lips to her forehead. “Thank you. My mom gave us the day off. Put on some of my sweats and come downstairs.”

  Ren let out a shaky breath and nodded in agreement.

  Serenity

  Tuesday, October 28

  6:30 a.m.

  Ren found a pair of grey sweats in a drawer, left her camisole on and pulled Jolin’s sweatshirt on over her head. Before she headed downstairs, Ren checked her phone. Nothing from Quill. He was probably sleeping off whatever he decided to do last night. She figured Jolin thought he was a dick for deserting her, but that’s how they worked. If he would have stayed, she
would have got stoned with him and that was the last thing she needed right now.

  Call me when you can, she texted, then stuffed her phone back in her bag. She folded the clothes she set out for school and lined her boots up along the end of the bed. She wasn’t planning on staying, but she could pack up later. She had to work tonight anyway. With a deep breath, she headed downstairs to whatever interrogation Jolin had planned.

  He was cooking something at the stove when she padded into the room.

  His back was to her. She took a moment to appreciate the muscles as they worked against his snug fitted T-shirt while he flipped whatever was in the pan. He put on sweats as well and they sat low on his hips. She couldn’t help but remember running her hands over his ass and feeling him shiver. She craved to get back some of the control she’d lost last night. Taking Jolin in her mouth, touching him, driving him over the edge would give her that fix, but it may also destroy whatever shred of friendship they were building. His words scared her. She couldn’t trust him to be there. They were just words. They had always just been words. When people understood…really understood her reality, they couldn’t handle it.

  Ren stepped toward him. Walking softly so he wouldn’t hear her move in behind him, she pressed her body against his back. Startled, he dropped the spatula he was holding. She placed her hands around his body stopping on his pecs then slowly ran her fingertips down his chest. She closed her eyes as the feeling of powerlessness seeped out of her. She continued her downward decent until her hands rested on the top of his thighs. Jolin’s head fell back and his back pressed into her. His breathing was quick. Ren couldn’t help but smile. This is what she needed. To get the upper hand. She’d divulged too much last night and Jolin saw her as weak. Someone needing protection. She didn’t need protection. She could take care of herself. Ren felt his cock grow under his sweats and shifted to cup it in her hands. But before she could take him, Jolin had her by the wrists and had flipped her around so her back was against the counter. He held her tight, bringing his face close to hers.