Serenity

by Ava O'Shay

  “My job is to keep you here until he talks, so don’t make any plans to bail. Not even to the bathroom.”

  Ren glared his way.

  Each candidate went before the students and discussed their intentions at boosting the spirit of the class during the week. It held no interest to Ren. Her mood, which was already poor from her hangover, got progressively worse the longer she stood there.

  “Look, Akeo.” She turned to plead her case. “I feel like shit. I look like shit. And all of these people are full of shit. I’m out.” She started to leave, but Akeo grabbed her arm.

  The Akeo, Ren knew was a kind and quiet guy. The strength of his grip made her see him with new eyes.

  “Look, Ren,” he said snottily. “My boy there.” He nodded his head toward where Jolin stood patiently waiting for his turn. “Has been to hell the last few months, and he pulled your sorry ass out of your hell twice. Standing here and listening to whatever he has to say is the least you can do for him.”

  Ren pulled her arm free. “Man, Ke, take a pill.” She straightened her shirt and settled back into the wall. His words were so true and made her feel crappy. He was right. The least she could do was stand there.

  It felt like hours, and Ren seriously thought about trying to take Akeo down when Elizabeth started to talk. If she hadn’t vomited all her insides out last night and this morning, she had a feeling she’d lose her breakfast at the sugary sweet bullshit Elizabeth was slinging. It made her sick to think of the power one misguided cheerleader had over the unsuspecting in the high school. As long as they stayed out of her way, she looked like a bright and shiny example of high school royalty. Ren knew better. Somewhere along the line, Liz decided she didn’t like Ren and when that happened, her chance at getting through high school without being bullied was over. Elizabeth was such a bitch, and she was going to win hands down.

  Finally, Jolin stood up to the podium.

  Ren crossed her arms and gave Akeo a sappy grin.

  “Here we go.” Akeo ran a hand over his face.

  “Hey,” Jolin started, and the gym filled with applause.

  She glanced at Akeo and shook her head. She didn’t need to be here for this.

  He held up a hand telling her to wait.

  Jolin gave the room his embarrassed grin, cocking his head to the side. Ren’s heart squeezed. She wished things could be different.

  When the gym calmed down, he started again. “I’m Jolin Daniel. Senior.”

  The gym went wild again, but this time the principal held his hands up to quiet them.

  “I am taken aback by the support you are showing me today after a rough couple of months.” He ran his hands down his thighs, then grabbed onto the edge of the podium. It was the only outward sign he may be nervous.

  Ren snorted. He must be talking about a different student body. He’d been kicked out of the popular crowd, and the teachers had ripped his special favors out from under him.

  “I am honored I was nominated by you all for Homecoming King.”

  Ren glanced over at Akeo, miming the action of wanting to throw up. He just shrugged and pointed back to where Jolin stood.

  “You see, I have gained a new perspective after my accident. As a friend of mine told me…my eyes have been opened.”

  The student body shifted and murmurs could be heard through the crowd. The others speeches had enticed the students to their feet, stomping and cheering. Jolin’s was starting as a downer.

  “When I was told I was going to give a speech today, I started to think about what it was I was going to talk about. School Spirit? The football team? How I would represent you as a king? And I thought…what the fuck?”

  That got the crowd’s attention. Not to mention the principal’s.

  “Sorry ‘bout that.” He tapped his head. “Head injury and all.” Jolin dropped his chin in what looked like a call for sympathy, but Ren guessed he was trying not to laugh.

  “How the hel…I mean heck, is someone in this school going to be a king? I looked up the definition.” That got some snickers from the room. Jolin pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. “King. It means a man or boy who rules over a sovereign state. The ruler of a group. The biggest… the strongest of the bunch.” Jolin was silent as he folded the paper and slid it back into his pocket. “Am I to rule over the school? Am I the strongest and biggest of the group?”

  The principal took a step forward, tapping his watch.

  Jolin nodded his way.

  “I have been doing a project on orangutans…”

  The crowd laughed.

  Jolin cleared his throat. “In their society, there is one leader. One king who fights all the others to get control of the group. And once he does, once he has shown he is the biggest and strongest, it is his job to take care of all the other members of the group. Not put them down or treat them as a lower species. It is to protect them. Isn’t that what ruling over the group means?” Jolin looked around the room. “Isn’t that what our king and queen are meant to do? To reach out to the ones needing help and support to keep the group strong? Do you all vote for them because by casting a vote for that person you have set on some imaginary pedestal, you think somehow they will accept you? They’ll see you? Make you one of them? Because you know what happens as soon as lead orangutan gets weak…or has an accident… the group kicks them out and chooses another quarterback. I mean leader. They aren’t inviting you into their society. They are recruiting you to do their bidding while they wait for the opportunity to knock the current leader out of the tree.”

  The uncomfortable shifting began again.

  “I understand the purpose for the title and the tradition, but high school is a snapshot of your life. It shouldn’t be like life in the jungle. We shouldn’t be struggling to survive. The weak don’t bring the whole group down. We have the ability to help bring others up. We are just beginning to become who we will be, and I want to be someone better. I want to take care of those that need it and are afraid to ask. I may not be the biggest or the strongest, but I can still open my eyes and see there are people in our school that need us to support them, to understand when they leave this school they have a life we have no idea about. Challenges. I mean no disrespect to the tradition of homecoming, and I wish you all the best, but I am respectfully declining the nomination.”

  The entire gym went silent.

  The principal quickly walked over and began talking before he lost control of the crowd. “That will be our last speech. Please take your ballots, fill them out and stuff the boxes outside the gym. Your third period teachers will be expecting you.”

  Ren looked up to see Jolin making a direct line to her. She turned and tried to escape. She didn’t want to be the reason he tossed his future away. But Akeo wasn’t having it. He grabbed her shoulders and kept her there.

  “Please,” she pleaded.

  “He deserves to have you listen.”

  The students filed down the bleachers, making it impossible to see Jolin anymore. Akeo blocked her from the masses with his body as the students pushed and shoved past them.

  Jolin finally fought his way through.

  He was giving up his chance to take his life back…to make his dad proud…he was choosing her. His expression looked hopeful. He was waiting for her to acknowledge what he’d said. Ren couldn’t find the words to express how his speech had touched her. How he told the entire school he saw through the smoke and mirrors.

  “You compared yourself to an orangutan,” Ren finally said.

  He laughed.

  “I think that pretty much shot your chances of winning to hell.”

  “I withdrew.” He took a step closer. “Weren’t you listening?”

  “You shouldn’t have,” Ren whispered. “You had your chance to get your life back. To make your dad proud.”

  “My dad will survive. He has to love me. I’m his son.” He stepped closer, taking her face in his hands. “It isn’t a life I want if you aren’t in it.”

&n
bsp; Ren started to shake her head. “Everything in my life turns to shit.”

  Jolin leaned in to brush his lips against hers. “You make my life better. You gave me a life I didn’t know I was missing.”

  Ren felt herself melting into him. “I have nothing to give you.”

  “You have everything.”

  Jolin brought his mouth to hers again. The students leaving the gym bumped into them, pushing Jolin closer and blocking them from the view of the principal. He pulled back and rubbed his thumb across her lip. “I’m not letting you push me away.”

  Serenity

  Friday, November 7

  7:30 a.m.

  Jolin held her hand tightly in his as they sat in the middle of the senior class bleachers watching the cheerleaders do a dance routine. It was Friday morning and the homecoming court was going to be announced momentarily. The gym was full of plastic trellises and fairly lights, getting ready for the dance happening next Saturday night. Large, white thrones lined a stage at one end of the gym waiting for the royalty to sit in them.

  Serenity didn’t want to be here, but Jolin said she had to embrace a little of the high school world so later on she didn’t feel like she’d missed out. She’d told him she would never feel like she missed out, but now here she sat. His thumb made small circles around the side of her hand and it was all she could do not to pull him out of the gym and plant her mouth to his. She wondered if he felt the same way.

  Jolin leaned in and rubbed his nose behind her ear, giving her a small kiss that sent a shiver through her. “You look good today.”

  She laughed. Since his mom took an interest in her, she tried to dress more conservative.

  Finally, the cheerleaders took a seat on the floor and the lights were turned low. The twinkle lights sparkled.

  “I want you to come to the dance with me,” Jolin whispered in her ear.

  “I would if you were king, but you know, you withdrew so I guess no luck.” She shrugged.

  “If I knew that I wouldn’t have withdrawn,” he said sullenly.

  “Oh well.”

  Jolin frowned.

  The principal walked to the front of the decorated stage and waited for the students to quiet down. “May I have your attention?” Slowly the room quieted.

  Ren looked down at the area on the floor where the cheerleaders sat and scanned for Elizabeth’s head. She was gone.

  She leaned into Jolin. “Looks like the bitch got her wish.”

  He shrugged.

  The lights swirled around and one by one, the royalty was announced and walked into the gym to the cheers of their class. Each girl was dressed in a white gown with a crown of sparkling fake diamonds. The boys were in tuxes. Ren had never attended the assembly before and was curious how they knew to wear gowns.

  “How did they know to wear a white dress?”

  “At the meeting they were told to all get white dresses and tuxes. So if they won, they were ready.”

  “And if they don’t?” Ren raised her eyebrow.

  Jolin’s eyes turned dark. His voice was tight when he spoke. “Don’t do that.”

  Ren smiled and sucked her lip ring into her mouth, slowly letting it out. She knew Jolin had a weakness for her piercings.

  He grabbed his chest and moaned. “Just wait.”

  Ren couldn’t help the huge smile that formed on her face.

  The band started a drum roll as the principal cleared his throat. “And now for the king and queen of the senior class.”

  The lights stopped, and the room got quiet.

  “The Queen for this year’s homecoming court is Elizabeth Freeman.”

  The students went wild as Elizabeth walked through the gym doors and stood in all her glory in what looked like a strippers wedding gown.

  “Holy shit, she’s ready for the pole,” Ren said under her breath.

  “And the King is…” The principal opened another envelop and pulled out a card. “Jolin Daniel.”

  Ren turned to look at Jolin, who had gone completely white. The students around them started pushing at him, but he seemed to be in shock. It apparently didn’t matter he withdrew. They liked who he was whether he was the star quarter back or not. Just like Jolin liked her with all her bumps and bruises.

  Slowly, he turned to Ren, a crooked grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Looks like you’re going to homecoming with me.”

  -oOo-

  Jolin walked into the small apartment carrying a box of Ren’s meager belongings.

  “My mom threw a few things in the car for you.”

  “She didn’t have to do that,” Ren complained.

  “She thinks you are the second coming with healing powers.”

  Ren rolled her eyes.

  “Hey, I’m not stuttering.” He shrugged past her and dropped the box in the tiny room she was using as her own. “Be back in a minute. Unpack or something.” He waved her away.

  Ren opened the box and looked at the sad assortment of clothes. It wasn’t even full. She fell back on the bed, which was the only piece of furniture in her room. Brenda offered her and Quill a room above the coffee shop. It was postage stamp small, but it was safe and clean. Of course the case worker wasn’t thrilled about no direct parental guidance, but Brenda was downstairs and checked in on them often so she was letting it slide. They would turn eighteen in four months and would be on their own anyway. Saved the state having to support them, and then kick them out of a group home in the middle of the school year.

  She heard Jolin come in and bang around in the other room. She questioned what she was doing letting him in the apartment. His presence overwhelmed her. She’d never had anyone help her before. Ren wiped a tear from her cheek. Jesus…even his mom was pushing into her life.

  Jolin leaned against the door frame. “What are you thinking about?’

  Ren gave him a sideways look. “Nothing.”

  Slowly, he moved into the room. Just that simple movement…the way his body moved with a confidence she could only pretend to have, made the tears flow.

  “Worried your mom will come back?”

  She shrugged and swallowed the lump in her throat. “I don’t know. She disappeared when Ben got out of jail. Took every cent left in the house. She probably will show up again when she needs money.”

  “Your case worker said my mom and Brenda can look in on you.”

  “Yeah. We only have four months until we turn eighteen so it makes sense to save the state relocation and foster fees. Means I get to graduate without changing schools.” Ren tried to smile but it faded before it got far. “Why are you still here?” Her voice was thick with the emotions she wasn’t used to showing. “Why don’t you leave?”

  “What?” Jolin slid next to her on the bed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his body. “What are you talking about?”

  She struggled to release herself from his hold.

  “Ren,” his tone warned.

  “You’re smothering me. I need some space. You think since you helped me, you have a right to tell me what to do.” Ren didn’t know where the words came from, they just spewed out like a crazy woman had overtaken her body.

  “What the fuck?” Jolin released her and jumped up. “I’m smothering you? How? What have I done?”

  This she could handle. Ren knew how to deal with anger.

  Jolin moved to stand directly in front of her. “I don’t care what shit you say, I’m not letting you push me away.”

  “I…” she started.

  “Shut up, Ren,” he snapped. “I know this is hard for you. I know you don’t want to feel anything, even if it’s good. You’re afraid you’ll open up and let me in, and I’ll leave. But I won’t. I’m here, and I’m not leaving, so suck it up and let yourself trust. Trust that I won’t hurt you.”

  “I’m…” she started again.

  He put a finger over her mouth. “No. I am not making a mistake.”

  Ren couldn’t help the smile tickling the corner of her mo
uth.

  She opened her mouth to talk again, but stopped when he glared at her.

  Jolin reached out and took her hands in his. “Look, Ren, it isn’t like I’m not putting myself out there.”

  “I told you to take your life back,” she mumbled.

  Jolin dropped her hands and moved to the door. She worried he’d do exactly what she’d asked and leave, but he turned around. “Dammit, Ren, that isn’t what I was saying. I’m all in. From the day you came to my house.” He held up a hand to stop her from talking. “From day one I was all in. No matter what I thought I wanted, all I could think about was you. I’ve put my heart out there and don’t you think I worry you’re going to keep pushing me away? That you don’t want what I’m offering?” His voice cracked. “It fucking kills me when you push me away. It tears at my heart.” He reached up and wiped at his cheek.

  Ren’s heart ached. It ached since the day he put his lips on hers. She wanted him so bad, but knew if she let him in and he turned his back on her, she’d be destroyed. “I’m scared,” she whispered.

  “And I’m not?” He sniffed.

  Ren shrugged, finally meeting his gaze.

  “I’m fucking terrified.”

  Ren gave him a little smile. “If you keep talking like that your mom is going to think I’m a bad influence.”

  “My mom loves you.”

  “I don’t deserve you guys.”

  Jolin came back over to where she sat. “You deserve so much more.”

  “I don’t want to go to homecoming.”

  Jolin snorted. “Is this all a ploy to get out of the dance? Because I don’t care what you do, you are going with me to the dance. I have to go, and I am not going without you.”

  “Why do you want me to go so bad? I have this sinking feeling when I get there it’s going to be pigs blood and mayhem.”

  “What the hell? Pigs and mayhem?”

  “You know. Carrie? The movie? Oh never mind. My point is it’s weird you want me to go so bad. Are you setting me up to get screwed over? Jumped by the cheerbots in the bathroom?”

  Jolin climbed onto the bed, pushing her back to straddle her. He pulled her arms up, pinning them next to her ears. Leaning over her, he placed a kiss softly on one cheek, then the next. “I want to go with you…” He placed a kiss on each corner of her mouth. “Because I kind of like you.” He pressed his lips against hers in a hard closed mouth kiss. “Nothing would make me happier than wrapping my arms around you in a slow dance.”