Finding Our Forever

by Brenda Novak

  * * *

  Cora’s stomach was twisted into knots by the time school let out and she was able to hurry home. Part of her wished Matt would simply be gone—that once he’d sobered up he’d been embarrassed and eager to get out of Silver Springs. She’d said everything she wanted to say to him when they broke up. And, because of him, she felt as if she’d somehow hurt, frustrated or disappointed Eli.

  But Matt wasn’t gone. He called out to her from the bedroom the moment he heard her come through the door.

  Since she had such a small place, and only one bed, he was in it. After having shared that same bed with Eli only the night before, seeing Matt there felt so strange. But she hadn’t invited Matt to New Horizons. She was merely being kind—and cautious—by giving him a place to rest until they could discuss whatever he’d come here to discuss.

  “How was school?” He propped himself up with her pillows as she walked into the room and put her purse on the dresser.

  That he was just rousing indicated he’d slept since she’d been gone, which answered that question. She hadn’t missed an opportunity to get rid of him. “Today? Tedious.”

  “You don’t like teaching here?”

  She sat on the edge of the bed. “Normally, I do. But I was on pins and needles knowing you were waiting for me. What’s going on?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why did you drive down here? Show up unexpectedly—and at least partially intoxicated? You could’ve killed yourself or someone else, driving that way.”

  “I wasn’t drunk!”

  She suspected he’d started out that way. He was lucky he hadn’t had an accident, and that he hadn’t been picked up. “You were disheveled and smelling of alcohol.”

  “Because my mother was just diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, Cora. If you’d been staying in touch at all, you’d know that.”

  Cora clasped her hands together. “I’m sorry. I know that you were afraid...that you suspected something was wrong, but...”

  “One day last week, she forgot we broke up. Asked when you were going to come see her.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said again. She felt terrible about what was happening to Matt’s mother. Sara was a lovely woman, certainly didn’t deserve something like this. But there was nothing Cora could do about his mother’s condition, wasn’t sure what he expected. “I’ll stop by to see her next time I’m in town.”

  “Next time you’re in town,” he echoed. “You say that as if you don’t really care about her.”

  “Of course I care. I’ve always liked your mother.”

  “Well, she loved you. She thought you’d become her daughter-in-law, would’ve offered you all the love you feel as if you’ve had to live without, being adopted.”

  “It’s not that I feel as if I haven’t been loved, Matt. You don’t understand at all, if that’s what you think. I appreciate my parents—”

  “Then why are you here instead of in LA with us?” he broke in. “Can’t you tell how much I’m struggling without you? You haven’t called me, haven’t texted me. You haven’t responded to anything I’ve posted on social media.”

  She hadn’t viewed his social media, had quit doing that sort of thing even before she started seeing Eli.

  “I thought you’d be back once you realized we had a good thing,” he went on. “There’s nothing better out there, you know.”

  In ways, what she had with Eli was better. They didn’t have a label for what they were to each other, had no commitment, but she’d never felt so love drunk in her life than when she saw him or felt his hands on her body. “I’ve been moving, starting a new job. That takes focus,” she responded lamely.

  “It can’t take up every minute. You don’t even know anyone down here. Aren’t you lonely?”

  “I’ve made a few friends.”

  “So you’ve kissed all your old friends goodbye.”

  She got up. “Not at all. I’m staying in touch. But we weren’t friends, Matt. We were more than friends, and now we’re broken up. Why would I confuse you or...or give you any reason to hope by remaining in contact? Maybe later, in a few years, when we’ve both had a chance to move on, we can reconnect. But it’s too soon right now.”

  He shoved himself into a sitting position. “What are you saying?”

  She threw up her hands. “What I told you before. I’m really sorry, especially about your mother. I don’t want her to suffer. I don’t want you to suffer, either. But I can’t reciprocate what you’re feeling. I don’t know a nicer way of putting it, except to be honest. You’re a wonderful guy, and I’ll always care about you, but—”

  “Who’s going to treat you better?” he interrupted, his eyes snapping with challenge.

  “No one! I have no complaints about the way you treated me. I said you were a great guy—”

  “But you think your birth mother is somehow going to make your life better.”

  “Meeting Aiyana has already answered so many of my questions,” she said. “The curiosity I felt was half the problem.”

  When he got out of bed, she was relieved to see that he was still wearing all his clothes. “So you’re glad you did it.”

  That would depend on what happened from here. She had to admit that things weren’t looking good, not with a one-sided relationship developing between her and Eli and Aiyana showing up to find his shirt on her floor. But she couldn’t say she regretted coming to Silver Springs, because she didn’t. She was glad she’d met Aiyana, glad she knew where she came from and what her birth mother was like. She was also glad she’d met Eli. Otherwise, she might never have experienced the kind of passion he could evoke. Everyone deserved to encounter that magical feeling at least once in a lifetime. The fact that she hadn’t been more passionate about Matt only confirmed that she’d been right to break things off with him. “I did what I needed to do.”

  “That doesn’t answer the question.”

  “Then, yes, I’m glad.”

  His face fell. “You don’t care about me anymore.”

  Not in the way he wanted her to. Hadn’t she said that—many times? “I’d like to be friends—when you’re ready,” she reiterated.

  Dropping his head, he rubbed his temples. “You’re making a mistake, Cora. We are meant to be together.”

  She let her breath go in a sigh. “I can’t change how I feel.”

  He folded his arms as he studied her. “Fine. Then...can I just ask for one last favor?”

  “Of course.”

  “Let me stay here a few days? I need some time away from LA—to get my head around this and come to terms with my mother’s diagnosis.”

  “I don’t see how that will help.”

  “I’m telling you I can’t go back. Not yet. You say you care about me. Let me hang out for a while, talk things through.”

  She didn’t want him to stay. As far as she was concerned, he couldn’t hit the highway fast enough. But she did feel terrible about his mother’s diagnosis. And she thought having Matt around might finally stop her from seeing Eli. So there was that, too. If Matt got his way, at least in that regard, maybe he’d believe she really did wish him well and would leave peaceably, without saying anything that would give her away to Aiyana or anyone else.

  “I have only this one bed,” she said. “You’ll have to sleep on the couch. You realize that. I won’t get physical with you. There’s not even a remote chance.”

  “Fine. I understand. I’m happy just to be able to spend some time with you to sort of...grow accustomed to our new roles. I mean...if you’re sincere about being friends.”

  “Of course I’m sincere!”

  “What happened before was too abrupt.”

  “I got that. You can stay until Friday,” she said. “But I doubt you’ll really care to hang out that long. I�
�ll be at work most of the time, and you’ll be sitting around here alone, bored stiff.”

  “At least we can spend our evenings together. Let me stay until Saturday, though, okay? My aunt’s in town to visit my mom, and I don’t really want to see her. You know we butt heads. Being out of town gives me a good excuse to avoid another argument with the old curmudgeon.”

  “So long as it’s Saturday morning,” she said. And she hoped it would be early, before the day could really begin, so she’d have the rest of the weekend to herself. She was already looking forward to that.

  “Okay,” he said.

  She forced herself to return his smile. She supposed, after two years together, she could give him that much. What was three or four days?

  * * *

  “What’s wrong?”

  Eli blinked and then focused on his brother Gavin. They were sitting at the bar on Friday, listening to the music and watching the people who were dancing—had gone out at his request because he’d needed the distraction. The football team had a bye this week, so he didn’t even have that to think about this weekend. “Nothing, why?”

  “You’re not the same tonight.”

  He took a sip of his beer. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You’re preoccupied, quiet.”

  Because he couldn’t help remembering what’d happened here the last time. “I’m tired.”

  The waitress stopped to gather Gavin’s empty bottle and to see if she could get him another beer. “No, thanks,” he told her. “So how’s Cora?” he asked as she walked off. “Everything going okay with her?”

  It wasn’t going at all. Eli hadn’t heard from her since he delivered her lunch on Tuesday. He’d looked for her in the cafeteria and on campus since, but if he happened to find her and catch her eye, she’d look away and leave the area soon after.

  He kept telling himself he didn’t care. That she’d decided to quit seeing him, which saved him from having to break things off later. Every romantic relationship he had came down to that eventually...

  But this was different. She’d quit on him long before he was ready to let her go. The thought of her in that small house with her ex-boyfriend made him sick inside. He kept going over and over their time together, remembering the way she’d smile when he came toward her, the way she’d laugh if he said something funny, the way she made love without coming off so needy that she wound up making him feel cornered and desperate to get away.

  And then he’d wonder what more he could’ve done to make her want to continue seeing him. “I guess. She’s been busy.”

  “Meaning...what? You haven’t seen her?”

  He gripped his bottle that much tighter as a vision of her pressed up against the back of this very building filled his head. “Not recently.”

  “But you guys were so hot for each other when we were here last. I had to dance with Darci half a dozen songs in a row to keep her occupied.”

  Eli mustered a faint smile for Gavin’s sacrifice, hoping that would finally put an end to the conversation. But Gavin went right back after it.

  “Does that mean it’s over?”

  “Do we have to talk about this?” he finally snapped.

  “Whoa! Okay. I see how it is.”

  Irritated that Gavin would even bring her up, Eli threw a few bucks on the table and stood. “Let’s go. I should never have suggested we come here.”

  “God, you’ve been a bear the past couple of days,” Gavin complained. “I’ve never seen you in such a sour mood. I’m not trying to piss you off, big brother—I’m just trying to figure out what’s wrong. So cut me some slack!”

  “Nothing’s wrong. I don’t know how many times I have to say...” The door opened, and he let his words trail away as Cora walked in with a tall, thin guy who had long, curly brown hair, a goatee and glasses. He would’ve finished his statement, but he could no longer remember what he’d been about to say.

  This was Matt. Eli had known he was still in town. He’d walked over to Cora’s a time or two and spotted the additional car in her drive.

  Gavin followed his gaze. “Shit. She’s with someone else now? Who is that guy?”

  Eli couldn’t make himself look away. “Her ex-boyfriend’s in town.”

  “They’re back together?”

  He didn’t know what the situation was. She hadn’t told him, and he hadn’t approached her to ask. He’d been trying to give her the space she seemed to want, had been hoping that by not pressuring her, she’d miss him the way he was missing her and come around again. “I guess.”

  “Ah! Finally, it all makes sense!”

  “What makes sense?” Eli growled.

  “You really liked her.”

  He said nothing.

  “I’ve never known a woman to get under your skin before, but she’s managed to do that, hasn’t she?”

  “You don’t know anything,” he grumbled.

  Cora couldn’t have seen his truck outside, because Gavin drove. Eli was waiting for her to realize he was there—and watched her nearly trip over her own feet the moment her eyes landed on him. She hesitated for a moment. Then she said something to Matt and they changed direction, walking around the perimeter of the bar to the other side.

  “You okay?” Gavin asked while Cora and Matt found a table.

  “Yeah. Sure.” Eli tossed back what was left in his bottle. “Let’s get out of here,” he said, but he received a text while Gavin drove them home that only made his night worse.

  “That her?” Gavin asked when Eli pulled out his phone to look at it. “Cora, I mean?”

  Eli felt his stomach knot as he stared at the message. “No.” He wished it was Cora. Maybe he wouldn’t feel quite so terrible if she’d asked him to come back to the bar, or requested a few moments to talk.

  Gavin gave him a funny look. “So...is it Mom?”

  Not the mother Gavin meant and not the mother Eli claimed. But that was the name by which she called herself. “It’s nobody,” he said. Nobody to him, anyway.

  Determined to ignore this message like those that had come before, he slid his phone back into his pocket.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Who was that guy?” Matt asked as Eli and Gavin headed for the door.

  Cora’s cheeks ached from clenching her jaw. She preferred to ignore that question, but she had to say something. The way Eli had stared them down as they came in had made an impression on Matt. She should never have brought him here. She wouldn’t have, if she’d had any clue that Elijah would be here, too. She’d just been looking for some way to entertain him, to help the time pass until he left tomorrow.

  “Cora?” Matt pressed when she didn’t answer.

  “My boss,” she replied.

  “He didn’t look happy.”

  For good reason. Eli had to be wondering if she’d taken her ex-boyfriend back. She planned to talk to him; she just couldn’t do it while Matt was in town. She wanted to make sure their paths never crossed.

  “What do you think’s wrong with him?” he asked.

  “He’s under a lot of pressure,” she replied.

  “But if you work for him, why didn’t he say hello?”

  “I doubt he even saw us.”

  “What? He was staring at us the whole time we were trying to find a table.”

  Desperate to escape this conversation, Cora came to her feet. “I like this song. Let’s dance.”

  They danced a lot, and Matt drank a lot, which distracted him enough that he didn’t ask anything else about Eli. He seemed to be having fun, but Cora was just biding her time, couldn’t wait for this interminable night to end. She kept him at the bar until she thought everyone at the ranch would be settled in for the night. Then she drove him back to her place.

&n
bsp; “What time will you be heading out in the morning?” she asked as she turned off the highway onto the narrow road that led, after another two miles, to the school.

  “Tomorrow?” He acted as if this was the first he’d heard of his going.

  She gripped the steering wheel that much tighter as they rolled under the high arch at the front entrance. “Yeah. I said I’d let you stay until Saturday morning.”

  “But you’ve had to work the whole time. Why don’t I leave on Sunday? That way, we can do something fun tomorrow.”

  “Matt, you said you needed some time to pull yourself together, and I’ve given you that. I’ve even let you stay long enough to avoid your difficult aunt.”

  “And I appreciate it. But what’s the rush?” he asked. “We’ve been having a great time, haven’t we?”

  No. She couldn’t take another day. “I’m done,” she blurted.

  “What does that mean?”

  “I’m ready for you to go home.”

  She was afraid this would provoke a fight, but she’d run out of patience. He thought he was having a difficult time; well, she was having a hard time, too. She’d felt nauseous ever since she’d seen the look on Eli’s face at the bar.

  Matt opened his mouth to reply but she let out an involuntary gasp that silenced him.

  Eli’s truck was parked in front of her house.

  * * *

  Eli couldn’t believe he was doing this. He’d never felt the need to chase after a woman, but Cora was driving him crazy.

  Matt got out of the car when she did and came around by the trunk. Eli noticed his surprised expression but refused to let the fact that Matt was there get in the way. He strode over to Cora. “Can we talk?”

  He’d taken her off guard; he could tell. She paused for several seconds as if searching for the best way to respond before she said, “Um...tomorrow, okay? Tomorrow would be better for me.”

  She didn’t understand that he was desperate or he wouldn’t be here. “I don’t want to wait.” He needed her, needed...something with the power to divert his thoughts and ease the rage burning like acid inside him. His biological mother had been texting and calling him relentlessly since he’d left the bar, saying she was in a bad way and needed his help. But she was a psychopath and a drug addict, so she was always in a bad way. He wasn’t going to let her back into his life. He wasn’t the person to call even if she had straightened up, not after all the cruelty he’d suffered at her hands.