A Monk's Tail

by Kyle Spencer

  “Um, hi.” I break the silence between us.

  “Hi. I’m Susi.” There’s absolutely no emotion in her voice.

  “Bow.”

  “I bow to no one.” Immediate ice flows through her words.

  “What? No! That’s my name. Bow.”

  “Oh. So what are you, some kind of monk or something?”

  “Yeah something like that. So what are you -”

  “She’s pretty small.” Leena blurts out as the vial begins to glow a faint blue.

  “You’re pendant talks.” Susi says flatly.

  “And glows, apparently.” I’m pleasantly surprised by this new development.

  “A pendant indeed!” Leena huffs. “I’ll have you know that I am a water spirit!”

  “Really?” Susi’s ears twitch. “I’ve heard stories about water spirits. Don’t you devour your victims’ life essences after you um…”

  “Yes.”

  “I see.” She glances up at me, then down at the vial. Up at me, down at the vial. Up at me. “He’s not bad, but you could’ve done better.”

  “What?!” I splutter.

  “Hah! I like this one.” Leena giggles.

  “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” I stuff the crystal vial back down into my robe, despite Leena’s shrinking protests, and turn back to my fellow inmate. “So you mentioned escape. May I ask how?” I try to keep the incredulity out of my voice but the little thing in the cage across from me looks like she’d be more comfortable waltzing in a ball than breaking out of a leopard warlord’s prison.

  She gives me a sly wink as her tail snakes through the iron bars. A little bow tied to the middle of her tail scrapes against the bars and takes a bit of rust off them as she jabs the tip of her tail into the cage’s lock. Her face contorts into winces and frowns as the remainder of her tail flails back and forth like a snake in its death throes. A few more frowns and tail whips produces a very distinct click! from the lock and Susi’s face lights up. Her pace quickens. Soon four more clicks and a clunk echo off the rock walls as the lock drops to the floor.

  “That,” I give a low whistle, “is quite the useful trick.”

  “My father taught me that.” She bears two large teeth in a wide grin. They quickly disappear behind a growing scowl. “That bastard.”

  “I missed something.”

  “You were about to ask me why I’m in here, yeah?” She scampers over and begins to work on my cage’s lock. “Well, I belong - belonged - to a merchant family. We tried to pass through these mountains a couple of days ago when Doofus and Dickhead over there stopped us. They gave us a choice -”

  “Pay up or prison.” I finish her thought. The maus nods.

  “My father decided to pay up. With me.”

  “Oh…” The only sound that follows is the metal clangs of the lock. Susi’s already heading towards the exit as I push open the door. “Wait wait wait!” I whisper/yell to her.

  “What?!” She whisper/yells back.

  I tiptoe over to the two unconscious cats and crouch down by the barrel. First things first: cover up this passed-out leopard. Now that the kilt is back where it belongs, I drag a finger along the edge of the barrel and pop it into my mouth. My cheeks spasm as the taste of honey and wood and piss fills my mouth. Worst. Mead. Ever.

  “Are you serious?!” Susi hisses, huddled against the wind and waving for me to follow. “This isn’t the time for that!”

  “False.” I say while smacking my lips against the acrid taste. It makes me shiver from the top of my head to the tip of my tail. “Although I do regret that decision.” I make my way towards the exit, stop, and head back to the barrel. “On second thought it wasn’t that bad.” I scoop up a pawful and raise it to my lips. The taste hits me before the liquid touches my tongue. I let the contents dribble away between my cupped paws. “Blech! Yes it was. Okay, okay. Coming!”

  I catch up to Susi outside of the cave and take a quick moment to gather in my surroundings. The narrow canyon where I got conked out is nowhere in sight; they must’ve dragged me to this cave nestled atop a steep cliff. The moonless night reveals nothing below us. Just a sea of darkness. Slowly as my eyes adjust a path to our right materializes, leading down, down to the dark expanse far below.

  “There.” I point and my new companion follows my finger. “That’s where we want to go.”

  “How can you tell?” She asks. I answer by simply pointing upwards to the dazzling night sky above - a black blanket glittering with thousands of tiny jewels.

  “Over there,” I point to a cluster of stars, “is ‘The Maiden’. Or as I call her, ‘The Dancer’. Over there is ‘The Twins’, or ‘The Other Dancers’. And over there is ‘The Goat’, otherwise known as ‘That Horned Bastard Who Beat Me In Checkers’. ”

  “You’re weird.”

  “I get that from time to time. Now, there is the North-ish star.”

  “‘Ish’?”

  “It moves around a bit but always is in the northerly direction. Now if that star is there, then we want to go there. We should be able to get off this mountain by daybreak. And I suggest we get going before those two wake up.”

  Susi shrugs. “Not like I really have a choice, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to end well.”

  “I’ll vouch for that.” Leena chimes in, lighting up my chest as she speaks.

  “Shush you.” I tap the vial not too gently. I turn to Susi and give her my most reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. Things can’t get worse than being locked up in some warlord’s cage.”

  …Right?

  ***

  “Shall I add their furs to the Hall of the Slain, sir?”

  “No.” Such an annoyance. A bloody knife balances on the tip of my claw. I had taken my time with those two. “Burn their furs. Feed the rest to the birds.” Failure forfeits mercy. And honor. I flick the knife upwards. The blade twirls and sends tiny droplets of fresh blood into the air in tiny crimson arcs. A few splatter on the page’s face as the blade buries itself into the floor between his feet. Without giving the young whelp another glance I march into the Great Hall. I cross the threshold and immediately turn to where my father, grandfather, and great-grandfather hang. I gently stroke the spotted fur of my father that is strung beside the empty space where mine will be one day. The soft feel brings his words back to my mind.

  Respect the Father. Then kill him.

  Clan tradition states that whenever the first son of the Chieftain sees fit, he may challenge his father for reign of the clan in a fight to the death. The winner must skin the other and display the fur somewhere in the Great Hall as a sign of respect for the fallen…and a constant reminder for the current Chief that nothing lasts forever. As a young cub I had watched as my father defeated his grandfather for the right to rule. I learned much from watching that fight, including my father’s weaknesses – knowledge I used a few years later to take his life and mantle as Chieftain. It is a mantle I intend to wear for quite some time. I am young and have not yet chosen a mate. No whelp will challenge the rule of Aodh until I see fit. Speaking of whelps…

  “Graeme!” I bark and the page comes running. The young cat wears the black and blue great kilt of the Clan Shadowpaw. He places an extended claw over his heart and takes a knee. “How many did those two say escaped from them?”

  “O-only t-two my lord. A young maus and a firefox. A monk, I believe.” My back is turned to the page but I can still feel him shrink back from my presence. Good.

  “Send out three of our best scouts.” My eye twitches in rage, rage at the embarrassment brought upon me and my clan by those two drunken idiots. “I should’ve taken longer with them.”

  “M-my lord? T-the prisoners are headed towards the Ivywood…and Evershade.”

  “Then I guess our scouts better be careful.” I whirl around and rake the insolent brat’s face with my claws. He utters no word but his eyes speak louder than his tongue could. I’ll need to watch this one as he gets older. In the meantime, the three clawmarks on his
left cheek will serve as a reminder that my orders are final and not to be questioned. “Do you think I do not know where they are headed? They could be traipsing into Hel’s waiting arms and I would send after them! Now leave me.”

  The wretch stands and leaves without another word. As the heavy doors close behind him I allow myself to release all the pent-up fury that has been building since learning of the escape. My mind clouds over and my vision goes red. When I finally come to, the entire hall is in shambles - save for the Wall of Chieftains. Tables are splintered to pieces, metalware is bent and broken and a great claymore is snapped in two.

  I stand in the middle of the melee, chest heaving and body shaking uncontrollably. Many times my warriors have seen my fly into Bloodfury, but they have never seen it off its chain and out of my control. And I intend to keep it that way. There’s only one unbroken container of mead left in the hall, and the liquid is sweet and cool going down my throat. The ensuing warmth calms me.

  That maus.

  She is the linchpin to everything. Success or failure depends on having her safely in my paws.

  And failure means death.

  A Whisper in the Woods

  Stay with me, and I will grow you worlds that you have only visited in dreams.

  - from Song of the Warden

  Swish. Swish. Furry tail.

  Swish. Swish. Stripy tail.

  Swish. Swish. Swish.

  Ugh. She’s been singing that song since we got off the mountain. Plus she’s been way too chipper, singing and humming and skipping. Especially considering we just escaped captivity. Although she might’ve been stuck in that cage for a while before I got there, so I guess all that peppiness might be warranted. Still, though. Ugh. This is why I travel alone.

  “So, was your mother a panda and your father a raccoon?” Susi asks as she skips along behind me on the beaten dirt road.

  “No.” I grunt. I’m trying really hard not to get annoyed with this one. But the path down the mountainside had been exhausting; I can’t count the number of times one of us has almost slipped off a ledge or gotten stuck in a crevasse or something. But everything had turned out alright in the end…so far. Although now there’s the nonstop questions.

  “I know! Your father was a panda and your mother was a raccoon.”

  “No.” Seriously?

  “So...both your parents were raccoons and your grandparents were pandas.”

  “That doesn’t even make sense. And besides, it’s ‘firefox’. Not ‘panda’. Completely different.”

  “...your tail is so striped and poofy. Can I touch it?”

  “What? No!” Touch your own damn tail.” This is definitely why I travel alone.

  Uh-oh. That must’ve hit a nerve. She skips ahead of me and twirls in an about-face. Folding her arms she begins to give me The Look. Every child who never got their way knows and has utilized The Look. I’m sure The Look always worked on her brothers and sisters, but that shit won’t work with me. She wrinkles her nose and squints her eyes real tight. The bottom lip curls in a sneer and those two large front teeth poke out slightly. Yup, that’s The Look...except it isn’t gonna work. I simply just stare back with a smirk, letting my apparently poofy tail drift back and forth behind me

  Since The Look isn’t working she moves on to Plan B: The Tears. She sniffles and little dewdrops begin to well up in her eyes. “I thought monks were supposed to be nice.” The words dribble from trembling lips.

  “And I thought mausen were supposed to be quiet.” I grunt as I walk around her. She stands there, stunned. Round two goes to Bow.

  “She’s right,” Leena’s wavering voice reaches my ears as I continue down the road, “you’re not very nice.”

  “You might be a little biased in that assessment.” I retort. “But still ...” Aw, fuck it.I thump back down the dirt road and return to Susi’s side. A clear of the throat and a pause. “Susi. I’m sorry. It’s just that ever since I left home that’s all anybody ever wants to talk about with me. I guess I can be pretty touchy about it.”

  “It’s okay.” She replies. “All I wanted to do was get to know my new friend. The friend that I made while caged up because my parents sold me to some mountain warlord. But if you don’t want me around I guess I can make my way in the world...friendless...parentless...with nothing but–”

  “Okay! Okay.” I sigh in defeat. “You can touch my damn tail.”

  “Yay!” She turns around and jumps with excitement. My jaw drops; there isn’t a hint of sorrow on her face. I forgot about Plan C: The Guilt. I can’t help but laugh; this little maus is a clever one. But she sure as Hel isn’t going to be able to pull that trick on me again. I make a show of turning around and waving my tail. Susi squees. “It’s so fluffy! Aaaaahhhh!”

  The dirt road seems to go on forever; I guess last night the distance from the mountains to the forest seemed much shorter than it actually is. The land finally levels off and I signal for us to take a rest. We sit down next to each other in the short grass on the side of the road and I try to get my calves to stop twitching and cramping. I turn back to the mountains. They look stained and broken and craggy, like an old wolf’s teeth poking up from the ground.

  “Do you think anyone is following us?” Susi asks, suddenly (and finally) serious. I look down the road one way and she follows my gaze. Empty. We look down the other way. Also empty.

  “Dunno.” I shrug. “But we should probably keep moving. If anyone was after us they would most likely be on their way, and I’d bet that they know this area a whole lot better than we do.”

  “Good point.”

  “Pretty empty, huh?” Leena says to Bow. “The road I mean, not your head.” She giggles at her own joke. Her sense of humor earns her a flick of the vial that sends it swinging wildly from side to side, much to the her dismay.

  “Yeah, it’s empty.” I reply, “But given what we just escaped, I can’t really blame anybody for not wanting to travel to those mountains. Or near those mountains. Or anywhere in sight of those mountains.” Standing back up and stretching, I signal to my new traveling partner that it’s time to go.

  “So,” Susi looks up at me (still carrying my damn tail) as we keep walking down this boring, boring stretch of road overgrown with weeds, “Why were you up there in that cage?”

  “Wrong place at the wrong time.” Story of my damn life.

  “Okayyy, so why were you in the wrong place at the wrong time?”

  “Heading back to Aquarian from the Akama desert.”

  She snorts. “That’s a Hel of a way to get back.”

  “It was worth a shot.” I mean, I did capture a water spirit. So far that seems like a net gain.

  “And what exactly do you do?”

  Ugh. This question.

  “The short answer is I’m a bounty hunter. Mostly I specialize in monster slaying but if the coin is good I’m not picky.”

  “I see…” It’s hard to tell if she’s impressed. Most people are at least a little impressed. “Are you any good?”

  “If I wasn’t you wouldn’t be talking to me right now.”

  “Hmm fair enough.” She ponders this for a moment. “Face any ogres?”

  “A few.” Gods I hate ogres.

  “What about Grimlocks? Goblins? Gnolls?”

  “Yes yes and yes. Small fry.” Though to be fair, goblins are just too damn cute. Any time I’m asked to eliminate them I just trick them into moving far away (and tricking goblins is easier than falling down).

  “Well has there been any job that you failed?” Her hazel eyes bore into me.

  “’Fail’ is such a harsh word.” I scratch the back of my neck. “But…”

  ***

  The sky is a perfect blue, the kind of blue everyone hopes for when they wake up on the first day of Spring. Puffy white clouds laze about but have the common decency to not get in the sun’s way. Somewhere in the distance a bird chirps, the happy titter carried by a warm gentle breeze. The grass under paw is soft and spr
ingy and gives off an earthy scent as we traverse through it, running for our lives.

  “This. Is. Your. Fault!” The words come out as panicked gasps. My lungs barely have the strength to push them out, let alone draw in breath. I glare at Jimmy who is running right next to me.

  “It just kept growing!” The ram besides me is in a lot better shape and a lot less winded, but the signs of fatigue are starting to show.

  “That’s. What. Bulettes. DO!” I shout back. A low rumble behind us helps the point stick. Bulettes - or the fucked-up cross between a snapping turtle and shark - burrow underground like few things can and like to spring up from below, snapping up their prey whole. Which is what the one behind us will most likely do if we slow down. “Why. Did you. Have. One. Anyways?!”

  “I’ll have you know it was a gift from my Nana.” He says that like it explains everything.

  “You. Sure. Your Nana. Isn’t. Trying. To kill. You?” I can’t feel my legs and snot flies out of my nose with each attempted breath.

  “Ha! Who hasn’t my Nana tried to kill?” Jimmy chuckles. That’s why I like him. He always keeps his sense of humor, even in the face of gruesome, painful, bone-grinding death. “Do you know what you’re doing by the way?”

  “Of. Course.”

  I have no fucking clue.

  “I’m only asking because we’re heading for that cliff over there.”

  Shit. I didn’t even see that. Hmm...that gives me an idea though.

  “How. High?”

  “‘Bout fifty feet or so. If I remember correctly.”

  “River?”

  “Nope.”

  Perfect.

  “Race. You. There.” Not that it would be much of a race; Jimmy’s wearing out and yet he could still run circles around me.

  “You’re the monster hunter.” He begins to pull ahead.

  I brave a look behind only to see the idyllic expanse of the plains behind us. Butterflies and bees go about their routine amongst the wildflowers, unaware of the monster that lurks below the surface. A leyline of sunken grass runs from a few feet behind me to where Jimmy’s farmhouse is. Or was; the bulette made quick work of its foundation. But that line keeps coming for me, the grass sinking down just a few inches.