A Monk's Tail

by Kyle Spencer

  “I’m surprised he hasn’t blown himself up yet.” Leena snorts.

  “Y’know what? Me too.” I watch Archy descend the stairs with Susi in tow. “Not for lack of trying, that’s for sure.”

  ***

  It’s a surprisingly chilly night, just cold enough for little clouds to puff out of my nostrils as I lay on the deck. Leaning on the railing got boring. Laying in the hammock down below got boring. Eating yet another helping of Cooky’s curry pudding got boring. The one consistently not-boring thing on this trip has been the clear night skies and all the stars twinkling above. The Infinite is never boring. So I left Leena hanging off a lamp hook down below and came up here to gather my thoughts.

  “Hey.” Talia lowers herself besides me.

  “Hey.” I don’t look over.

  “So, um…” She struggles to get going, “Archy told me about the extra powder he has stashed away. Why didn’t you say something?”

  “It was hard to get a word in edgewise.” I do my best to sound confident but not harsh. “And I can’t really blame you for worrying about necromancers and the things they necromance.”

  “Is there anything I can do to make up for being such a jerk?”

  I smile and heave an exaggerated sigh. “Well, it’s a beautiful star-filled night. A beautiful, star-filled, romantic-”

  “I swear to gods I will freeze your nipples off.” She growls.

  “Ooo! Sounds kink-owowowowowow holy fuckshit! I was wrong that is entirely unpleasant stopstopstop!” Shivering, I roll over into the fetal position and do my very best to alleviate the frostbite.

  “Seriously!” She hops to her feet. “You think you’d learn your lesson by now and…wait. Did you even know about the extra powder? Oh my gods you didn’t, did you?”

  “To be fair I had an inkling.”

  “You are the fucking worst, you know that?!”

  “No, what’s the worst is having your nipples frozen off. Who even does that to people?”

  “How in Hel have you even survived this long? Were you even telling the truth about that troll?”

  “Who, Reggie? Of course I was! Believe it or not I can actually be competent!”

  “Since when? I’ve yet to see any damn evidence of that!”

  “Ooooo miss ‘I’m a famous general’s daughter so I can call people out whenever I want’-”

  “Don’t even think of bringing my father into this!”

  “Then stop acting so high and mighty!”

  “I’m not acting high and mighty you’re acting like a dumbass!”

  “That’s because I am a dumbass! What’s your excuse? Wait…”

  “My gods,” Her face is frozen in shock like someone just dashed her with a bucket of ice water (not that she would probably mind), “You’re going to get us all killed out here. Susi’s parents are going to get the jump on us and kill us all.”

  “Get the jump on us?” I scoff. “How can you get the jump on us in the middle of the ocean?”

  “It’s not like they’ll be waving a flag that says ‘Necromancers on board’.” She snaps back.

  “Won’t they have the skull and crossbones flag thing?”

  “That’s for pirates.”

  “Oh. Then maybe just a skull. Or just bones. Ooo maybe like a relief of a zombie face or something. That would be so cool.”

  “All I know,” Suddenly she sounds very, very tired, “Is that we have about one more month on this ship until we reach home and we would be smart to steer clear of any ship until then.” I open my mouth to say something but stop myself. She catches this and sighs. “And this is the part where you say something like ‘What about that ship?’”

  “You seem pretty mad so I wasn’t gonna say anything, but now that we’re on the topic…” I point out over her left shoulder.

  “I wasn’t being serious.” She groans.

  “Tell that to them.” The ship is far away and damn near invisible, but the way the calm ocean waters catch the starlight and throw it back into the sky betrays the location of the shadowy vessel.

  “Go and wake everyone!” She shakes me and shoves me towards the staircase. “I’ll get the captain.”

  “Are you sure everyone isn’t already awake? We weren’t necessarily quiet in our little spat just now.”

  “Go!”

  I race down the stairs, smacking any body part that comes within paw’s reach and leaving behind a trail of grumpy, half-asleep otters. I don’t even slow down when I get to Archy, I simply run into him full speed, bouncing right off and skidding a few meters back on my ass. The bear hardly budges. But he does stir.

  “*Snort* Muh…? Oh, hello friend. Is it my turn to take the watch?”

  “Shh! Keep it down.” Susi rustles a few feet away in her hammock but fails to wake. “I think the you-know-whats are here.”

  “Ah! Cooky made another batch of curry pudding.”

  “What? No! Well, yes but there’s another ship approaching.”

  “Oh…oh!” His eyes go wide. “What if it is I-know-whats?”

  “Then prepare for an epic battle that will make the one with the Ko`mori look like cubs in a park. And get that ‘Plan B’ of yours ready. Oh, and Archy?”

  “What is it, my friend?” He doesn’t look up as he rustles through his pack.

  “If it’s bees again I’ll find a way to necromance you myself.”

  At Death's Door

  “The best laid plans of mausen…”

  - Friedrich Goetz, mercenary at the Battle of Zwei Flüsse

  “My expectation of epic battle,” Archy stands to my right, hammer in paw, watching the approaching ship, “Is fading. Not that I am complaining.” He quickly adds.

  “No, no, I get it.” My voice sounds distant in my ears as I scan the incoming vessel,which is now only about fifty meters off the starboard bough (or is it port? I can never remember). It shows now signs of stopping so Saltana maneuvers to allow both ships to greet each other side by side. The approaching ship itself is nothing remarkable; The Kelpie’s Tail is much more impressive.

  But that’s not taking into account the macabre decorations. Draped over railings, hanging from masts and rigging, and protruding from portholes are skeletons wearing nothing but scraps of clothing and skin. Some even still cling to the oars that allowed it to catch up to us. The smell is enough to make you want to jump overboard and swim the rest of the way to the Shimmering Isles.

  “Oh no…” Susi whispers. “It’s them.”

  “The Hel?!” Ｉ jump back. “When did you get up here?”

  “Bad dream.” Susi rubs some sleep from her eyes. “Woke up and no one was around.”

  Shit. I was hoping not to get her involved in this.

  “Alright then. If that’s them, where are they?” I ask. There are no signs of life anywhere, just a floating cemetery littered with corpses. A movement high up in the mast makes us all jump as the body of a wolf slips through the rigging and tumbles to the deck below. Its skin tears like paper as it catches on hooks and ropes on the way down. Landing on the deck like a vase lands on concrete, the body shatters with a crash and without a hope of putting the pieces back together. Death-dust rises from the pile of dry bits that was once a sailor.

  “Alright you lot.” Saltana’s voice is steeped in caution. “Ready the hooks and wait for my word. And I don’t think I have to warn you not to board under any circumstances.” A row of otters lines the right side of the ship. Each one holds a length of rope as thick as their arm with a large grappling hook attached to the end. As the other ship churns closer the ropes begin a synchronized twirling dance.

  Oars snap against the stern of our ship, sending cracks like lightning bouncing over the water. The teeth-grinding grate of wood on wood roars around us and we’re almost rocked off our feet as the ships collide and slide against each other. Saltana chops the air and the hooks fly. Seems that pirates are pretty adept at this kind of thing; all the hooks find a target and the ropes pull taut. The other ship, t
he Rusty Scupper, lurches to a halt besides us. Everyone but Susi covers their nose from the stench.

  The deck is littered with death. Decaying remains of sailors lay strewn about its entirety but are more closely clumped together around the entranceway to the decks below. A stiff breeze picks up, ruffling the Rusty Scupper’s tattered sails and sending bones tinkling like a lich’s wind chime.

  “I still think this is a bad idea.” Talia turns to the captain.

  “I’m not liking it much either.” Saltana replies. “But if what you say is true, then this ends here. I’m not going to be chased around like a little fish on my own ocean.”

  “Where are they?” Susi starts to squirm under Talia’s paws, concern smacked across her face.

  “No one moves until I say!” Saltana barks at Susi like she’s one of her own crew, causing the maus to shrink back.

  “Susi,” Talia asks gently, “Did your parents do all this?” Susi sniffles and nods. “Oh dear…”

  “They look like they’ve been dead for years.” I wrinkle my nose.

  “Like mummies.” Archy agrees.

  A low, faint groan followed by a hacking cough drifts upward from the belly of the Scupper and Susi freaks. “Mutti! Vati!” She wriggles out of Talia’s grasp and scrambles over the railing. After almost tumbling over into the ocean, she uses one of the grappling ropes to steady herself over to the other ship before any of us can nab her.

  “Fuck fuck FUCK fuck fuck!” I vault over, almost falling into the damn water myself, and take off after the little troublemaker. A massive thud and two smaller flomps tell me I’ve got some followers. Bones and skin crunch underfoot as I chase Susi down the stairs into the darkness of the ship’s hold.

  Stumbling down the last few steps, I grip the wall as my eyes try to adjust. Empty lamps hang from the rafters. No. Not empty. The blackness abates just enough to reveal luxorbs - those living bubbles of light - sitting at the bottom of each lamp, clear and very much dead. The life and light has been sucked out of each and every one. I’m so focused on the lamps I’m not watching where I step and stub my toe on something really hard. I fall over into a pile of debris and come face to face with a dead rabbit. It’s ears are rotted stubs and the lipless skin is pulled back on its face to show two jagged teeth. But the eyes are still there, shriveled to the size of raisins and sunk back far into the skull aaaand that’s enough detail time to get the fuck up and away from this thing. I scramble back up onto my feet and gaze around. Whereas below decks on the Kelpie’s Tail is a wide open space full of hammocks and friendly otters, down here is a veritable labyrinth of hallways and passages dotted with the refuse of the dead.

  “Mutti! Vati!” Susi’s desperate cries echo among the bones.

  Of course her calls lead deeper into the ship. Why wouldn’t a family of necromancers be in the darkest, most foreboding part of anything?

  And why am I chasing after them by myself?

  “Seriously?” Talia throws her paws up as she stamps down the stairs with Archy and Saltana close behind. “You just took off towards two potentially dangerous, almost certainly pissed off necromancers? By yourself?” Admittedly, it wasn’t my smartest move.

  “Which is why I stopped and waited for backup.” I explain. “Susi is over there, by the way.”

  “The darkest, most foreboding part of the ship. Wonderful.” Talia groans.

  “I know, right?” I turn to the professor. “Got your Plan B?” He smiles and pats the satchel at his side.

  “Are you sure she went that way?” Saltana asks, eying the dark corridor like a cub eying a heaping portion of broccoli.

  “Just follow Susi’s voice.” I answer. “Or the trail of dead bodies. Your pick. They’ll lead to the same place.” I motion for the otter to go ahead. She just grumbles and grips her dagger tighter.

  Slowly we head further in with me taking the very unwanted position of leader. “Alright, Leena. Really gonna need your help with this one.”

  “But I don’t wanna be heeeere.” She whines.

  “Join the club. You can help us yell at Susi when we all this is over.”

  “Fine. But this place is gross and smells.” The comforting blue glow flickers on, illuminating the not-so-comforting line of dead bodies along the walls. Sailors hold their paws out in front of them defensively and their mouths are twisted in eternal screams.

  “My gods,” Talia whispers, “What in Hel happened here?”

  “Some real bad shit.” I answer. “And we’re walking right into it headfirst.”

  “Shh!” Archy stops. “Listen!”

  The fur over my spine shivers as I realize another difference between this ship and The Kelpie’s Tail. You know, besides the corpses. It’s the silence. In the Kelpie’s Tail, no matter where you are or the time of day, there’s always some kind of ambient sound around you - a background hum that I never realized was so soothing until it’s gone. Above deck there’s the obvious roll of the waves and at least three crew-members singing some kind of shanty (The Wild Rover being my favorite). Below decks is the clankity-clacks of Cooky’s pots and pans or the snores of some otter passed out from exhaustion or grog (usually both). There’s Archy’s mutterings as he tinkers and works on his alchemical equations and the gentle, rocking creak of the ship itself.

  Here on the Rusty Scupper there is nothing but silence. There isn’t even the creaks of the ship. It’s like the sound itself has been sucked out of the wood. Or that everything here is waiting, holding its breath to release one final, soul-shattering death rattle.

  Archy keeps us in place. After a few moments of incredibly uncomfortable silence, we’re hit with an echoing sob and rapid-fire mausen ending with “Help! Someone please help!”

  “This way!” Archy barrels past us. Shit he can move when he wants to! And its nice to have someone else take the lead, especially if that someone is a pissed-off bear. He thunders through the halls, blowing up bonedust like fine snow, which those behind can’t help but breath in.

  Note to self: pay him back for that at some point.

  Soon we’re out of places to run. Archy stands in the center of the cargohold, holding his hammer above his head and trying desperately to hold his breath. The rest of us simply refuse to breath. We also throw up our arms, paws, anything that can cover our noses and mouths. Leena gags and the blue light turns a sickly green (it can do that?). All our efforts are for naught and soon the four of us are retching and vomiting furiously.

  The cargo of the Rusty Scupper - and the source of the foul miasma surrounding this ship - lies all around us. Fruit and vegetable preserves, once stacked neatly in dozens of crates, spill out on the floor midst broken jars and shards of wood. What was once jams of bright reds, blues, and oranges are now watery gray mush. The smell of rotted pickled cabbage (oh gods that smell!) cuts through the foulness like a katana. Dead maggots litter the foodstuffs like piles of rice. Decaying basilisk jerky lies in sagging heaps in a corner and I swear that there’s skull-shaped vapors rising from it.

  Over all our vomiting and gagging is the quiet sobs of Susi. Tucked away in a corner on the only patch of floor that isn’t smothered in grossness are three shadowy forms. The two larger ones are propped against an empty crate, motionless. The smaller one is shaking in front of them.

  “Oh no…” Talia says, “I think they’re-huuaaaghhh! Oh gods I can taste the air! Huuuaaaghhh!”

  “They are not dead.” Archy says with finality. “But they are close.” He steps over puddles of puke to Susi and crouches besides her. Once we get our dry heaves under control we follow. Standing behind Susi I hold up Leena’s light to shine on the other two creatures.

  The glass tinks against my chest as I take two inadvertent steps back. Archy and Talia gasp. Saltana kisses her thumb and spits.

  Susi’s parents (I’m just assuming here) lie against each other. Their finely tailored clothes sag off their thin, wretched bodies. The skin is stretched tightly over their paws - too tightly it seems; it is starting t
o rip around the knuckles. Toothless jaws are clenched in grimaces of pain. Black circles ring the eyes where pupils sit like pinpricks despite the darkness. They see through all of us and don’t seem to even recognize their own daughter. Lips that look like they have never known water writhe to form words that never come. Their chests are still. Their breathing is that shallow.

  So this is the price of necromancy. Sweet fucking Hel…

  “We need to help them.” Susi says.

  “And how do we do that?” Archy’s voice is soothing and gentle. He sits down cross-legged and gingerly turns Susi towards him so he can look into her eyes. “Tell me, little one. How can we help your parents.”

  She turns away as if ashamed and suddenly it clicks.

  “They need life.” I say, trying to keep my voice flat. Fear and anger whirl around each other on my tongue. “They sucked the life out of everything on this ship to get here, but they ran out too quickly. Isn’t that right?” Susi avoids eye contact but nods. “And they’ll waste away - and soon, it seems - unless they get some other life force. And we’re the only things living on this ship.”

  “Wait.” Saltana glares hard at the maus. “You want to sacrifice one of us to save your parents.”

  “No!” Susi protests. “No…” She never lifts her eyes, but they’re searching. Searching for a solution. She is actually considering using us, I can see it. “No.” She nods her head once with finality. “I’ll do it.” She pulls off both gloves and the bony arms glow bluish-green.

  “Like Hel you will.” Talia and I say together.

  “But won’t that kill you?” Archy asks. His paw hovers over Susi’s shoulder, wary of actually touching her at this moment.

  Susi takes a deep, rattling breath. “It might, it might not. But I need to try. I should be able to funnel just enough of my life into my parents for them to be able to handle themselves again at least.”

  “No, you won’t.” I say firmly and step forward. At this point it’s simply a matter of principle; I’ll be damned if I went through all that shit - the bats, the ghost pirates, Impressario - and dragged everyone else through it as well in order to save this girl just to have her throw it away for people who would sooner kill us and take her back against her will. Even if they are her parents.