Finding Bliss (Bliss #1)

by Cassie Strickland

  I figured it was best to follow. Grey fell in line with me as we walked toward the house. I’d been trying to ignore the fact that I was going to be in my brother’s house, telling myself that it was just a house, since I’d agreed to this. Grabbing my hand, Grey stopped me before I could walk inside. I peered up at him, confused.

  “You sure you’re up for this?” he searched, troubled. “If you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to be here, Clara.”

  “I appreciate your concern, Grey, but I told you I’ll be fine. I need to do this.”

  “I just worry about you.” He swept my hair behind my ear and then cupped my cheek, running his thumb across my jaw slowly. The affection in his touch and expression was jolting. “Work with me today. If you want to go at any time, just give me the word. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  Someone cleared their voice, interrupting us. Chelsea standing next to us with a big grin plastered her face. “Can I get by?”

  “Right,” I murmured, embarrassed. I didn’t realize how close Grey and I were standing. We were giving everyone plenty to talk about later. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t mind me.” She held up her hands. “I’ll be outta your hair in a sec.” She stepped around us and disappeared into the house.

  Grey’s lips twitched when I peered up at him. “Come on,” I told him, rolling my eyes. “Let’s get this over with.” He laced his fingers with mine and nodded, leading me through the front door.

  Sometimes smells acted as a trigger, bringing back memories that were long forgotten or suppressed. That’s what happened to me, exactly.

  I smelled Jonathan’s cologne as soon as we walked inside, and it hit me like a sledgehammer. I stopped breathing, hoping if I didn’t smell it, I could stop the memories rushing through my mind. That didn’t work. I had to breathe, of course, but once that trigger happened, it was like a movie playing behind my eyes, with no pause in sight.

  “You’re mine! How could you do this to me?!”

  “I told Mom. I told her Dad did all those awful things so she’d make him pay. Wasn’t it ingenious? They should’ve never sent me away. I couldn’t be with you, Bella. I had to see you! And now I have you, my Bella. You’re mine.”

  “Are you okay?”

  I thought I heard Grey, but the memories had swept me away.

  Pain exploded in my midsection as Jonathan’s fist connected. He was screaming at me. “What did you do, Bella?!” Oh God, the baby! He was going to kill her! “What did you do?! You are mine!”

  A solid slap to my face forced me to the ground in agony. I was on all fours, trying to recoup, when a boot collided with my stomach. Something snapped as white-hot pain shot through me, ripping a scream from my throat.

  “Clara! Clara!” Shouting, Grey shook me, breaking me from the past. “Clara!”

  “What?” I shook my head and then felt my cheeks – they were wet. I was… Was I crying?

  “Are you okay?” Grey’s concerned eyes were blazing as he examined me. “What was that? What…what just happened to you?”

  My breathing was heavy, and my whole body was trembling violently. “I’m sorry. I…”

  “What just happened? Are you okay?”

  No, I wanted to say. “Yes, I’m fine. Just…” I swallowed hard.

  From his expression, he was determined to drag it out of me. “Just what?”

  I glanced around and noticed that everyone had stopped and were watching me closely. My cheeks flamed as I ducked my head, ashamed that they witnessed my breakdown. “Let’s talk about this later. We’ve got other things to do.”

  What I really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. It had been a long time since I’d had a flashback that brutal.

  “No, you need to go home. You shouldn’t be here.”

  “No, Grey. It’s fine. Just…a shock. That’s all. I’m fine now.” I was still resolute. I was going to beat this back, even if it was the last thing I did. Jonathan was dead. He couldn’t hurt me anymore.

  There was a warning edge to his voice when he said, “Clara…”

  “Drop it, Grey. I’m staying.” I straightened my spine, held my head high, and clenched my jaw obstinately. “I’m doing this.”

  “Damn it, Clara,” he growled. Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. I think it was more for him than me – his body was rigid and something emanated from him that closely resembled fear. “You scared the hell out of me, darlin’. If that happens again, you are leavin’. I don’t care if I have to carry you out of here myself. Got me?”

  I smiled against his chest and let the security of his arms chase away my demons. “Okay, Grey. If it happens again, I’ll leave.”

  “Thank you.” I felt his lips on the top of my hair, and my smile grew.

  Something was happening here, something big, and the thought alone was enough to turn my mood right around.

  Brad’s voice boomed behind us. “The shows over, folks. We’ve got shit to do. Let’s get movin’.”

  ♥♥♥

  Jonathan’s house was a lot bigger than I’d initially expected. There were eight bedrooms and five bathrooms, plus a huge theater room, game room, and gym. When I asked Grey about this, wondering why Jonathan needed a home so large, he explained that Jonathan and Stacy had an outreach program for runaway teens. Teenagers stayed with them off and on as they received counseling and went back home to their family or received help to get on their feet, depending on the circumstances. I remembered Mr. Lyndon saying something about this when he read the will, but seeing the house sent it home. I just couldn’t imagine Jonathan doing this.

  Grey and I packed up the kitchen first. Grey brooded, his jaw clenched tight, and barely said a word the entire time. He kept watching me like he wanted to uncover every hidden secret I carried. I wasn’t surprised, not after what happened earlier. He’d opened his mouth to ask me a question a couple of times, and then he’d snap it shut, glancing over his shoulder at Chelsea and Justin in the living room, packing boxes. The questioning was going to start as soon as we were alone, though. I was sure of it.

  Adam and Brad started on the upstairs rooms, disappearing pretty much as soon as we got here. I’d barely seen them. They’d come down now and then carrying out boxes.

  After the kitchen had been packed, Grey and I started on Jonathan and Stacy’s room. Of course Grey wanted to do it alone, but I felt like I needed to help. It was more proof that Jonathan was gone and that I was here, finally safe.

  “I’m going to start in the closet,” I told him, hoping to get some space from him.

  “Good idea. We’ll start there.”

  I had a feeling he wasn’t leaving my side until we left.

  Does he think I’m going to fall apart?

  Probably.

  “Okay,” I conceded and carried some boxes into the closet. The scent of Jonathan’s cologne was more pungent in here. I almost gagged.

  “I’ll work on Jon’s clothes. You can take care of Stacy’s.”

  “Works for me.” I liked the fact that I wouldn’t be touching anything that had once been on Jonathan’s body.

  “How’s your house comin’ along?” Grey asked as he started assembling boxes next to me.

  I wasn’t expecting that line of questions, but I was happy for the reprieve.

  “Great.” I was still reeling at how fast everything was progressing, but I was extremely excited at the same time. “I’m heading to Gavin’s office on Monday to sign the paperwork. Because I’m not taking out a mortgage, everything has been expedited. Come Monday, I’ll officially be a homeowner.”

  “That’s amazin’. Congratulations. I’ll take you and Bella to dinner tonight to celebrate.”

  “I’d like that. Thanks, Grey.”

  “Are you havin’ all of your things shipped down here?”

  “Yes and no,” I explained as I helped hold down the bottom of a box for him to tape. “I’m going to keep my apartment for now, just in case I go
back to visit. I’d rather have somewhere comfortable where Bella and I can stay. Paige is going to pack up all of my clothes and personal things that I’d like to have with me. Plus, I figure I need a new beginning in every aspect. I’m going shopping next week for new furniture.” I flipped the box over and pushed it aside so that we could start on another one. “I plan to hire someone to paint as soon as possible. I want to get that out of the way before I bring Bella in.”

  “I can do it for you,” he offered sweetly.

  “No. It’s fine. You’ve done enough. Plus, I’d rather keep it simple…hire a company to come in and get it done in one full sweep. It would take you forever to do it by yourself.”

  “I wouldn’t mind.”

  “I know you wouldn’t.”

  Could a man be more selfless or considerate?

  “Well, if you need help with anythin’ else, let me know. I can drive you to the city if you need help pickin’ out furniture.”

  “Thank you, Grey. You’ll be the first person I call if I need anything.” I looked into his eyes so he could see how genuine I was, that it was no joke.

  He tapped the tip of my nose as he smiled, but then we fell back into silence. We worked for another ten minutes before Grey finally asked the question I knew was coming.

  “What happened downstairs, Clara?” His tone was grave.

  And so it begins.

  “Just leave it alone, Grey.” I pulled some clothes off the hangers and folded them, stuffing them in the box, and then repeated the process again.

  Grey’s hand on my shoulder stopped me. He came up close behind me…so close that I could feel the heat of his body. “Why won’t you talk to me about Jonathan? Haven’t I shown you that I’m here for you? Do you not trust me?”

  “Are you doing everything because you want to know my dirty little secrets, Grey?”

  Lashing out was the last thing I should do, but it was a diversion – I didn’t want him to question me.

  “Come on, Clara. You know me better than that.” He forced me to turn to face him and then snaked an arm around my waist. Gently, he cupped my jaw in his hand and tilted it up to meet his gaze. “I care about you, darlin’. A lot. Seein’ that down there about tore me in two. You were in pain…real, horrible pain.”

  “Yes, I was, Grey. But I am fine now. Just leave it alone.”

  His head descended a bit so that we were barely a breath away. My lungs seized with anticipation and slight fear. “There is somethin’ between us, Clara. I know that you feel it, too. I can see it. Like now.” His hand traveled over my back, his fingers caressing, learning. I shivered. His eyes gleamed with triumph. “You like my touch. You like talkin’ to me, bein’ with me. I can see the difference in you when you’re with other people. We are different. This is not just a friendship, Clara – it’s somethin’ more. And for us to have that, darlin’, you’re gonna have to trust me.”

  “Grey, I do trust you. But it’s not that easy,” I whispered feebly.

  “I see a strong, beautiful woman that’s changed everythin’ in her life for a baby girl that she’d never met. You are brave to do what you’re doin’. Why can’t you be brave enough to let me in, to trust me? This isn’t just about Jon, nor is it about me wantin’ to know what happened. My interest is about you and me…about me getting’ in here.” He placed his hand over my heart. “I want in here, and for me to do that, you have to believe in me, darlin’.”

  My eyes burned with unshed tears. God, what he said sounded great. But if he knew everything, he wouldn’t want me anymore. No one would want me if they knew the truth about my past.

  “Grey, it’s not-”

  He cut me off by slanting his head over mine and claiming my mouth. He wrapped his arms around me, bringing me flush against him. My arms snaked around his neck instinctively, holding on for dear life. His mouth was warm, soft and supple as he caressed my lips with his. A blaze broke out under my skin, and I felt hot everywhere. It was good, too good.

  His tongue traced my bottom lip, begging for admittance. I gasped at the soft slickness, and he took advantage, sliding his tongue inside. His taste exploded on my tongue, and I groaned, deepening the kiss. I licked at his mouth, wanting more of him. He made a noise almost like a feral growl and pulled me even closer to him.

  We ignited like wildfire.

  Hands were everywhere, touching, feeling, discovering. I wanted to get as close as I could to him, to crawl inside of him and never come out. My skin yearned for his touch. One of Grey’s hands threaded through my hair as he devoured my mouth, and the other trailed down my body until he took a handful of my ass. He squeezed and kneaded. I could barely breathe, but I didn’t care – I didn’t need oxygen when Grey’s mouth and hands were on me.

  Grey lifted me, and I automatically wrapped my legs around him. He took three steps through clothes and slammed my back against a wall. It was wild, out of control. Pressing into me, I felt the thickness of his arousal between my legs. I cried out at the rightness – he felt magnificent.

  He tore his mouth from mine and placed wet kisses down my neck as he rocked himself against me. “You feel so fuckin’ sweet. I’ve been wantin’ to do this for weeks,” he whispered between licks and nibbles.

  “Grey,” I panted, clawing at his back. “Grey.”

  “What do you want, darlin’?” His hips swiveled slightly, applying more pressure against my clit.

  “Oh, God!”

  I threw one hand against the wall, needing some leverage so that I could grind against him harder. I was so close, so very close, just by this. My hand located something hard protruding from the wall. I pushed against it and met Grey’s thrust. The contrast was exquisite and stars exploded behind my eyes, his erection hitting the perfect spot, but then we were…falling backward.

  We let out surprised shouts, and at the last second, Grey turned us so that he fell on his back, taking the brunt of the fall, with me on top of him. We stared at one another in shock, blinking rapidly and breathing heavily.

  “What just happened?” I questioned, my voice laced with need.

  “I have no clue. We were…and then.” He tilted his head back. “Where are we?”

  I looked over my shoulder and saw a door opened wide. The hanging clothes blocked the view of the closet and let in very little light. “Did you know this room was back here?”

  “Hell no. Do you think I would’ve pressed you up against it if I knew it was gonna open? You could’ve been hurt.”

  “What is this?” I asked as I rolled off of him.

  He got to his feet and helped me up as we glanced around. The room was almost pitch black, so whatever was in here was hidden in the shadows.

  “I don’t know. There’s got to be a light, though. Hold on.” Grey rushed to the door and felt along the walls. “It’s gotta be somewhere.” He moved to the other side and checked behind the door.

  The light came on suddenly, blinding me somewhat. “Thanks,” I told him, but then I saw his face. His mouth was slack, his skin a nasty pallor, as he stared at me. No, not at me…behind me.

  Fear almost crippled me, but I slowly rotated around to see what caused that kind of reaction.

  The first picture tore through me…and then the next and the next and the next. They were everywhere – all over the walls, from top to bottom, side to side.

  Everywhere.

  “Oh, my God!” My hands flew to my mouth and I stumbled backward as I took in all of the different snapshots. There were some from when I was a little girl, some as a teenager, but what really frightened me the most where the others. They were fairly recent, probably only months old. I was flagging down a cab outside Galen’s office, walking through the door to my apartment, smiling at a doorman, having dinner with Paige…the list went on and on and on. There had to be hundreds of them.

  “No!” I shrieked. “No, no, no, no, no!”

  This isn’t happening.

  Wake up, Clara. Wake up!

  But it wasn’t a drea
m.

  None of the pictures went away.

  He’d been watching me. He’d been watching me all of this time, and I didn’t know it. I had no idea, no inkling of alarm…nothing. I believed that he was gone and I was safe.

  Grey’s voice shocked me back to the present. “What in God’s name is this, Clara? What’s goin’ on?” He sounded furious and confused.

  I couldn’t look at him.

  “Grey? Clara? Are you two okay?” Brad called out. “I thought I heard Clara scream.”

  I couldn’t speak.

  I couldn’t take my eyes off the wall.

  All the pictures…

  “Grey? Where are you? What?” I heard the hangers being moved. “What in the world is this? What-” Brad’s voice cut off as he stumbled into the room. “Jesus Christ!”

  I started shaking so badly, it hurt. I had to leave. I had to run. I needed to get the hell out of here now!

  I spun around and sprinted for the door. Brad tried to stop me, but I dodged him and rushed through the clothes, sending them flying everywhere.

  “Clara, wait!” Grey yelled.

  The panic and revulsion was bubbling up in me and there was no way to stop it.

  I dashed down the stairs and out the front door as fast as my feet could carry me. I skidded to a halt next to my Cadillac and tried to yank the door open, only to realize it was locked and I didn’t have my keys.

  “No!” I cried and banged on the windows, needing a way out of here. “No!” Arms wrapped around me from behind. I screamed, “No!” I bucked, trying dislodge them. “No! Leave me alone! Get away from me! I won’t let you hurt me again!” I tried to fight, but my arms were thoroughly pinned and I couldn’t move.

  “Calm down, darlin’. It’s only me. It’s Grey. Nothin’ can harm you. Calm down,” Grey whispered in my ear.

  I latched on to his voice, knowing that he’d never hurt me. Grey was my comfort, my safe place. I pulled myself from the terror as he continued to whisper soothing words, telling me I was safe, that I was okay. When I stopped fighting, Grey turned me around and swept me up in his arms. I wrapped my arms around him and tucked my head into his neck, hiding from the world.