Silent Bob

by Erik Schubach

  I was broken out of my thoughts when Blake hoarsely said, “Dance with me Ro.” She grabbed my hand and dragged me to the dance floor as a slow song started.

  I looked up at her as she placed her arms across my shoulders and I rested mine on her hips. I was trying to read the conflict I saw in her watery eyes. “What was that all about Blake?”

  She just danced for a minute taking deep calming breaths, something warring around in her eyes. “I'm not gay Ro.”

  I nodded. “I know that Blake.”

  She glanced down at me, locking our gaze and slurred a bit. “But you are.”

  I nodded again and she continued. “Why am I not good enough for you? I mean. Not that I want that. But you seem repulsed by me. Whenever I touch you you recoil.”

  I looked at her, I wanted to say a million things, but I didn't want to scare her off. “Blake...”

  She stumbled a bit and interrupted me, slurring even more. “I mean, I think I'd be a good catch. I mean we're just friends you know. But still I find it sad that you don't find me attractive. I mean you're like my best friend ever.”

  I went to say something again but she covered my mouth with hers as the music was ending. It was heaven, I could have lived in that moment forever, but she was drunk and didn't know what she was doing. So I broke the kiss and she started immediately apologizing. “I'm sorry Ro. I'm not gay. I swear I'm not. I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. I don't know why it is so important to me that you find me attractive.”

  I shook my head at her and lead her off the dance floor before the next cover started. My emotions were all over the board. If I were this confused, I wonder how confused my drunk friend was feeling at this moment.

  Her leg swayed to the side almost unnaturally and she stumbled and almost fell. I caught her and hurried her to our table. She was limping now. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. “I think I'm drunk Ro. I think I'm going to hurl.” She looked quite green so I altered our course and rushed her to the restroom, with her limping the whole way.

  I had barely got her hair pulled behind her in a stall when she released her stomach contents into the white porcelain god she was kneeling at. The smell alone almost got me to join her. After her Exorcist moment was over and she passed the stage of dry heaves, I brought her to the sink to clean up as other girls in the restroom were looking at her in either disgust or pity. “Stay here Blakester. I'll be right back with our purses and coats.” She just nodded in a daze as she splashed cold water on her face.

  I ran out and collected our things and got back to her in the restroom. Her mascara was running, had she been crying? She was silent as I cleaned her face. Then I helped her get her coat on and lead her through the club and back out to the car. And with a little effort and a little drama, finally got her into the passenger seat and I ran around to the driver's side and got in.

  I started the car and sat staring at the steering wheel for a minute, then finally turned to her. She looked so small, so vulnerable suddenly. She glanced at me then at her feet and her voice slurred, “I didn't mean to ruin our friendship Ro.”

  I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath and said, “Why would you think our friendship is ruined Blake? You're my best damn friend. Don't ever discount that! You understand?”

  She smiled at me then grabbed my right hand in hers. Moments later she passed out.

  I took a second to organize my own feelings and thoughts. Her actions are so damn confusing to me right now. But one thing for sure, I'll have to moderate her drinking if we ever go out on the prowl again.

  I sat up straight then backed us out of our parking spot and slowly drove back to her place. I whispered into the universe, admitting to it what I daren't admit to her. “I do find you more than just simply attractive Blake. That's why it hurts so much.”

  I parked in the lot beside her building and shook her gently awake. Even in this state, she was beyond beautiful to me. I helped her to the main doors and after a couple tries she got the door unlocked and we made our way to her third floor condo.

  Once there, I dragged her to her bed and helped her lay down and I took her shoes off for her then pulled the blankets up, tucking her in. She was out instantly. I looked down at her now peaceful face and I couldn't stop a smile from curling up on my lips.

  I sat in the chair beside her bed and watched her breathe for a few minutes, just to make sure she was OK before I left.

  - - -

  I woke up to someone shaking my arm gently. I glanced over from the chair I was still sitting in, to a squinting and obviously hungover Blake looking at me with a pained grin, an arm reached over to me. “Ow,” she stated.

  Which got a chuckle from me. “Serves you right lush.”

  Then she propped herself up with her elbows behind her. “Hey Ro. You gotta get to work soon.” She paused. “You watched over me last night?”

  I grinned over dramatically. “Of course. You're my best friend, and a sloppy drunk.” Then I wiggled my eyebrows. “And a so-so kisser.”

  She looked down. “Oh God. Did I really do all that stuff last night? I was hoping it was all a dream...” But then she looked up quickly. “Hey! What do you mean a so-so kisser? I'll have you know, sonnets have been written about my kisses!”

  I was happy to see her humor was back. “If you say so. But to be fair, you did lay it on me just a minute before you barfed up your dinner and all the drinks you pounded back last night. So it may have not been your best.”

  She smiled, but then that smile faded. “Ro...”

  I held up a hand with another grin. “Nothing to say Blakester. Last night never happened. Though I'm sure your headache will beg to differ. Aaaand, I think we'll have to moderate your drinking if we go clubbing again.”

  This got a little chuckle followed by a wince from her. “Agreed.”

  I stood and started toward the door, speaking softly, “See you later lady, I gotta get to work.” Then I yelled, “BYE!”

  She grimaced and squinted her eyes in pain. “Ow... bitch!”

  I giggled and made my way out of her building and to my car, happy that things could go back to normal now.

  When I got back to the lodge, Ramona had forcibly pried information out of me about the night, about the kiss... well fine, she just looked at me cutely and smiled while batting her eyelashes at me... I caved. I have a damn weakness for her flawless chocolate complexion and the girl knows it! I explained that Blake was just drunk and thinking that her best friend thought she wasn't attractive. Smartass Ramona and Remmy both only offered an “Uh-huh.” at that, shaking their heads in disbelief. One day I'll fire them both, then who would have the last laugh? Oh. Probably them.

  I even spilled all my thoughts and feelings to my confidential venting contact, Jane. She's always been there for me even after we broke up. Crystal is just as good of a listener. Jane kept repeating that I should tell all this to Blake, that she knew the dangers of miscommunication. Pluh. She was no help.

  I got some happy news the next day when Kim and Skylar called. They were flying in for Christmas with little Samantha!

  I was so excited I automatically called up Blake to share the news. We had just gotten into the habit of sharing almost everything with each other over these last few weeks. She was excited and couldn't wait to see them, oh and “It has nothing to do with them being one of my all time favorite bands.” Sure Blakester.

  Over the next few days I forced myself not to pull away from her innocent touches and hugs. Though she squinted her eyes as she observed me. Probably noticing me warring with my own reactions. We had corroborated on the professional front too, solidifying our holds on our respective territories.

  To our mutual satisfaction, Jerry was indeed fired for his misconduct with his clients and Granite Ridge begged us to take their line back. We had quite a lot of fun 'thinking' about it before we finally agreed... for an additional five percent discount in perpetuity of course.

  We were finally back in syn
c and I was extremely happy that things were back to normal again. Blake had to wear the leg brace everywhere now until her leg strengthened again, she almost messed herself up bad at the Plant when her knee gave out.

  There were times I just wanted to hold her. Like when I found out that she had no family to speak of and how her asshat of a fiance bailed on her because her injury was too hard on HIM. But all I could give her was a reassuring squeeze of her hand.

  Chapter 6 – The Bubble Bursts

  I can pinpoint exactly when the bubble burst... It was the following Friday night. Blake and I decided to play it safe and stayed in at her place that night to watch videos and order in pizza. The memories of the clubbing incident were still a bad taste in our mouths.

  I was just in the middle of mocking her for flinching as the alien burst out of the guy's chest in the movie when my phone buzzed. I grabbed it off the coffee table and glanced at the screen and was quite surprised. Now there was a name I hadn't seen in a very long time. Maggie, the bartender from the Ballyhoo Club.

  The Ballyhoo is the hottest lesbian club in Seattle. It caters almost exclusively to the lipstick lesbian flavor of the rainbow. It was one of my constant haunts when I was in my twenties. That's actually where I met Jane.

  I looked at Blake sheepishly. “Sorry, I have to take this.” She nodded at me and paused the movie and stuck out her tongue at me as she grabbed the last slice of pizza I had been eyeballing... the wench!

  I hit accept on my cell while silently hoping that all the toppings slid off of Blake's pizza. “Hi, Maggie! Talk about a blast from the past. How are you? What? Sandra? Alone? OK. Jane isn't... oh. Out of town until the morning? Of course. Keep an eye on her for me would you, Mags? You protect her! I'll be there in a few minutes. OK... yeah. Bye.”

  I hung up then looked over at Blake. “Ummm... sorry to ruin our movie night. But I have to go help out a really good friend who is in a bad way right now. Jane usually takes care of her but she is out of town.”

  She set her pizza slice down and stood up. “No problem. You are everyone's hero Ro. Let's go.”

  I took a deep breath and spoke slowly, “Well it is probably best if I go alone. She's at a place you might find just a little bit uncomfortable.”

  She squinted at me. “I'm a big girl Ro, don't sugar coat it.”

  I nodded and sighed. “Well, it's a lesbian club.”

  She tossed me my purse and grabbed our jackets. She gave me a reassuring smile. “Lets go get your friend.” I grabbed the pizza slice she had set down and munched on it on the way to the car denying her a bite with an evil grin on my face.

  She was quiet over in the passenger seat on the short drive to the Ballyhoo. I glanced at what we were wearing, jeans and tank tops. Her leg brace making her look tough and... hot. Well, we weren't going there to be clubbing I reasoned. And besides, Jane and Crystal really rocked this look there.

  As soon as I parked I started to get out but Blake didn't move. I looked back at her and she looked down at her hands, she was wringing her fingers a bit as she quietly asked, “What do I do? You know if one of them hits on me in there.” Then she quickly added, “Oh God, that sounded terrible. I mean a girl, not 'one of them'. I really didn't mean it like that.”

  I looked at her and fought back a laugh. “Ummm... what do you do when a guy hits on you and you aren't interested? It is all the same.”

  I could see the embarrassment on her face. She knew she was being 'that way' again and I could see she didn't like seeing it in herself. It WAS all the same, there was no need to segregate it into separate circumstances. People are people regardless of sex. I was proud of her as I read all of this on her face before she just smiled and stated matter of factly with a sharp nod. “I shut them down.”

  I grinned as she got out of the Jeep and we headed for the doors. The line was half way around the block as normal. Blake automatically followed as I bypassed it and walked right toward the door.

  I couldn't stop the smile on my face when I saw the heavyset woman on the stool manning the door. It was great to see that some things never change. I skirted around so that I was behind her and reached out and covered her eyes. I stopped suppressing my accent as I spoke. “Heya Minnie.”

  She was smiling hugely as she spun on her stool, already speaking. “Oh my God! Bobbi! It's been what? Almost two years!? This is really such a happy surprise!” Then she stopped for a second when she saw Blake standing there. Her eyes went wide. “Wow! Who's your plus one?”

  I giggled. “Yes it has been a while, Min. I dropped out of the clubbing scene. I'm getting too old for this and wanted to settle down. Just have to find that special someone to do that with. This...” I gestured to Blake with my hand. “Is my best friend, Blake. My very straight best friend Minnie so keep your eyes to yourself. I'm here for Sandra. I hear it is getting bad in there for her.”

  Minnie looked distressed, glancing into the club as she shook Blake's hand absently. “Sandra? You want I should come in to help Bobbi? That sweet little girl lets people walk all over her.”

  I shook my head. “No. But thanks Min. I got all the backup I need.” I thumbed over to Blake.

  Minnie grinned, then spoke to Blake, “If you ever change your mind about the straight thing, just let me know.”

  To her credit, Blake just chuckled and said, “You'll be the first one to know Minnie. And it was truly nice to meet you.”

  Minnie grinned big at her then squeezed my hand and motioned us inside with her head. Then she swung her eyes to the line, daring anyone to complain as we walked in to the wall of sound.

  Blake looked back at the sign at the door then at me. “There's really a twenty five dollar cover charge to get in here?”

  I shrugged. “Dunno, I've never had to pay. Minnie has a thing for Australians... and girls... and skirts... and well... I guess she likes lots of things. But she is a really nice lady. I've known her for almost ten years and she really looks out for the patrons here.”

  Blake smiled, glancing back toward the door. “She struck me as a genuinely nice person. Hey, your accent is gone again. It was... wow.”

  I could feel the warmth of a blush as we pushed into the sea of women and loud music and made our way toward the bar. I caught Maggie's eye as we approached and she offered a tiny wave then motioned toward the far end of the bar.

  I nodded and veered off to an extremely drunk platinum blonde girl sitting at a table next to the bar surrounded by three other girls who were circling like sharks around their prey. I just pushed my way through to her and in front of a girl that was trying to convince her to drink some more. How did these predators get in here? This isn't that kind of place.

  With that thought, almost on cue, Minnie was beside me pointing at the three girls in turn. “You, you, and you! Out, now!” She escorted them away. I smiled at the fact that Min had followed us anyway. She had a protective streak of her own when it came to people she liked, like Sandra.

  The drunk blonde looked up at me with a giant smile and squealed. “Bobbi! Oh my God!” She jumped up into my arms and gave me a huge hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Then motioned for us to sit.

  I grinned at the chipper drunk. “Hi Sandra. Maggie called, said you've had a little too much to drink.” I glanced over to Blake as we all sat. “This is Blake. Blake, this is a dear friend of mine, Sandra.”

  Sandra's eyes got big. “Oh my gawd Bobbi. She's gorgeous. You did good.” Then she started giggling. If nothing else, Sandra was a happy drunk. Then she said to Blake, “It is very nice to meet you.”

  Blake couldn't stop her smile at the infectiously cheery girl. “I'm happy to meet you too Sandra.”

  Then the blonde swung her eyes back to me. “I'm sorry Bobbi. Maggie gets too worried. I can take care of myself. She kept threatening those girls that she was going to call Jane. I don't know why... the girls were really nice. They kept bringing me drinks... for free!” Then she was off on a tangent, speaking to Blake. Drunk or not, that was just
Sandra. “Jane protects me. She's really pretty. I wanted to marry her one day... but she found Crystal. She's super pretty too!” Then she smiled toward me fondly. “Bobbi protects me too. They are all so good to me, I don't know how I got such good friends.”

  She looked at the door and was off on another tangent. “I should go thank those girls for being so nice to me.”

  Blake put a hand on her shoulder, shaking her head. “No Sandra. Those girls were nothing but predators. They were getting you drunk so they could take advantage of you. I see that kind of thing all the time at straight clubs.” She paused with a thoughtful look on her face. “I guess it really is all the same.”

  The cute blonde shook her head. “No they were nice, they said they were my friends.”

  Then she looked at me. “Bobbi. I think I'm drunk. Just a teeny weeny bit.” She squinted and squished two fingers together to show how little, then proceeded to throw up all over my shoes.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I glanced over to the bar. A concerned looking Maggie was already sending someone over to clean up the mess. I mouthed a thank you to her and I grabbed Sandra's shoulders and stood her up.

  I looked at Blake in apology. “I'll get her cleaned up. We'll be right back.”

  I got a sexy Romanian gypsy princess smile back from her that made me weak in my knees as I shuffled Sandra off to the restroom. I swear, Blake is going to be the death of me yet if she keeps doing things like that.

  After cleaning Sandra up and splashing some cold water in her face, then cleaning my shoes, we made our way back out to Blake. I saw a girl leaving the table as we approached.

  When we arrived, Blake looked quite smug and proud of herself. I cocked an eyebrow at her in question. She just grinned back. “I explained to two girls that I was straight. And the last girl didn't care and gave me her number.” She held it up like a trophy. “See Ro? Gay girls DO find me attractive!”

  I rolled my eyes, though inside I was so proud of her that she didn't freak out when the girls hit on her. She seemed genuinely flattered. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, Blakester. Don't let it give you a big head. You still gotta fit it into my car.”