Silent Bob

by Erik Schubach

  I looked at the rustic clock over the ammo counter, closing time! The staff efficiently started the cleanup, locking the doors and turning off the lights, leaving the overhead night lights running as they finished up. I really love my workers.

  I grinned at the stairs. Might as well get it over with. I marched up to the office and Ramona was counting the tills and Remmy was in his seat in the corner, reading some hunting magazine. They were both trying to act innocent and failing miserably.

  I shook my head in amusement and decided to have a little fun. “OK, you two. I'm beat. I'm heading up to my room, I'm sure you are fine closing up without me.”

  I turned to walk out, trying to fight the smile on my face as Remmy grunted and Ramona chirped out, “Oh no you don't, boss. Spill!”

  I turned back and grinned at the two who were looking at me expectantly. I feigned innocence. “I don't know what you mean.”

  Ramona sputtered. “Don't play all innocent with us, lady! You finally dump asshat then you take off all day with that slightly crazy, cross carrying Miss Hottie McHot-Hot amazon.” Remmy nodded once to reinforce Ramona's twittering.

  I snorted. “Well, if you two really have to know. That was Blake Reston of Reston Outfitters. We just went to the Winter Sportsman Show together to scope out the new offerings this year. We're becoming friends.”

  Ramona rolled her eyes. “Lies! I saw the smile you were giving her, boss.”

  I shook my head a little sadly. “No. Unfortunately she's a bit homophobic. I'm surprised she's even OK with talking with me. But she's so damn easy to speak with.”

  Remmy squinted his eyes and Ramona shook her head. “Don't be too sure of that. She had one of those goofy smiles on her face too.”

  Really? No. I wish Ram wouldn't toy with me like this. “No, she definitely doesn't swing my way. And I'm not about to ruin the friendship we are building by speculating things like that. Things are already too complex as they are.”

  This piqued their curiosity as I saw both their eyebrows raise. The dark sales girl tilted her head and asked, “Complex?”

  I lowered my head, and spoke quietly, “Weeeeell, she really doesn't know I'm Silent Bob yet. She kind of has a hate on for 'him' and I haven't found the right time to tell her yet. Every time I'm about to, something pops up that makes her rant about Silent Bob again. I don't want to ruin our developing friendship.”

  Remmy finally spoke up, his voice was like granite scraping on granite. “Damn it, Bobbi! You better tell her. The longer you wait, the worse it will be.”

  I nodded. “I know. I'm just a coward. I really like her and I know she's going to blow up when I tell her. I'm just waiting for the right moment, when she's not already fuming over 'him'. I think she thinks you are Silent Bob Remmy.”

  I cringed as I got his rebuttal. “And you're just letting me be the villain. Tell her, Bobbi.” Ramona nodded in agreement.

  I slumped my shoulders. “I know, I know. I'll tell her next time I see her, if there is a next time. I should just fire the both of you then I wouldn't have to tell her.”

  They both looked amused. Ramona stuck out her tongue then spoke up. “Like you could get rid of us even if you did that.”

  I grinned at them. “Well, poo. I can't even threaten people in my own office.” This got laughter from the two traitorous people. We dropped it and went about closing up for the night. I thought about the talk. I really did need to tell her, what am I so afraid of?

  - - -

  Well, being the coward I am, I didn't tell her the next few times we did things with each other. She just seems to have this perpetual hate on for 'Bob'. Ramona and Remmy keep giving me the stink-eye. I had even called Jane to fill her in the other day and I swear I could feel her giving me the stink-eye as well. I will! I will tell her!

  Over the next couple weeks, we saw each other almost every day after work and did some hiking on the weekends. We progressed from coffee and lunches, to clothes shopping and watching videos at her place. I have yet to invite her to my place... as soon as I tell her who I am then I will.

  The innocent touches and glances are killing me. What is worse is that each night she either hugs me or kisses me goodbye on the cheek. I pull away quickly each time. How I long to just stay there and soak in the contact. But our friendship has solidified, I won't ruin that by being stupid.

  We've become best friends like we have known each other forever and I can't remember a time she wasn't on the other end of the phone to chat with or vent to. Sometimes it confuses me when she looks at me... like it is something more than friendship. But just as quickly, the look disappears. I know it is just wishful thinking.

  But the thing that possibly hurt the most, was the time I was alone with her on an exploratory jaunt into the mountain to search out new routes and optimize new experiences for our clients. Being in that tent with her beside me, breathing her scent, was making me a madwoman. But we were drawn closer than ever. If I couldn't have her the way I dreamed of, then I could have her as my best friend.

  Her business was really taking off now that her website is modernized. I have fed her contacts to people who could help her out or give her discounted supplies and services, as long as she stays away from the I90 corridor of course.

  I shared the idea of Silent Bob's expanding to Cle Elum, she believes it is a good move even if the business would be lighter on the east slope. She is ideally situated with her major territory being the Leavenworth area over the crest, so she commands the entire Highway 2 corridor on both slopes.

  It was Friday night, we had just finished closing and I was back in my room, smiling and thinking about the last couple weeks when my phone started buzzing. I picked it up from one of the side tables of the sunken seating area I was sitting in, reading on my iPad, and looked at the screen and smiled.

  I answered it. “I found a great distributor for rain gear that can save both of us almost ten percent over our current discounts. I'm sending the info now.”

  Blake snorted on the other end of the line. “Can't you ever just say hello like a normal person?”

  I grinned. “Where would the fun be in that? I like to keep you off guard.”

  I could imagine her shaking her head with a smile as she said, “Well, Ro. I thought about it. You are right, we need to get ourselves back in circulation. Lets go out dancing tonight. Maybe we can find our dream guys tonight... ummm... or... you know, a girl if that's what you are looking for. Where do you suggest?”

  My smile left my face, I'm glad she couldn't see me. She apparently still has a problem with that part of my life. I took a deep breath and tried to stay chipper. “Well, Blakester, first, hello. Second, my normal stomping ground would probably make you nervous. So how about a good compromise. The Steam Plant Club is a pretty open place no matter your orientation. Except that one hate crime against Mia Jacobs a few years back before she got famous for her art. They always have awesome live cover bands. We can see if we can't hook up with a couple nice guys there.”

  “Hate crime?” She echoed.

  I took a deep breath at the memory. “Yeah. It seems that some bigots didn't like the fact that Miss Jacobs and one of her friends were lesbians. She had done nothing to them except simply exist, yet they almost beat her to death in the parking lot as she tried to protect her friend.”

  The line was silent. I spoke quickly, I'm an idiot, I should have just brushed off the question. I don't want her to think I group her in with people like that. “But that's all in the past. Let's have some fun tonight, lady! I'll get ready and I'll pick you up at your place in like an hour.”

  She spoke again. “OK! See ya in a few, Ro!” I sighed in relief, she sounded chipper again.

  I rushed around and put on one of my club outfits. A short sequined black dress with my black, low kitten heels. I quickly did up my makeup and hair, then put on my long charcoal gray overcoat to try to stave off the cold. I stuffed my cell and my wallet into a black sequined clutch and darted off down to the
vehicle shop to get my Jeep Cherokee and I was off to Seattle to pick up my evil twin. Well fine, she's taller, and hotter, and more angry than me, but she's still my evil twin!

  Chapter 5 - What Just Happened?

  I pulled up to Blake's condo and she came rushing out to the car. She jumped in quickly and looked at me with a grin. “Brrr.” At least the snow never stays more than a day or two in the city.

  I laughed at the memory. “Yes, brrr.” I looked over at her and my breath hitched. Her hair was done up, exposing her long neck. She had smokey clubbing makeup on that just accentuated her eyes and lips. The rest of her was covered in a long overcoat like mine.

  I looked straight forward and pulled away from the curb. She said, “You look awesome, Ro!”

  I blushed. “You look fairly passable yourself, Blakester.”

  I was rewarded with a slap to my arm laughing. “Hey watch it lady!”

  I grinned. “But seriously, you look smokin' tonight. I pity the poor men tonight, they will be tripping over themselves to dance with you.”

  She was quiet. I glanced over at her, she seemed deep in thought. I didn't want to interrupt her so I reached for the radio. She stopped me with a hand covering mine on the controls. “You... you don't think I'm like that... do you?”

  I tilted my head and squinted my eyes a little. “Like what?” I had an idea what she was going to say and I kicked myself mentally for ever saying it earlier.

  She took a quick breath. “Like the people who beat that poor girl. I read about it after you brought it up. That was terrible.”

  I glanced over, she was still looking straight ahead. I shook my head and was honest. “No. Not at all. Misguided and misinformed is different than directed hate and physical violence, though both do hurt in different ways.”

  She looked over at me with an unreadable expression and said, “I think about it every day I'm around you. I'm changing. You have taught me so much. I'd say I was a product of my environment but that is a cop-out. I take responsibility for the way I was, and I'm ashamed. It just takes time to change the way you have looked at things for so long. But please know that I would never have condoned nor participated in something as terrible as that. You're pretty much my best friend now, Ro, and I'm proud of you just the way you are.”

  I was trying not to tear up. “Well that's good seeing as how you've somehow become one of the best friends I have ever had in the short time we have known each other.”

  She laughed nervously. “Let's get off the heavy subjects before I turn on the waterworks and ruin my makeup. I want to dance my ass off tonight.”

  I grinned. “You're gonna need that thing for sitting and such.” This got me another arm slap. I turned on the radio and we sat in a comfortable silence before we pulled into the parking lot at the Plant and parked. Then we were bundling up and making a run for the door to keep out of the cold. She was towering over me more than normal, she must have been wearing four inch heels. Blake was making her way to the end of the line when I grabbed her arm and led her to the front of the line.

  The stereotypical six foot three, shaved head, musclebound bouncer at the door looked over at us and smiled hugely and scooped me up in a hug, my feet dangling off the ground. “Hey lady! Long time no see!”

  I laughed as he set me down and I could breath again. “Hi, Joey. Sorry, I haven't been in the clubbing mood the past few months. This is my friend Blake. We're here to cut a rug tonight and look for prospects.”

  He offered one of his huge paws to Blake. “Well any friend of Miss Valentine's is a friend of mine.” His hand positively engulfed her smaller hand as they shook. I exhaled the breath I was holding, thank goodness he didn't call me Bobbi. I fully intended on telling her tonight, but the car conversation got too heavy... maybe a little later.

  He grinned and said, “Go on in ladies.” The other people in line protested vocally when they heard him. He turned a fierce gaze at them to quiet them before turning to wink at us.

  I grinned back. “Thanks Joey. You're the best!” Then we entered the loud club where the most welcomed heat was.

  Blake looked amused as we made our way to the bar. I looked over at the bartender and held up two fingers. He nodded and came down to us a minute later with two shots of jack and beer chasers.

  I yelled over the music to him, “Hi Axel. Can you put our coats behind the bar?” He nodded and I grinned as I took my jacket off and handed it to him and looked at Blake. She quickly took hers off, and I handed it to him too.

  I'm damn sure my heart stopped. She was in a midnight blue dress that ended just above her knees and had matching blue thigh high, heeled boots. Every curve was on proud display. I blinked a couple times then remembered something about breathing being an essential body function. I hadn't even noticed she wasn't wearing her brace until now. I had to look away telling myself, “She's just a friend... she's just a friend...”

  I shook my head to clear it. Then Axel was gone, stowing our jackets as Blake chuckled. I squinted at her and she said, “It seems that everyone knows you wherever we go. Roberta Valentine is a force unto herself.” She was looking me up and down, no doubt appraising my clubbing attire, I hoped I passed muster, it has been a long time since I'd been out.

  I giggled and shouted back, “You give me far too much credit. Let's find a table!” I knocked back the shot then took a tug on the beer. She followed suit and we made our way over to the tables with our beers in hand.

  We only had to stand for about a minute before a couple against the wall left and we swooped in before another guy and his date could take it. The fierce look he shot us was matched by the look Blake shot back at him. I stifled a giggle.

  We took a moment to scan the dance floor and the people milling about on the fringes. Then Blake put her hand over mine to get my attention, damn, the warmth was spreading from the contact. I pulled my hand back quickly as I looked over at her. She had that unreadable expression again. Then she tilted her head to a handsome younger guy near the bar. “What ya think? He keeps eyeballing us.”

  Before I could answer he was making his way over to us. He stopped at Blake's side and yelled over the music, “Wanna dance?”

  She grinned at him and shot a questioning look at me. I shot her a smile I wasn't feeling. So she stood and took his hand. “Sure!” Then they were off dancing to the cover of a retro pop number. I watched for a few seconds as she swayed and bopped to the beat. God she looked... damn I was jealous of the guy with her.

  Oh yeah! I have alcohol. I downed the last of my beer and signaled a server for another beer. I had a gentle buzz going. Oh wait damn it, I'll have to slow down since I'm driving. This will have to be my last one until the end of the night. I'll have to go with cola from here on out. I looked anywhere but out at Blake on the dance floor.

  A guy who looked to be thirty or so walked up to the table with a smile and an overconfident swagger. “Would you care to dance?”

  Good! A distraction. I grinned at him and replied, “I'd love to!”

  As he lead me to the dance floor as the song was ending. “John,” he said.

  “Roberta,” I replied as Blake walked past back toward the table with the guy she was dancing with without looking at me. Did I do something wrong?

  The next cover started, I had to stifle a giggle, it was Before There Was You by Satin Thunder. We started dancing, I put my arms above my head and just swayed to the beat. I glanced over at the table and Blake was alone, slamming back what appeared to be another shot and started gulping a beer.

  I kept glancing over as she just stared at the dance floor drinking. John glanced over to see what I kept looking at and shouted over the music. “Umm... would you rather be over there?”

  I glanced up at him. “No. Sorry. I just want to make sure she is having a good time. She's my best friend.” He smiled and nodded as we continued to dance, but I kept looking toward Blake.

  The next hour and a half went about the same, either one of us or both of us
were out dancing with random guys, but nobody really striking our fancy. She was like she was either seeking permission in my eyes each time someone asked her to dance or she was throwing a dare at me. I didn't understand, she's so confusing at times! Blake was drinking heavily in between each dance. She seemed more and more annoyed as the night progressed. I was seriously wondering if I really was doing something wrong. She was well into the drunk stage now. She was an angry drunk. That anger I could see seething around inside her all the time. It reminded me a lot of Kim.

  A girl I had seen around at the clubs a long time back made eye contact with me, Lori I think her name was, she always struck me as kind of a skank, and the way she was skimpily dressed tonight underscored that as her barely there semi-translucent dress left nothing to the imagination.

  She quickly made her way over and smiled at us then looked at me. “Hey! Long time no see! Wanna dance?” I really didn't want to dance with her, let alone be in the same room with her. She struck me as a conniving, controlling bitch.

  Now a couple things happened at once. I started to decline the offer and Blake was now standing in front of her with her 'mad face', yelling “Get lost! Can't you see she's with me here you...” She paused and glanced at me but dropped her eyes in embarrassment.

  Lori was right back in her face. “You what? Finish it! I know your type.”

  I was standing up and moving to try to diffuse the situation... I really didn't want Blake to finish her sentence, the night has already been too rough on me. Then Blake sneered, her voice slurring, “OK, fine, I'll finish it! You... SLUT! There, are you happy now?” The girl looked positively rabid as she raised a hand to slap Blake but backed down at my friend’s imposing stature and that barely contained rage in her eyes. Lori just turned and stomped off in a huff instead.

  Blake just stood there looking embarrassed and deflated. What just happened? And was she really going to say slut, or something... else? Why do I have to question her? She is changing, I have seen it! I CAN see it.