Silent Bob

by Erik Schubach

  I felt an extreme pang of guilt at that revelation. Then I had a sudden thought. “It is February, Kim. What are you still doing here? You should be on tour in Europe.” She tilted her head and squinted at me again as I spoke.

  She shrugged like it was obvious. “We postponed it and Christmas indefinitely, much to Sammie's frustration of course. But with my big sister in a coma and her schizophrenic 'I'm gay... I'm straight... I'm gay' girlfriend barricaded in here with you, someone had to run both of your businesses. Besides, nobody could pry me away from my hero when she needs me.”

  I was tearing up again. Then Kim started playing with Monster a bit as she spoke into space. “She was just a ghost of a person when you were missing you know sis. Blake looked like me, just so full of rage. When Jane announced she had found you, it was like a switch was flipped, the rage was replaced with a calm determination and happiness. How weird is that to flip from one emotional extreme to another in the blink of an eye?”

  I fought back a snort, I'm not sure I succeeded. Did KIM really just ask that?

  Se looked at me. “That's when I knew it was all true. She's in love with you sis. She went down that cliff face like a woman possessed. She was on the radio on a mission, when she saw you, she knew you couldn't survive another night there to wait for the 'official' rescue party. She bundled you up and packed chemical heat packs all around you, force fed you some water. Then she contacted her crew that was searching the area below and a large group that Sandra had organized. She pulled up a cage from below as I made my way down to the ledge.”

  She grinned a little. “She had you immobilized and strapped in before I could get there. In a group effort we got you lowered down to the ground. Then Blake and I rappelled to the deck as the sun was getting low on the horizon. We were able to get you to the sled and she was calling ahead for an ambulance as we made our way through the trees back to the shop.”

  Her smile got bigger. “After watching her stare down the EMTs who weren't going to let her ride with you in the ambulance, I knew exactly what you saw in her. Obviously they flinched first. I've never seen someone so protective of you... here see?”

  She flipped her sketchbook open and showed a sketch of me in my hospital bed with a broken angel wing. Blake was standing in front of me wearing armor and holding the shadows in the darkness all around us at bay. This sent another tear down my cheek as she closed her sketchbook. I closed my eyes and pulled myself together. Taking a deep breath.

  “How is everyone?” I asked in earnest. I truly missed everyone while floating in the void. Monster was on his back now as I tickled his belly.

  She thought for a second. “For the most part, happy, relived, and tired. But you'll really need to talk to Sandra. She took this almost as hard as Blake. She's convinced it was her fault for getting Blake mad at you.”

  Then she nodded and she looked up with her eyes, recalling a memory. “But my God was she a trooper during the search. She was everywhere at once, whether it was handing out gear or hot drinks and food to volunteers, to pulling in fresh searchers from the shelters where homeless people were lining up to help their Dandelion, to cleaning up the base camp each night.”

  She smiled a little. “And even after you were found she became a woman on a mission. You can see that she thinks she has to make up for something. She has been a slave driver with Sky and I. Having us come sing at all the children burn and cancer wards.” Her mouth quirked to a smile, I know how much Kim loves children. I knew that she didn't mind it one bit.

  I nodded in understanding and responded emphatically. “This was in no way her fault. Her heart is too big. I'll speak with her. But don't think that will get you out of any hospital performances with her as long as you are stateside. Even I don't have that much pull with her.” This got me the big Kim smile that is so exceedingly rare but a true pleasure to see.

  Kim looked like she had just made a hesitant decision and asked quickly, “Why are you doing that with your voice?”

  I squinted at her, what was she going on about now? “Doing what?”

  She tilted her head and locked eyes with me. “Letting your Aussie accent come through so heavily.”

  What is she talking about? I looked at her like she was nuts or something. “What do you mean? I'm not. If anything the last bits of it have finally faded away.”

  She stared at me silently for five long seconds with her patented stoic look before she looked back at the door. “I better send the next person in before they send a search party out for ME.” She winked and I fought back a snort, I lost. She kissed me on the forehead and walked toward the door. She stopped before she stepped out with her back still to me and said quietly, “I love you sis.”

  I whispered back, “I love you too.”

  One by one the people I most love in life came through the door. With more stories of the amazing things the others did, and the fierceness in which Blake protects me. My eyes had tears flowing down my cheeks more often than not. A couple of the others asked about my accent... what the hell are they talking about?

  When Skylar came in with her daughter, I couldn't believe how big Sammie was getting since the last time I saw her just this summer! The little girl had an odd easiness and infectious happiness about her that boded well for the type of person she would grow into.

  Remmy chastised me sufficiently for my boneheaded maneuver and I thought his stone gears were going to grind to a halt when he whispered with an actual tear gathering in his eye, “I love you Bobbi.” I almost bawled when I told him I loved him too.

  Little Monster was sleeping under my chin now. He was far too cute. I realized that I was starting to get sleepy too.

  The last person finally walked in, I think she was scared to talk to me which hurt me a little. She'd normally be jockeying for the front of the line.

  Sandra walked in and did have a scared look in her eyes but was still smiling. She pointed. “You got a Monster on your neck.” Then she laughed nervously.

  I smiled at her. Her eyes were watering up. I put my arm out to her and beckoned her to me. “Oh come here sweetie.”

  She hesitated then came in for a hug. She started crying heavily now. “I'm so sorry Bobbi! This is all my fault. I got Blake mad at you. I'm so stupid.”

  I pulled her back a bit so I could look directly into her tear swollen eyes. “Sandra. I want you to listen to me very carefully... are you listening?” I tilted my head and stared into her eyes until she silently nodded.

  I gave her a small smile then firmly said. “This is NOT your fault. None of this is your fault. I did this to myself. I was the one lying to Blake. I was the one who caused the drama. I am the one who ran off to the mountains instead of handling things like an adult. I am the one who tried climbing a damn cliff in a snowstorm. Do you understand?”

  She nodded. I shook my head at her. “No. I want to hear you say it. Do you understand?”

  She sniffled and nodded in determination. “I understand Bobbi.”

  I smiled at her, then frowned. “Now, just as important... I don't EVER want to hear you say you are stupid ever again! It makes me so angry whenever you say that! Book smarts are not the end all be all of intelligence. You are one of the most caring and compassionate people I know. What you do with the shelters and the childrens wards is so far beyond amazing I don't know how you can organize it all and keep everything straight in your head. I've never seen you write any of the information down even once since I met you. How do you do it all? You are one of the most intelligent people I know. Do you got it?”

  She nodded. I tilted my head and stared at her expectantly. She bit her lip and nodded again. “I got it Bobbi.”

  I gently picked up the sleeping Monster, and handed him to her. I motioned her to come closer with a crook of my finger. She leaned in and I kissed her on her cheek. “I love you bunches San.”

  She now had happy tear in her sparkling eyes. “I love you too Bobbi.”

  There was a shuffling at the door a
nd we both looked over to see Blake standing there with a gleeful smile on her face, looking between the two of us. She looked at the blonde. “You gonna listen this time Sandra?”

  Sandra nodded her head then gave me a quick kiss on my forehead and went quickly toward the door while carefully placing a sleeping Monster in her oversized bag. Blake blocked her way at the door.

  When San looked up at her, Blake smiled and gave her a little hug then let her pass.

  She looked back at the blonde as she passed then to me as she walked up with a soft smile on her face. She looked around the room then leaned in and shared a soft kiss on my lips. Then she sat in the chair while holding my hand. “They all love you so much Ro, you know that don't you? Every single one of them is a hero. I think Kim's head is going to explode with so may heroes around.”

  I giggled at the thought. I could clearly picture it in my head.

  She looked at me like she wanted to ask something. She finally spoke. “Kim says you don't know about your voice. Can you really not hear your accent?”

  I shrugged. OK, at first I thought they were being silly. But now I'm starting to get scared. The doc did say I suffered a stroke. Was I damaged? I couldn't hear any difference in my voice. What if there is... more?

  It looked like Blake was reading all of this in my eyes as she spoke quickly. “It's OK. We'll talk to the doctors. Worst case scenario. My... girlfriend... is stuck in sexy voice mode. Not too much of a negative there.”

  I grinned. She had a way of making things not seems so bad and relaxing me. I released her hand for a second so I could slap her arm playfully before I grabbed her hand again. It was mine and I wasn't going to let it go!

  It was getting so hard to keep my eyes open, I was so tired. She must have sensed this and said, “We'll talk more later. Right now, you need some sleep. I'll be right here. And Ro?”

  I looked at her, she smiled and whispered, “I love you.”

  I almost melted right there on the spot. I whispered back, “I love you too Blakester.” Then drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

  Chapter 13 – Recovery

  It was frustrating. Just laying here, I needed to get outside, or back home. I needed to move. I was sick of this damn hospital! Two months! Day after day, doing physical therapy to strengthen the muscles that had atrophied during my coma. At least the damn casts were finally off.

  It was determined that my stroke had damaged the speech center of my brain. My core language was unaffected but the learned speech patterns I had developed during my years in the States were affected. It was freaky, when I spoke, I couldn't hear the accent at all. I insisted they were all exaggerating. But when they recorded my voice and played it back to me... holy Aussie accent Batman! This was the second scariest revelation from my injuries... knowing my brain is not quite right. What else could be changed that I don't know about?

  The scariest thing is the nerve damage that was done when my spine had compressed in the fall. They had to fuse two vertebrae where a disc was totally destroyed. They called it spondylodesis or some other nonsensical term like that. A second disc was hyper compressed. The covering over my nerves got damaged... they called it the myelin sheath. But the result of the damage was that I didn't seem to have complete muscle control of my legs. They said in some instances, the sheath will grow back, but it takes time. Lots of time.

  There were some other motor control issues with my legs that they couldn't tell if it was because of the stroke or because of the nerve damage. It was predominantly my right leg but because it crossed over to the left side a little they were leaning more toward the nerve damage than the stroke.

  They didn't know if this would improve over time. But in the mean time, I had to learn to walk again. Blake was there every day. My rock, my strength. I seriously don't think I could have gone through this without her support. She's come so far on the acceptance of who she is front. She doesn't try to hide her love for me anymore and has no problems showing public displays of affection in the hospital. And proudly tells people I am her girlfriend. God, that makes me swoon each time.

  She sits patiently through my tantrums during therapy. She listens when I voice my fears. She holds me when I break down. Chastises me when I question myself. I continually wonder how I was blessed with her in my life and am amazed that she chose me.

  I think about her own fall. About how her fiance basically abandoned her when she was going through something similar. She did this alone... she is so strong. My heart breaks each time. I wish I could have been there for her back then. Nobody should have to go through something like this alone.

  Alone is the one thing I can say that I'm not. My girls and guys visit each and every day with updates. I guess Kim is an animal out there and took charge of managing not only Silent Bob's but Reston Outfitters too since Blake has dedicated all of her time to being here for me. She basically gave Kim the keys to the castle.

  I'm just glad Blake is eating normally again now that I am awake, she's getting some meat back on her bones.

  Samantha is looking forward to me coming home this week. Everyone says she hovers around the presents under the perpetual Christmas tree that is still in my rooms at home. This makes me giggle each time.

  February fourteenth was amazing and frustrating. Kim had somehow managed to smuggle in, or bribe the nurses to look the other way, a candlelight dinner. She took no small measure of glee in asking five words that had double if not triple meaning, “Roberta Valentine... be MY Valentine?” Many giggle fits and kisses later I enjoyed my first non-hospital food in a couple weeks. That was almost two months ago.

  I'll never forget the first time I tried to walk again. My arms were weak from lack of use. They had these two parallel bars that I was supposed to pull myself up on. I could barely do that and my legs just hung there, just dangling and slightly touching the ground. I tried so hard to step. I willed it with all of my being. Instead my right leg spasmed more to the side than forward. My knee ached from the effort. I tried swinging my body to get my left leg to move forward. I did a little better but the effort caused me to collapse.

  The physical therapist caught me and Blake was suddenly by my side. She was hugging me to her as I started screaming and pounding on her chest repeatedly. I had lost it. How can I get back to my mountains if I can't even take a step?

  She didn't say a word she just took all of my blows. She let me vent the venom in my words. She took all the anger inside me and just reflected back love. When I realized what I was doing I begged for forgiveness and hugged her tight, never wanting to let go. She wordlessly held me then leaned down and kissed my lips.

  Then she whispered, “One step at a time Ro. One day at a time.”

  Can you fall in love with someone more than once? I think you can, as I did each day with her. I just nodded. And had them help me up to try again. I WILL make her proud of me! I could only try a few more times before I was exhausted. But I did take a couple steps. My right leg flinging out to the side.

  Every day I get better and better. I looked like an spasming penguin on a sugar high with my legs flailing about, but I could walk with the special braces they put on me to keep my legs straight. Righty, as I'm calling my right leg now... still has a tendency to swing wide. I refuse the wheelchair the damn doctors keep trying to put me in every day. If I used it, it would be like admitting to myself that I can't improve... that I can't get back to my climbing. So instead I have half cuff forearm crutches to help out just in case Righty decides to go walkabout on her own as she has been known to do, the traitorous limb!

  I just know I'll get to the point where I can climb again. I have to. It is half my life. The other half is smiling seductively at me right now. It is doing some pleasant things to me. “Ummm.. .what's up Blakester?”

  She grinned. “Oh nothing. I was just realizing that I get to bring you home soon. Then I'll have you all to myself.”

  I could feel a blush burning on my cheeks and traveling down my neck. She whisper
ed, “Do you realize that I haven't been able to do more than kiss the girlfriend I have had for a couple months? It is driving me crazy.”

  I giggled and licked my lips. “You sure you're straight Blakester?”

  She winked. “No. I'm so gay for you Ro that it isn't even funny.”

  I snorted. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. I felt like being playful for the first time in a long time. “Would you even know what to do if you ever got me alone?”

  She looked around then whispered, “I've been doing research.” Then she wiggled her eyebrows. I tiled my head in question. Then she giggled. “There's this thing called the internet out there. It has all kinds of information about... ummm... lesbian intimacy.”

  My eyes went wide and I blurted out maybe a little too loudly, “You're surfing lesbian porn Blake?!”

  She shushed me, looking around conspiratorially and whispered with a sly grin, “I prefer the term instructional videos.” I couldn't stop my giggling laugh for quite some time, it felt awesome. And her intense blush was so adorable.

  I stopped suddenly. “I love you Blake.”

  I enjoyed the long, warm hug she rewarded me with immensely. I could live in her arms like this forever.

  I redoubled my efforts in therapy after that. My muscles ached terribly, I could never do it for sustained periods of time. Every time I asked if I would recover enough to climb. The doctors would just start babbling about other aspects of my recovery. So frustrating! I started concentrating on my upper body more. The stronger it was the more help my arms could give during the sessions.

  We both sat on my bed on my last day in that godforsaken sterile hospital room, penning handwritten replies to the hundreds of letters and cards I had received from friends, customers and well wishers. It felt awesome to be in my street clothes after all this time. The braces were strapped over my jeans.