When he smiled broadly, Max’s heart swelled, he just wished he was the one to have put it there.
But he wasn’t reaching for a drink to soothe the ache that now took over his whole body, he hadn’t dared touch a drop since that fateful night, the consequences of that night were tearing him apart, limb from limb, nerve from nerve. He felt raw at all times. He’d lost Félix. All he wanted to do was have him in his arms, kissing the top of his head gently as the world around them disappeared to nothing. Hugging a cushion close to his chest he squeezed his eyes shut and just pretended.
***
By the time he was heading home Félix hadn’t even plucked up the courage to look for the name of a doctor to see. Whenever he thought about it he was brought out in a cold sweat, but his sister had been right, he had to do it. So he delayed visiting his family and took a couple of days out for himself, scouring the internet for any doctor that could do a home visit.
“I’m sorry, the initial consultation must be with us.”
Sighing, Félix realized that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted. “You are discreet?”
“One hundred percent, we deal with sensitive cases often.”
“When is the next appointment?” Giving in, Félix asked what he should have asked months ago.
“As is not an emergency, we have one next week.”
“No, must be sooner, it’s an emergency for me.” He explained with a shaky voice, realizing how reckless he’d been up to this point. “Please.”
“Ah, I’m afraid…”
“It’s okay, I will go elsewhere.”
“Wait…wait…” She hated turning anyone away at the best of times, but he wasn’t demanding a thing yet his voice told her it was serious. “Will only be a short appointment, but it’s something.”
“Anything, please.” Félix couldn’t contain his relief.
“Tomorrow morning, very early, half past seven.”
“No problem, will be there.” Félix confirmed, writing down the address carefully to make sure he had the right one, along with a five digit code for a door.
“You come into the main building, then the second floor, you’ll see the sign for our practice.”
Félix nodded along as he wrote it all down, knowing that once he was there he wouldn’t be able to trust himself to remember it all. “Gracias.”
“No problem sir, we’ll see you tomorrow.”
Hanging up, the relief that had once dominated was being overtaken by fear, if someone saw him it would inevitably get out to the media, and then he would have to deal with that. He’d have to think of excuse that wouldn’t keep him from playing, then deal with the extra scrutiny, and then on top of that he’d have to go through a medical check from the team which would end his season.
Kyle had officially retired, citing a return of his past back problems that had been exacerbated by his accident. But he wondered what would happen when their baby arrived, because surely they would have to admit the truth then. Like he would have to do.
***
“So how can I help?”
“You have to promise this won’t get out Doctor.” Félix could feel himself begin to sweat.
“Doctor patient privilege is legally binding.” He reassured. “And please call me Javier.”
“Okay. But the receptionist, other staff?”
“Because we deal with a lot a sensitive cases our staff all sign non-disclosure contracts, they are legally bound also. If you have asked for an emergency appointment, then it must be serious. Please talk to me.” Pushing his chair back from the desk, he scooted a little closer to a very nervous looking man, resting an elbow on the desk he waited for Félix to speak.
Taking a deep breath he struggled to know what to do with his hands before explaining. “ I…really this won’t go further?”
“No.” He stated firmly.
“I’m…I took a test…I know that I can conceive and I got drunk…didn’t check…huge mistake…took a test…positive.” He stuttered and stumbled over his words, and looking up from the floor he saw his doctor staring at him in concern.
“Take a deep breath Félix.” He waited for him to do so before continuing. “So you think you are pregnant?”
“Si, I am, you can see.” He knew there was no other reason.
Watching his hand rest against his stomach he instantly wondered why he had taken so long enough though he was certain. “Okay, okay, so to make sure how about you get up on the bed and I’ll take a look.” Cleaning his hands with an alcohol solution he encouraged a terrified Félix over to lay down. “Just pull your shirt up please.” As he did he saw the soft curve. “The gel will be a bit cold, but it’ll help the wand glide.”
Concentrating on the ceiling Félix cursed himself again.
“Just relax now.” Pressing the wand into his stomach he searched for a heartbeat, and knowing the male anatomy for these circumstances he found one quickly.
“What’s that?” Félix heard a muffled thump thump thump.
“That, Félix, is your baby’s heartbeat.” He loved that moment.
“What.” He gasped, turning his head to look at the screen the doctor was pushing closer to him.
“And this is your baby.” He spoke softly. “It’s really well developed, right on track, four and a half months I’d say. Does this match up with your timeline of events?” Continuing to look as Félix confirmed it was he paused and took a closer look at the screen.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, nothing at all.” He reassured. “See, this is the head, spine, hands, and there are the legs and feet.”
“Oh.” He sighed. “Oh my god.”
“It’s real.”
“Uh huh.” Reaching out he touched the screen. “Nose.”
“Yeah.” He smiled loving Félix’s reaction. “If you want to know what you’re having I can tell you.”
He wasn’t expecting to be told something so big today, but it didn’t take him long to come to the decision. “Si, yes, please.”
“You’re going to have a girl, a daughter.”
It took a single breath for the tears to fall, and not long after he was handed a tissue and given some time to process it all, watching the screen replay the footage. Looking at his daughter move inside stoke a feeling so primal it scared him, he was faced with his beautiful future, tiny and defenseless. His.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.” Handing over more tissue he waited for Félix to settle again before continuing. “So do you have a partner?”
“No.” He answered shortly.
“Okay, so I’ll just be seeing you.”
“Yes.” He slumped into the chair. “It’s my fault too.”
“I’m not judging Félix, I’m putting together a care plan, and the more detail I know the more comprehensive I can be.”
“Mmm, my sister knows, and one friend, my team don’t.”
“You’re still playing?” He couldn’t pretend not to know who he was.
“Uh huh, I know I am selfish, but is my last chance and then I can stop.” He admitted, feeling terrible.
“I can only advise, but you know how dangerous your job is, of course I would not suggest you continue, but it is your decision.”
Félix knew that was what he was going to say and had prepared. “I don’t smoke and I haven’t drunk since it happened.” The taste of it made him feel so sick he gave up trying.
“Hmm, you are going to show, you’re halfway through your pregnancy now.” He tempered. “Usually you should be showing more than this.”
“I know. I know.” In truth he hadn’t thought that far ahead, but surely Andre would help, if he was talking to him. “My sister is pregnant too.”
“Oh.” That was a blessing.
“Both the same time.” He revealed.
“Will be great support, that is important Félix, going through this alone will be very hard.”
“I will be fine.”
“Félix, support is
essential, do not be afraid to ask for help.”
“It’s not that easy.” He stated plainly. “What I say has consequences for many people, hundreds. I can’t just ask.” Rubbing his hands over his face Félix felt like giving up all over again.
“Here.” Handing over a picture from the scan he watched Félix’s face light up.
“Bebita.” Gazing at the picture he couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his lips, that was his daughter.
“And Félix, your due date is Christmas day.” The smirk he got from Félix told him it was just another one of those things, but in a blink of an eye he was gazing back at the scan pictures.
***
Armed with vitamins and with several holes in his arm from having blood taken he was now waiting for the all clear health wise, he just hoped being healthy himself would be a good indicator. But he couldn’t control that and was driving to his sister’s to show her the scans and reveal the good news he had.
“Hola.”
“Hey, Mig is out, so I want all the details, immediately.” She beamed as she let her brother in. “Hand them over!” Holding out her hands she waited as patiently as she could manage for Félix to dig the scans out of his wallet.
“Aww, looks good, like you.” Leading him through to the kitchen she made them both a cool drink. “Soooo, I know what I’m having, do you?”
“Uh huh, you first.” Sipping the drink he was thankful for the ice cubes.
“I’m having twins, boys.”
“Twins, congratulations!” Putting the glass down he went to hug her tightly like he always did but found he couldn’t get as close as he usually could. “Oh, um, this is…odd.”
“Yeah, explains why mine’s bigger than yours.” Giggling she gently swept her loose top over her stomach. “See. Have you felt it kick yet? Come on, feel.” Taking Félix’s hand she pressed it to her burgeoning bump. “I get little flutters.”
“It’s that kicking?” It felt so odd, but a nice odd.
“Uh huh. There!”
“Wow.” He gasped. “I get that. Just a little.”
“Can I?” Gesturing at his stomach she hoped she wasn’t about to cross a line.
“Okay.” He whispered.
“It’s so tiny.” Laura smiled as Félix exposed his abdomen shyly.
“What?”
“Your bump, it’s so cute.” Beaming she cupped his stomach and felt the faint tremble.
“It’s a girl.” He revealed under his breath.
“You’re having a girl!” Flinging her arms around his neck she couldn’t hold back her happiness. “Two boys and a girl. Perfect.”
“Si, am worried though, when people find out.”
“We can deal with that when the time comes, you’re so small though, you can hardly tell.” Kissing his cheek she stepped back. “I’m struggling in this weather.”
“Me too, can’t keep cool.” Pulling at the collar of his tee shirt he sought solace in the coolness of the juice. “On the field it’s worse.”
“You’re still going to play?”
“I…I don’t know.” For the first time he was unsure.
***
“Did you go away?” He’d been waiting to see Félix since they left London, he’d thought about calling but every time he did he thought of Max. His broken and downbeat expression came to the front of his mind.
“No. Why?”
“Your tan.” Part of him hoped he had, to just get his head around things and find a way to talk to Max.
“Oh, I stayed at home.” He kept his answers short because it was clear Andre didn’t want to talk to him.
Andre knew he was going to have to explain the upcoming changes, but there was an awkwardness between them that wasn’t going away. “I’m going to be your physical therapist for the rest of the season.”
“Andre?”
However regardless of his opinion, they were still friends and he needed protection. “What I said before, it still stands, but I think by now I call you a friend. And I know you will need all the support you can get.”
“Gracias.” Came the hoarse whisper. “What did the team say?”
“I explained you wanted a better fit, Danny was alright with it too, he’ll still give his input, but if you’re going to continue you need someone on the sidelines that knows.” Andre explained before pulling him into a hug. “Oh.”
“You can feel it?” Félix whispered.
“Yes.” It was just a hint, but it was definitely there.
“It’s a girl.” The way Andre’s face split into a grin, and the way his eyes welled up caused him to mirror his emotions.
“A baby girl.” He beamed. “Are so blessed.” Cupping Félix’s cheek he nodded before pulling back into another embrace.
***
Between his own games Max became obsessive over Félix’s plays, watching anything he could get his hands on just so he could see his face and hear him talk. He’d fall asleep listening to his lilting accent, struggling to rest any other way and he knew other people were picking up on it.
Brendon and Tommy had started off by giving in sideways glances every now and then thinking they were being subtle, but he saw them. So he gave himself a pep talk and held it together tighter. Then the club asked if he was okay, and then he really had to try to hide how much he was hurting.
And it wasn’t just hurt, he was falling apart which made him glad it was only eight games he had to keep it together for. If he was in the club…if he was in the club they wouldn’t be in this mess. If he just went along with it and listened to his heart then Félix would be talking to him, and if they couldn’t be together that would be all he wanted. His body ached for him.
“I’m enjoying this season very much, I think the team has deserved so much champagne, we get it all at once!” Félix laughed.
“It has been hard since you left our club.”
“Si, I really wished I had a championship there you know, but a chance with one with my old club now, makes it full circle. It’s where I started.” Beaming after another win Max watched on like he always did.
“You have Andre back as your physical therapist, any reason for that?”
“It’s nothing personal, I enjoyed working with Danny because he is very good, but I just need Andre now.” Shrugging he gave a nod to signal the end of the interview before walking off. Max felt ashamed to be rewinding it back to pause it on his smile.
He was losing control.
He needed to talk to someone, but he didn’t want his family and friends back home to see how weak he was, how destroyed he was over a man he’d slept with once. He knew it wasn’t that simple, but there was no way he could admit it was Félix.
He just had to get over it.
***
“Max?”
“Yeah?” Locking his phone he slipped into his pocket before looking up to see Tommy looking at him sympathetically. “Alright?”
“I’m here to ask you the same thing.” Placing his hands on the table he leaned down a little. “We’re done here, how about I drive us back to the hotel?”
“Yeah, we’ll go get Brendon.”
“He’s already gone, just us.”
Nodding, Max swallowed thickly as he got up, he knew exactly what was going on and he was powerless to stop it. But maybe that wasn’t the worst thing in the world, shame it had to be on a game weekend, although the game was done. Walking beside Tommy out of the locker room he let the heat of the sun seep through his shirt and settle on his skin. “I know what you’re doing.”
“I’m doing nothing, just driving us back to the hotel.”
“Yeah, alright.” Max smiled, glad that Tommy was doing it. If he was careful maybe he could talk it out. And as he expected Tommy waited until they hit the motorway before broaching the subject.
“Please talk to me.”
“Tommy.”
“No, I see the hurt in your eyes and it is painful to see, I want to know if there is anything I can do to help.”
“So we can win?” Max huffed bitterly.
“No!” Tommy shot back. “We are friends, we really are, and Max, I can’t bear seeing you so upset. We win games and you smile, and it’s in your eyes for a little while. But it fades so quick, quicker now than ever, you can talk and I’ll listen.” Concentrating on driving Tommy waited. “Only if you want to.”
“I know I need to, urgh, it’s complicated though.” Squirming in his seat he tried to imagine his first words.
“I don’t mind complicated, and I won’t say a word to anyone else of course.” He patted Max’s shoulder a couple of times before changing gear and settling down.
“Don’t know where to start…um…I slept with someone back in March and we both wanted a relationship, we’ve flirted a bit, and I didn’t want to waste the opportunity and stupidly said we should wait until the off-season.” Max sighed as slumped further down into his seat.
“Oh.”
“And now they haven’t spoken to me since, zero contact pretty much, even had people warn me off.”
“Oh.”
“And we were drunk when we slept together too, so I can’t remember a fucking thing to top it all off.”
“Oh.” Tommy knew he had to think of something to say other than that, but Max had said something completely unexpected. “They’re a football player too?”
“How did…”
“You waiting until the off-season.” Tommy explained.
“Ah.”
“They have not said anything?”
“Well, we were fine afterwards, they said they agreed. I thought I made the sensible decision otherwise we would be chasing our tails just to catch up.” Staring out of the window he waited for the perfect solution to be uttered from Tommy’s lips. “But then they said they didn’t want any distractions.”
“Max.” He rubbed his leg briefly. “No wonder you are so sad.” Tommy sighed heavily. “I think if they had a change of heart they would have said something, are you friends before?”
“Yeah, that’s all I want now to be honest, I wish it never happened.” Closing his eyes he rested back on the head rest and waited for the journey to end.
Something Greater Than Yourself: An Omega Mpreg Romance Page 4
