THE HEALING HEART

by Zelda Clemens

  Tara bit her lip and said “Mom, do you love him?” Eileen clicked her tongue and said, “What sort of a question is that? Come on, I’ll show you your room.”

  Tara followed her mother back into the house, and on the way, passed by a half-open door through which she glimpsed Denise bending over and whispering playfully to Noah, but he frowned and pushed her away, catching Tara’s eye through the crack in the door. She quickly scuttled away, following her mother down the hallway.

  *****

  Loud sounds filled the air as Tara awoke from her nap. The patch of sky visible from the window had turned a dark indigo as she sat up and rubbed her eyes. The loud sounds continued to carry in the evening air and Tara realized that she was listening in on a heated argument. The voices were carrying in through the window and Tara slowly made her way to the window and stuck her head out to see light spilling out from a window not too far away from hers. She recognized the high pitched voice as Denise’s and figured that the lower, relatively calmer one belonged to Noah. She knew she was invading their privacy, but she shrugged it off; if they wanted to be private they shouldn’t have been yelling so loudly.

  “Did you know?” She was screaming, as Tara leaned out of the window. It looked out over the pool and Tara intently watched the gently rippling water as she tried to concentrate on Noah’s reply. “No, I didn’t. Denise you’re making a big deal out of this...” A figure appeared in the window and Tara quickly tried to duck back in, but it was too late. Noah had seen her. She bit her lip and shakily waved, and Noah gazed at her for a few seconds before he turned away again and pulled the window shut. Nervously, Tara shut her own window and steadied her breathing. She felt like a schoolgirl caught trying to cheat on a test, and her neck and ears felt very hot as she tried to shrug off the feeling. It wasn’t her fault; they had been too loud and woken her up, and she was simply curious.

  Her phone rang and she jumped, startled as she picked it up and saw her Mom’s name on the screen. “Hey Mom,” she answered weakly. “Tara, honey, I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Tara closed her eyes and said “No- I was awake.” She was already starting to regret flying down here to meet her mother. As much as she had missed her, she felt like a huge imposition when she was in this house around all these people. “Darling, come down for dinner,” her mother said, hanging up before Tara could make up some excuse for avoiding it. She got up slowly off the bed when her phone buzzed again; it was a text from her mom: We dress up for dinner so wear something nice.

  Tara switched on the light and glanced at her reflection in the tall mirror placed in the corner of her room. She groaned as she caught sight of her wrinkled plaid shirt and ripped jeans. She rummaged through her suitcase, finding nothing fancier than a strappy green dress that she knew her mother would hate. It was either that or a wide selection of T-shirts, so she chose the green dress and paired it with a delicate quartz crystal necklace. She quickly fixed up her face, cleaning up her smudged eyeliner and reapplying it, adding a light smear of lipstick and running her fingers through her hair before she headed downstairs.

  As soon as she arrived in the dining room, she felt her mother’s eyes on her thighs, exposed by the short dress, and on her arms. “Tara what on earth-” she started to say but stopped when Noah and Denise walked in. Noah smiled at the two of them before he sat down, but Denise silently took a seat without looking at anyone. Denise looked beautiful in a long blue skirt paired with a sheer black blouse. Her hair had been braided back and her face looked flawless except for the puffy eyes which indicated that she had been crying. Even then, Tara suddenly felt very conscious of the way she looked, and she pulled at her dress to make it cover more of her skin. Dorothy walked in with a large platter of food, followed by two maids who poured wine into everyone’s glasses. Immediately, Denise picked up her wineglass and drank from it shakily, as Noah pretended not to notice.

  “Tara, do you still swim?” Eileen asked, clearly trying to break the silence. Tara nodded between forkfuls and said, “A little bit.” Eileen smiled at Noah and said, “Tara used to be a champion swimmer in middle school, she loved the water so much it was hard to get her out of it sometimes.”

  Noah smiled and addressed Tara, “Well, you should definitely take it up again- please use the pool whenever you want.” Denise coughed slightly and then took another sip, but Noah ignored her as he smiled at Tara. She smiled back shyly and said, “Thanks, I will.” Noah returned to his plate of food, but Tara’s gaze lingered on him for a few seconds longer. When she looked up again, she found Denise’s red, puffy eyes on her. Suddenly, Denise drew back her hair and stood up, thickly announcing, “Sorry, I feel a little sick,” before she hurried out of the dining room.

  Noah chewed on his food, but a muscle in his jaw twitched. Suddenly, he threw down his napkin and stood up quickly as he said, “Excuse me, I’m sorry about this,” and followed his girlfriend’s exit. Tara looked at her mother, wide-eyed and Eileen shook her head as she quietly whispered, “It’s been like this since they got here, but nothing this bad. God I wonder what they’re fighting about now.” Tara didn’t say anything as she took another bite, and they continued their meal in silence. Dorothy cleared up the table and Eileen once again voiced her concern over Denise and Noah. Tara shrugged but she had an awful suspicion that she knew exactly what the fight had been about.

  *****

  That night, Tara awoke to the sound of soft moaning and she lay in the darkness for a few seconds before she realized what she was hearing. She pulled a pillow over her head but she could still hear it, unwittingly picturing Denise sprawled out on the bed while Noah lay on top of her.

  Tara shook her head, trying to get rid of the image but it stuck, and she waked into the attached bathroom to splash some water on her face. She looked at her reflection critically in the mirror above the sink and shook her head again. She must have misinterpreted the whole thing- from the sounds coming in through the window, Tara could clearly tell that Noah was very much still interested in Denise. She sighed as she examined her large thighs and breasts; why would Noah even look at her when he had Denise - beautiful Denise with her long brown hair and her perfect body - she was nothing in comparison. Thankfully, when Tara returned to bed, the moaning had stopped and Tara fell back asleep.

  The next morning, Tara slept in so late that she missed breakfast and she was secretly glad that she wouldn’t have to see Noah and Denise in their morning-after state. One of the maids brought Tara a tray of food up to her room, and Tara enjoyed breakfast in bed as she watched an old movie on her laptop. Her mother was out all morning and Tara had nothing to do once her movie ended. She got dressed, grabbed a book, and picked up the tray, deciding to take it back to the kitchen and explore the place a little.

  She wandered down to the kitchen and found Dorothy reading a magazine in there. “Hello there,” she said, taking off her glasses and peering at Tara, “We missed you at breakfast today.” Tara nodded and said, “I didn’t sleep well last night- had a bad dream.” Dorothy fussed over Tara a little bit, asking if she wanted anything else to eat but Tara thanked her politely and left, planning on checking out the gardens and the greenhouse.

  She walked through an archway and found herself in a sheltered corridor lined with rosebushes and vines that seemed to crisscross across the wooden ceiling, letting enough sunlight through to create a gorgeous dappled effect on the grassy ground. Tara looked around, amazed at all the beauty, and for a moment, she felt as though she were in a fairytale. Except I’m the ugly stepsister, she thought.

  As she walked further into the garden, getting lost amid the tall sunflowers, she finally let herself think the thought that had been trying to push through since she had arrived. She thought of Noah, with his dimpled smile and his kind eyes, she thought of his bare muscular back, and the way his hair looked when it was wet. She shook her head, feeling guilty even as she thought these things; he was going to be her brother. Stepbrother, a voice whispered in her head.

 
; Her phone rang, shattering the silence all around her, and Tara jumped guiltily, quickly answering the phone. “Hey sleepyhead, what are you up to?” Eileen said brightly on the other end and Tara twirled a strand of her hair nervously around her finger as she said, “Just walking around the garden. It’s really pretty.” There was a strained silence, and Tara thought she ought to say more but then her mother said, “Alright sweetie, have fun. I was just checking in to see if you need anything?”

  After hanging up the phone, Tara glanced down at the book she had brought with her, and decided to find a nice secluded spot to read. She found an old wicker chair behind the greenhouse and settled down there, quietly reading to herself. She stayed like that for a while when she heard a sound behind her.

  She turned quickly to find Noah standing there, smiling at her. “Guess you found my secret hideout,” he said to her, and Tara suddenly felt flustered as she said, “Oh I’m sorry - I can move, if you like?” She started to get up but Noah held up his hands and laughed as he said, “Relax, I was joking- come on, of course you can stay here.” Tara looked relieved and he laughed again. “Besides, you’re reading; that’s far more productive than what I was going to do,” he said, pulling a joint and lighter out of his pocket. “You mind if I light up?” he asked, leaning against the greenhouse so effortlessly as Tara shook her head. She doubted she would mind anything he did. “So, Tara Haverford, why don’t you speak more?” Tara shrugged and softly said, “I guess I don’t have much to say.” Noah gazed at her intently as he let out some smoke and then said, “I don’t believe that. I bet you have all sorts of strange and wonderful things in your head.”

  Noah finished his joint, but still hung around, talking to Tara as the day wore on. He sat cross legged in the grass, close enough to reach over and pull Tara’s book out of her hands. “What is this?” he asked, examining the cover. “It’s just poetry, some of my favorite.” Noah nodded, looking impressed as he said, “See- I don’t think someone who reads Ginsberg and Whitman can have nothing to say. Come on, Tara,” he leaned in close, “Tell me all your secrets; spill your twisted thoughts.”

  Tara opened her mouth slightly and leaned forward- they were so close that their faces were almost touching when suddenly, a shrill voice called out Noah’s name. The two of them jumped apart and then Noah flashed a grin, “Sorry, gotta go, but we’ll definitely continue this another time, Tara Haverford.” Just like that, he disappeared through the sunflowers, but Tara knew that they had shared something in that moment; she just couldn’t describe what it was.

  *****

  Later that night, Tara decided to go for a swim. She was glad she had packed her swimsuit, but she felt a little uncomfortable when she put it on, not wanting anyone to see her. That’s why she decided to go swimming at night, when nobody else would be around.

  During the day, the poolside was almost always occupied by Denise, who liked to hang around in her bikini, looking like a bronzed goddess in the sunlight as she tossed about her long wet hair. Tara decided it would be better if she avoided the pool when Denise was around, since she didn’t put it past Denise to make a cutting remark about Tara’s body. She pulled on a bathrobe and quietly tiptoed through the hallway and down the stairs, slipping out of the French windows without making a sound.

  Once she reached the pool, the water glimmered before her, and she let her bathrobe fall to the floor as she dipped a toe in the water. She held back a shriek- it was cold, but she liked it. She stepped into the pool, slowly submersing her entire body in the water, relishing the feeling of it against her skin. Her mother had been right- she loved swimming, but she had given up on it as she had grown more and more conscious of her body. If she had access to a private pool like this one, she would have loved to just spend all her time in the water. Tara swam for a long while before she climbed out of the pool; her swimsuit clung to her body and the cool air hardened her nipples as she bent to pick up her bathrobe. Just as she shrugged it on, she noticed a figure in a window overlooking the pool.

  She looked up at the shadowy figure, expecting the person to duck back in, but they stayed there. She could make out something in their hand- it looked like a cigarette. Tara tightened her robe around her and quickly made her way back into her room, leaving wet footprints behind as she hurried through the house, taking less care to be quiet and focusing more on moving fast.

  Once inside her room, Tara quickly stripped off her wet bathing suit and took a hot shower, trying not to think about the person in the window. Was it Denise? She turned red at the thought of Denise watching her swim. Was it Noah? She turned redder when she realized that she both wished and dreaded that it was him. As she rubbed soap over her body, she tried to imagine what it must be like if it were his hands roaming over her skin, caressing every curve. She shivered, even as the hot water streamed down her body.

  She toweled herself off and brushed her hair as she wandered over to the window. She peeked outside to see if someone still stood in the other window, but it was shut and the curtains were drawn. Tara frowned and returned to bed, feeling weird all over. She had really enjoyed spending the afternoon with him, and she had felt as though he did too, but the way he had run off when Denise had called him left a bitter taste in Tara’s mouth. Maybe he just didn’t want her to know he was smoking up? She fell asleep slowly drifting into strange dreams of perfectly sculpted bodies, blue water and golden afternoons.

  Eileen was taking Tara shopping the next day, and Tara awoke with a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. She knew that when she went to buy clothes, her mother would always pipe up with her well-meaning but hurtful comments about Tara’s body. Other than that, they would disagree over what to buy because Eileen’s taste was sophisticated and timeless whereas Tara liked to keep with the trends, and they were always bickering about things like hemlines and sleeves.

  When Tara met her mother downstairs, Denise and Noah were seated in the living room. Noah was quietly scrolling through this phone as Denise sat with folded arms, watching Tara and her mother. Eileen noticed the girl’s eyes on them and said, “Denise would you like to join us? I’m going to buy Tara some new clothes.” Denise smiled and shook her head and then, out of earshot of Eileen, she muttered, “Good, she needs them.” Noah’s face turned an unpleasant purple as he lowered his phone and fixed Denise with a deadly glare. Tara quickly hurried out the door and Eileen followed.

  “Tara, what’s the rush?” Eileen said, catching up, but Tara shook her head and continued down the path towards her mom’s car. Once they were inside, Tara was silent and Eileen tried to make conversation but Tara was so unresponsive that she soon stopped, and the two of them drove in silence.

  Finally, unable to hold it in any longer, Tara burst out, “Denise is such a bitch.” Eileen raised an eyebrow and Tara told her what she had said. Eileen shook her head and said, “She’s nasty. Girls like that- they just want to put you down all the time. Honestly, Noah is such a bright, sweet boy - I mean he’s arrogant but look how he grew up - I really wish he could look past that shiny veneer and see Denise for what she really is.”

  Tara looked at her mom, surprised, and realized it felt really good to gossip with her mom. “And what’s with all that wet hair flipping?” Tara said, and Eileen laughed loudly. It was nice to hear her mom laugh and Tara wondered again if she was happy. “When does Paul get back?” she asked, and her mother smiled as she said, “Tomorrow evening. Oh sweetie, I can’t wait for you to meet him- he’s lovely, I’m sure you’ll like him.”

  *****

  Tara made her way down to the pool again that night, wondering if the shadowy figure would reappear in the window. As she stepped out the French windows and discarded her robe, she looked up, but the window was still shut and the curtains were drawn. She turned her attention back to the pool, slowly letting herself into the pleasantly cold water and wading through it until she was completely soaked.

  She swam a few laps before she ducked into the water completely and ope
ned her eyes once she was submerged. The world around her was blue and serene. In the water, Tara’s body moved just the way she wanted it to and she didn’t worry about the bumps and rolls that constantly plagued her otherwise. She stayed like that, suspended in the water for a few seconds before she surfaced again. She nearly screamed when she saw someone standing over her.

  “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to scare you- I’m sorry,” Noah whispered urgently, as Tara swallowed a lot of water in her panicked state. She coughed and Noah bent down and awkwardly patted her back. “I’m sorry,” he said again when she stopped coughing. Tara shook her head and said, “It’s alright, you just surprised me, that’s all.”

  Noah looked like he was about to apologize again when Tara said, “It’s your house, please don’t apologize.” He looked relieved and then said, “Mind if I join you?” Tara felt a little shiver run down her spine but she said, “Please do.”

  Noah straightened up and unbuttoned his shirt, and Tara tried not to stare but she caught his eye and hurriedly looked away, hoping she hadn’t turned completely red. Noah dove into the pool, splashing Tara, and then grinned as he swam towards her.

  She felt every inch of her body come alive, suddenly responsive to even the ripples that he sent her way. “So why do you swim at night?” he said, watching her so intensely she thought might spontaneously combust. “I- I like the quiet, I guess. And, during the day, well, the pool is- um- occupied.”

  Noah nodded slowly and said, “Denise.” Tara said nothing, but Noah’s expression had turned sour and he said, “What she said to you today wasn’t okay. I told her that if she wants to be around she can’t treat people that way- especially not you or your mom.”