THE HEALING HEART

by Zelda Clemens

  Tara smiled slightly and then Noah said, “I don’t really wanna talk about Denise right now, though,” and Tara swam towards him as she softly said, “So what do you want to talk about?” His leg brushed against hers as they floated closer and closer to one another.

  “I told you- I want you to spill all your strange beautiful thoughts.” Noah looked at her as though he were hungry, and she looked at him with complete awe as she said, “How do you even know if I have any?” Noah was so close that their lips were only inches away, and he said, “Because you’re a strange and beautiful girl.” A dog barked somewhere and Tara moved away, realizing for the first time the full force of her attraction to Noah. He grinned as though nothing had happened and for a second, she wondered if she had imagined the whole thing. He splashed her with water and then playfully ducked underneath the surface, pulling her in too. Her hair floated around her face and she tried not to smile but it was impossible when faced with his dimples. Air bubbled escaped from their mouths and their limbs tangled with each other until they had to resurface for breath. Tara laughed and swam away from Noah again, resting against the edge of the pool. Slowly, he made his way there too and they stayed like that, with their elbows propped up on the tiling above the pool.

  The two of them sneaked through the house quietly, leaving behind a trail of water and wet footprints as they climbed up the stairs and walked through the hallway. They stopped outside Noah’s room and Tara smiled as she shyly tucked a strand of wet hair behind her ear and looked downwards, “Thanks- it’s been a while since I swam with someone, and it was nice,” she whispered. He smiled widely and then yawned, “I should get to sleep. See you in the morning,” and just like that he pushed open the bedroom door and disappeared behind it.

  Tara stood there for a minute and she heard Denise’s sleepy voice say, “Where were you?” Tara started walking towards her room when she heard her say, “Swimming at this time? God, Noah you’re such a freak.” Tara frowned as she closed her bedroom door behind her- she didn’t think Noah was a freak. She thought Noah was amazing.

  Tara rinsed the chlorine out of her hair and quickly changed into something dry and warm before she climbed into bed, wondering if Noah thought that she was amazing too. Strange and beautiful, he had called her. Strange and Beautiful. She repeated the words over and over again in her head. Normally, she wouldn’t be too pleased if someone called her strange, but every word that came out of Noah’s beautiful mouth sounded sweet and sincere.

  She turned on her side, and thought about Denise. Even if he were to somehow magically dumb his perfect girlfriend, there was still the fact that he would soon be her brother. She closed her eyes and wondered what was wrong with her. She felt dirty even thinking the way she did about Noah, but she couldn’t help it.

  In the pool she had fully understood just how badly she wanted him to talk to her, to be close to her, to touch her… to make love to her. She pulled a pillow over her head and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to drown out her own thoughts, but even as she fell asleep, she repeated the words to herself- strange and beautiful.

  *****

  During breakfast the next morning, Denise seemed to be making more of an effort with Tara, and Tara suspected it was because Noah had told her off for the rude comment.

  “So, what’s your plan after the summer, Tara?” she asked as she lightly buttered a slice of toast.

  Tara nearly choked on her cereal with surprise and then said, “Um- I’m not sure. I could go back to New York and apply to some magazines, or I could- I don’t know, that’s the thing with writing, you can do it anywhere.”

  Denise smiled, looking as though it pained her to do so, and said, “Oh that’s great. I would- um- I would love to read some of your work.”

  Tara shrugged and said, “Sure, some day,” but internally, she told herself she would rather die than have Denise look at anything she had written. Noah seemed to know what she was thinking as he passed her an amused look. Denise seemed to have caught it, because after that, she returned to her usual surly self.

  Eileen turned to Noah and said, “Paul’s coming back today- I would really like us all to have dinner together, so I hope you two haven’t got any plans?”

  Denise scoffed and said, “Please- we haven’t left this place once since we got here, I don’t see why Noah would take me out tonight either?” Noah ignored Denise and addressed Eileen as he said, “Yeah, dinner would be nice.” Denise glared at Noah before pushing her chair back and saying, “I’m gonna go for a swim. Will you join me?” Noah frowned and said, “You shouldn’t swim after eating- and besides, I want to swim at night.” Tara froze with her coffee cup hallway up to her lips and stared into it, deliberately avoiding Noah’s gaze. Denise pursed her lips and walked away, making sure to throw open the French windows with as much strength as she could, making a dramatic exit.

  The whole day was spent in preparation for Paul’s arrival. Dorothy was losing her temper with the house help over and over again for the smallest things, the cooks in the kitchen prepared what looked like a feast, while the gardeners sent the best flowers in the house and Eileen frantically arranged them in innumerable vases displayed all over the huge house.

  She caught sight of Tara, still in her night suit and she wrung her hands and nearly yelled, “Tara why aren’t you dressed?” Tara told her mother to calm down, knowing it would do no good, and offered to help. “You can help me by getting dressed. And please, wear something from the formal clothes we bought the other day.”

  Tara resigned herself to her room, and sat in front of the closet, where she had hung up her new clothes. As she was trying to put together an outfit, she heard the familiar sound of fighting coming from Noah and Denise’s room, and it gave her a small twinge of pleasure.

  Eileen left for the airport and Dorothy barricaded herself in the kitchen, putting finishing touches to the food, leaving Noah, Denise, and Tara alone in the big house. Tara got dressed for dinner, choosing a floor-length salmon colored dress made of light chiffon, and she added a pair of delicate gold earrings and dewy makeup. She pinned her short blonde hair back and once she was satisfied with the result, she made her way downstairs.

  Noah sat in the living room, slumped against the couch, looking breathtakingly handsome in a crisp tuxedo. He glanced up as Tara floated down the stairs and straightened up, staring at her openmouthed before he realized that Denise was right there. He quickly glanced away, but not before Tara saw his expression and she beamed as she made her into the living room and sat down across from Noah. Denise was on the phone, but even she turned and stared at Tara for a second, and then lowered the phone to say, “You look nice.”

  Paul was sweet, with kind eyes just like Noah’s and a head full of silver hair, but there was also a commanding, stern air about him and Tara could understand why the whole household had gone crazy trying to prepare everything for his arrival. He was particular, that was for sure, but he was a nice guy and Tara liked him. She was still not sure how Paul and her mom got together though, because they seemed to be complete opposites of each other.

  Noah talked to his father happily during dinner, and Denise laughed like a simpering fool every time Paul said something even slightly amusing, and Eileen and Tara exchanged glances, trying hard not to laugh at her. Dinner went on smoothly and then Dorothy served drinks as the family wandered into the larger sitting room, where a grand piano sat in the corner. Paul asked Noah to play, and reluctantly, he went over to it and started to play, announcing, “I haven’t done this in a while, so forgive me if I’m terrible.”

  He then proceeded to play the most beautiful melody Tara had ever heard. Underneath the grand chandelier, with her feet resting on the plush carpeting and listening to Noah play, she thought she must be in heaven. She glanced over at Denise, who was scrolling through her phone looking bored and Tara was filled with irrational anger. Tara wanted to shake Denise- did she even realize what she had? Did she realize that Tara wanted this to be her l
ife? She wanted to sit in the evenings and listen to Noah play, to sleep with him at night, to touch him and for him to touch her and kiss her- but it was Denise who got all that, and she didn’t even value it. Tara sighed sadly and excused herself, thanking Paul for a wonderful time before leaving the sitting room, climbing back up the stairs and shutting herself up in her room.

  *****

  A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door, and Tara ignored it, not wanting to her face her mother right then. She lay in bed until she heard a soft voice call out, “Tara, are you okay?” She recognized the voice as Noah’s and sat up suddenly, quickly checking her reflection before she opened the door to find him standing there with a worried look across his beautiful face. “Mind if I-?” he gestured into her room and Tara moved aside as she said, “Of course.”

  She closed the door as he sat down on her bed and looked up at her. “What happened? You seemed upset after dinner. It was my playing, wasn’t it?” Tara laughed and shook her head as she said, “You play beautifully, I just- I don’t know what happened really.” Tara stepped closer and Noah held out his hands. Hesitantly, Tara placed her hands in his, and he pulled her closer as he said, “You look gorgeous.” Tara blushed and then suddenly, Noah stood up so that their faces were inches away from each other. Tara gazed into Noah’s eyes, not sure what was happening, and then, he pushed his mouth against hers and she parted her lips.

  Noah kissed her hard, tangling his fingers through her hair and Tara felt as though she might swoon. She threw her arms around his neck and Noah broke away as he said, “I’ve imagined kissing you since I first saw you at lunch the other day.” He slid his thumbs under the shoulder straps of her dress and pulled them off so that the dress slid to the floor and Tara stood there in her underwear. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said with his lips pressed her against her neck. Tara stretched her neck as he kissed the length of it and then she started to peel off his jacket and unbutton his shirt. He fumbled clumsily with the buttons as he kissed her harder, pushing his tongue into her mouth.

  Once his shirt was off, he unzipped his pants and pulled them off. Tara lay back on the bed with her feet on the floor, and Noah went down on his knees, pulling her legs apart. He slowly pulled her panties off and tossed them away before he kissed her stomach and then made her way down to her abdomen and then between her legs.

  Tara moaned softly as he felt his tongue explore her depths and she stretched her arms over head as he resurfaced and kissed every inch of her that he could reach. He pulled the cups of her bra down, exposing her large breasts and he whistled softly as she lay completely naked before him. “Goddamn,” he said, and then filled his hands and mouth with her breasts as she wrapped her legs around him, feeling him hard between her thighs.

  She moved against him and he bit her softly before he reached down and pulled off his boxers. “You want me to?” he gasped between kisses and she grabbed his butt, pulling him into her as she nodded enthusiastically. She spread her legs apart for him as he entered her, and she almost screamed until he clamped a hand down over her mouth, “Someone will hear us,” he whispered urgently and Tara nodded, promising to be quieter.

  He moved in her slowly at first and then faster and faster, picking up speed as Tara went further and further into a state of pure bliss. She threw her arms around his neck and lifted herself up to bite his lip. Suddenly, she felt something deep inside her and lay back as she tried very hard not to scream with pleasure.

  Tara came first and then Noah did too, collapsing off her and rolling over on his back next to her as they both tried to catch their breath. “That was amazing,” Tara gasped, as Noah propped himself up on one elbow and said, “You’re amazing.”

  A high tinkling laugh floated in through the window, and Tara quickly went over to the window and peeked out to see Paul, Eileen, and Denise walking around the pool deck with drinks in their hands. She turned back to Noah and caught him checking out her bare backside.

  She covered herself and blushed as she asked, “What did you tell them when you came up here?”

  Noah gently pulled the sheets so they fell off Tara and then he kissed her thigh as he said, “I told them I had to attend to a phone call.”

  Tara sighed and sat on the bed as she said, “What happens now, Noah?”

  Noah shook his head as he sat up too and said, “All I know is that you’re incredible and I want to be around you all the time, I want you.”

  Tara looked at him in the pale lamplight and sighed again, “We can’t tell anyone- our parents are- I mean you’re about to become my brother.” Noah moved closer, kissing her neck and then lightly running his tongue over her breasts as he said, “Stepbrother.”

  The two of them would sneak out to the pool when everybody else had fallen asleep, and then underwater, Noah’s hands would roam across Tara’s body, his fingers sliding into her swimsuit, his mouth exploring her curves. Sometimes, they would sneak back up to Tara’s room and speak with their hands and their bodies, making sure they were quiet enough so nobody heard them.

  Each morning, the two of them would act as though nothing had happened, and Noah started to avoid Denise more and more, choosing to spend his time “making phone calls”. Tara wasn’t sure how long this would go on- he hadn’t left Denise yet and she knew that she shouldn’t expect anything since her mom’s wedding to Noah’s dad was less than two months away. They wouldn’t talk about these things because it would only ruin their stolen moments with each other. They both knew it was wrong- but it felt so good.

  *****

  Noah was slowly running his hands up her waist and Tara sunk lower and lower into the water as she moaned softly, when suddenly she stopped and stared at something in the distance.

  Noah turned and stared too, but he saw nothing. “What’s going on?” He asked her, and she shook her head as she said, “I don’t know- I just got this weird feeling like someone was watching.”

  Noah turned around again and looked at the window to his bedroom, but the curtains were still drawn and there was nobody in sight.

  “Where is Paul’s room?” Tara asked nervously but Noah shook his head and said, “It overlooks the greenhouse, don’t worry. Look it’s nothing, come on,” he playfully ran his fingers along her inner thigh but she moved away and shook her head. “No, Noah, something’s wrong.”

  Noah got out of the pool and walked around the deck, looking for anything that seemed out of place and then returned as he whispered, “Nobody’s there. And besides, we’re just swimming, right?” Tara nodded but she still felt uneasy and said, “Look, I think we should go back inside, and um, go to our own separate rooms. I don’t know Noah, something just feels really weird and I’ve gotta go with my gut, you know?”

  Noah looked extremely disappointed but he nodded and said “Okay, let’s go inside then.” Tara went in first, tiptoeing straight up the stairs and into her room, locking the door behind her. It was chilly in there and she felt goose-bumps all over her skin. She shut her window and then quickly showered and wore something warm before climbing under the covers. A little while later, she heard Noah walk into her room.

  The next day, Noah and Denise didn’t come down for breakfast and Tara had some work to do during lunch, but she looked forward to seeing him later at night. They had been meeting every night for two weeks and Tara excitedly dressed for dinner, knowing that afterwards, she would excuse herself and he would come meet her in her bedroom.

  She wore her sexiest underwear underneath the maroon jumpsuit she wore for dinner and spent an extra ten minutes on her makeup, since she wanted to make up for the night before where her paranoia had gotten the best of her. She made her way down the stairs at nine o’clock that evening and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Noah already seated at the dining table. She smiled at him but he looked away; Tara was confused for a second but she knew that the two of them often avoided each other’s eye to dispel suspicion.

  She seated herself across from Noah j
ust as Denise walked in. She looked beautiful in a strappy gold dress that fell to the floor and she was smiling happily as she greeted everyone. Paul smiled at all of them and asked for everyone to please start. They ate mostly in silence, but with little snippets of conversation threading through the meal and Dorothy was serving drinks when Noah suddenly stood up and said “I- uh- I have an announcement to make.”

  Tara glanced up and wondered what the hell was going on. Noah cleared his throat and looked at Denise, who stood up, beaming and held his hand. Tara’s blood ran cold as she looked at the two of them. “Denise and I are- uh-” he hesitated and Denise suddenly squealed, “We’re getting married!”

  Tara dropped her fork with a loud clatter and Noah glanced in her direction for a second before deliberately looking away. Eileen gasped and Paul blinked silently at Noah before he slowly said, “When did this happen?” Noah glanced at Denise and then said, “I- I proposed last night, and she-” he trailed off but Denise excitedly burst out, “I said yes of course.” Denise suddenly made a huge show of kissing Noah, plastering her lips against his and throwing her arms around his neck for much longer than necessary and Tara stared at them with her mouth open. There was complete silence and then Eileen forced a bright smile on her face and said, “Well- congratulations!”

  Twenty minutes later, Tara paced around her room with no idea of what had just happened. Last night, he had been fondling her breasts in the swimming pool and tonight, he was engaged to Denise? Tears were streaming freely down her face as she angrily tore off her jumpsuit and underwear and changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top, wiping away her makeup furiously and repeating, “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” How deluded she had been to imagine that anything could happen between her and Noah- other than some fucking around in his daddy’s pool. She wiped away her tears and then fell onto the bed, crying harder than before as she replayed all the moments she had shared with him- intimate moments that she thought had meant something. She cried into her pillow until she drifted off into sleep miserable and lonely.