Shadow of the Ravens

by D A Rice

  When my eyes open, the tea I’ve been brewing is ready. I pour a cup for myself, the teacup materializing out of the shadows. I take a sip and shiver with its warmth.

  It’s the kind of warmth that thrums through my body, bringing the kind of peace that only certain kinds of drugs can give. I may be an addict, but right now the pain is more than I can take. I need all the help I can get, and I’m numb to most herbs. My immortal-like body metabolizes the stuff far faster than my mind can keep up.

  I smile as the tea does its work, then take another sip, collapsing forward on the counter in front of me. I giggle, then look over to where I know the Guardian is watching me. I salute him. “You are missing out on some good tea, my friend.”

  “Oh, Ren…” I smile at Emma as she sniffs the pot I just brewed, then crinkles her face in distaste. She gives me a look.

  “There’s plenty left, you know!” I salute her next, but she shakes her head, moving around the kitchen as she cleans the mess I’ve made.

  “The Guardian told me you were up to no good in here.” She sighs, cleaning up the herbs carefully, even with the gloves on her hands. She doesn’t trust me that much, and I don’t blame her.

  I lean back against the counter, watching her in amusement. “But I’m so much easier to get along with this way, wouldn’t you agree?”

  She pauses, then glances up at me. Her eyes are full of sadness, and I want to materialize a knife again. I take another sip of tea instead. After a moment, she continues to clean. “I realize you have your own coping mechanisms, but this can’t be good for you.”

  I cluck, a wry laugh escaping from my mouth. “Dear Gladys. My tea is always good.” I flick her gently in the nose, and she recoils in surprise as I pass her.

  She sighs again. “Time requires me to leave. Can you at least promise me not to kill yourself before I get back?” She raises her eyebrow at me.

  I hug the pot of brew to myself, hoisting it up as I turn to her, a wide grin on my face. “I solemnly swear to drink this whole thing by the time you get back, and only share a little with our ward.”

  Emma rolls her eyes, her fingers coming to her brow. She knows I won’t give any to Little C, but the soft smile that touches her lips as she shakes her head eases the pain in both of us. I exasperate her to no end, but she’s relieved I’m teasing her again. She doesn’t like to see the darkness that’s consumed me.

  Emma watches me for a moment, then nods. Her eye glows gold as she sends a message to the robot in the hallway. I have no doubt he’ll be staying to keep an eye on me. She turns, the sands of Time swirling around her. In the next moment, she’s gone.

  I dance into the hallway with my pot of tea, grinning at the Guardian of Time, who tilts its head at me. “Shall we see how much mischief we can get into before she returns?”

  4

  Living with Chronos was like living with an encyclopedia, but I was never bored. There was always something I found to amuse myself. Chronos spent much of his time teaching me things I’d never known, like how to dismantle and clean each gear in the clocktower.

  I teased him relentlessly, but he took it all in stride, finding as much amusement in me as I did in him. It never occurred to me that the Timekeeper should be lonely, but I suspect that’s exactly what he was, even if he didn’t realize it himself.

  He let me come and go as I pleased, but he’d always kept an eye on me in the present if he could. He knew my other personality was always hovering on the horizon, ready to get violent, but I barely left the clocktower in those days. I found so much there to play with.

  One day, I’d spent the entire evening getting to know the sands of Time. They carried me wherever I wanted to go when I was within the clocktower or around Chronos. When day turned to night, as it does in Wonderland, like a light switch, I dove off the side of the tower, only to have Time catch me midfall.

  Chronos had been there, but he didn’t say a word as I swam through the sands, giggling as it tickled my face. My will directed it, and soon Chronos left me alone, leaving as he’d come with an amused smile riding up his face.

  I had the mental prowess of a child and as he walked out of the tower that day. It became known to me that I’d never managed to prank the Timekeeper. I remember the smirk that rode up my face as I leaned back against the sands of time. “Oh what a game that’ll be.”

  Day by day, I put odd things into his tea, watching him out of the corner of my eye to see what it might do to him. He seemed to always know, even with my vast timelines, when something was amiss. Sometimes he’d drink it, then continue his work as a smaller version of himself, and other days he’d leave it alone to grow cold.

  Nothing fazed him.

  Or so I’d thought.

  But I soon realized that, though they could do nothing about it within the Fortress of Time, the Ravens in my head despised him. My pranks grew more devious by the day, and on those rare occasions I did leave the Fortress, I found myself blacking out more often than not.

  I still woke in the Forgotten Forest, feeling as if some pressure had been lifted from my body. I’d clean up whatever mess I found myself in, then return to Chronos. He never asked what I’d done, and I never told him.

  It didn’t take me long to figure out he watched me in the present when I left his domain. It was as if he could tell that the darkness built up to the point it was painful. I didn’t want to hurt my friend, even if the Ravens did.

  So when I stumbled out of the Fortress, holding back that darker side of myself until I was a safe distance away, Chronos always knew something was up. I can’t confirm it, but I have a feeling he’d learned how and when to stop me from being worse than I already was.

  No wonder the Ravens hated him, but I grew to love him even more. If he could take time out of his day to watch out for his mad apprentice without judgement, he earned respect from me. It became a game to see how much I could hide from him when I returned. He’d ask me how my day went, and I’d shrug, make up the wildest story I could manage, then run off with a giggle.

  But I was becoming restless.

  I’d begun pacing the walls of the Fortress, tea in hand and always in motion. Chronos took me on his trips sometimes, but I couldn’t focus on the task at hand. I always found something I’d rather be doing. It usually involved the locals.

  Once I’d managed to make a massive brew of tea that caused everyone who drank it to dance until they grew exhausted, then dance more.

  Chronos stopped that before it could get bloody, and I was told I wasn’t welcome back in Fleur anymore. I’d taken as many of the herbs from the place as I could when we left. Fleur was a land full of natural remedies for basically anything, but it was also where I’d gotten the brew for the tea.

  The Timekeeper had fixed Time, and we’d left quickly after that. He didn’t even bother telling me what I’d done was wrong, I didn’t understand right and wrong back then, not completely. Besides, I’d been far too busy giggling at all the mischief I’d managed in such a short period of time.

  I’d been rather proud of myself.

  But Chronos had known the darkness was growing. He couldn’t watch me forever, and he couldn’t protect me from things to come. If he could’ve seen concretely what my future held, would he still have taken me with him that day?

  “Ren,” he said, walking into the foyer I was in, dangling from the ceiling, my legs crossed beneath me as I sipped a cup of tea. “I have a rather unusual request for you.”

  I tilted my head at him, an eyebrow raising as a grin slid onto my face. I said nothing, and he continued, not even glancing up at me, yet knowing exactly where I was. “There is a valley just outside of Time that I need to visit.” He shuffled papers in his hands as his body turned towards me. “I would like you to come with me. I do not think that I will be safe there on my own. Will you come?”

  How could he have known that this field trip would change everything between us?

  I pushed off the ceiling, turning as I went down to
land on my feet beside him, an elbow on his shoulder. He didn’t even flinch. “Will it be boring?” I took a sip of tea as I eyed him beside me.

  A grin inched his lips up a degree before he met my gaze. He couldn’t read my timeline, but it didn’t stop him from trying. “I should think not, Hatter. In fact, I am hoping it will curb some of your more violent tendencies for a while.”

  I smirked in response to that, the teacup nearing my lips once more. “Complaints, Time?”

  Chronos raised an eyebrow at me, finally looking my way. “About you, Ren? Always.”

  I danced around him as he folded the papers in his hands, then turned them into dust, letting them float around us with the rest of Time.

  “Complaints, restraints, tick tock, someone’s got to feed the Ravens.” I giggled, then skipped away from him a few steps before halting. I glanced at him over my shoulder and he met my gaze with an amused one of his own. “I’ll come with you, Timekeeper.”

  “I had a feeling you may.” Chronos walked past me, patting my shoulder as he went.

  The Ravens cawed in my head, hungry. They could smell what was coming. I smiled as I stood there, letting the burn eclipse my eyes as I struggled to contain the darkness. I want to enjoy this, too.

  My darker self was chuckling, mischief was at hand. I glanced up towards the ceiling. I was going to need stronger tea if I was going to contain my other half. The burn grew stronger and I giggled, the madness taking over.

  I could contain him for now, but I wouldn’t contain him forever. I didn’t want to.

  A world outside of Time? It felt like the perfect opportunity to let the Ravens play. They trembled with excitement inside of me, so close to the surface. I didn’t blackout near Time, but that didn’t mean my madness wasn’t close at hand. Sometimes the Ravens were distant, but other times, they were so close it was almost painful.

  Yet I loved it. I loved the tremble they gave me. I loved feeling them so close, and still being able to acknowledge that I was me. It was a high I’d never known. The danger coursed through me with a thrill, the reckless abandon that called to be let go, to devour. I wanted to remember how I played when the most dangerous part of myself was in control.

  I never knew I could be anyone else.

  So, when Chronos walked back into the foyer and said, “Are you ready, Ren?”I nodded, and I let him take to me a place where shadows ruled.

  If there's one thing I can say now, it's be careful what you wish for.

  Interlude

  Little C is awake as I twirl into his room, setting my big pot of tea on a table just within the door. His eyes are full of concern as he takes me in, as well as a sadness I hate. It reminds me too much of Emma’s pity.

  Both make me want to get violent with them, but I restrain myself.

  He sits on his bed, legs crisscrossed beneath him, hands calmly in his lap. I raise an eyebrow at him, a smirk riding up the side of my face as I tilt my head, my hat shifting with my movements. In the next moment, I’m leaning over him on the bed, my elbows digging into the small mattress next to his thighs.

  My hands come up to his face, his cheeks in between them as I squish his face. I tilt my head as he studies me with a tick of the gears in his eyes. They’re so old for how young he is.

  My own gaze narrows. “Is Big Brother in there?” I ask him, tapping his temple with my finger. I don’t move my hands.

  Little C blinks but says nothing. It infuriates me, even with the tea that’s still running through my veins. I have to try hard not to tighten my grip on his face, even though my darker side wants to.

  Part of me wants everyone to suffer right now.

  I lean into Little C’s bubble, my forehead meeting his. He doesn’t flinch, only follows me with his calm gaze. I want to rile him up. I’ve never been able to rile Chronos up. I want to see if Little C has that part of him. “Ask him why he took me there. Ask him if he remembers, now, how he really found me in the Chess Valley. Time took his memories… I want Time to give them back!” I'm not sure how much of this last statement is true. Much of Chronos's memory loss lies with what I did in desperation to try and fix him. But I want to blame someone else for once.

  He meets my gaze. I still want to knock the sadness out of his own.

  Instead I shake his head between my hands. “ASK HIM!”

  Little C closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. There’s a thrum in the air, as if Time itself is tensing for the moment that follows. I can see the red shimmer of it out of the corner of my eye.

  I ignore it. This is one moment I don’t want.

  The robot waits close by. He’s a sentry for my unstable emotions. He’ll protect Little C if I can’t. I don’t think it’ll get that far. I love Little C too much to physically hurt him.

  And yet I can’t stop myself from wanting to cut that grief out of his eyes when he looks at me. I don’t know how to help them. I don’t know how to help myself. The tea barely works, and it seems to be wearing off already.

  Either that or my emotions are too volatile even for the drugs to numb completely.

  Little C exhales in front of me, then meets my gaze again. His eyes tick once before he speaks. “Big Brother thought it was worth the risk. He’d seen what happened as one of many futures, as he always did with you.” His little hand covers my own on his cheek. I glance at it with a shift of my eyes. I can feel their burn. I may not have the Ravens anymore, but that darkness is still a part of me.

  As long as I remember who I am, I can stay me.

  I soften, my shoulders dropping as my grip on Little C relaxes. “He said he didn’t know, but I always suspected he saw something.”

  “He saw many things, Kairos, but many more good than bad. He may not have known who you were, but he loved you all the same.” Little C’s other hand comes up to my own face. He touches my cheek with small bare fingers and my eyes flutter closed. Time coalesces around us, calming me as Little C continues. “He regrets nothing, but knows everything. Time gave him back that which was taken.”

  I hitch a breath as I meet his gaze again. He’s smiling in a small way, an encouraging way. My forehead meets his again, and my hat falls off the back of my head and plops on the floor behind me. I grin, ruffling his sleep-messed hair. It occurs to me, he's changed out of pajamas and into a timekeeper's uniform I'd made for him. One that looks much like Big Brother's. “When did you get so wise, Little C?”

  The child laughs softly. “I’m not sure, Uncle. Sometimes it just takes over.” He shrugs.

  I lean back, watching him for a moment. “I wasn’t sure if you’d have anything left of him.” I pause as I study him with a tilted head. “I can see now that you have all the best parts. He hasn’t left you.”

  “No,” Little C says gently. “He hasn’t left either of us, Uncle. One day you’ll see this.”

  My eyes soften, the last of the burn leaving me. “I think I already have.” I stand with a clap. “Enough of that. Emma is gone, and there is mischief to be had!”

  Little C smiles below me. “What did you have in mind?”

  I hold out my hand to him. His grin widens before he stands and takes it. I pull him up and onto my back in one swift movement. “A field trip, Little C! The best!”

  I let the shadows take us.

  5

  The valley was desolate. When we landed, I remember raising an eyebrow, my feet kicking the dirt in mild disgust. “I thought you said this would be fun, Time.”

  Chronos only smiled, his eyes ticking as he took in the scenery. “Give it time, Hatter.” He moved his hands into the middle of his body, clasping them in front of him. Gold sands erupted out, consuming us into its own bubble. We lifted, me materializing a knife in my hand with a twirl.

  I watched the ground below us, bored already.

  The timekeeper seemed to be waiting for something, though, his ticking eyes the only sound I heard. After a moment, he sucked in a breath. “There.”

  I followed his look and saw them. “Nightm
ares!! Oh, Timekeeper, you give the very best presents.” I twirled the knife in my hand again, anticipation replacing boredom.

  “It seems that these creatures have overwhelmed this place. We need to dispatch as many as we can before they infiltrate Wonderland.” He glanced down at me. “Are you ready, Hatter?”

  The Ravens cawed in a chorus with the grin that slid up my face. “Tick tock, release the clock.”

  Chronos dissolved the bubble around us and we dropped. I laughed; my hands outstretched as another knife appeared in my free one. The burn in my eyes was almost unbearable as the Ravens stretched their wings in my head. They wanted to take over. Time wouldn’t let them.

  Giggling like the maniac I was, I landed on one of the Nightmares as it entered the valley. Sensing where I needed to strike, I took my moment, riding the monster like one would a wild bronco. I laughed, shadows encroaching on my vision like vines.

  I’d thought them to be all in my mind or from the Nightmares. I had no idea I was part Nightmare myself. The corruption in my veins, the Forgotten, it called every shadowy creature within the vicinity. They were all different shapes and sizes, but all were grotesque in their own ways. They were shadowy, tendrils like smoke drifting from their bodies, and red eyes.

  I wondered if they burned like mine.

  The Nightmare fell with a loud bang, then began to dissipate. The only thing left was the heart I’d stabbed through to destroy it. It was a lumpy, fleshy mass that did not bleed. I couldn’t stop the disappointment that eclipsed this fact.

  I flicked the heart away as Chronos whipped through his own Nightmares, Time becoming two golden whips of sand he used as weapons. I eyed him for a moment before throwing myself back into the fray. “Why don’t they bleed, Time?” I growled as I ripped through two more creatures. “I want to paint the roses red!”

  “There are no roses here, Ren,” Chronos responded, yanking his Time lead down, severing a head from a shadowy body. The whip held the heart in its loop. With a flick of the wrist, the Time stream released it, letting it plop to the ground. Then the timekeeper was moving again.