An Amish Honor

by J. E. B. Spredemann

  “Did you take the bales out to the horses yet?” Dat asked from the barn floor below.

  “Not yet. That was next on my list.”

  “Gut.” His father nodded. “I want you to check on the sheep and goats next. Make sure they have plenty to eat. If not, move them on to a different pasture.”

  “Sure, Dat.”

  “You planning on going to the singing on Sunday?”

  Joseph shrugged. “I don’t know. Thinking about it.”

  He usually bowed out of the event just to avoid his brothers. It was bad enough enduring their scorn at home. He didn’t want to see what it would be like in public, away from the protection of his father.

  “Probably not,” he decided.

  “I’ve seen a pretty young maedel or two eyeing you at meeting sometimes. Perhaps one of them would like to begin a friendship with you.” His father handed him the bridle and grinned. “Now that you have your courting buggy.”

  Joseph slipped it on his mare, quite a bit easier than he’d expected her to take it. “I’m not interested in any maed right now. I’m too young to be thinking about anything serious.”

  “Perhaps in a few more years you’ll change your mind. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to go to the singing and join one of the gangs. You can meet new friends, jah?”

  “Perhaps.” He wanted to change the subject as quickly as possible. He surveyed his horse and the cart he’d just hitched up to it. He tossed several bales of hay into the cart as his father raked the loose hay on the ground. “I can do that if you’d like, Dat.”

  “That’s alright, Sohn. You chust take that out to the horses.” His father continued his task.

  If Joseph admitted it to himself, he sometimes worried about Dat. Signs of age had been manifesting themselves for several years now. Dat and Mamm married later in life and had him and Benjamin in their old age. Mamm died when Benji was born and Dat had never been the same. As the youngest son, the farm and care for their father would fall on Benji’s shoulders. Would he be mature enough to care for their father should he fall ill?

  He knew his older brothers—his half-brothers as they continually reminded him—probably wouldn’t step up to the plate.

  “Joseph,” his father called after him.

  He abruptly pulled on the reins, bringing his mare to a stop. “Jah, Dat?”

  “Would you mind going to the young folks gathering anyway? You need to be around young folks your age. It’s time.”

  He wanted to protest, to ask why, but he would do as his father wished. Perhaps his father had been thinking along the same lines he had. Maybe his father was hoping he’d find a mate so there would be someone to care for him in his soon-approaching later years.

  Joseph frowned. “Dat, are you…okay?” He attempted to keep the worry from his voice.

  “Jah, fit as a fiddle.” Dat’s eye twinkled, evidencing the truth of his words. “Why do you ask?”

  “Ach, nothing, I guess.” He shrugged. “Dat, why do you suppose my brieder haven’t taken themselves a fraa yet?” It seemed their main pleasure in life was making his life miserable.

  His father shook his head. “I’m afraid your brothers are taking full advantage of their rumspringa. I’m sure they’ll settle down. Eventually. But at the rate they’re going, you might be the one to secure a fraa first.”

  “Me?” He swallowed. He didn’t know the first thing about girls and at this point didn’t have much desire to learn.

  “When the right one comes along, you’ll understand.” Dat smiled. “I knew the moment I saw your mother that I wanted to marry her.”

  Joseph shrugged, pondering his father’s words. “Maybe.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  Joseph knew he would have enjoyed the singing if it hadn’t been for his brothers sending him dirty looks half the time. He’d done his best to steer clear of them but they’d still managed to catch his eye from time to time and display their disapproval of his presence.

  But he knew that he had just as much right, if not more, to be there as they did. Besides, it was their father who’d insisted he come.

  Fortunately, they hadn’t been present earlier when their youth group engaged in games of softball and volleyball. He was happy to reacquaint himself with some of his old schoolmates. He’d really been enjoying himself until his brothers showed up. Since they’d left the house earlier than he had, he guessed they’d been up to no good.

  Now that the singing was over and folks were helping themselves to the snacks, Joseph saw it as an opportunity to get out from under their watchful eyes. He’d noticed a few maedel looking his way, but he decided that he’d drive home alone tonight. He was in no rush to find himself a fraa.

  “What are you doing here?” Levi sneered as he sidled up to him at the snack table. Joseph was close enough to detect his foul breath.

  “Dat suggested I come.”

  “You don’t have to worry about finding a fraa so you can take care of Dat. Our schweschder will do that.” Simeon took a drink from a small silver flask that Joseph guessed had liquor in it. Dat had warned all of them to stay away from liquor.

  “What if she wants to marry?” Joseph reasoned.

  Levi’s expression sobered. “No one will want to marry Dinah.”

  “Why not?”

  His brother Simeon came and joined the conversation, rolling his eyes. “Because, dummkopp, she already had a man.”

  Joseph’s mouth fell open. “What do you mean? Dinah’s been married? How come I never heard this before?”

  “Her husband was an idiot.” Levi crossed his muscled arms over his chest.

  “Well, where is he? Why haven’t I ever seen him? Or heard about him?” Surely his brothers must be pulling his leg.

  Simeon shared a smirk with Levi. “He’s long gone. We took care of him.”

  Joseph’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

  Levi looked at Simeon. “Why are we telling him anything?”

  “Don’t know.” Simeon shrugged. “Hey, it’s none of your business, dummkopp. And don’t go asking our sister about it neither. You’ll upset her.”

  Joseph felt a bit of relief as his brothers walked off. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to deal with them for the remainder of the evening. Nevertheless, he was eager to return home.

  He wondered at what they’d said. Were they simply telling tall tales or was there perhaps a hint of truth to their words? He had never found it peculiar that Dinah didn’t go with the young folks, probably due to her age. He’d always just figured that she had in mind to stay an alt maedel.

  He cast his thoughts aside and determined that he would ask Dat later.

  All in all, it had been a pretty gut evening, he decided. Maybe, just maybe, next time he might ask one of the pretty maedel’s brothers for permission to ride with their sister.

  ~

  “How did your evening go, Sohn?”

  Joseph glanced at the clock on the wall. It was rare for Dat to be up at this late hour. Had he been waiting up for him? Was he worried?

  Joseph shrugged. “Pretty gut.”

  “Did you have a gut time with the youth folks, then?”

  “Jah. Jah. Played some volleyball. Talked to some old friends from school.” He frowned as he thought of his brothers, who would no doubt return home after a few hours.

  “Something is bothering you.” How did his father sense these things about him? Was he that easy to read? Or perhaps Dat just knew him well.

  “Dat, the brothers were out drinking and carrying on. Simeon and Levi even told me that Dinah was married before. Can you believe that?”

  “Jah.” His father nodded.

  “Why would they make up such ridiculous stories?”

  Father frowned. “That’s not made up, Sohn.”

  “So, it’s true then? They weren’t just trying to pull one over on me?”

  “Jah, it’s true.”

  Joseph frowned. “I don’t get it. How come I never knew about it? Why doesn’t any
one ever mention it? What was his name?”

  “Those were dark days for our family. It is not something that I wish to speak about, Joseph. Some things are better left unspoken. Your brothers should not have brought it up.”

  Joseph sensed the frustration in his father’s voice.

  “Probably ’cause they were drinking.”

  “Jah. Many a foolish thing is spoken when liquor is involved. You must always stay away from it. If your brothers had any sense, they would too. Who knows what other things they’ve been prattling on about in public.” Joseph sensed his father’s exasperation and was sorry for bringing it up.

  But still, he needed answers to satisfy his curiosity. “Will you not tell me what happened? Please, I am of age. You know I won’t share it with anyone. But I do wish to understand my sister better.”

  “It is a burden you need not bear, Sohn.”

  Joseph frowned. “Do you not trust me, Dat?”

  “Nee, I trust you more than anyone.” He sighed. “Okay. But you must never utter a word of this to anyone—not even your fraa, should you marry.”

  “You have my word, Dat.”

  “Your sister was taken advantage of by a man who was not her husband at the time.”

  Joseph’s eyes widened as he digested his father’s words. An awful pain clenched down on his heart as though his driving mare were stepping on it. He imagined his sister and what she must have endured. The embarrassment. The shame. The sadness.

  “No.” Tears sprung to his eyes.

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “Poor Dinah. No wonder she doesn’t smile much. What happened to him?”

  “Well, he married your sister shortly thereafter. He claimed that he loved her dearly, and I believe he did. It was true that he behaved himself wrongly, but he did try to right his wrongs.”

  “What happened?”

  “Your brothers, Simeon and Levi, were so upset by what he’d done, they took matters into their own hands.” He grimaced.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, he fell down a cliff. In reality, I believe your brothers killed him. Arranged it so it would happen in a way that made it look like an accident, so they got away with it. At least, in the eyes of man.”

  My brothers are murderers? “Dat, that’s terrible! I—I don’t know what to say.”

  “Now you know why it is never spoken of.”

  “But what—? How—?” He scratched his head. “Is that why our family moved when I was little?”

  “Jah, that is why. It is difficult to gain the respect and trust of others when you have a past reputation like our family’s. It is not something folks soon forget.”

  “Does anyone here know?”

  He shook his head. “Not that I know of. Not unless your brothers are shooting their mouths off again.”

  Would his brothers ever learn any sense? Surely someone could have overheard their conversation at the singing. He prayed it wasn’t so, for Dinah’s sake.

  “Denki for telling me, Dat. I know it must be hard for you. And for Dinah.”

  “I’m afraid she has suffered the worst. I feel like I am partly to blame. She wasn’t under my protective hand. It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t allowed her to go into town alone.”

  “Dat, I’m sure and certain it wasn’t your fault.”

  “I’m not so certain, Sohn. I carry a heavy portion of the blame, the guilt. I keep asking myself why I allowed her to walk to town alone…” His father broke down in tears. “She was my responsibility and I failed her. Her own father failed her.”

  “I’m sorry, Dat. I’m sorry it happened.” He patted his father’s back in an attempt to comfort him. Aside from when Mamm passed away, he’d never seen his father cry. Surely, this was a burden he’d carry with him to the grave.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Joseph stared at his sister as she worked with her back toward him. Pain clamped down on his heart all over again as he thought of the turmoil she’d gone through. He wished there was something he could do for her, to try to make up for the bad things that had happened in her life. But he knew there was nothing that could wash away the memories that surely haunted her daily.

  Dat hadn’t wanted him to mention anything, and he wouldn’t. But perhaps he could do something for her. Show her some kindness.

  “Dinah?”

  She kept ironing the shirt she’d been working on. “Jah?”

  “Is there anything I can help you with?”

  She turned around and frowned at him, probably to determine whether he had an ulterior motive. “Sure. You can get the laundry from the line and bring it in for me.”

  “Okay.” He smiled.

  He hurried outside and began removing the laundry from the clotheslines, like he’d seen Dinah and Mamm do many times. He carefully placed each garment into the basket until it was overflowing. How much laundry did their family go through?

  “It looks like Dat has Joseph doing women’s work now.” One of his brothers harassed him and reached for a shirt. He threw the garment on the ground.

  Joseph quickly snatched it up and shook the grass off. “Don’t. Dinah just washed these. Do not make more work for her,” he warned.

  “Back off. I was just teasing you.”

  Hounding is more like it. He ignored his brother and hefted the basket up to take it inside. He stepped through the door and into the utility room. “Where do you want these?”

  Dinah turned now. “Ach, just put them in my room. I’ll have to get to them tomorrow after breakfast.”

  “Okay.”

  He slowed as he approached her room, and proceeded with caution. He’d never been inside it before. Was it okay to enter now?

  Dinah had given him permission after all.

  He pushed the door open and noticed a distinct difference from his and his brothers’ rooms. Dinah’s room was nice and neat and it smelled…feminine somehow. He noted the small desk and chair in the corner. His eyes roamed the flowery quilt on her bed. At that moment, an idea popped into his mind.

  He quickly deposited the basket of laundry on the floor next to her bed and exited her room. Then he snatched a plastic bag from the kitchen before heading outside. He’d do his best to avoid his brothers’ prying eyes.

  Joseph went as far away from the house as he could so he could complete his task in silence. He pulled the plastic bag from his pocket. One by one, he gathered different colored flowers and gently placed the delicate beauties into the bag.

  With each one that he plucked, he thought of his only sister. She had always been pretty quiet. Of course, with ten males sharing a house with her, even if she did speak, she was likely to go unheard.

  He knew that feeling very well. Not that he was unheard by his brothers, just ignored or disregarded as though his opinion held no value. But it was different with Dat. He always allowed him to speak and he listened to what he had to say. Mamm had been that way also. He supposed that Dinah was too, now that he thought about it. Though, he’d never really sat down with her and had a real conversation. Maybe he should change that.

  He finished gathering his bouquet when it amounted to a loose fistful. He quickly unbuttoned his shirt and slipped the bag inside, careful not to crush his secret treasure. Surely if his brothers saw it, they’d snatch it from him. And scatter the flowers everywhere. And stomp on them.

  He frowned. Why couldn’t his older brothers like him? Sure, Judah and Reuben were civil to him most of the time, but he still sensed their air of superiority. As though they merely tolerated him. The other brothers, he was for sure and certain, just hated his guts. Barely endured him because they had to. And now that he knew what Simeon and Levi had done, it really disturbed him.

  Had his brothers thought they were helping Dinah? Somehow, he couldn’t imagine leaving her a shamed, childless widow would benefit her in any way. Nee, it only increased her sorrow. How could they believe two wrongs would make a right? Or had they just been prideful and selfish, not wanting t
heir own name to be ruined? Well, they sure ruined it alright by their deplorable act of vengeance.

  Another thought crossed his mind. If Simeon and Levi were capable of killing Dinah’s husband, who was to say they wouldn’t do something like that again?

  And they hate me.

  He swallowed and loosened the shirt button nearest his throat. Jah, he’d have to stay as far away from them as possible.

  ~

  “Dinah, where do you keep the canning jars?”

  She frowned, eyeing him in a strange way. “What do you need a canning jar for?”

  “It’s a secret.”

  She stopped her current task—kneading a large bowl of dough at the table—and moved to the sink to wash her hands.

  “You don’t have to stop. I can get it myself.”

  Her brow lowered. “You’re sure?”

  “Jah.”

  She nodded. “There are some extras on the shelf in the basement. They’re in a box covered by a towel.”

  “Denki.”

  “Don’t forget the lantern or you won’t be able to see.” She gestured to the shelf where the extra lanterns were kept.

  He found the matches on the shelf as well, turned up the lantern’s wick, then watched the flame dance to life. He hurried down the basement stairs and quickly found the box of jars. He took out a pint-sized jar and determined it should work, although he’d need to cut the stems down. But how could he do that without Dinah figuring out what he was up to? He’d have to ask to borrow her scissors. Maybe Dat kept some in his desk drawer. Jah, he’d check there.

  At last, he strode into the kitchen, proudly carrying his bouquet of wildflowers. Dinah had just covered several loaves of bread dough with towels, no doubt to rise. She turned, just as he entered the kitchen.

  “These are for you.” He grinned, holding out the bouquet.

  A confused expression briefly flashed across her face, then tears welled in her eyes. Without warning and without a word, she ran past him and dashed to her bedroom. The door closed behind her with a thud.