by Tarrah Betts
“Nooo,” I screamed at him, my vision clouding as my fury and tears ran, unchecked, down my face. I was wounded inside, my heart broken from this terrible unrequited love and desire that had infected my soul.
Roan had hit me in my most vulnerable spot, my heart. But I did not react in a weak, defenseless manner.
Oh no, I did not.
My youthful inexperience and my newly acquired tide of emotional longing and desire laid waste to any rational thought inside me and forced a savage reaction to Roan’s rejection. Stalking over to him, I started swinging blindly and screaming at him, “I hate you, Roan. I hate you. This is not what's supposed to happen. You’re supposed to be mine!” I wept.
Where were these voices, these thoughts and feelings coming from?
I had no idea, all I knew was that bitter tears of disappointment fell down my face until I feared there’d be nothing left of me. I wanted to hit Roan and hurt him like he was hurting me inside.
“Aspen, stop! What the hell has gotten into you?” Roan said as he moved away from my flailing hands and pushed me towards his bed.
I half fell, half landed on the bed and he was on me like lightning, straddling me and holding my arms down beside my head. “Aspen, look at me,” he said as he forced me to look at him, ”don’t you ever hit me, do you understand me, little girl? You and I do not hit one another, under any circumstances. Ever. What the hell do you want from me Aspen? Jesus, you’re not even done high school yet. What the hell do you want? Tell me, please, because I can’t stand it when you’re freaking out like this,” he said as he peered down at me.
He was so close and heavy, his upper body laid out over mine. There was no way that I was getting away from him unless he wanted me to. He completely physically dominated me in every sense of the word. I was held totally immobile by his arms and legs.
I looked up at him, towering over me and the words escaped my mouth before I even had the chance to check with my brain to see if it was a good idea first.
“Kiss me,” I said, the words floating gently through the space between us.
He stared at me hard, incredulous, his left eyebrow raised. “Kiss you?”
Nodding imperceptibly, I looked up at his beautiful, stormy blue eyes but I couldn’t read his emotions. His face was a mask of impassivity as he looked down at me. I could barely breathe with him so close to me; he seemed to suck up all the air in the room.
“Yes, I want you to kiss me” I whispered seductively.
“Who are you and what have you done with Aspen?” Roan asked, a look of unadulterated humor marring his perfect features as he held my face in both his hands and peered deeply into my eyes.
I was mesmerized and couldn't look away from him. I couldn't even blink as we stared at one another.
What is he doing to me?
Roan was calling to me in some way, I was sure of it. There were no words exchanged between the two of us but it felt like Roan was saying something to me, deep inside my head. I could hear the sounds, I just couldn’t quite make out the words.
“Almost, but not quite there yet, huh?” Roan said softly.
“What?” I said, feeling dazed.
“It’s classified, I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Roan said in a resigned tone, “Okay, so you want to kiss me, then you’ll leave, go to the party and stop with this entire thing, right?”
“Yes.”
I’d agree to cut off my hair and burn my favorite jeans, if he asked me to. “But I want a real kiss, not a peck on the lips,” I added.
He shot me a dark look, getting off me and yanking me up off the bed in one smooth, fluid, motion. I was acutely aware of his strength as I flew off the bed and landed against his chest, standing face to face. He was a powerful being and his energy radiated and swirled around him like dense fog. I’d never felt that powerful force emitting from him before. It was like I was truly physically aware of him for the first time ever, right in that very moment.
Roan wrapped his arms around my shoulders and roughly pulled me closer. “Come here, little girl, it’s now or never” he said softly as I wound my arms around his waist. Leaning his head down, he gave my lips a teasing lick with his tongue, and then pulled away suddenly as if he had changed his mind.
There was no way he was turning back now. I wouldn’t let him.
I wanted Roan so intensely; my chest was on fire with his scent in my nose, my mouth and on my skin. It nearly choked me with the red-blooded desire I could smell on him.
I needed him and there was such a sense of intense desperation surrounding the need, that I would do anything to sate it.
Don’t you dare deny me now, Roan! I can’t bear it.
My body ached and cried out for more and I knew a simple kiss wouldn’t satisfy my arousal, it would only intensify it. But I was willing to take whatever I could pry out of Roan right now with the hope that it would possibly convince him to give me more.
But, I knew one thing; being this intimately close to him would never be enough.
I laced my arms around his neck put my hands and pulled him down towards me. I rubbed my face against his, his face rough and scratchy with several days worth of facial hair growth under my cheek. He looked dangerous and feral, with his lips pulled back to show his teeth but he didn’t resist my attempt to bring us closer together.
Just as suddenly as he moved forward, Roan pulled back and stopped short again, his face merely inches from mine. He was so close to me that I could feel his alcohol laced breath fan out on my face.
Just a little closer and his tongue would almost be in my mouth. I craved that; I wanted it so badly that I would be willing to go to great lengths to get what I wanted from him. I brushed my lips against his, not kissing him but rubbing them gently back and forth against his lips and chin.
Roan’s face looked so conflicted and lost as he stared at me, my heart felt hard and tight in my chest to see him like that.
“I want you, Roan,” I whispered breathlessly, trying to reassure him, as I stared into his eyes.
His gaze swept my face and focused on my trembling, pouty lips when he finally exhaled in defeat and leaned in to kiss me full on the mouth.
Being kissed by Roan Sabre was almost a spiritual experience.
He knew exactly what he was doing and kissed me with the self-assured confidence of a skilled lover. In his arms, I felt like a flimsy raft, adrift in a raging sea, and all I could do was hold on for dear life.
But it was quick and over way too fast and my body was physically aching for more.
“There, satisfied?” Roan asked as he pulled back, his eyes smiling at the dazed look on my face.
“No. More, I need more” I said breathlessly.
He shook his head and reluctantly leaned back in to meet my eager mouth. His lips felt warm and soft against mine as we kissed. My head was swimming with the knowledge that it was Roan who was kissing me. Roan, the physically attractive, intelligent, dominantly sexual pack Beta.
And he had his tongue in my mouth.
Roan reached down and pulled me closer to him, our bodies tightly sandwiched together, and kissed me harder, his tongue fervently probing my mouth.
I knew Roan was turned on, I could feel his excitement through his jeans and he felt large, thick and hard as a rock against my stomach.
My hands were in his hair, tugging softly as I ran my hands through its softness. “He likes kissing me,” I thought to myself as a low, rumbling growl escaped his chest. He wants me just as much as I want him.
Our hands roaming, we touched and explored each others body and I felt something sleepy and ancient start to awaken from deep inside me. Roan’s hands were on my ass and in my hair when suddenly he picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist as he crushed me into the wall. But I wasn't intimidated or scared, I only wanted more.
Oh yes, big boy!
His mouth broke from mine and he started kissing and biting my jaw line, down toward my neck. Growling, he started nip
ping and kissing my neck roughly.
I started moaning softly. He had awoken something animalistic inside me and I answered him in turn as I scraped my nails down his back. I was dark, sexual desire, personified.
I no longer wanted a kiss; I wanted more, so much more. I wanted everything he had to give me. I wanted the hardness hidden in his jeans. I wanted his heart. I wanted his very soul, clutched in the palm of my hand.
I started kissing down his neck to his collarbone. He was so perfect and beautiful; I could weep from wanting him. I wanted to lick and kiss him everywhere.
We were kissing again, his mouth slanted across mine as he pushed my hips down and ground his erection against me.
I moaned into his mouth as the sensation overwhelmed me. Never in my life had I felt such intense feelings of raw hunger and longing.
Oh my god, I want you so badly. I have never wanted anything more than I want you, Roan.
Panting heavily, he slowly pulled away and looked down into the blistering passion on my face. “Aspen, we have to stop now. I’m not going to be able to control myself much longer. I don’t want to hurt you. We have to stop,” Roan said breathlessly.
I didn’t want him to stop, not ever, so I reached up and kissed him again. He kissed me back but more gently and not as overtly sexual this time around. And then he broke the kiss and pulled away entirely.
Oh god, Nooo, please Roan!
Having Roan pull his mouth away from mine was almost physically painful. It tore something out of my chest as he moved away from me. My heart maybe?
I was so aroused by him and the way his mouth had moved across mine that my panties were soaked and dripping with my intense sexual hunger.
But, Roan seemed unaffected as he looked down at me with dark, emotionless eyes and said, “Aspen, you need to go. Right Now. We made a deal. You wanted me to kiss you, I did and it went too far. It’s over now. Go to your party. Have fun and be a young girl, like you’re supposed to be.”
He gently lowered me to the ground and we stood there just staring at one another, neither one wanting to look away and break the delicate spell that lay hanging over us. My desire for more burned and scorched me to the bone.
I wanted Roan and I was desperately hurting inside.
My eyes begged him to reconsider and put out the flames he’d stoked to a frenzy, when he suddenly turned away and refused to meet my gaze. I had never felt need such as this in my young life and it overwhelmed my entire being and scrambled my brain.
Through the confusion, one thing was glaringly obvious through my sexual haze; Roan was denying me, again.
Frustrated and brimming with unfulfilled need, I started to cry confused, bitter tears.
“I hate you, Roan. You want me to go to the stupid party, fine, I’ll go to the stupid party,” I said angrily, lashing out at him.
“Aspen, I want you to know that I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“Well, it’s kind of too late for that Roan, don’t you think? You want me to go to the party, fine, I’ll go and then I’ll have sex with the first guy that smiles at me. I’ll give him my virginity and let him fuck my brains out. Then I’ll have sex with his friends too. It’ll be one big gang-bang. I’ll be the New Years Eve party whore. How do you like that, you damn bastard!” I screamed out at him, nearly overcome by the alien feelings of rage and hurt inside me.
Roan looked at me, a combination of fury and horror, when he grabbed my face and made me look up at him. He was in my space, surrounding it, permeating it, taking it over.
“Look at me Aspen,” he said sternly as he peered into my eyes in the intense way he had done earlier. He was speaking to me somehow but his lips weren’t moving. I could hear him inside my head but, again, I couldn’t make out the words.
“So close. God, you’re nearly there, aren’t you little girl?” Roan said sadly as he shook his head and I swear I saw a brief glimpse of a sensitive, fragile version of Roan that I had never witnessed before.
But it was short lived and the old, dominant, gruff, controlling Roan was back firmly in place.
“Now, if you have sex with anyone at that party, I will smell them on you. Then I will make it my life’s mission to hunt every last one of the little pricks down and kill them slowly while I make you watch. If you are also under the misguided notion that getting pregnant will somehow help you to get back at me, I will personally escort you to Dr Mac Ardle to make sure you’re pregnant and then take you straight to the abortion clinic. Whether you want to go there or not. Do you understand me, little girl?” he roared furiously.
"You wouldn't dare," I said, my voice icy.
"You just try me, little girl. I dare you," he ground out cold and emotionless.
Completely overwhelmed by Roan and his venomous words, my entire body was shaking, whether from fear, anger or sexual need. I wasn’t sure which, perhaps all three. I shook Roan’s hands off my arms, and he let me get away, as I stormed out of the room, making sure to slam the door behind me.
I didn’t understand it, one minute Roan was molten lava in my arms, the next he was the ice king. I ran back to my room, threw myself on the bed and let the hysterical tears fall on my pillow.
Chapter 30
***
I had lain on my bed and cried and sniffled until I thought my bruised heart would break in half. Roan had left the house after our fight, I heard him open his bedroom door and leave the house a short time after I left his room.
He didn’t even hesitate or pause for a second outside my door before he left. Obviously, he didn’t care that he had hurt me. How typical of him. How could I ever have thought that maybe I meant something more to him.
I was humiliated beyond belief.
Slamming the front door closed, he jumped into his truck, started it up and peeled out of the driveway. He must have still been upset with me, he never normally drove so recklessly. Ever. Roan was always calculated and controlled, never rash and careless.
well, join the club, buddy. I was upset too.
I watched him drive away from the corner of my window. He was wearing jeans and a clean shirt with his leather jacket thrown on top. He had done his hair too, all spiky and tousled.
Roan looked hot and very sexy and it made my breasts feel heavy and tingly and the apex between my legs throbbed painfully. My desire for things that I didn’t fully understand drowned out my sense of reason.
All I knew was that I wanted Roan so badly, I thought I would die from the heat.
I wondered where Roan was going? Probably meeting up with his wolf buddies again at some house party or maybe the bar. It was New Years Eve, after all.
I wondered if he had a date?
It seemed there were two sets of rules for Roan and I. One strict set for me and one set of “do whatever I want” for him.
It just wasn’t fair.
Sighing, I got up off my bed and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked ghastly with my makeup all smeared and running down my face from crying. My hair wasn’t too bad though, I could touch that up and it would still look okay.
But my makeup was a write off though, I would have to wash my face off and start all over again from scratch before I went to Sorcha’s party.
I opened my door and made my way to the bathroom down the hall. I passed Roan’s room on the way and felt sick to my stomach over what had happened between us. I loved him and gave him everything I had to give…and he had rejected me.
Rejected me. Pushed me away. Told me to leave.
I had never put up any defenses where Roan was concerned because he had always been the one person in life that I could trust and count on. My guard was completely down with him at all times and this betrayal had hit me in an unprotected visceral spot, deep inside my psyche.
The bloody, convulsive pain of it was nearly crippling.
Roan’s bedroom door was closed but the smell of masculine body spray permeated the air from underneath his door.
Body spray? What the?
Why did Roan want to smell so good tonight? It surely wasn’t for the other male Weres that he was meeting up with, that’s for sure.
Oh my god! It couldn't be for another woman, could it?
I didn't want to to listen to the thoughts racing through my brain at warp speed but instinctively knew them to be dead on target.
Roan had come home from drinking with his pack brothers, not because he missed me after being away for so long but to change his clothes, fix his hair and to make himself attractive and smelling like whorebait…for another woman!
It became perfectly clear to me in that instant. Roan was either meeting someone back at the bar, or he was going out to pick up some random girl tonight.
I was speechless.
How could I have been so stupid and naive? How could I have entertained for one nanosecond that maybe there was something between Roan and I?
He was only using me. I was just a diversion, a plaything, and a pass time for when he had no one else lined up to occupy him.
That asshole!
Fury at Roan's deception tore through my body as I slammed open his door and pushed it open so hard that it bounced off the wall and came back at me.
I turned and saw his laptop, sitting on his dresser. I opened it and saw that he had left it logged on and so, like a jealous girlfriend, I sat down and read through all his email and even his chat conversations.
Every single one of them.
Maybe he had been emailing back and forth with a girl? Or maybe multiple girls like Caver did. How would I know unless I checked? It's not like he was going to volunteer that information to me.
Most of Roan’s emails were boring. His inbox was filled with emails from various pack members and the Alpha. There was nothing of interest there.
I quickly skimmed through his chats, and again, mostly boring stuff…except for one. Roan had a contact that he chatted with frequently with the screen name: xoRoans_Babyxo.
Who the hell was that????
“Roan’s baby??” I said aloud. Was this some sort of a sick joke? Roan didn’t have any important women in his life, not that I knew of at least, and especially none that would have the gall to call themselves “Roan’s Baby”.
