Collision

by K. A. Sterritt

  “As soon as I graduated and got a job, we left the farm and she’s never been back.”

  “I guess that explains why Grandma and Grandpa always came to pick me up when I went there.”

  “She never spoke of what had happened once we’d left the farm. I tried to bring it up, but every time she’d turn into an ice queen and make me promise to never tell anyone. She felt responsible, like she’d done something wrong, and she didn’t want anyone to judge her. Your mother, God love her, has always worried far too much about what other people think.”

  “But then you had me.”

  “Yes. It was almost a whole decade later. I was working crazy hours and on the path to making partner. She immersed herself in charity work and the Melbourne social scene. Our new life was a far cry from the simple life we had as newlyweds. We had no financial concerns, and she appeared happy to be pregnant again but understandably stressed the same thing would happen. To be honest, I wasn’t around a whole lot, but I know she could barely leave the house, and when she did, she’d have anxiety attacks. When you were born, I hoped she’d relax and be more like her old self.”

  “What was she like before it happened?”

  Dad laughed and his whole body relaxed. “She was wild and free. A little reckless at times, but she loved life hard, and boy did she have spirit.”

  I felt a crucial part of my puzzle fall into place. Mum and I weren’t as dissimilar as I’d always thought. In fact, from what Dad said, we were both trying to hide a part of who we were—the same part.

  “She was the most beautiful woman in the world,” he continued, lost in his memories. He appeared almost whimsical. “She still is.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I can’t believe you’ve never told me this before.” My heart broke for them, but a part of me felt angry that I’d never known about it. “I’ve lived my whole life feeling like I could never be who or what she wanted me to be. I’ve done everything I can for her. I’ve tried to be the perfect daughter, and all along you’ve both been hiding this secret from me that explains a lot of her behaviour. She has always been abnormally fixated on my life and especially on my relationship with Richard.”

  Dad hung his head. “I buried myself in my work, and to be honest, I thought everything was fine. You always appeared happy.”

  “Looks can be deceiving, Dad.”

  “That’s true.” He blew out a long breath. “I guess I’ve brushed a lot under the carpet. Witnessing her fall apart today gave me a bit of a wake-up call. I’m going to insist she sees a therapist. I should’ve done it a really long time ago. She thinks you’re being reckless and it’s dredging up a part of her life she has blocked out.”

  I stood up. “I’ll call Mum tomorrow and try to smooth things over, but I’m not getting back with Richard.”

  Dad looked suddenly pale. “Please don’t tell her I told you.”

  Wow. She really held so much power over him. “She’s barely talking to me anyway, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem.” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood a little.

  “You and your mother are the loves of my life.” His sincere admission shocked me. He’d never been one for displays of affection or voicing his emotions. “Perhaps I should’ve been more involved in your life, but I focused on providing financially instead.”

  “Don’t beat yourself up about what’s in the past, Dad. Let’s just figure out a way to move forward.”

  I walked slowly through the door, down the stairs and out the front door, my mind now swirling with the information I’d learned in the last hour. The cold night air hit me smack in the face and I almost fell down the two steps leading to the footpath. I decided then and there to confront Richard about what was going on. He needed to cut ties with my mother regardless of the financial repercussions.

  In the time it took me to walk to Richard’s house, I was fired up enough to sort this craziness out once and for all.

  His lights were on and, despite the sheer blinds, I could see movement in his front room. He wasn’t alone, but my eyesight was insufficient to identify his company. He lived in a townhouse, similar to my parents’ but smaller. Behind a wrought iron fence was a tiled courtyard. The lack of garden was another similarity to my parents’ place—cold and unhomely.

  I stood in the cover of darkness and looked in. To my surprise and outrage, Richard was with a woman. Why was he so intent on getting me back when he was busy getting it on with another woman? It was hard to tell exactly what was going on between them, but it appeared somewhat intimate. I couldn’t see her face, but I didn’t need to. The overwhelming emotion was relief. He was obviously moving on with another blonde and would hopefully stop harassing me. Feeling like a voyeur, I turned my back on them.

  Reaching into my bag, I pulled out my phone, scrolled through my contacts and hit send. I’d told Leo I’d be at the bar by eight and it was now almost nine. I wanted to let him know I was on my way.

  “You’ve reached Leo, leave me a message.”

  I glanced back to Richard’s lounge room. Part of my brain registered the fact that I needed to leave a message for Leo, but the rest of my brain was exploding into a million tiny fragments of grey matter.

  “No. No. No. NO!!!”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Juliette

  I felt a lot of things in those seconds I stood outside staring at my mother entwined around my ex-boyfriend, a man twenty-five years her junior, but nausea overwhelmed me. Bile rose from my stomach and burned my throat as my empty stomach continued to retch violently. What was he thinking? How long had it been going on? I wondered, completely enraged and sickened but unable to stop trying to process it. As each wave of nausea subsided, betrayal was there waiting to step to the forefront.

  And her. After what Dad told me, I had a better understanding of her, but I’d spent most of my life trying to talk and act ‘appropriately’, weighed down by the guilt she showered on me. I’d tried harder. I’d towed the line. I’d enabled her. But this was too much. Way too much. This was the final straw and I saw red. My teeth ground together as a sweat broke out on my forehead. My ability to think rationally slipped away as newfound raw emotions took hold of my whole body.

  I stormed up the front steps and pounded on the door. Eventually, the outside light came on, and when the door opened, I was greeted by Richard wiping lipstick from his face with wide eyes. The gutless bastard’s reaction was to close the door on me, but I jammed my foot to stop its path. He tried to kick at my boot, but I threw my shoulder into the door and pushed against him, managing to gain entry. I leant against the closed door and glared at him, shooting venom from somewhere inside me I’d never tapped before. I was experiencing rage, the likes of which I’d never known. Perhaps I’d been bottling it up or sweeping it under the carpet. Either way, the bottles were exploding and the carpet was being pulled from under my feet.

  Richard glanced backward briefly, and I had to laugh at the situation I had found myself in.

  “Who are you looking for, Dick?” My sarcastic chuckle would irritate him more than the nickname he hated.

  “Don’t call me Dick.”

  “Really?” My anger rose and my laughter died. “I don’t think you’re in a position to make any demands on me. You never were, you son of a bitch.”

  “You’re in way over your head, Juliette.” His voice was low and threatening.

  “Speak up. I can’t hear you properly. Are you worried Mummy Dearest will hear you?”

  The look of shock amplified as the realisation I knew about his disgraceful affair dawned on him.

  “I won’t let you ruin this for me,” he seethed.

  “Holy shit!” I mumbled, more to myself than to him. “What is wrong with you?”

  “You should go.” He tried to reach past me to the door handle. “And stay away from that bartender or he’ll be removed as a problem.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” My hands and feet felt freezing cold and my mind st
arted to spin out of control. “Tell her to come out now so I can talk to her.”

  He ran his hands through his hair and looked at the ceiling. “I am not going to lose my biggest client now. I’ve worked too hard for this.”

  “You’re out of your mind.” I spoke through clenched teeth, barely containing my rage.

  “I saw an opportunity and I took it,” he said, trying too hard to sound casual. The vein popping out of his forehead was a dead giveaway for his high stress level. “That’s what successful people do to get ahead. You were part of the deal.”

  “What do you mean I was part of the deal?” I asked, becoming more and more disgusted by the second.

  “It seemed like a good deal to date the beautiful daughter of the most connected family in Melbourne. For a long time, you were a bit dull and compliant, but you were pretty to look at and didn’t take up a lot of my time.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked, completely gobsmacked.

  “I got the lucrative charity account and a pretty trophy wife-to-be,” he continued, as if he were discussing a business deal, which essentially he was. “She has it all mapped out. She has big plans for the wedding. She’s often rambling about hiring the Australian Centre for Contemporary Art in South Melbourne and theming the whole extravaganza in pink. You know what she’s like.”

  “Her dream wedding,” I uttered in complete disbelief.

  “Richard!” my mother’s shrill voice called from upstairs. “What’s keeping you?”

  I held my hand over my mouth, fearful of further retching. I spoke through my hand, closing my eyes as the gravity of the situation rolled over my broken soul. “You are a despicable human being.”

  He was silent for a few moments, and I could see the cogs turning in his head.

  He had the audacity to touch my arm, and I flinched away violently. “I’d gladly stay away from you and your fucked-up family, but your Mum’s account is my golden ticket,” he whispered, but his intensity was deafening.

  “Fuck you.” I hoped I burst his ear drum with my hate-filled words.

  “That’s no way to talk to your future husband, Juliette.” My mother appeared right behind Richard and her voice cut through the room like a knife.

  Richard and I both jumped, clutching our hand to our hearts in perfect sync.

  “What’s going on, Mum?” I asked tentatively, suddenly afraid of a woman I didn’t recognise.

  “I’m trying to salvage a situation you seem determined to destroy.” She was swaying as she spoke and her eyes couldn’t focus. “I’m so tired of cleaning up your messes. I give such simple instructions.”

  “What?” My voice was barely audible. She was drunk or high or maybe both. Had she always been like this and I just hadn’t noticed the extent of her delusions? Or is this what I’d avoided for so many years trying to do exactly what she wanted, forging my own miserable fairy tale, solely to please her? “I think you should take a break and go home to Dad.”

  Mum scoffed and flicked her dyed blonde hair over her shoulder. “That old man is such a bore. ‘Calm down. Take a break. Leave Juliette alone.’” She said it in a deep voice, cocking her head from side to side, trying to mimic my father. “I don’t want to take a fucking break.” She put her hand on the wall to steady herself and took some shallow breaths.

  I stood up straight and walked towards her. “You need help, Mum. I’ve tried to help you, but clearly I’ve just made it worse.”

  “Stop talking.” She put her hands over her ears and closed her eyes. “Stop talking. Stop talking.”

  “Come on, Mum.” I stepped forward gingerly and lightly touched her elbow. “I’ll take you home.”

  Her eyes opened and she looked at me with such hatred I was in no way prepared for. “I said stop talking!” she shouted at me before she closed her eyes and resumed her ramblings as if nothing had happened.

  I pushed my shoulders back but was unable to stop a few tears from slipping down my cheeks. Clearing my throat, I turned to Richard, who was white as a sheet—his eyes were out on stalks and his slack jaw trembled.

  “I need to get her home.” I’d take charge of this horrible situation before I fell apart completely. “Seriously, Richard. You need to leave her alone. She needs professional help. Go find another sugar mummy to feed your client base.”

  “Not going to happen just yet, princess.”

  I got right up in his face. “Look, you disgusting snake. You’ve done as much damage as you’re going to do. I’ll have my father remove you as her adviser in the morning.” I turned my back on him, intent on helping my mother.

  “I can destroy her.”

  His words made me falter. I turned back to him and steeled myself. “What do you mean?”

  “I have no problem publicising my affair with her or this little meltdown she’s having.” He sounded so smug I wanted to punch him.

  “It wouldn’t reflect well on your career.”

  “Au contraire, mon amour. I have nothing to lose and I’ve done nothing wrong. I also have some compromising evidence I’d be happy to release.”

  Arsehole.

  “So I don’t tell my dad and you keep your mouth shut?”

  He smiled and actually let out a little chuckle. “It’s actually pretty damn perfect. Mummy Dearest can be shuffled off to a looney bin, leaving me in charge of the account.”

  He was making my skin crawl with his callous excitement.

  “Can you help me get her home at least? She won’t let me near her.”

  “Fine. Whatever. Anything to get the pair of you out of here.”

  Mum allowed Richard to put his arm around her and she suddenly looked like a scared young girl. It was horrifying.

  I turned on my heel and opened the door, allowing them to walk through ahead of me. We walked slowly back to my family home in silence. From the way she slumped into Richard’s side, Mum was either sobering up, coming down off a high or she was simply exhausted. Staring up at the luxury townhouse I had called home for my entire childhood, I realised I was attaching another unpleasant memory to its four walls. The difference this time was, for the first time, I didn’t feel directly responsible for the situation. Her behaviour wasn’t on me.

  I rang the doorbell and waited a few minutes. Richard stood behind me, holding up Mum, who was still resting her head on his shoulder. Her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful. Jean would’ve left for the day, and Dad was probably holed up in his office. I rang again.

  Eventually Dad opened the door, and when he glanced behind me and saw Mum with Richard, he looked confused. “Isabel? What’s wrong?”

  He stepped outside and moved towards them. “What’s going on, Juliette?”

  “Mum wasn’t with Carol.” I wondered if any conversation could be more awkward. “She went to Richard’s after all.”

  “Sorry about this, Richard. Thanks for helping bring her home and for your discretion.”

  I wanted to throw up listening to him apologise. He had no idea and I couldn’t tell him. Not yet, anyway.

  He gently took Mum from Richard, who then took a few steps back and tripped over his own feet. I didn’t laugh because nothing about that situation was remotely funny. Mum moved away from us and walked into the house as if on auto-pilot.

  “She was acting crazy, Dad. She really needs that help.”

  The silence was palpable.

  “Thanks for bringing her home, Juliette.”

  “I just want her to be happy, Dad.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? I’ll get her the help she needs.”

  I nodded, smiled, then turned away.

  Richard was waiting for me on the footpath, staring at the ground with his hands in his trouser pockets. When he saw me, he looked up. “So we have a deal? You’re not going to tell him?” His voice was even, but his face was pale.

  “No. He needs to focus on looking after her for now.” I looked at my ex-boyfriend with disdain. His primary concern was always himself.

&nb
sp; “I hear that bartending lowlife thug nearly lost his first fight because of you.”

  My blood ran cold. “How would you know that?”

  “Your mother. She knows where you are at all times. It’s become an obsession.”

  “For how long?” I was seething.

  “Ever since the Yarra Valley function when you stepped out of line and she saw the way you looked at the bartender. She freaked out and I had to console her in the middle of the night to stop her drinking herself into a stupor.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “She’s had you followed ever since, and let’s just say she’s pissed. I’m pretty sure she’s been doing background checks on what’s-his-name.”

  “Leo. His name is Leo. She’s not pissed. She’s just lost touch with reality.”

  “Whatever, Juliette. I don’t actually care anymore. That charity is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars to me and keeps me at the top of the adviser rankings. As long as I hold on to that, I don’t give a shit about you or your crazy family.”

  “Trust me, Dick. I got that already.”

  I went home feeling lighter in some ways and heavier in others. I could’ve ended up married to Richard and worn a mask for the rest of my life. And worse, Mum wouldn’t be getting the help she needed.

  Knowing my mother had suffered in virtual silence for thirty-five years opened a whole new wound in my heart that I hoped would heal alongside hers.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Leo

  I’d been at the farm all week working on the stone wall, fighting to keep the constant flow of memories and regrets at bay. Stonemasonry had been my family’s business for generations, and I’d worked alongside my dad during school holidays to earn some cash. He hoped I’d join the Ashlar & Son stonemasonry business when I finished school. The ‘& Son’ part hadn’t been the case since my grandfather died a decade ago. I wanted to be a doctor and I’d studied damn hard to ensure I could follow that path. When I graduated from high school, Dad presented me with a shiny new sign for the business, hoping to change my mind. When I’d told him thanks but no thanks, he had respected my decision. Both he and Mum had given me their blessing to follow my own dream, but to this day I wish I’d followed his instead.