by P. Jameson
Vesh swallowed, glancing at Besh. She shook her head and mouthed, “I’ve got this.”
His face grew hard before he looked away to stare at the soil covered ground. “Me. I’ll go.”
“No, Vesh!”
Mother laughed. “Oh, this is fucking priceless. The little shit, trying to save the whore. Fine, then. Come.” She dragged him by the arm out of the room.
“No! No, no, no. Mother, noooooo!”
Besh woke on a mute gasp, her throat sore from screaming. She struggled against the hands that gripped her face until her eyes landed on Cael’s.
“Shh. It’s okay, you’re okay. Nothing can hurt you now.”
She drew in a breath, trying to stem her panic. It was a dream. A nightmare. But it was also a memory. She squeezed her eyes closed, breathing deep, but her heart still raced like the grim reaper was after it.
“Open your eyes, my Isa, and look at me,” he rasped.
She obeyed, taking in his strong, sure features.
“You’re safe.”
She nodded, trying hard to believe it.
“You’re safe,” he said again.
She flung herself at him and he caught her with arms that were both strong and tender. He was exactly what she needed. His hand stroked along her back and she let out a shaky breath, waiting for the anxiety to fade.
Besh stayed locked in Cael’s protective embrace. And he didn’t try to rush her either. The sun peeked through the living room window to tell her morning had come.
“I should take you to bed,” Cael murmured. Besh’s heart thumped faster at the implications. “You need as much sleep as possible.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to go back to sleep right now.”
Cael nodded, carefully brushing the hair from her eyes. “I have another idea then. Go get your boots on.”
Besh frowned. “Uh, okay.”
“Jacket too.”
In the bedroom, she found the boots and laced them up, and grabbed the parka on her way out. When she got back to the living room, Cael sat on the couch carefully organizing a small arsenal of guns. There were small ones that would fit in Besh’s hand, and large ones she’d have to heft over her shoulder.
“What is this?”
He glanced up at her before spinning the barrel of a handgun and checking the sites. “I’m going to make you feel safer.” He set the gun on the table and walked over to her. In a gesture that left her shivering, he tenderly cradled her cheek. “I can’t do anything about your nightmares, but I can give you the power to feel safe when you’re awake. I’m going to teach you how to shoot.”
Besh frowned. “But I have my animal. I can always turn and let her fight if I’m in trouble.”
Cael shook his head. “It’s not enough. If it was, you wouldn’t feel the way you do. You’re wolf is a natural submissive, and that’s fine, but you won’t always have the power to stand up to what you fear.” His eyes dropped. “Last night, I backed down. But what would’ve happened if I hadn’t? Would you have held your ground?”
“I… don’t know. I think I would have fought.”
He nodded. “I think so too, but this way, you’ll feel like you can win. You won’t doubt yourself.”
Besh’s heart swelled. This was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her. He didn’t just want to make her feel safer; he wanted to give her the tools to do it herself. Before she could think better of it, she leaned forward and kissed him, only stopping when his lips stayed perfectly still.
Pulling back, she ducked her head. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Just… thank you. This is a great idea.”
“You’re welcome.” His voice was strained, but Besh couldn’t look at him. “Let’s go.”
She stepped away and pulled on her jacket while Cael gathered the weapons and ammo. In the sunlight of morning, for the first time in a very long time, Besh felt like everything was going to be alright.
***
Fucking hell. That’s where Cael was. In fucking hell. Her lips on his…
She’d stunned him. He hadn’t expected her kiss, and the feel of her soft lips had seemed like a blow instead of a caress. He would let her beat the hell out of him, as long as it felt like that. Damn.
He led Isabesh into the field behind the cabin where he’d set up a few cans to use as a target. Cael spent the early morning hours running as a wolf, working off steam, in an attempt to clear his mind.
As angry as he’d been over Isabesh’s mistakes, it was becoming harder and harder to blame her for making them. They’d both been put in impossible situations and both had failed. It would take time for him to understand what she’d done and come to grips with the why of it. But one thing was for certain: she needed to feel safe before she could ever heal. And Cael wanted her well. Wanted her to feel whole. Needed it, or he’d go crazy.
She was his now, and he took care of what was his. Or he died trying.
He had noticed Magic’s stock of guns when checking out the cabin that first day. The idea to teach Isabesh to shoot felt like the right move, and he’d rushed back to the cabin to tell her.
Finding her in the throes of a horrible nightmare just reaffirmed his decision.
Besides…
He glanced at her hips as she walked, imagining the ways her body would change soon.
…giving her another way to defend their young was just smart thinking.
He’d hardly let himself think about it. How he was going to be a father soon. The responsibility was tremendous, but he’d never shied away from it before. In fact, the idea of having a cub with her gave him so much pride his chest felt like it could burst. He never imagined he’d feel this way.
Stopping several feet from the targets, he dumped the bag of weapons on the ground.
“Alright. We’ll start small and move our way up. Sound good?”
Isabesh nodded as he handed her a small .38 caliber he’d already loaded.
“You hold it like this,” he said, placing her hand in the correct position. “Don’t be afraid of it. Don’t hold it carefully. Get a good grip on it. Tighter.” He felt her palm squeeze the handle. “Good. Like that. Now you’re ready.”
He stepped behind, wrapping his arms around hers and guiding her aim. “Now, you just point at your target. Try that bigger one first. Look right down the middle of the gun. Do you have it in your sights?”
“Yes.”
Her hair smelled good. Like lilies and his mark. “Good,” he whispered in her ear. “Now gently squeeze the trigger.”
She jumped at the sound of the gun, which he’d expected. What he hadn’t expected was for her to hit the mark.
“I did it,” she said in wonder. Then her gaze flew to him. “I hit it, Cael!”
“You did, baby. You did.” He grinned at her excitement.
Her eyes turned sad. “I missed that. Your smile.”
It faded at her words. “Me too, Isa.” It hadn’t been present for most of the last seventeen years. “Let’s try again. Try that smaller one next.”
She nodded and resumed the position, carefully going through the steps he’d taught her. Grip, aim, squeeze. But the bullet zoomed past the target.
“Damn.” She pouted, and it was the cutest thing he’d seen. Would their young have those same pouty lips?
“It’s okay, keep trying.”
Several tries later, she still hadn’t hit the smaller can.
“I think the first one was a fluke,” she muttered.
“No, it just takes practice.”
The next shot landed and the relief on her face was palpable. She wanted to be good at this, he could tell.
“How come the cans aren’t falling over like in the movies?”
“I put rocks in the bottom.”
“Oh.”
“Then when we’re finished, we’ll see how many holes you make.”
“Got it.”
When she’d mastered the .38, Cael introduced her to the 9mm. She hit the big can so many time
s the side was mangled.
“Don’t think we’ll be counting holes. More like just seeing which can is more demolished.” He let his pride show through his voice and her eyes smiled. If she gave him a real smile, with her mouth, he probably wouldn’t be able to hold back from kissing her.
Her eyelashes fluttered as she looked away. “You were right, you know.”
“About what?”
“The young. I can sense it today.” Her lips curved upward just slightly. “It scares me, to know I’m bringing a wolf into this world, when it has been so bleak until now. I’m scared I’ll screw up. Or not be good enough. But…”
“But?”
“It… I… It also makes me happy,” she barely whispered. “Happy. I can count the times in my life I’ve been happy on one hand.”
Cael reached up to brush his thumb along her cheek.
“Do you…” She bit her lip, clearly having trouble finishing the question. “Do you… wish it wasn’t me? Giving you young?”
He opened his mouth to answer, but she rushed forward.
“Do you wish it was someone better? Or your intended? Or—”
He stopped her with a finger to her lips. Emotion wrecked him, making his breath come hard and heavy. “You,” he said on an exhale. “Always you. I don’t regret what we did. I wondered if I would, but I just… don’t.” He pulled her collar aside to check his bite. Just seeing it there on her neck made him grow hard. If there was ever any question before, there wasn’t now. His wolf was fully invested.
Isabesh stared at the ground. “That really means a lot to me, Cael. To hear you say that. Thank you.”
She was so formal with him. As if they were in an arrangement instead of… what? What was this? What they had didn’t fit in a category, that was clear, but what he felt for her was stronger than any formal agreement. And she still had feelings for him. That kiss had been more than gratitude. He wasn’t wrong about that. She just needed time. They needed time.
He brushed the bite gently with his fingers. “This is beautiful.”
A pink blush colored the skin of her neck.
Her stomach growled, and her rosy blush turned fiercely red.
Cael chuckled. It’d been so long since he’d done it, that his small laugh turned into a full on bark. He stepped back, holding his middle and just let it go. Why not? They’d been through so much, they were due a laugh or two even if they cried in the very next minute. It was all okay.
Isabesh crossed her arms over her belly, one hand going to her mouth to stifle a small grin. But her smile grew bigger than her hand and before he knew it, a quiet giggle escaped. The sound was so beautiful, he stopped laughing completely.
Staring at her, with that stupid grin still plastered to his face, he took her hand, pulling her forward. “That’s my new favorite sound,” he husked. “Now let’s go get you something to eat.”
Together, they collected the guns and trekked back to the cabin. Cael held the door open, but Isabesh froze mid-step.
“Did you hear that?”
He listened, tilting his head. “No.”
She frowned. “I thought I heard… howling.”
They were quiet, listening again. Cael tossed his head back, scenting the air but there was nothing out of the ordinary.
“I don’t hear it.”
She shook her head. “I must have imagined it.”
Cael scanned the perimeter once more. “Yeah, I guess so. Let’s go inside.”
He pulled the 9mm from the bag and handed it to her. “Here, keep this with you.” She shook her head but he insisted. “It’s what we’ve been practicing for. A gun is only going to protect you if you have it on you. Otherwise, pointless.”
“I’m safe here though. That’s what you said.”
He nodded. “You are. But this way, you’ll know for sure.”
She swallowed, taking the gun and shoving it in the pocket of her jacket. Cael noticed her shoulders relax, and knew he was right about this. It was going to take some time for her to feel completely safe. Even with him.
Chapter Eight
Vesh barked an order and the other three wolves obeyed. It felt odd to be back in charge, and especially to be working with Farrow again. But Vesh needed to be the one to do this. It was his responsibility.
He lowered his nose to the ground, tracking the scent of his sister’s heat, his claws digging into the earth as he ran.
He was going to kill that bastard this time. No questions asked. No one would stop him. No oath would stop him. No plea for help would stop him. And certainly not fucking Trager.
The alpha he had sworn allegiance to had to die.
He was glad Braeh wasn’t here to witness his treachery. This was a low spot, for sure, and he wasn’t sure she’d understand. He’d just add this to his list of unforgivable sins.
A bark to his left signaled a change in the trail. Vesh swerved in the new direction. They were closing in on them. If they tracked through the day and into the night, they’d catch up to Besh and Cael.
Then… it was going to get really, really ugly.
Vesh snarled and pushed forward. Soon, very soon.
***
“Mommy, you can’t stop right in the middle of the story. Nobody likes a cliffhanger.”
The little girl’s mom quirked her head. “And just where did you learn that word?”
“Jagger told me. His mom’s an author you know. She writes books and she told him what it’s called when you quit telling a story before the end comes.”
“Yes, I do know.”
“You know what else?” Stella whispered scandalously. “Jagger’s mom is a cat.”
Her mom grinned knowingly. “I did know that. That makes Jagger a cat too.”
Stella nodded, her eyes huge as two moons. “But his dad is a human like you. So, what I want to know is, do you like cats better, or wolves?”
“I like them both the same.”
The little girl grinned like the sun when there were no clouds. “That is the perfect answer mommy!”
Her mother laughed. “I think you’re trying to distract me, and you’re doing a fantastic job.” She ruffled the girl’s hair. “What am I going to do with you?”
Stella batted her big puppy dog eyes. “Finish the story? Pleeeease?”
“Oh, alright. But you have to promise you won’t cry at the end.”
The girl looked distraught. “Mommy, you know I can’t do that! I just can’t make that promise. The ending always hits me right in the feels.” Her tiny fist bumped against her chest three times.
Her mother raised an eyebrow. “And where did you learn that phrase?”
The girl smiled. “Jagger.”
“Jagger, huh?”
“Yep.”
“I wonder if we should tell your daddy about Jagger.”
“Oh, I already did.”
“And?”
Stella tapped her chin, remembering. “He said he was going to have a little talk with Jagger’s daddy.”
Her mother laughed. “I bet he did. Alright then, where were we?”
Stella settled back in her bed. “We were just about to get to the good part. You know, where the girl is about to face her biggest fears?”
“Oh, yes. I remember. It happened in the middle of the night…”
Chapter Nine
The sun was setting as they finished their meal of stale crackers, canned peaches, and plain tuna. Cael had found a bottle of wine in one of the cabinets, but then they’d remembered she shouldn’t drink. As far as meals went, Besh had had worse. Like the time—
No. She wouldn’t think about any of that. She had to focus on the positive.
Her hand dropped to her belly. It was completely flat. No sign of the life within. But she could feel it, her connection to the young. Her wolf was docile as a housecat.
“We should talk about things,” Cael suggested. His gaze shifted awkwardly. The laughing man from earlier was nowhere to be found.
But
she’d known the carefree Cael wouldn’t last. There was too much junk between them. Stuff that would take years to overcome. If ever. And she was resigned to that fact. Was almost… okay with it.
“Yes. We should.”
He moved to the couch and she followed, taking a seat in the chair instead.
“I thought a lot about what happened all those years ago,” he began. “Last night, I was angry. I still am, to be honest.” His gaze leveled on her, his jaw ticking twice before he spoke. “I hate that we were apart so many years. I hate that you didn’t give me a chance to fight for you, for us. And I hate that you…” He raked his hands through his hair. “That you were with him. I hate that he had what should have been only mine. But most of all… most of all? I hate that he hurt you.”
Besh swallowed, but her throat burned so bad, it wouldn’t go down. Her ears rang and throbbed with the effort not to cry. This was the truth and it hurt. Cael would never be able to look past this and see that she was the girl he’d fallen in love with years ago. He could overlook a lot, her mother’s demands and the way she’d caved to them, but betraying him, giving herself to a cruel wolf like Jax, and years of misunderstanding, that was where he drew the line.
“You know the thing that angers me the most, Isa? It’s that he knew that deal would hurt you worst of all. He knew he could forever use it to control you. And now that he’s dead, you’d think the control would stop, but it doesn’t. It won’t. Not until you decide to let it go.”
“What do you mean?”
Cael stared at her, seeming to see deep inside to her soul. “Tell me, what is the one thing you want more than anything?”
Besh frowned. There was nothing she wanted. She would just take whatever she was given.
“There was only one thing, but I have it now.”
“And what was it?”
“To no longer bear Jax’s mark.”
His eyes flashed with emotion. “And now what? Now that you’re free, what do you want? Anything. If you could have anything, what would it be?”
“But I’m not really free,” she said quietly. “I belong to you now, and I owe you everything.”
Cael’s head jerked back. “Owe me? Is this a bond of servitude? Is that how you feel?”
