The Butterfly Box_A SASS Anthology

by Anthology

  The door opens and Sam is welcoming me with the biggest smile I ever saw on her face.

  “Morning sunshine.” She basically dances through the room and jumps on to her bed with a big sigh.

  “Ok, care to share the reason for that great mood?” I ask her while trying to fish a pink, four leafed clover shaped marshmallow out of the box.

  “I am in love.” Her smile gets bigger and I smile along. Come on, it’s contagious. Happiness is contagious even though it’s not shareable.

  “In that case, I’m happy for you.” I don’t see any marshmallows anymore so I put the box back in the little fridge.

  “He is nothing like all the boys I dated before you know? He is much, much more. And most importantly he doesn’t care that Ryan might beat his ass off and that my friend is a big, no, huge, plus. Every single guy I dated was scared shitless after my sweet brother talked to them, but not Ty. He said he doesn’t give a damn if Ryan will be pissed or even of he tries to beat his ass off.”

  “Wow, that’s definitely love.” I know that came out way too sarcastic, but I can’t help it.

  “It is.” She’s obviously way too deep in love land to hear the meaning of my tone.

  “I’m happy if you are happy Sam.” I slip my flats on and grab my bag. “See you later. I’m out.” I open the door and head out for a much needed day to myself. A movie and some mindless strolling on the small street filled with shops, sound like just what I need.

  “Later.” I hear her faint response when I’m closing the door.

  I’VE SPENT TWO hours walking mindlessly through clothing shops trying to distract myself with some fabrics or prints. I’ve tried on maybe twenty pairs of shoes and ended up not purchasing a single pair. That simple yet powerful act was perfect for the destruction of whatever problems I had. Buying a new pair of shoes or a new outfit was usually a perfect solution to put me in a better mood. But this trick didn’t work today.

  I was standing, two hours later, in front of the movie theater trying to decide if I want to see Minions or James Bond. I chose Minions, my decision was simply based on the fact that I didn’t think that college kids would choose to see the Minion movie over the famous, brave James Bond. I should have known better. College kids are not far from elementary school when it comes to tastes in movies; that become clear the second I stepped inside the room. I lost faith in people’s ability to make good choices. I mean come on; I don’t think I saw one single person under eighteen in that screening room. Great! I walk down to the middle section and take a seat exactly in the middle of the screen. Just the way I like it. There is nothing more anal about me than a seat in the movie theater. I think I would give an arm and a leg for a perfect seat in the middle of the screen in the middle section. I swear I moved left and right more than five times just so I can decide which seat was the perfect one. Do. Not. Judge. Me.

  The movie is more than halfway through when I hear the familiar laughter coming out from my right. My head turns on instinct and my eyes are doing a search of their own, till they find the source of that husky, sexy laughter.

  There is no power that can avert my eyes from Ryan and that koala chick, clinging to him like she is watching a horror movie. I can still remember his hot body pressed to mine just a few hours ago, his lazy, yet full of meaning eyes looking at me when he turned to me, laying on MY PILLOW in MY BED. And now seeing him like this stings more than a thousand jellyfish up my butt. I know that it shouldn’t. I definitely don’t want anything happening between us, more than friendship that is. (Do I really?) I had made that quite clear, so him moving on shouldn’t feel like a punch in the guts. But I can’t help that it feels that way. As if the air had been sucked out from every single cell in my body and my brain flat, like I just took some, “I have no fucking clue what’s going on here...” drug!

  But why? For Christ’s sake, why? I decided, no I swore, that I would go through college and stay away from boys. All kinds of boys, the good, the cute, the rich, the poor and definitely the bad. So who is this frat boy? Nothing but bad news! Frat boys, they are the fucking worst. They will have your head spinning, your heart pounding, your vagina melting for them and then they will act like your name doesn’t start with the right letter of the alphabet.

  So, instead of watching a movie and following Minions latest mission, I follow Ryan’s hands that trace up and down some chicks body. I see her leaning towards him every once in awhile as he whispers something into her ear. And you know what? Screw that. That is only proof that my pledges should stay intact. Proof that whatever happened in the recent past was just part of his game of being the most awesome, popular dude on campus.

  As soon as The End flashes up on the screen I stand up and try to leave this place without being seen. I don’t understand why most of the people are still seated while obviously there is nothing more to the movie. I say ‘Sorry’ every time I have to wait for another pair of legs to be taken out of my way. Why did I have to choose the seat in the middle of the row? The lights come on and I start to panic that I won’t be able to get out in time. I really, really don’t want him seeing me right now, especially not in the company of whoever that is.

  I step outside and head over to my dorm, my steps fast, and my heart pounding for no rational reason. My phone beeps and I take it out of my purse.

  Did you like the movie? You should have let me know I would def gone with you.

  Is he kidding me? I honestly think he’s lost his mind if he thinks I would ever ask him to go anywhere with me.

  It didn’t look to me like you were short on company.

  I type as I walk up the stairs to my room. I shake my head and I can’t believe the cockiness that is beaming from his every move. He was there with another girl, obviously, she wasn’t just a friend unless his idea of friendship includes benefits.

  I would rather be in your company.

  I stop short before opening the door and read that text several times. My heart beats faster each time I read it. There is that pleasant feeling that spreads around my chest and I’m pretty sure I have a smile on my face right now.

  No.

  No.

  No.

  Simply no!

  I’m not going to fall for some comments that are meant to be pickup lines.

  I’m not going to make the same mistake twice and then be thrown under the bus again.

  No, thank you.

  I shove my phone in my bag and get inside, glad that Sam is not here and I can have some peace and quiet to study.

  I THINK I’VE mastered “avoid Ryan” mission by now. It’s been over two weeks since the last text he sent me and I have not spoken to him once. I sacrificed my favorite spot in biology and instead I sat down in the very first row. I don’t think he saw me over there because Sam asked me a few times why am I missing classes. I told her that I’m not missing anything and that her source is definitely not very observant.

  I did have a little encounter with him yesterday while exiting the auditorium. He was standing in the hall waiting for someone, as it turns out that someone was me.

  “Payton.” Voices like that should be reserved for special people only, and he wasn’t that special one. I ignored him and walked towards my next class. “Payton, wait.” Of course I don’t wait, instead, I speed up a little and keep my head higher than normal. He grabs my arm and I come to a stop. I turn slightly and my eyes land on his hand wrapped around my wrist. There are so many emotions going through me at this moment that I don’t know which one he sees, I don’t know which one is the reason he loosens his grip with an apologetic expression on his face.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to grab you like that.” I know he didn’t. I know he wanted to just stop me from running away from him, but there are parts of my brain that works faster than others and the first thing that crossed my mind was: run!

  “What do you want Ryan?” I know I sound irritated and annoyed at the same time.

  “Why are you avoiding me?” I guess he
is straight to the point.

  “I’m not.” That’s a lie and we both know it.

  “Is it because I kissed you?”

  “No.” Yes.

  “Because if that’s it then I’m sorry alright? I had a few beers and you were a mess and you looked…God, you looked so beautiful that night, I guess I just couldn’t help myself.” I try to not register a single word that he is saying right now. My facial expression is nothing but stone even though there is a party going on inside me, with people dancing and a mariachi band playing. I know that he probably tells every single girl that she is beautiful but I don’t care at this moment. He called me beautiful and I never thought I would hear anyone say that, ever again.

  “It’s not about the kiss Ryan, don’t flatter yourself, it wasn’t that memorable.”

  I turn around and start walking away from him without saying another word. He calls my name one more time but I just keep walking. He is stirring way too many emotions in me. Emotions that I’m not ready to have. The fact that he always looks and smells sexy doesn’t help to keep my decision firmly on its feet either. Just like today, he is wearing his black shirt with those jeans sitting low on his waist like he just threw the clothes on two seconds before he left his place. And he still manages to look like he stepped down from the cover of a male model magazine.

  I look down at myself, and I look ok as well, but it took me about forty minutes to achieve this look. If I would dress right before I leave my dorm room I would be scaring off every single person in my path. I guess some of us are born lucky like that, and some of us need to work at it a little harder.

  “This Saturday is my birthday and we are going clubbing girlfriend.” Sam is flipping through some fashion magazines while lying on her bed. I’m about to say something when she lowers the magazine to her lap. “No excuses.” She narrows her brows at me. “You are putting on your best dress and the highest heels you can find, and we are having fun!”

  For some reason, I don’t share her excitement.

  “So it’s Ryan’s birthday as well?”

  “We’re twins remember? Usually, it means we have our birthday at the same time, but I don’t think he is coming. He usually parties with his own crowd. Thank God.”

  Thank God. I think with relief. “Where are we going?”

  “Barcelona”

  Great! The hippest club around. And a packed place on the weekends. Just what I need. But I know I can’t back out from this. She is my friend, my only friend in here and I can’t refuse to go. I will just have to suck it up and show up there for an hour pretending to enjoy the overcrowded and loud party. That I can do. I think.

  “I’m off for a run. Will I see you when I get back?”

  “I don’t think so, I’m heading to Ty’s, and I don’t know how long I’m going to be there.” She winks at me and I don’t have to ask anything more. That was self-explanatory and I will probably see her tomorrow after class, when she will come here to change, shower and grab a book for the next day. She rarely sleeps here lately and I can’t complain about that. Being here by myself gives me time to study and focus on one thing and one thing only. Finishing this pre-med school and moving forward. Well, occasionally there are some distractions to my plan, like maybe Ryan clouding some of my thoughts and making me confused for a few minutes. But I quickly shove him under my textbooks and pretend he does not exist.

  I pick up speed on my usual running trail and the conversation from earlier today runs through my head. So he remembers the kiss as well, and he thinks that is the reason I avoid him. Of course, I was lying about it not being a good kiss. That kiss was probably one of the best lip locks I ever experienced, but there is no need for him to know that. I can barely admit it to myself. Admitting something like that would bring a spiral of thoughts and those thoughts would quickly suck me down the drain. I know I’m not going to avoid the male population forever. That would be a ridiculous thing to say on my part. I just don’t think I’m ready to get emotionally involved with someone right now when everything is kind of fresh and raw. The thought of being betrayed by someone I trusted hasn’t really escaped my head just yet, even though I admitted otherwise to Laura.

  As I come to the third mile I can sense someone running right behind me. I don’t panic because lately there are a lot of runners here on this trail. I just keep my pace and pull my baseball cap down on my face a little more. I hear someone talking but that doesn’t cause me to look to the side either. People run in pairs and they talk a lot while they run. Something I wouldn’t be capable of doing right now for sure.

  I feel I light touch to my elbow and I turn my head to my left and I try to catch more air into my already suffocating lungs. Why is he everywhere that I don’t want him to be? Why fate or God, whoever is plotting our future; has this funny way of making us cross paths with people we don’t really want to see I don’t understand. We may secretly wish that we will bump into them, but not every step of our way.

  I pull my earbuds out and even though I know my words will sound more like a huff than talk I turn to him with a scoffing look on my face.

  “Is this is the only running trail around here?”

  “Not the only one, but the longest one and I’m currently working on my cardio.”

  “I see.”

  “No party today? It’s kind of party time o’clock on your watch.”

  “Not today.” I can hear him smile. Hear him smile. That’s the worst indication that I know his voice and facial expressions way too well. And I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be able to know if he is smiling without even looking at him. But I know and that scares the shit out of me.

  “Payton?”

  “Yeah?”

  We keep running at a slow pace, otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to talk. I run a lot lately but I’m not good enough to bleed my lungs out and still be able to hold a decent conversation.

  “Was that really a bad kiss?” I stop at his question. I look at his face and try to find some trace of a joke, some indication that he is trying to mess with me, but I don’t see it. All I see is his eyes penetrating mine and sending me nothing but honest vibes. I take a deep breath and try to come up with something, anything that will change this subject. However, by the look on his face, and his hands rubbing his neck like he is not sure he should have asked this question in the first place; I come up short with anything other than the lie.

  “It wasn’t special. It was just a kiss, Ryan.” I shrug my shoulders and begin to run again. He is behind me in no time and before I know it, I’m back against the nearest tree, his hands cupping my cheeks, his eyes full of fire, his mouth on mine. I would love to say that I hesitated for a while but nothing like that happened. I let his tongue slip in and dance with mine the second he demanded access. I let my hands dip into his hair and I brought him closer. I moaned and he growled while we stayed connected under that tree for what felt like an eternity.

  He pulled back and with his hands still on my face he smiled so beautifully that I returned his smile right away.

  “And how about this? Was this special?”

  Even if I had gone so far as to lie to him right now, my body betrayed me and spilled the truth long before he asked me that question.

  “That was the best kiss I ever had.”

  “And I swear to God, you will not kiss another mouth in this lifetime.” He lowers his head to me again and we start the frenzy all over again. This time, his hands moving along my body, mine do the same thing to his. I don’t know when he took my cap off and let my hair fall free, cascading down my shoulders and chest. His fingers tracing the scars on my face, touches that I couldn’t feel, but I could sense The fact that he didn’t even ask me where and how I got them, make me kiss him a little harder.

  The whole world starts to spin and I don’t know how long we were standing there under that tree kissing the life out of each other.

  Definitely the best kiss of my entire life.

  I DIDN’T RETURN to my usual sea
t the next day. I sat in the first row and was praying to God that he wouldn’t notice me. We parted ways in an unconventional manner. When we finally stopped abusing each other’s mouths, I said I had to go and I took off running. He didn’t follow. He just stood there under the tree, watching me go.

  “I think this seat is the best in the whole auditorium after all.” He leans down to me and places a kiss on my head. What is going on? Can he not get a hint? Yes, I let things go a little too far yesterday and I shouldn’t have, but he is a hard person to resist.

  “Ryan, I…-“

  “Payton, I don’t want to hear that yesterday’s kiss was another failure because we both know it wasn’t; if you think I’m just playing with you then you are wrong. Are we clear about that?” He doesn’t even look at me while he says that, he is taking out his books and notepad and placing them on his desk.

  “Ok,” I say after few minutes, and maybe that is ok . Perhaps I’m too paranoid and way too guarded because I had one hell of a fuck up with a boy I fell in love with or so I thought. Maybe now it’s hard for me to move forward even though this gorgeous, sweet, and caring man is telling me that he is not going anywhere.

  We don’t talk for the rest of the class, his hand touch mine from time to time while he pretends to turn the pages of my notebook, our legs bump into each other under the table causing my breath to accelerate.

  After Biology we head over to the cafeteria and we eat lunch sitting together like we are, something together. It’s all a little confusing but I just go with the flow of what feels right. And this definitely feels right.

  “Will I see you later? Running today?” He lowers his head and places a kiss on my cheek.

  “I need to study today, I will most likely spend my evening in the library.” I hold my books tighter to my chest, my cheeks flushing for sure.

  “I might-“

  “Lookie, lookie what we have here. My girlfriend being harassed by the famous playboy.” The most dreaded voice I could ever hear is right next to us and I can sense Ryan’s body go rigid. “I’m not sure what are you doing Ryan, but she’s with me.” Jimmy is coming next to me, his arm wrapping around my waist and I’m standing there paralyzed, my head shaking no, my eyes petrified, my body shaking at his touch.