Memories of May

by Juliet Madison

Sometimes you need to make a reason, she wanted to say.

  ‘I guess I’m so used to taking things one moment at a time.’

  She nodded. ‘And I’m so used to planning ahead and making sure everything is in order, sometimes I forget about the moment.’

  He nodded. ‘Nothing wrong with that, parenthood requires that, and that’s what has helped you raise Mia to be the happy young woman she is.’ They walked on, and the spring came into view beyond the trees. ‘But right now, Mia is in good hands and you’re here, in nature, in the moment. So what would you like to do to enjoy this moment, and the next, and the next?’

  Olivia stopped and looked around. The sky was muting a little. Had they really walked for so long? ‘I’d like to watch the sunset,’ she said.

  Joel smiled. ‘Good idea.’ He pointed down the hill toward the waterfall. ‘Let’s go sit over there near the water.’

  They took residence on a rock and drank some more water. ‘Cheers,’ he said, clinking his bottle with hers.

  ‘Cheers. To …’ she said.

  ‘To … camping.’

  ‘To camping,’ she laughed. ‘Never thought I’d say that. And to … sunsets.’

  ‘To sunsets. And to friendship.’

  The word sounded different coming from his lips. ‘To … friendship.’

  They drank, and watched, as the bluey-grey became pinky-orange filtering through the trees. She could smell a barbeque cooking down in the family area below, though she couldn’t see them from here. She really did have her own little secluded piece of paradise here, if only for one night.

  The sunset darkened and the almost full moon began to glow. ‘What about the next moment?’ she asked Joel.

  Joel took a deep breath, sighed an exhalation, and looked around. His focus honed in on the spring a few metres away. ‘Something I haven’t done for years.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘A bit of immune-system boosting.’ He stood suddenly and lifted off his jumper and started unbuttoning his shirt with a shiver.

  ‘Huh?’ Olivia’s mouth hung open. ‘Um, what are you doing?’ Though she knew full well what he was doing, unless he was doing another of those tricks where he pretended and then said ‘just kidding’.

  The shirt came off, and his back muscles rippled as he bent down and untied his boots, removed his socks, then turned to face her with a grin. ‘Don’t look so shocked,’ he said. ‘But the pants are coming off too, so I’m giving you fair warning in case you want to look away, or join me.’

  ‘Join you? Are you crazy?’

  ‘Probably. But we can either sit here and keep talking about living in the moment and making the most of life, or we can live in the moment and make the most of life. I’m choosing the latter.’

  ‘Clearly! Umm.’ Olivia stood, glancing around to see if anyone could see. There was no one around. ‘But skinny-dipping?’

  His zipper unzipped with an almighty zip sound. Oh dear.

  ‘Okay, maybe I’ll leave my underwear on, since I’m in your presence, but if you weren’t then yeah, I’d totally skinny-dip. It’s a liberating rush!’

  ‘Sounds more like a freezing uncomfortable experience to me.’

  ‘Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.’ The pants came off.

  Olivia turned her gaze to the side, but not before she’d seen the bulk of his thighs and something warmed her up inside in spite of the cool weather.

  He hurried to the water and waded in. ‘Woo!’ He turned around. ‘Whoa, I feel so alive right now!’

  ‘And I’m perfectly alive standing right here.’ She crossed her arms.

  ‘Come on in, for just a minute!’

  ‘But then I’ll be all wet and cold and …’

  ‘And you brought spare clothes, right?’

  ‘Yes, but …’

  ‘Then no excuses, I officially present you with an almost-skinny-dipping challenge.’

  ‘You can’t do that, I’ve had enough challenges.’

  ‘And I’m adding hashtags. That means you have to.’

  ‘You can’t add hashtags to something you’ve said, don’t be ridiculous.’

  ‘I just did.’

  The cold water is messing with your head.’

  ‘I know, isn’t it great! Come on, when will you get this opportunity again? Think about the future when your grandkids are asking you about your exciting adventures. They’ll never believe their beloved grandmother went almost-skinny-dipping.’ He splashed the water around and let out another ‘woo!’

  Even if she did, she didn’t know if she was more scared of getting in the cold water or of him seeing her in her underwear. She could get in and make a fool of herself, or she could stand there while he made a fool of himself, or she could go back to the tent and read. Reading sounded good, but as she turned away to go to the tent, his delightful laughter and splashing made her turn back to watch him again. A smile grew on her face. He was having a ball, apparently. He looked like he’d even stopped caring if she came in or not.

  Should I?

  She could go in for a few seconds and get right back out again and say ‘there, I’ve done it’.

  ‘You know you want to.’ He caught her gaze with a tempting stare, his eyes pinning her.

  Oh dear God.

  She lifted her jacket off her shoulders slowly.

  ‘Woohoo! I knew it.’

  ‘But don’t look!’ she called out. ‘Turn away until I say so.’

  ‘Okay, okay.’ He turned his back to her.

  She double-checked no one else was watching then quickly slipped out of her jacket, her top, her shoes and her jeans, leaving them in a pile on the dirt. At least she was wearing decent black underwear, and not white that could go see-through. She shivered from both cold and trepidation and quickly went to the water’s edge, testing it with her toe. ‘It’s so cold!’

  ‘Quick, get in, it’ll feel better once you’re in,’ Joel said.

  She clenched her jaw and tensed her muscles and stepped in. ‘There aren’t any weird creatures underneath, are there?’

  ‘No, this water is pretty clear. You’re safe.’

  She went in deeper as water enveloped her skin and goosebumps sprung up all over. ‘Eek!’

  ‘Can I turn around?’

  ‘Okay, I’m in.’

  Joel turned and grinned widely. ‘Ha-ha! You did it, you really did it.’ He waded closer to her.

  Olivia moved her arms around in circles across the surface of the water, her teeth chattering. ‘Am I turning blue?’

  ‘I’ll resuscitate you if you do, don’t worry.’

  And then she thought of his lips again and how she’d embarrassed herself by sending that accidental text that day.

  ‘You don’t even seem to be cold anymore,’ she said.

  ‘It grows on you. And the adrenaline has kicked in to keep me warm.’

  They splashed and swam and laughed, and the sky darkened further.

  ‘I’m still bloody freezing!’ She moved around, trying to keep her muscles warm.

  ‘But you feel alive, right?’

  ‘Very.’

  ‘See, another book-worthy moment, and it wasn’t even planned. Dare I say I am good for you, Miss Olivia?’ He flashed a smug grin.

  ‘You’re both good for me and bad for me,’ she replied. ‘You’re like chocolate.’

  He burst out laughing, and she laughed in response. She splashed him, he splashed her, and she forgot that she was only in her underwear in an extremely cold body of water in the middle of winter. They were well and truly living in the moment. And as she knew, even though chocolate was not the best food to have a lot of, she would always, always want it anyway.

  * * *

  They rushed up to their clothes and Olivia raced to the tent to get a towel, drying herself off quickly. ‘I need to change my underwear, go away!’ She went into the tent.

  ‘Can’t I get a towel too?’

  ‘I only have the one,’ she called from the tent, then
a moment later, tossed it out to him. ‘Catch!’

  When she emerged, she was fully dressed and he was zipping up his pants, his torso still shirtless.

  ‘That’s the quickest I’ve ever known a woman to get ready,’ he said.

  ‘I’m not about to go put on any make-up or do my hair. Though my head is freezing now! Hair dryer wasn’t on my list of essentials to bring.’

  ‘Here.’ He tossed her the towel and she wrapped her hair in it.

  He replaced his shirt and jumper.

  ‘I’m getting back in the tent, I’m still cold.’

  ‘What about me?’

  ‘You can keep boosting your immune system.’ She smirked, then said, ‘Well, come on. There’s plenty of room in here.’ She sat and slid her legs into the sleeping bag and wrapped herself in the blanket. He sat next to her and she opened the blanket for him, and a sense of vulnerability came over her. It was close, intimate, and she wasn’t used to it.

  He sidled up next to her, the blanket around them both. ‘We’ll warm up soon enough,’ he said. ‘Body heat and all that.’

  ‘My body is cold so you won’t be getting any benefit from it.’ She realised after she said that what else it could have meant.

  ‘But mine will warm you, and then yours will warm mine, and we’ll just keep heating up and we might even spontaneously combust.’

  She nudged him. ‘That water really did mess with your head.’

  ‘Do you feel glad now you’ve done it? Added another experience to your list. Your life?’

  She pondered his question. It was a pretty silly thing to do, and it didn’t really serve any purpose except to get a quick thrill and perhaps tell someone about it to show off, but it made her smile And she figured anything that could make her smile was something to be glad about. ‘I am. Even though I don’t have any desire to do it again, I am.’

  He smiled, and though the tent was dark, moonlight filtered through the tent fabric and the mesh created tiny spots of light that sprinkled across the blanket.

  ‘I’m glad you’re glad,’ he said.

  ‘I’m glad you’re glad I’m glad.’ She grinned.

  ‘Here we go again.’ He chuckled, then an arm slid around her back. ‘It’s that whole arse conversation again, but with a different word.’

  She allowed his arm to warm her, to feel … nice, against her back. ‘How do we do this?’ she asked. ‘Talk so well?’

  ‘We just do. I guess some people can simply … click, like that.’

  Conflicting feelings swam within. Was she confusing a close friendship for something more, simply because it had been so long for her since she’d had an experience with a man? Maybe this was what a strong, platonic, male-female friendship felt like. And even if it was more, it wouldn’t stay more, because he would leave.

  When her thoughts settled, she turned to find his eyes on her. ‘What are you thinking?’ she asked.

  ‘I’m wondering why you haven’t kicked me out yet. I dropped you off hours ago, and yet I’m still here.’

  ‘So you are.’ Her chest tightened and her breath warmed. ‘Maybe I did need some company after all,’ was all she could think of to say.

  ‘I like your company,’ he said, and she noticed their voices were turning more to whispers.

  ‘I like yours.’

  He was so close, so relaxed, and in such an enclosed space, she couldn’t think straight. But her body, and her heart, didn’t want him to go. She turned her face to look at his again, and his eyes watched hers. She didn’t know where her confidence came from, but words found their way out of her mouth and into the air in front of him … ‘I want to do something different again.’

  ‘What sort of something?’

  ‘Something I’ve never initiated before.’

  His eyes widened a little and specks of moonlight reflected off them.

  An audible intake of breath followed, and then she leaned closer and pressed her lips lightly against his. Their softness was unexpected, delicious, comforting, and exhilarating. She wanted more. She pressed a little more firmly. He pressed back. She accepted his bottom lip between hers and a sigh escaped him. Oh God, that sound. It only invited more.

  She brought her hands to his firm, sculpted shoulders, slid them around and up the back of his neck. His hands went to her waist, holding her close against him.

  ‘Mmm,’ she mumbled through their kisses, unable to hold in her pleasure.

  They pulled back for a second, long enough for their gazes to connect and his hand to trail down the side of her face, spreading tingles across her skin. Their lips met again, their tongues, their moans, merging and feeding off each other.

  The cold melted away and only warmth remained as they lay gently down on the floor of the tent, his legs sliding inside the sleeping bag next to hers, the blanket on top. The more they kissed, the more their hands wandered, and she lifted off his top. Hers followed, the warmth of their skin heated each other, and the outside world fell away.

  Her senses both heightened yet relaxed with him, Olivia’s hands moved to the top of his jeans. He grasped her hands gently and broke their kiss. ‘Olivia,’ he breathed. ‘I can’t do this to you, you deserve better. You deserve someone who’s going to hang around.’

  ‘It’s okay,’ she breathed back, returning her lips to his.

  He pulled away again. ‘I want to, I really want to. But you’re so, you’re so … different. Special. You deserve a future, not a one-night stand.’

  With his shallow breaths, she could tell it was taking all his willpower to hold back.

  ‘Right now, all I want is this moment. This experience,’ she said, entwining her fingers with his. ‘Joel, it’s been so long for me. I don’t want to wait any more.’

  He caressed her cheek again. ‘You deserve the best.’

  She held both sides of his face with her palms. ‘I like you. I trust you. If it’s going to be with anyone, I want it to be with you. Even if only once.’ She pressed her lips against his, and though hesitant at first, he followed.

  ‘It’s okay, really,’ she said in between kisses. Then his kiss intensified, they removed each other’s clothes, and he held the blanket close around her body.

  ‘Are you cold?’ he asked, sprinkling tiny kisses all over her face.

  ‘Not anymore.’ She smiled and pushed her body close against his, revelling in his heat and firmness. Then memories of ten years ago forced their way into her mind. ‘Oh, wait. I don’t take anything. I don’t have anything.’ Crap. She’d been prepared for everything, except this.

  Joel pulled back a little. ‘I really hope I’ve got one in my wallet,’ he said, rummaging behind for his jeans. ‘If not, I’ll have to make a mad, naked dash to the car!’ He chuckled, and she waited with her breath high in her chest.

  He opened his wallet. ‘Bingo.’ A wide smile graced his face. ‘But only one.’

  She kissed him again with a smile on her lips as her hand slid down his torso. ‘Then we’d better make it count.’

  * * *

  Olivia slept fitfully, occasionally opening her eyes to see that Joel was still right beside her, breathing loudly, and his body still warm against hers. Bliss. She would smile and return to sleep, wake again, and marvel at how she had gotten to this point where she was sharing a tent with a gorgeous man next to her. Memories of the night kept replaying in her mind, like a movie she wanted to enjoy over and over again … how it was so different to the experience with Mia’s dad, and the others she’d been in relationships with before him … the way his body had felt … right with hers, not awkward or different or mismatched, just right. He had taken things really slowly with her, even though part of her wanted everything to speed up … years of waiting building up and urging to be satisfied. But he kept bringing her back to the present moment … a light caress down her spine, a kiss behind her ear, he’d even kissed all the way down her legs to her toes—something so simple yet divine that she’d never before experienced. Then, one by one,
he’d kissed her fingers, opening her hand to expose her palm and kissing its centre, and as for the rest of her body … ahhh, she sighed and closed her eyes again, nestling in close to his body behind her, his arm over hers from behind.

  The sound of the phone beeping was foreign to where she was. It took her a moment to register and reach behind into her bag to get it. She opened the text message from her mother: Grandma’s not well, possible pneumonia. They’re doing tests, but not looking good. Going there now with Mia and Peter.

  Olivia sat bolt upright and shivered. She pulled on her top and rummaged around for her jeans.

  Joel rolled over and moaned, but as she stood to get dressed his eyes opened. ‘Running off so soon?’ he mumbled, sleep in his voice.

  ‘My grandmother’s really sick,’ she said. ‘I have to go see her.’

  Joel sat up. ‘Oh no. Okay, let me drive you. We can be out of here in no time.’

  ‘But the tent, we have to pack it up, and pack stuff away, and—’

  Joel stood and held her arms, looking into her eyes. ‘I can take you right there now,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll deal with the camping stuff.’

  Olivia glanced around. ‘You’re right, it won’t take long. Let’s just chuck everything in the car and then you don’t have to worry about coming back.’

  ‘Onto it,’ he said, dressing quickly. Then he held her again briefly. ‘It’ll be okay,’ he said, pulling her into a warm hug. ‘Breathe.’

  She nodded, took a breath, then continued packing up.

  They made it to the car in record time and Joel drove, and once they were on the highway he placed his hand on her thigh and gave it a reassuring rub. ‘I’m here for you,’ he said.

  She placed her hand on top and pressed her palm into it, capturing the moment, because she knew that once she arrived at the nursing home, her brief, beautiful interlude with Joel would come to an end, and like Mrs May’s William, she would think of him as a sunset, bursting into her life in full colour then fading into the darkness … a transient, bittersweet piece of heaven. Or perhaps her shooting star. Either way, he would be gone in a few days, and possibly, so would Mrs May. Olivia bit her bottom lip and tried to quell the flow of tears.