No Turning Back

by Casey Peeler

  “Joe, I don’t know. The fewer people who know, the better. I don’t want word getting out. He already has eyes on me.”

  “Go see if she’s up yet.” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand, and I walked myself out the door and across the hall to her room. No she wasn’t up, but when I knocked, she came to the door with messy hair and an old t-shirt.

  “Dang, Char. You’re up early.”

  “Yeah, can you come to my room a sec? I need to talk to you, if that’s okay?”

  She started to walk across the hall.

  “Georgia, you might wanna put some shorts on. Joe’s in there.”

  She had the OMG-deer in headlights-make your eyes wanna melt-boy is in there look.

  I just smiled. She got dressed and came to my room.

  “Hey, Georgia,” Joe says.

  “Hey, so what’s up?”

  Joe looks at me. I can feel everything inside me begin to shake. Why the hell did this happen to me? Why do I have to explain this again? Why is he still controlling me?

  “You remember when I got that envelope for my birthday?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I’m going to tell you why it’s a big deal, but you have to promise not to say a word.”

  “I swear, Char. I won’t tell a soul.”

  I take a deep breath, and Joe puts his hand on my leg and squeezes, giving me a little reassurance.

  “Okay, I dated Dylan a year and a half ago. One night when my parents were out of town, he put something in my beer at a party and raped me.” Saying the words again were hard but almost freeing at the same time. It was like each time the words were said I felt more alive. Free.

  “Char, I’m so sorry. No wonder you freaked at the post office.”

  “So, here is where things get a little freaky for sure. I opened the envelope at home with Cash, it had pics of all my high school friends at college and Joe and me at Hank’s that first night. He’s keeping tabs, but then he went further and sent Joe a FB message directly. He’s a sick bastard, and I don’t want anyone to get hurt like I did.”

  I can tell that Georgia wants to talk but unsure of what to say.

  “I think you need to tell someone. I mean if you are in danger, others are in danger, you need to.”

  “I can’t Georgia. No one knows about what happened to me except Cash, Joe, my sis only knows parts, and now you. There is more to the story, but I’m keeping it to myself for now.”

  Joe realizes I’m struggling and decides to chime in.

  “Georgia, I talked to Cash yesterday. We are going to keep our eyes on Charley at all times. I just need someone to know what’s up when I’m at practice or in my room. A girl needs to know, and since the season is about to start, I thought you’d be the best bet. You’re trustworthy.”

  Georgia presses her lips together and moves her mouth from side to side.

  “Okay, but Charley, if something else shows up, we’ve got to tell someone. This is only going to get worse. I mean, why do you think he keeps messing with you?

  “He always had a way of controlling me. I mean, he was hotness in one hot tattooed swimmer’s package. He was what every girl at Dixon High wanted, and when I got him, I was just completely pulled into his charm.”

  “Girl, I got your back. Let me know if you need anything, and you can always talk to me.”

  “Thanks, girl!”

  “Well, I hate to break up this girl talk, but I’m going to have to get ready for practice, which I thought you have practice, too?”

  Georgia decides to give us a minute and walks back to her room.

  Joe puts on his shoes, looks in the mirror and grabs his keys and wallet.

  “Thanks, Joe, for everything.”

  “Listen, I’m just glad you talked to me. I had no idea what you were going to say when I showed you that message. I knew it couldn’t be like it seemed. If you need me, call me no matter what. This is all going to be fine, and if not, Cash and I are going to kill him. I don’t know why he can’t let you go. Well, I can kinda see. You are an amazing girl with a lot going for you. Charley, you don’t even realize it most of the time.”

  He walks towards me, pulls me close and holds me tight. I breathe in his scent, but say nothing because there are no words to express my feelings and gratitude for what he has done for me.

  After Joe leaves, I call Cash back.

  “Hey, Cash, sorry ‘bout that.”

  “It’s okay. So, y’all had a good night, huh?” I can hear the worry in his voice.

  “Cash Money, nothing happened. We had a great time at Hank’s, but Joe didn’t want to leave me alone after everything that happened.”

  “Char, I get that, and believe me that if something had... I would have already known. Your voice tells me much more than your words will ever say. It always has. Just know that I wish that was me with you.”

  “I know. I can’t explain how I feel. Cash, I love you. I have since I was four, but I do like Joe.”

  Cash starts to interrupt me when I cut him off.

  “But, I think after last night, I don’t know if Joe would ever try to pursue me due to us. I am okay with that, I think.”

  “I’d love to believe that, but Charley, I’m a guy and I think like a guy. If he likes you like I think you might kinda like him, he’s not going to give up.”

  “Whatever you say, Cash.”

  “So, what you got going on this week?”

  “We got practice, and I’m sure since Coach let us have a few days off, she’s going to kill us. We have a meet coming up before Thanksgiving. Oh, and Joe and I are going to do the service project for Freshman Seminar. I’m so excited about it! We’re going to work at the special purpose school.”

  “Hopefully you’re wrong about practice, but I doubt it. Char, you are so good with those kids. You know, you have a gift with them. I just always loved going to Special Olympics with you. I hate to cut it short, but I gotta get ready for church. Make sure you text me later. I love you Char-coal, and I’m so glad that you have support there. I do miss you like crazy and when you get home for break, you’re going to be in my arms.”

  Eeeekkkkkk! Just the thought of those arms make me weak. When I thought that I was too good for Cash, that I wanted the popular guy, I soon realized that there is nothing better than a good ‘ol country boy.

  “I miss you, too. Love you,” I say as calmly as possible.

  “Love you more, Char.” We hang up. I walk across the hall to Georgia, and we have a little girl talk. I am glad that I have her, and it’s like I said before. From day one, I knew she was going to play an important role in my life. I knew I could trust her, and I’m glad to know she knows most of the story.

  Practice is a bitch. I think Coach is enjoying this way too much. When we think that practice is coming to an end, she calls out one last set. Damn. The last set wasn’t as bad as I thought, but it could be due to the fact that my limbs are completely numb. As we finish the final lap, Coach blows her whistle and has us meet at the end of the pool.

  “Girls, I hope that you enjoyed your weekend because it’s probably going to be the last fun one for a while. We got our first meet the week before Thanksgiving. I need you all to focus and get ready because it’s going to be a big one. We haven’t beaten Livestone in over five seasons. I know that with the talent on this team, we are going to shock the hell out of them. Now, y’all get out of here, and I’ll see you in the morning. Oh, and before I forget, plan on making your fall break shorter than planned ‘cause ladies, we gotta workout.” She sings the workout like She’s sexy and she knows it! Ha!

  I roll out of the pool and drag myself to the locker room. All the other girls do the same.

  “So, if we have to come back early from break, who else do you think will have to do the same?” Georgia asks.

  “Probably basketball I’m sure,” Tori comments.

  “I mean, I hate to drive all the way home for like three days, but I was counting on fall break. I miss home.
I don’t know about y’all?” Georgia continues.

  Yeah, I miss home, but mostly, I miss Cash. He’s going to be upset when I tell him I won’t be home a full week. I zone out to that thought, but am brought back to reality when Tori makes a smart comment about Joe staying with me.

  “What did you say, Tori?”

  “I said I think somebody is getting more action than they are letting on, or maybe Joe’s gay? ‘Cause if a guy looks that good and isn’t getting any, he’s gotta be gay!”

  “Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but no, he’s not getting any from me, and I can assure you he’s not gay. Because those lips, holy moley! Y’all think those eyes make ya wanna melt? You should feel those lips!”

  “So, what’s the hold up, Char? I mean he did stay in your room last night, and the way y’all were dancing at Hank’s, I thought you might have needed to get a room. Just sayin’!”

  Tori cracks me up. She has no problem putting it out there. She’s definitely not quiet about her relationships with guys, and I guess she just expects that we are all like that. I mean I’m no prude, but my situation is different.

  “Dang, Tori, give Char a break. I mean not everybody puts their love life, or lack thereof, out there like you do, ya know?”

  Wow! I can’t believe that just came out of Georgia’s mouth. She looks at me and smiles. I totally get why she just did that. She’s got my back.

  We get ready and head back to Kluft. I’m beyond exhausted. I can’t wait to shower and relax. We all decide to grab a pizza and watch a movie. Before we even press play, I get a text from Joe then Cash. I can’t help but smile. I find comfort in the fact that I have two guys who are willing to put their life on the line for mine, and I pray that the day never happens.

  This week is filled with practice, practice, and more practice mixed with a little bit of class and a second to work with Joe on the Freshman Seminar project. Joe and I have volunteered for four of the ten hours for our project by Saturday morning.

  Saturday morning, Joe and I meet for breakfast before going to the local special purpose school. Today there is a softball tournament to raise money for equipment that the students need for their adaptive physical education class. The school for these students is great and meets all of their needs, but with so much technology these days, more can be done.

  Joe and I arrive at the school and begin to set up the concession stand and donation table. Joe’s coach is there, as well as mine, and before we know it, the stands are packed. Taylor, a young boy with cerebral palsy, throws out the first pitch and it’s game on.

  I have never seen such a community pull together. The teams were made of faculty from the school and parents and students on the other. Students were each made a part of the game no matter their disability. This is exactly why I loved the Special Olympics. Every person can do something; you just have to figure out their strengths. The game is full of excitement when a student gets a double and then due to an error, ends up a triple. I’ve never seen a wheelchair move so fast in my life.

  As the game comes to an end, Joe and I clean the concession stand and watch the last inning. I enjoy watching these students, but the look on Joe’s face is priceless. In fact, it’s almost as if this is kinda like home for him. I need to make note of that. I glance his way, and that is when I get caught.

  “What, Squirrel?”

  “Nothing, you just look like you’re having a good time.”

  “Yeah, this is a great idea. I haven’t done something like this in a long time. It feels good to give back.”

  Joe’s comment is more than just a comment. I’m not sure what it’s about, but there is something there.

  “Is there something you’re not telling me, Jackalope Joe?” As I push in to his shoulder.

  He looks at me and smiles. I can tell he wants to say something, but I’m not sure if he will.

  “Here’s a fact that you can add to your list. I have an abundant knowledge of special needs. It kinda hits home for me. My sister had cystic fibrosis.” Even though he is smiling I can see the tears building in his eyes.

  I wrap my arms around his waist. By one word in that sentence I know that there is a lot of pain associated with this story, but also a lot of great memories.

  We finish watching the game and talk to the students. I can see Joe’s face as well as some of the students’ faces light up when they are talking. It is the small things in life that matter, and today has helped me see that. I have a past, I’m not okay with it, but in the grand scheme of things, I will survive and it will be okay.

  I watch as Joe gives a little boy a high five and invites him to their next home game. He looks at his mom, and she thanks Joe for his kindness.

  After everyone clears out, Joe and I finish cleaning. Joe’s coach stays to help us and then signs our paper for Dr. Cope. Well, that is one more item on the Freshman Seminar completed. I have to say I enjoyed every minute of today and might just have to come back with or without hours for a project to do.

  Our ride back to campus is quiet. I can tell Joe has something on his mind. I think it’s time that he starts to talk. I feel like he’s hiding something, but I don’t know what it could be. I take a minute and think back to what it could be. I have no clue.

  I take my hand and place it on Joe’s leg. He looks at me confused.

  “Joe, I don’t know what’s going through your brain, but something is bothering you. You can talk to me. You should know that by now.”

  “I know, but I just don’t know what to say. I mean it could take all night,” he says as his voice breaks. Those same glassy eyes begin to form, and my heart is breaking without knowing what is going on.

  “Let’s not go back to campus yet. You wanna go fishing?” Joe looks at me and shakes his head no. “Oh, we don’t have any poles anyway. I got an idea. You wanna go to the driving range?”

  Joe’s face lights up. With that hint of sunshine, we drive to the driving range. As we pull up, I can see the excitement in Joe’s eyes.

  “So, you’re going to have to show me how to do this ‘cause I’m clueless.”

  “Really? I’d never guess?!” Smart ass! I put my hands on my hips and just stare at him. I just hope I have beginner’s luck.

  Joe goes to pay. We get a set of clubs and then walk to the range. I am so dead.

  “How about I just watch?”

  “Nice try, Squirrel, but I’m going to see what kinda swing you got going on there.”

  After several failed attempts, I finally make contact with the ball, and I have to say I am shocked. I did pretty well.

  “Well, you do know how to hit it!” Joe says with a smile. I just wink and knock the hell outta the next five balls that I hit.

  Joe stands there totally floored. I think I just might have to help him pull his mouth off the floor.

  “You are so full of it, aren’t you? You’ve done this before!”

  “Not this, I mean I don’t golf, but Cash and I use to have this game growing up where we would find a stick and see who could hit rocks, hay, pretty much whatever we could find to hit. Basically it’s just like golf minus the club and ball.” I smirk.

  “Damn redneck games!”

  “Hey, who you callin’ a redneck?” I laugh.

  He looks at me and points before mouthing the word you.

  “Hey, you know Joe, I can give you a lesson if ya like?”

  “Oh, really? I think I might like that.” From the look on his face I know there is something else going on. Surely, Cash isn’t right?

  “Well, just so you know, I was going to surprise you, but I guess this has spoiled the fun. You wanna know what your surprise is for class?”

  He stops and looks at me, “But, of course, I do.”

  “Quail Hollow.”

  “Charley, you are full of shit. There is no way you got me tickets to play at Quail Hollow.”

  “Let’s just say it pays to know people. And I know people.”

  “Really? You’re not kiddin
g are you?”

  “Nope. Piper’s brother works there. He said he could get you in. I’m not saying it will be eighteen holes, but hey, something’s better than nothing, right?”

  We finish the basket of balls we have and then decide to go back to campus. I feel like Joe might open up, but I’m wrong, he doesn’t. I just wish I knew what was bothering him.

  When we get back to campus, I reach for the door handle only to have Joe stop me from getting out of the Jeep.

  “Thanks, I had a great time today. I haven’t had that much fun helping others since before Lucy passed away. We use to always go to those events, but she got so sick and my parents fell apart after she died. I don’t talk about it much because after Lucy died my family died, too. Thanks, Squirrel, for letting her live another day.”