No Turning Back
Page 16
I looked at Joe, and I fell apart. I never knew he had a sister, let alone that she was special needs, then to find out she isn’t alive. Right then, I realized that even someone who looks so put together on the outside can be completely shattered within. Joe is shattered within, and I want to help him pick up the pieces.
I take my hand and reach for his. There aren’t words to comfort him, but I have to try.
“Joe, I don’t know what to say. But it’s okay to let her live. I’m sure that is what Lucy would want. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a sister, and I couldn’t imagine losing Tessa. I’m here for you. You can tell me the rest of the story when you feel up to it if you want.”
He shakes his head, and I give him a kiss on the cheek. We get out of the Jeep, and Joe walks me to my room.
“Thanks for a great day. I guess I’ll see you at Hank’s tonight?” I look at him with a question in my eyes.
“I was thinking about skipping Hank’s tonight.”
“Oh.” I pause. “Do you want company?”
“That’s up to you.”
At this point in time, I’m not sure what I should do. I want to go to Hank’s, everyone does, but I know that Joe needs someone. I realize then that I can’t go to Hank’s, so I make plans to stay.
“I’ll stay with you. You want me to come to your room?”
“Yeah, just give me about thirty minutes.”
Joe heads back to his dorm room, and as I’m about to shut my door, Georgia comes creeping in.
“Char, what the heck was that about?”
“We’re just not going to Hank’s tonight. It’s been a long day.”
“I’m just surprised. I thought with it being right before break, you wouldn’t miss it and Joe either. I mean, I swear whatever y’all don’t have going on as you say… I wish I had with someone.”
“You ain’t right, G!”
The girls all start partying it up, and I take a shower and partake in one drink for pregame purposes. I mean I don’t want to totally miss out, ya know?
“Alright, y’all. I’ll see you when you get back.”
“Whatever, we’ll see you in the morning!” Anna states matter of factly.
If looks could kill, Anna would be dead. I mean, I see where they are coming from and they just wouldn’t understand anyway. I tell them to shake their ass for me, and I’ll see them later. I walk down the stairs, down the stoop, across the lawn, and into Irvin.
I reach Joe’s door, and it’s cracked. I can hear him on the phone, and I knock before entering. I can overhear him. I’m not sure who he’s talking to, but I can tell he’s upset. Still on the phone, he opens the door and lifts his finger to tell me to hold on. I wait outside for what feels like forever.
“Sorry about that. That was my grandma.”
I walk into his room timidly unsure of what he is or isn’t going to tell me. I sit on the futon. The TV is on some random channel. He is still dressed in the clothes from earlier today.
“Is everything okay, Joe?”
“Yeah, I was telling Gran about today. It’s just hard to talk about her, but Gran is the only one who still tries to keep her alive. I’m gonna take a quick shower, make yourself comfortable,” as he tosses me the remote.
Joe gets his stuff for the shower then walks down the hall. I take a few minutes to flip through the channels. There is nothing on, and then I find that Sweet Home Alabama is on CMT. I just love that movie; in fact, my daddy does, too. It makes me think of home. I check my phone. I send Tessa a message just to say hey ‘cause she never calls, but that is how she has always been. As I get a reply back and see that everything is okay, I can hear footsteps coming down the hall, but I don’t think much about it. I get lost in the movie and then I realize that Joe has returned from his shower. He is standing at his dresser in nothing but a pair of boxers. Hot Damn! I try to act like I’m still watching the movie, but sneak a peek when I can. That body is fine!
He throws on a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt with the sleeves cut out. I guess someone’s getting comfortable. He walks toward me and sits on the futon.
“I love this movie!” He says as he gets comfortable.
“Really?”
“Yeah, my favorite part is when she realizes he’s not the loser she thinks that he is and actually makes something of himself.”
I just sit there. My daddy loves that part too, but his favorite is when the country boy gets the girl ‘cause that is how things are supposed to happen.
“Well, I’m glad you like my movie choice ‘cause I’m not changing it. So what’s for supper?”
“Ramen noodles?” He says with a smirk.
“Fine by me.”
We microwave our supper, you know, what college kids don’t like Ramen? And continue to watch the movie.
I snuggle into Joe’s arm. He is just so comfortable. I almost doze off when I jump outta my skin. You know the moment when you’re just about asleep, but your body decides to act like you’ve just been pushed off a cliff. Joe just laughs. I get comfortable again, and no words are said. I wake up at 2:30 a.m. to realize we have both fallen asleep. I grab a blanket off Joe’s bed. That’s when I hear Joe mutter something. I can’t quite make it out. I move back to the futon and cover us both. Joe moves and semi wakes up. He just smiles. I cuddle into those arms and as I’m just about asleep, I feel those lips touch my cheek. Then he whispers, “Thank you.” I open my eyes and smile. I reposition myself to where I can look into those make ya wanna melt blue eyes. I take both of my hands and place them on his cheeks.
“Joe, I’m just glad you felt that you could talk to me like I talked to you.” I stare into those eyes and get lost because I am totally consumed by the need and desire he has within them. He needs me for whatever reason, and I’m going to be there for him in whatever way I can.
Joe stares back into my eyes, and the space between us closes. He looks at me as if to ask for permission. I don’t answer; instead, I close the distance between us and show him that it is okay. I can feel the hunger for me as he kisses me. His hands start at the small of my back and work their way up to my neck. I have never felt so needed in all of my life.
“Char, we can stop. I know how you feel about...” I don’t give him time to say his name. I take his mouth in mine and take control. I can feel his desire beneath me, and I know that Joe can help erase pain for me as well. We can take both wrongs and make two rights.
I take the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head. Joe stops and looks at me. I nod yes. He looks at me as if I’m unsure, and I decide to show him how sure I am. I stand up from the futon and remove my shorts before going to straddle him.
“Char, I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, Joe. I want every memory of that night with Dylan to be erased. Help me, please! I want you to now replace what has held me captive for too long. “
“But, you don’t want me forever. You need to wait for someone that you want forever.”
“Please, don’t make me beg you.” I kiss the inside of his neck right below his earlobe, and he gives in.
“Just promise me that this won’t change us. We’re just friends remember?”
“Uh huh.”
He lifts me off him and carries me to his bottom bunk. I forget everything that I felt with Dylan. I take every inch of Joe in and treasure it. As he shows me his feeling, I can feel a tear start to run down my face. Yes, Charley this is what you want. You can do this.
Joe looks up at me, “Char, you okay?” He looks into my eyes and realizes I’m not. He moves to my lips and kisses me down into my soul. Then he pulls himself from me and takes me into his arms. He never says a word. I cry myself to sleep. I couldn’t go through with it. Dylan still has control over me, and it has to stop. At some time, it has to end.
I wake up the next morning feeling completely drained. Joe is already awake and hands me a Coke to drink.
“How are you, Squirrel? Really?”
“I’m so sorry, Joe. I want
ed to, but I just can’t. I mean, I like you and you mean a lot to me. You are right, it needs to be forever.”
Joe takes a minute before he responds.
“That’s why I stopped. I couldn’t let us take it to that level. I care about you too much.”
After an awkward silence, I finally change the subject.
“So, what you going to do for break?”
“We have practice today then we are good to go. I heard y’all have to stay until like Wednesday?”
“Yeah, we got a big meet with Livestone before Thanksgiving. Coach wants us to kick their ass. We totally are by the way!”
“Never doubted it for a minute. So I was wondering if you could take me to the airport after practice Wednesday.”
“Sure.”
It is now close to noon, and the parking lot looks like a ghost town. I guess everyone has left for break. We have practice until Wednesday. The campus is deserted except for several sports teams. Joe is staying on campus as well and then flying home until Sunday.
I walk back across campus, and as soon as my toes hit the second floor of Kluft, it’s twenty questions. What happened? Why are you getting back at lunch? Was Joe okay? Did you get your freak on? I tried to be as vague as possible. I make it to my room and decide that a good conversation with Piper is needed.
“Piper, what you up to?”
“Packing I’m heading home in a little while. When are you coming?”
“Wednesday. I got practice at seven, then I’ll be on my way.”
“So, what’s going on? I can tell something’s up, girlie.”
“Let’s just say I almost erased Dylan from my life for good last night, but I couldn’t.”
“Shut the front door, with who? Oh I can guess… JOE!”
“Yeah, a lot’s gone on though, Pipe. He knows about Dylan, talked to Cash, and Joe and Cash are like Team Keep Charley Safe. I mean it’s great and all, but I just hope I didn’t mess stuff up last night.”
“I’m sure you didn’t. Oh, before I forget, I heard there’s a party at the pool hall Friday night. We are so there! I can’t wait to see you!”
“Okay, well I’ll see you Wednesday.”
I get ready for practice and wait on Georgia and Tori. Dang! They are still hung over. I hate it for them, and I’m sure Coach is going to have fun with this. I was right; Coach has fun with them being hung over. We finish practice, and Tori and Georgia are now semi alive. We eat dinner at Subway and go back to the dorm. RA’s are gone, it’s just us. It’s time for a slumber party in Kluft. We all invite whoever we want over. I bet Caroline is going to hate she missed this!
We rent movies and create our own club on the hallway thanks to the decorating of Hayden and Sarah. I text Cash and tell him I’ll see him Wednesday and pool hall Friday, and then text Joe. At first, I think he is ignoring me, but then my phone chirps.
Joe: Can I bring my pj’s with the feet or be the one that brings the vodka?
Me: Both ;)
Joe: See you in a few
I go out to help finish setting up the club in Kluft. When I overhear Tori, “You know I heard that Charley had something going on with Dylan Sloan.” Oh shit! I sneak back into my room and listen to the remainder of the conversation. I can hear Georgia basically telling Tori whatever, and then the subject changes. As I’m about to walk out of my room, I feel someone’s presence and I turn around to find Joe with vodka in hand.
“What you hiding from?”
I take him and pull him into my room by the collar.
“Freakin Tori was talking about Dylan and me. What the hell? I hate Google sometimes. It would be a lot easier if they couldn’t search me.”
“Squirrel, it’s okay. They’ve forgot that conversation already. Now what you wanna do?”
I close the door, smirk, and pull him to me. Joe throws the vodka on the bed, and welcomes me into his arms. I kiss him long and hard. I don’t really know why; it just feels right.
“So, Squirrel. What? Are you using me now?”
I cross my arms and smirk, “Maybe.”
He laughs. “I can live with that. Now come over here and let me use those lips again.”
We finally pull ourselves off each other and join everyone in the hall. There is no mention of Dylan, and I’m glad. We all fix a few adult beverages and dance the night away in our hall. Club Purple, as Hayden calls it, is open for business.
At midnight, we shut down the club because practice is going to come way too early in the morning. I have had my share of drinks tonight. I haven’t felt like this since my first night on campus.
Joe begins to tell me goodnight when I shake my head no. He’s staying with me, that is for sure. I must be drunk because before I realize what I’m doing I’m taking off my clothes and putting on new pajamas. I glance over my shoulder and realize that Joe is trying not to stare. The thoughts of last night cross my mind. Payback’s a bitch.
“Squirrel, was all that really necessary?”
“I think so.”
Joe has already made himself comfortable in my bed. I tell him to slide over and crawl in. I know I haven’t talked to Cash. I need to text him.
Me: Just checking in. Doing good see you Wednesday love u!
Cash: K Love u more :)
I put my phone on the desk, pull the covers up to my chin and snuggle into Joe. I’m in heaven right now. Joe kisses me goodnight, and I have sweet dreams.
Chapter 11: Fall Break
Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday are the same. Practice, practice, and more practice. Wednesday morning comes quickly, and I already have my stuff ready to go home when I get a text from Joe that there has been a change of plans and he’s staying here. Well, I guess I won’t have to worry about how I’m going to say goodbye at the airport.
I check on Tori and Georgia. They are packing as well. Anna is going home with Tori, and Georgia is going home for a few days. I tell them that I don’t have to take Joe to the airport, so I’m going to go tell him bye after I put my bags in the car. We all close our doors in unison and walk out of Kluft as the second team that we are. Hayden and Sarah meet us in the parking lot. I hug everyone bye and tell them I’ll see them Sunday at practice. I walk to the Honda, place my bags on the ground, dig out my keys from my purse, and unlock my car. I start to bend down to get my bags when I hear someone yelling my name, or rather, my nickname.
“Squirrel! Hold up.” I stop what I’m doing and turn around to see Joe running across the lawn. He’s just finished practice but has had a shower. He is in a pair of cargo shorts and an American Eagle graphic tee. His hair is still wet and only makes those eyes stand out more. Not one ounce of muscle moves as he runs, and yes, I have seen that body and I know what it looks like under there, but it’s still fun to imagine.
He reaches my car and grabs my bags from me.
“Let me help you with those.” I willingly hand them over and lean against the car.
“So, what you going to do since you decided not to fly home? I mean what did you do with your ticket?”
“Well, Coach wants us back Saturday, so some of us guys are going to a cabin in Asheville for a few days to just relax. My teammate Mark has family who owns a house up there.”
“Relax? Don’t you mean party?”
“Maybe.”
“What did your gran have to say? I mean doesn’t that mean you lost money for the ticket?”
“Well, I always fly standby because my uncle works for the airline. It’s no biggie, I’m out twenty bucks.”
“Oh. Well, I’ll have to remember that if I ever need to fly.”
“For sure! Maybe we could all go somewhere for spring break?”
“Sure, but quit avoiding the subject, what did your gran say?”
“Well, she was sad but understood. She figured it was wishful thinking. She knew there was a chance of another practice.”
“We have to be back Sunday. So, I guess I’ll see you then.”
“You bet. Now come here.”
“See ya Sunday and tell Cash hey for me, will ya?” What are they like bff’s now that they are Team Keep Charley Safe?