Ties That Bind

by Neeny Boucher

  Ouch. Christina’s happy morning was rapidly disappearing in dark clouds of doubt. “I love him,” she mumbled lamely. “I really do. Is it wrong to want to make the person you love happy?”

  Bonnie groaned, but Mandy smiled. “No. It isn’t. I know you two love each other. It’s just a child is so important. You owe it to the child and yourself to make sure that you’re a hundred percent sure that this is what you want. What’s the rush?”

  “I’m twenty-eight,” Christina confessed. “If I want a child or children, then I need to be thinking about this now. The only person’s children I’ve ever considered having is Riley’s. I’m with Riley. We’re together. Why wait?”

  Bonnie swore like a sailor. “If you have a child with him, Dina, you will be tied to him forever. If things don’t work out, he’ll never let you go. You barely managed to get out last time, now add a kid to the equation.”

  Christina stared at her friends and cold realization hit her like a brick. “Wow. Neither of you think we’re going to make it. Do you? You’re all just waiting for things to explode in our face. Why give me relationship advice when you think it’s doomed anyway?”

  “No/Yes,” Mandy and Bonnie said in unison, before glaring at one another. “Yes,” Bonnie agreed. “I am. I’m your person. Not his. There is nothing, but ‘drama, drama, drama’ with you two. Seriously? I don’t know how you can breathe with all the crazy around you, let alone think about doing this.”

  Mandy rolled her eyes. “No. I’m not waiting for that. You two tend to be… impulsive when it comes to each other. I know you can make it. I want you to make it. I just think you should give it six months.”

  Christina’s eyes narrowed. The rational part understood what her friends were saying, but the part filled with love and hope wanted to give them the finger. “Fine,” she snapped, folding her arms. “Says the woman with two children and the one that doesn’t want any. Okay. You’re entitled to your opinions, but I think you and your opinions suck ass.”

  “Oh, really mature, Dina,” Bonnie retorted. “Let’s all have a game of ‘I know you are, but what am I’. Have you ever noticed the size of Riley’s head? It’s big and Steven’s is even bigger. Do you want to be pushing out a big giant Riley head? Look at you. You’re tiny.”

  “Oh my god!” Mandy breathed. “He does have a big head and so does their father!”

  The friends starting arguing and pointing fingers at one another heatedly. Each woman bellowed her understanding of the term ‘immature’, insisting it was the definitive view. As low-blow examples were dragged out, Gabby opened the bedroom door, shouting over top of them. “Hey! Why don’t we play a game of ‘shut the hell up’? I can hear you! Everyone can.”

  The women gave each other the stink eye, but their hearts weren’t really in it. They glared until they started giggling, nudging one another with their shoulders. Christina stuck her hand out and her friends followed suit.

  “Sisters by choice, remember?” Christina grinned. “That means you have to support me. Even when you think I’m an idiot.”

  “It does,” Mandy beamed at the exact same time Bonnie scoffed. “No, it doesn’t.” It started another round of hissing and pointy fingers, but the heat had gone out of the argument.

  “Here,” Bonnie laughed, throwing the giant dildo at Christina. “Just in case you get bored or need some kinky.”

  It hit Christina right in the chest before she could get her hands around it. “Ouch!” She snarled, rubbing her sore spot. “That’s going to leave a bruise.”

  Bonnie winked. “It’ll go with the hickeys. Don’t think we didn’t notice. Pervert. I’m proud of you.”

  The women left on hugs and kisses, promising to keep in touch via text. Now, all there was to do was wait and think about babies… and the Riley family’s big giant heads. She had to admit, the thought did scare her.

  **********

  “Mason is out, but the Foundation is going ahead and you’ll be running it. I mean, if you want to. We’re going with your Veterans idea. It’s doable, but we might have to fundraise to cover any shortfall.”

  Riley had arrived at the Martins’ just after Bonnie and Mandy left, hurrying Christina into the Audi. He hadn’t stopped talking about his meeting with Mason and his newfound enthusiasm for the Foundation. She might be mistaken, but she’d always got the impression that the Foundation was ancillary to Riley’s plans in the scheme of things.

  Now, it was front and center with her in charge. How did this happen? Christina didn’t have the first clue about heading a Foundation. She’d come up with the idea for its focus, but she’d never imagined she would be running it.

  “Front person?” She blinked. “Me? I think we’ve discussed this and I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m sort of like the anti-lucky person. You know like Lindsay Lohan’s character in that movie where she kisses Chris Pine and loses all her luck.”

  “Wow,” Riley chuckled. “I don’t know what’s sadder. The lack of belief in yourself or your confession to watching Lindsay Lohan movies.”

  “Hey!” Christina countered. “Mean Girls was a classic.” On that, they both agreed.

  As Shanwick receded further in the distance and the landscape flew by, Christina felt the weight lift off her shoulders. This felt like freedom and hope; endless possibilities, and importantly, love. Love was a strange thing: unexplainable and unpredictable. You didn’t get to choose who you fell in love with. That just happened.

  There was no warning, nor reason, and it didn’t matter. It made the world a better place. For so long, she’d viewed love as a curse, but it wasn’t. Love was something to be celebrated. Christina actually felt a bubble of joy and whooped, taking Riley by surprise.

  She wanted to put the drama of the last few days behind them and didn’t want her joy sucked away by petty things. She also wanted Riley to share it. “Music,” Christina cried. “We need some music. No road-trip is complete without muuuuuusic!”

  Riley reached for the stereo and the sound of Florence + The Machine filled the car. Listening to “Landscapes” as they sped toward Wenatchee seemed fitting. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” She grinned.

  “Nope,” he shook his head. “But it’s a long flight. You’re going to love it and that’s all I’m telling you.”

  **********

  Riley

  “Wow,” Christina blurted with eyes as round as saucers. “We’re going on that? No way!”

  Riley was trying not to laugh at her childlike glee, but he couldn’t help it. Her happiness was contagious. “Yes,” he chuckled. “We’re going on that.”

  Christina cheered, grabbing his hand, and dragging him along to board. He forgot that private jets wouldn’t be part of her normal life-style. It was something he’d become accustomed to, but he did remember the first time he’d gone on one. Somehow, it made him feel like he’d ‘made it’; whatever that meant.

  In retrospect, he felt naive. ‘Making it’ was subjective. You could have all the material things at your disposal, but he’d swap them in a heartbeat for an old truck and a cabin in the woods if Christina were with him. “Have you ever been on a private jet before?”

  “No,” Christina laughed and then her face changed. “Actually, that’s not true. I’ve been once, but it was under completely different circumstances.”

  As the jet became airborne and they left Wenatchee, Riley gave himself a moment to enjoy Christina’s delight. He’d set this whole trip up as a romantic gesture to her, complete with champagne, and her favorite foods. He also had his tongue stud.

  Riley acknowledged that neither of them were very romantic people. Sure, they could scorch the sheets, but he wanted more than that. He wanted to spoil her, lavish attention on her, and show her life didn’t always have to be about conflict. “Do you want a glass of champagne, babe?”

  “No thanks,” Christina grinned, her eyes meeting his with a knowing look. “O.J. would be great, though.”

  A smi
le stole over Riley’s face and he held her eyes. They hadn’t had a chance to discuss what happened this morning and its possible implications, but she was letting him know it hadn’t been a mistake. After everything that had happened, she was putting her trust and faith in him by trying to start a family.

  Riley felt his chest tighten and he swallowed hard. He hoped her trust wasn’t misguided and he could prove her, and himself, wrong. “O.J. it is,” he murmured, kissing the top of her head.

  As he walked past, she grabbed his arms and hugged him tight. “I love you,” he whispered into her hair. “Always. More than words can express. I want you to remember that.” Whatever happened, he needed her to remember that.

  “Riley,” Christina grabbed his arm. “You know how planes have always been our thing? Are we going to join the Mile High Club?”

  It was as if she could read his mind. “Yep, definitely,” he grinned. “Come with me.”

  He’d asked for this jet specifically because it had a custom built bedroom. Leading her in, she gasped. The room was filled with flowers, food, and beverages. “Your wish is my command,” Riley grinned. “Now let’s get naked.”

  **********

  Christina

  “Are we going to talk about the baby?”

  They were both covered in sweat and Riley was still inside her. He was on top, resting on his arms and staring at her intensely. From this angle, his head looked huge. Why hadn’t she ever noticed before? She vowed to make a Voodoo Doll of Bonnie and poke pins in its ass.

  “Sure,” Christina smiled. “But can we do it sitting up? I feel a little strange doing it like this.”

  They made themselves comfortable and Riley pulled her into his arms, so that she was lying on his chest. She could hear his heart beat and it was one of the most comforting sounds in the world. “Do you want a baby, Christina?” he asked gently. “I know we’ve talked about having a baby, but do you want to start now?”

  Pushing aside her fears about physics and possible exits of potential babies with large heads, Christina went with her heart. “Yes,” she grinned. “I do want a baby. I want your baby, our baby.”

  “Me too,” he agreed with a smile in his voice. “It’s just I think we should talk about the implications of this. You know,” he shrugged. “Like whether we should get married first.”

  The air went out of Christina’s lungs. Marriage? What? She had not envisaged this: a post-coitus ‘sort of’ proposal. Turning her face toward him, she met his amused eyes. “Wh-wh-wh-” she stuttered, struggling to construct a counter-argument. “I was thinking more along the lines of how it works when you’re away. If you’d come back if I was pregnant.”

  In truth, Christina hadn’t thought much further than that and now she was embarrassed at her lack of foresight. “I don’t think we need to get married,” she added hastily. “Johnny and LiLi are having a baby, and they’re not getting married. It’s sort of old-fashioned.”

  “So am I,” Riley grinned, but his eyes were narrowed, and his head tilted to the side. “Did you know Johnny asks LiLi to marry him all the time? She’s agreed, but only after he’s been clean for five years. We’re in a different position. We could get married before we have a baby. Say yes and I’ll put a diamond on your finger tomorrow.”

  Christina’s mind went blank. She didn’t want to get married. In her mind, she imagined them cohabitating peacefully for the rest of their lives without the legalese. The last time they got married, their relationship disintegrated. She didn’t want history to repeat itself.

  She knew she was being superstitious, but she feared marriage might jinx their happiness. Latching onto the banal, Christina started rambling. “I don’t like diamonds. They’re associated with conflict and they’re wrong. They’re covered in… blood and conflict.”

  “Okay,” Riley nodded. “Re-thinking diamonds and trying to decipher the meaning of the random tangent. I just want you to answer me one question?”

  Please don’t make this formal, Christina chanted in her head. Please-don’t-say-the-words. Don’t-say-it.

  “Just to be clear,” he asked tightly, “you’re saying you’ll have a baby with me, but you don’t want to marry me? I mean that is what you’re saying, isn’t it?”

  Riley didn’t wait for her response, before rolling out of bed and hauling on his clothes. Christina covered her face with her hands. She’d hurt him and hadn’t intended to.

  “Wait,” she pleaded. “This isn’t how it was supposed to go. I feel like I disappoint people no matter what I do. You’re the last person I want to disappoint.”

  His face was impassive, but his eyes were burning. “I haven’t said no and I haven’t said yes,” Christina fudged. “It just took me by surprise. Can you give me some time to think about it?”

  Riley crawled back onto the bed, staring into her eyes. She felt pierced by that green stare, as if he was boring into her soul. “I don’t want pieces of you, Christina. I want all of you. Everything. I’ll be gone for nearly two months and I expect an answer when I get back.”

  Whoa. Without further comment, Riley left the room, leaving her in shock. Why did he do this? Why did he push her into things when she wasn’t ready? She thought her decision to ‘maybe’ have a baby would bring them closer together, but it had opened up a whole different can of worms.

  **********

  Riley

  The moment Riley left the room, he regretted it. He shouldn’t have pushed the issue with her, but old habits died hard. Pouring a glass of Scotch, he stared out the window, and mused on his ability to self-sabotage his own happiness without even trying.

  It took a particular type of pathology: his. Christina had offered him a precious gift; something he’d wanted forever. A child, their child, and what had he done? Thrown it in her face, as if it wasn’t good enough, and demanding conditions that she wasn’t prepared to give.

  He’d just had to test her, get in her face, and scare her with his intensity. Mason was right. He really was an asshole deep down at his core. It was in his nature, his fatal flaw.

  Riley owed her an apology. He crept silently into the bedroom and she was curled into the fetal position with her hands under her chin. She’d been crying, there were still tears on her cheeks, and it made him furious with himself.

  Undressing, he crawled under the covers and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair. “Forgive me. I shouldn’t have pressured you.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered back. “I really am. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just need some time.”

  Somehow, Christina could always find a way to blame herself for other people’s faults. “I love you, Dina. I’ve loved you for nearly half my life and I’ll love you for the rest, unconditionally.”

  Turning toward him, Christina threw her arms around him and started crying afresh. “You don’t disappoint me,” he smiled, kissing her tears away. “I’m so proud of you. Every time I look at you, you make me proud, and hard. You definitely make me hard.”

  Her laughter eased the ache in his chest, but he needed to do better. “I promise,” Riley whispered. “I’ll back off. The decision is yours. Take as long as you need, and no matter if the answer is yes or no, I’m in this forever. If you’ll have me?”

  Riley held her until she fell asleep. Sometimes, he wondered if she would be better off without him, but he was too selfish for that. Their fates had been sealed a long time ago, and for better or worse, they were bound in this life together.

  Chapter Fifteen: Decorative Knot

  Riley, London, Tuesday, November 13, 2012

  “London! You’ve brought me to London. I-love-you!”

  “And I love you, beautiful girl,” Riley smiled.

  Christina glowed, her eyes alive with happiness and she was so excited she was dancing on the balls of her feet. They’d spent most of the flight talking, making love, and sleeping. Even after a twelve-hour flight and eight-hour time zone change, he felt rested.

>   They were ushered into the V.I.P. lounge and through customs where Riley mused that you really did learn something new every day. Christina had both an American passport and an E.U. one, courtesy of her father being British. He could even admit to himself that he was a little jealous.

  Riley went to hail an iconic black cab, correction ‘taxi’, but Christina stopped him. “You know what’s iconic?” She beamed. “The Underground! Let’s take the Underground.”

  He would never understand her for as long as he lived. They’d just flown private jet, gone through the V.I.P. lounge and now she wanted to get on the Tube with everyone else. Shaking his head, Riley conceded to her enthusiasm, but had their luggage sent to where they were staying.

  ********

  Christina

  “Wow!”

  Everything was ‘wow’ and she felt like she’d lost core parts of her vocabulary. The place they were staying in was fantastic, a townhouse with a mixture of old and new, with industrial windows that gave the place an open feeling. It was three floors of exquisite décor, luxurious, but not over-stated.

  There were flowers everywhere and breathing in their fragrant scent, Christina turned to Riley. Her heart was in her eyes and she loved him more than she could possibly express. “You did all this for me? For us? It’s beautiful. Perfect.”

  Riley smiled, but shrugged away her gratitude. “Meg made all the arrangements. I just came up with the plan.”

  He wasn’t getting away with that easily. Riley underestimated how thoughtful he was, almost intuitively so. He had the uncanny ability to know what to do, what someone found special, and at just the right time.

  “Don’t do that,” Christina pleaded. “Don’t diminish what you’ve done. I love it. I love you.”

  “Are you tired?” He grinned, changing the subject. “How about we freshen up and then go sight-seeing?”

  Christina clapped her hands like a little kid. What little ‘cool’ she had was long gone. She wasn’t tired. In fact, she felt energized and wanted to see everything.