Fast Forward

by Juliet Madison

  I bent my elbow and propped my hand behind my head and slightly bent one leg so that it dipped over the other to accentuate the hourglass shape of the female form. The muffled sound of running water from the bathroom soothed my senses and I basked in the bliss of the moment. The anticipation, the excitement, the … knowing.

  Knowing that the perfect end to this day was only moments away. Knowing that the man in the next room loved me more than life itself. Knowing that … Oh my God. Knowing that … I loved him too. I love him. A sharp burst of realisation shot through me and the hair on the back of my neck bristled. I love Will.

  The truth dispersed throughout my body, filling it with the most amazing, unimaginable sensation I’d ever experienced, as though this was what life was all about. Immediately I knew, without hesitation, that Will was my soul mate and this was the life I was truly destined for.

  My thoughts turned to Diora, who right at this moment was enduring immense pain to bring new life into this world and Ryan, who through courage took a risk in the hope of finding love and Will, the magician in this magical future of ours I was so lucky to have glimpsed.

  A smile oozed from my lips at the thought of the three most important people in the world to me and as love filled my heart, peace filled my body, and my muscles turned into warm soothing liquid, melting into the bed with each breath. My eyelids flopped down, unable to remain open and my body became a weightless sensation of pure joy as I surrendered completely to the welcoming darkness behind my eyes.

  Chapter 19

  Happy Birthday

  “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.”

  –Father Larry Lorenzoni

  My eyelids eased away from the tangled embrace of my eyelashes and I squinted at a small spear of light coming through the edge of the curtains. I must have dozed off. “Will?” I called, but only silence replied.

  I rubbed my eyes and flung my legs over the side of the bed, the balls of my feet cushioned by the soft carpet. I pushed up to standing, my body overtaken with post-sleep fogginess. I slid the ensuite door open and switched on the light, still rubbing my eyes as I headed straight for the sink. Cool water awakened my face as I bent over the sink, then I stood back up and met my reflection in the mirror.

  I was about to wipe some sleep from my left eye when a jolt of shock coursed rapidly from my toes to my scalp and I gasped, flinging my hands to my mouth. The wrinkles I’d met earlier had disappeared. The crow’s feet I’d despised were nowhere to be found. Instead of laughter lines, forehead furrows and the dreaded lip wrinkles lay smooth, unblemished skin. I’m back! I’m twenty five again!

  I stood and stared at my face, examining every feature, making sure there were no remnants of fifty-year-old Kelli. I lifted my nightgown and let my hand grace my flat stomach, then cupped my firm breasts that were back in their correct geographical location above the equator and twirled my varicose-vein-free ankles in easy, creak-free circular movements.

  Ha! My old young self had definitely returned! I lifted my wrist to check my e-pad, but no e-pad was there. Of course, they hadn’t been invented yet. I dashed back into the bedroom and plucked my phone from its charger to check the date. Yep–definitely my birthday! I swished open the curtains and daylight flooded the room and, as I blinked my eyes to adjust to the light, I remembered. Diora!

  She should have had the baby by now, only how could she, when my return to the past signalled the return to a life she was not yet a part of? I didn’t even get to meet my grandchild! I didn’t even know if it was a boy or a girl!

  Ryan! I wanted to thank him for taking care of the guests after we left the party due to the unexpected waters-breaking incident and ask him how Ben reacted on sharing his feelings for him, even though their cosy presence on my couch implied he responded just as Ryan would have hoped.

  And Will! He might have come out of the shower wondering where the hell I’d disappeared to. Except … he wouldn’t have because if I was back in the past, he was too. He was probably getting out of bed like on any other Friday morning, shaving the small growth of hair on his face and putting on a pinstriped shirt with a plain tie, sliding a pen or two into his shirt pocket, ready for work.

  I missed them already. How could I have become so connected to them in only one day? I ached to see them again, but knew there was only one way that would happen. I had to make things right. I had to change the course of my life before destiny slipped through my fingers into the ether of lost possibilities.

  I pinched the screen on my phone and then shook my head at my stupidity. No holographic phones here yet. I made a quick phone call to the restaurant my party was to be held in, then pressed the screen for a new message option to appear, adding multiple numbers from my contacts before typing a text message:

  Hi guys, change of plans. Have cancelled restaurant for tonight, feel like something different. Meet at 8pm on North Beach for fish & chips ~ K

  Selena replied instantly. Selena! Okay then, but why? Oh, and happy birthday hon ;)

  I replied back: I already told you why. Feel like something different. And thanks xo

  Soon after, Kasey replied too: Oh right, change plans at the last minute to suit yourself, typical! Bugger, Kasey was still mad at me. A few seconds later another text from Kasey came through: Anyway, it is your birthday, so … happy birthday I guess.

  I replied back telling her thanks and that I was sorry and couldn’t wait to see her tonight. I thought my other friends would reply too but the phone stayed silent. I guess I would just see them all tonight.

  I slid my hands across my flat stomach again. Oh, how I’ve missed you! Then I sighed in relief at not having to try and get out of the support underwear. I’d been saved! I’d never buy one of those in the future–ever, not even version 2.0 with the expandable release valve, uh-uh.

  I opened the web browser on my phone and summoned the Foogle, I mean, Google page and typed in a search, and on finding the website I was after made a phone call.

  “Hi, I’d like to book in with your best personal trainer,” I said into the phone. Five minutes later I was scheduled in to see Roxanne at 9 am Monday.

  Now, for something more important … I opened my contacts page and pressed C in the surname list. As I was about to select Malcolm Crawford, a text message came in: Happy birthday sweetheart. Thought you might be sleeping in so I didn’t want to call and wake you. Have a great day, call you later ~ Dad.

  Warmth crept through my eyes and I blinked away tears. Dad was still here and there was no way I’d be going through this day without seeing him to set things right with him and Kasey.

  Thanks Dad, and by the way, can you meet me for lunch at Parkside Cafe at 12 noon? I know you’re probably busy, but it’s very important.

  Dad replied: If it’s important, then I’ll be there for sure. See you then.

  I sent the same request to Kasey, not mentioning the fact that Dad would be there. I knew she would have just found out he wasn’t her real father. She said she’d come but probably couldn’t get there till 12:15 p.m, which was fine with me as I wanted to see Dad alone first.

  I looked at my text messages again and noticed one from Grant that I’d missed: Happy birthday gorgeous, dying to give you your present, wanna meet earlier today? How about 10am in the park, at our usual spot? ~ G xoxo

  Crap. The proposal. He wants to propose to me in … I glanced at the time on my phone … one hour and fifteen minutes. I typed a reply: Actually, that would be good because we need to talk.

  After showering and putting on a floaty purple winged top over slim black pants and wedge heels—no curved coral hems for me today—I strode down to the park. I paused for a moment, spotting Grant sitting on the bench opposite the fountain, his leg tapping up and down. Black sunglasses covered his eyes and his hair looked tidily messy, the sight triggering a slight yearning for him again. Swallowing the lump that had wedged in my throat, I pushed on, reminding myself of what
I was doing and trying to keep the fifty-year-old image of him hand-in-hand with what’s-her-name at the front of my mind.

  “Hey, gorgeous,” he said, standing to kiss me on the lips which I accepted but subtly pulled away from before it lingered and before I changed my mind and threw my arms around him, telling him how much I missed him. “The big twenty five today, huh?”

  “Yeah, guess so,” I replied, finding it extremely difficult to maintain eye contact.

  “Look, Grant … I—”

  “Here.” He held out a small wrapped present. “This is for you.”

  Oh, man. The ring. “Grant—”

  “Open it,” he urged, smiling.

  Oh well, better get it over with and then break the bad news.

  I tugged at the curly ribbon and slid my finger under the folded corner of the wrapping paper, pulling out a velvet box. My heart raced as I remembered how much I’d longed for this day and now here I was, dreading it. Because I knew I wouldn’t be saying yes and I didn’t want to bruise his ego. Not that his fifty-year-old ego had seemed bruised.

  I glanced up at Grant whose eyes eagerly awaited me to open the box. I gulped on the lump in my throat but like a cork in water it bobbed back up. Drawing a light breath in through my nose I slowly lifted the lid, catching a glimpse of something shiny until the full beauty of Grant’s gift captured my attention. A perfect circle of silver tied like a piece of string in a mock knot, with a lone diamond on the end, sparkling under the morning sunlight.

  I stifled a laugh of relief. It was a bracelet! A very beautiful, original DSJ designed bracelet, which would have cost a lot, especially considering the size of the diamond.

  “Do you like it?” Grant asked, eyes wide.

  Those weren’t the words I’d expected to hear. “I love it, I really do, but—”

  “Put it on,” he said.

  “Grant.” I closed the lid on the box. “I really appreciate your gift, but before we go any further I need to talk to you.”

  His eyebrows drew together curiously. “Okay then, what is it?”

  “What would you say if I told you I was planning a career change?”

  His eyebrows drew so close together they almost collided. “What sort of career change could you possibly be interested in? And why?”

  “Well, when I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time drawing and designing things, and I was thinking I’d like to take it more seriously now. You know—do up some proper designs, make a portfolio of beautiful homewares and look into options for manufacturing them. I have a feeling it’d make a great business.”

  Grant shook his head in confusion. “So let me get this straight, you want to give up on a lucrative modelling career for … homewares?”

  “I’d still do some modelling jobs to make ends meet, but once the business turned a profit, I’d consider letting the modelling slide. I can’t do it forever anyway,” I explained.

  “I don’t understand, why pursue a little hobby like that when you can make money from,” he gestured his hands down the length of my body, “this?” He shook his head. “It’s ridiculous.”

  I stood, his words jolting me like the paper being ripped by Mum all over again. “Because it’s something I love to do, it’s what I’m most passionate about!” I raised my voice and a few people walking by stared in our direction, but I didn’t care. “I enjoy modelling, but to be honest, sometimes it bores me. I need to use the creativity inside me, do something with my hands and create things.” I moved my hands about with enthusiasm.

  “Don’t you get it? You are the creation. The photographers, like me, show you in your best light and the graphic designers and artists enhance the picture to create a piece of art. Most women would kill to look like you and have your job!” Grant stood too, redness rising up his neck. “We’re a team, you and I, and if you go off and do something else, it won’t be the same, it won’t feel right.”

  “It’ll feel right to me,” I replied.

  “And what about me?”

  “Why should my career choices affect you?”

  “My career takes me all over the place and I plan on it taking me overseas on a regular basis, as should yours if you stick to your plans of gracing the catwalks. But if you’re serious about starting a business, you’ll need to stay put and that just won’t work for us.”

  “Then maybe we should do something about that,” I said quietly, sitting on the bench. “Grant, I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and what I thought that I wanted, I don’t think I want anymore. Sure, I’ll keep modelling for a while, but it’s not my passion. I also think I’d like to have a family one day too.”

  Grant collapsed on the seat next to me. “What? Are you serious? I thought you never wanted children!”

  “Well, let’s just say I’ve been persuaded,” I said, looking him in the eye. “I didn’t want to become a mother for fear of dredging up memories of my own mother, but I don’t resent her anymore. I know what a privilege it is to bring a child into this world and have a family. It’s what I want.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I just know.”

  Grant kept shaking his head. “This isn’t just a hormonal outburst is it? Some temporary insanity thing? I’ve read that can happen to some women, you know.”

  Oh my God, he was infuriating me! “Absolutely not, how dare you even consider that!” I stood again. “This is real. This is me, this is what I want. If you don’t want to be a part of who I am, I guess we shouldn’t be together.” I ran my fingers through my hair and looked up at the sky.

  “Unless there’s any hope of knocking some sense into you, then no, I guess we shouldn’t be together.”

  “Believe me, I have more sense now than I ever did.”

  “So this is it then, you’re breaking up with me, on your birthday?” Grant asked, still sitting on the seat, his eyes peering up at mine.

  “That’s exactly what I’m doing,” I replied with a straight tone. I went to walk away but then turned back. “I’m sorry, Grant. I didn’t mean for things to end like this, but I have to do what’s right for me.” I placed the bracelet box into his hands. “As beautiful as this is, I think you should save it for someone else. Someone special, who’s traveling the same journey as you are.” I closed his fingers over the box and looked him one last time in the eye. “Bye, Grant.”

  My shoes clicked as I walked away, my eyes firmly fixed on the path in front of me.

  At five past twelve I looked up from my table at Parkside Cafe to see my dad walking towards me with a large present wrapped in pink, the sight of him completely smashing the bizarre memory of seeing his grave only yesterday. I stood, wrapping my arms around him without a word.

  “Whoa, you’d think we hadn’t seen each other for years. Is everything alright?” He pulled back and held onto my shoulders.

  “Everything’s perfect. I’m so glad to see you, that’s all.” I blinked away the threat of tears that hung by a thread from the edge of my eyes.

  “I’m glad to see you too,” he said, smiling. “Happy birthday.” He handed me the gift and I sat down to unwrap it.

  I held up the vase after pulling it from its box. “Oh, I love it. Thanks Dad!” It was shaped like a splash of water rising upwards in a spiral, clear glass marbled by a hint of magenta swirling from the bottom to the top. The vase! The one I’d seen on the gift table at my fiftieth birthday party! So I didn’t design it–Dad gave it to me, which held even more importance. “I’ll treasure it forever.”

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  I smiled then stiffened as Kasey came to a standstill near the entrance, having just noticed Dad sitting at the table with me. She turned to walk away.

  “Kasey, wait!” My chair screeched as I pushed it out from under the table and ran towards her. “I know about you and Dad. I know you’ve just found out the truth.”

  “He told you, huh?”

  I ignored the question. “Look, I invited Dad so we can all talk about this.
You two need to get all your doubts and fears out in the open, otherwise you’ll regret it later. Trust me.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. It’s probably not the right time. It’s your birthday. We shouldn’t be discussing something like this today. Besides, I have to get back to the university soon.” She looked longingly at the exit.

  I grasped her hand. “C’mon, have some lunch, talk to Dad. Tell him what a great father he’s been to you.”

  She drew a deep breath and nodded. “Fair enough.”

  “Kasey, hi.” Dad stood and gestured for her to take a seat. “What a nice surprise.” His words belied the uncertainty in his voice. I’d taken a risk bringing them both together when the emotions were still raw, but if they didn’t make time to talk now, they never would.

  “Let’s order, shall we?” I suggested, signalling a waiter before the discussion began. We exchanged small talk for a while and ate our meals, and finally Dad said, “I think Kelli wants us to discuss our situation, right Kel?”

  I nodded. “I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing you two lose the great father-daughter relationship you’ve had. I thought it would be good to get everything out in the open now, before it’s left too long.”

  Kasey squirmed and Dad cleared his throat. “Well,” Dad turned to Kasey. “How are you feeling after finding out the truth?”

  “How am I feeling?” she responded. “How do you think? I’ve just been told my dad isn’t really my dad, and the person responsible for this secret isn’t alive for me to confront her about it. I’m angry at Mum, and I’m angry at you for not telling me until now, and I’m angry at, oh I don’t know, I’m just angry that I’ve been taken for a ride. This spoils everything I thought was real in my life, it’s all been a lie!” Kasey’s eyes welled up with tears and her face reddened. Dad placed his hand over Kasey’s on the table but she sharply withdrew it.