Edge of Awareness

by C. A. Popovich

  “Dana.” The handsome man outstretched his arms and gave her a hug.

  “Is this your place?” Dana found herself murmuring the question into his chest. She recognized the fresh scent of Tide laundry soap.

  “Yep. It’s mine.” He stepped back but kept his hands on Dana’s shoulders. “When Ely died, I quit judging and concentrated on breeding these giants. Renee is our niece, my brother’s daughter. She’s lives in North Dakota and has bugged me for years to move out there. I’ve finally decided it’s time. How’re you and your mom doing?”

  “We’re doing well. Thank you. How’re you doing?” Dana stepped back to lean against her SUV. She couldn’t tell him about her mother and the way she’d fallen apart after her father’s death. Of all her father’s acquaintances in the show circuit, only Judge Wright had shown up to the funeral.

  “I’m appreciating retirement, actually. I thought I’d miss the excitement of the judging, but I’ve found immense enjoyment in watching the dog shows from the stands and picking the winners in my own mind. I’ve picked the same winner they have for best in show at Westminster now for three years straight, but I’m glad to be away from it all. I still have my ministry in that small church up in Port Huron. That keeps me busy. You know you’re welcome to attend anytime, Dana. We’d love to have you. I’ll be there for a few more months. They get a lot of snow in North Dakota, and I think I’d like to ease into that, so I won’t move ’til spring. How’s the grooming school doing? Is your lovely mother back to running it?”

  Dana smiled at his description of her mother. “I pretty much still run the place. She doesn’t seem to have the heart to spend much time there. If it hadn’t been for your wife helping me learn to manage it, I’m sure Mom would have sold it years ago. I asked about you for a few years at various shows, but no one knew where you went. I remembered that you and Ely bred wolfhounds, but I didn’t know you had this place. It’s a beautiful piece of property. Perfect for a kennel.”

  “Yeah. Ely and I bought this just before she was diagnosed. She went so fast that we never had the time to live here together. I moved in a few months after her funeral. That oak tree next to the kennel?” The judge pointed to the side of the building with his chin. “I planted that for her. Every time I look at it, it reminds me of her strength and courage.”

  They stood for a few moments in companionable silence before Dana turned to wish him farewell.

  “Mom’ll be excited to hear that I talked to you.”

  “Will she? It’s been a long time. We’ve both struggled through a hard time and I’d sure like to see her again. Please tell her I said hello.”

  “I will. By the way, Renee called you Uncle Pop. It made me realize that I don’t know your name, other than Judge Wright.”

  His laughter seemed to fill a portion of the emptiness inside Dana left by her father’s death.

  “It’s Poppy. Mostly it seems, Poppy is a girl’s name, but my mom and dad swore it was for boys too. Hence, my name is Poppy Girard Wright.”

  “Can I get your phone number?” Dana chuckled as she entered the judge’s name and number into her cell phone.

  “I’d be happy if you and your mom kept in touch, Dana.” He gently touched Dana’s arm as he spoke. “I’ve missed you both.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Wright. It was great to see you”

  “Please. Now that you know my name, call me Poppy.”

  “Okay, Poppy. Here’s the address and phone number to the school, in case you don’t have it.” Dana handed him her business card. “Thank you for the crates. I’ll put them to good use.”

  She waved as she drove away. The conflicted feelings churned up by seeing Poppy, threatened to overwhelm her. Tear-soaked memories of her father’s death warred with fond recollections of wonderful times together.

  She pulled her SUV over to the shoulder of the road just before the entrance to the expressway. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back in the seat. It was getting late, and she wanted to stop at the school to get the crates out of her car before going home, but she shook with the effort to maintain control. Seeing Judge Wright again had stirred up emotions she’d squelched years ago. She gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. She and her father had shared so many perfect times together. Then he died. He left her and drove her mother away. Then Dana was alone, adrift in her sorrow.

  Dana’s thoughts turned to Maria. She barely knew her, yet the connection she felt with her was strong. Usually, the only women Dana ever connected with were after a few drinks at the lesbian bar. This reaction to a straight woman with a kid confused her. Maybe she could be a friend. There’s no sense in expecting anything more. She didn’t have many friends, though. Maybe Julie, but they weren’t close. Maria was a completely unavailable straight woman who seemed to be very religious. Did she know Dana was a lesbian? If she doesn’t want to be friends because of that, it’s her loss.

  Dana glanced at the crates in the back of her car and pushed aside any more thoughts of Maria or Poppy. She had to pull herself together and get the crates into the school. She merged onto the highway, ignoring the restlessness taking up residence in her heart.

  Chapter Six

  Maria swept the floor around her workstation for the third time as she chided herself for her cowardice. There was no reason not to have asked Dana about her being a lesbian. She just didn’t know what words to use, and she didn’t want to offend her. Maria decided she would invite Dana to church, if only because she liked her. She’d told Dana the truth about enjoying her company. She didn’t see any reason they couldn’t be friends, even if Dana was gay.

  Dana obviously cared about how she looked, and Maria wanted to win her trust for reasons other than to gain a new client. She wanted to see her again, and that thought disconcerted her. She didn’t know for sure that Dana was a lesbian, but she knew that being a lesbian meant romantic desire for another woman. She’d never experienced romantic desire, so she couldn’t come close to figuring out what that meant between women. She married men she thought she was in love with, but never based her choice on anything more than their interest in her and their church affiliation. If they wanted her as a wife, and she found them attractive and kind, that seemed like enough. Her sexual involvement had been dutiful, with her husband’s satisfaction being the goal. Why did that now not feel like enough?

  Maria struggled to understand the feelings flickering through her at the way Dana had looked at her in the mirror. It was similar to the look she had tried to describe to Angie, but different. More intense. What surprised her was that she liked it. She’d seen a flash of sadness, and she desperately wanted to make Dana smile again. There was so much she couldn’t figure out, but really wanted to understand.

  She’d talk to her pastor tonight after her Wednesday night bible study. Maybe talking about it would ease her confusion. After taking Frankie outside for a short walk around her parking lot, Maria got in her aging Ford Escort wagon and drove to church.

  *

  “Come on over.” Angie waved her to a seat next to her at one of the long tables set up in the basement of their Assembly of God church. Maria carried her own cover-worn bible to the meeting. She preferred to use hers with pages tabbed and notes scrawled in the margins. Her dad had given it to her as a baptismal gift when she was seven years old. The new ones laid out on the tables for those who didn’t have their own copy appeared cold, almost sterile. The covers were unworn and the pages crisp and untouched. Even the language in them was different. More modern, the pastor said. She offered her well-read copy to God as evidence of her endeavor to learn the Lord’s word and live by it.

  “Hi, Ang. Thanks for saving me a seat. There’s a lot of people here tonight.”

  “Yeah. We’re starting the New Testament study. It’s more interesting to most folks, I guess.”

  “Okay everyone, let’s get started.” The pastor stood at the end of their table. “There’s coffee and cupcakes in the kitchen, and as usual, you�
�re welcome to grab a water or soda from the refrigerator. Tonight we begin with Zacharias, Elizabeth, and the angel Gabriel.”

  Two hours later, the study ended and people started leaving the building. Maria said good-bye to Angie and made her way to the front of the room to speak to the pastor. After three other members finished with him, she took his arm and asked to speak to him in private.

  “Of course. Let’s go to my office.”

  Clutching her bible, she followed the pastor into his office and sat in a chair facing the front of his metal office desk.

  “What do you need to talk about, Maria?”

  “I have a new friend. I think she’s a friend, anyway. She’s kind, sensitive, loves animals, and she’s smart. In fact, she runs a business. But I think she might be a lesbian. I’m not positive, but someone told me she was seen kissing another woman. I’d like to invite her to church, and I hoped you could give me some direction as to how to approach her. I don’t want to scare her off, but I remember when we studied the Old Testament there seemed to be laws about this kind of thing. I’ve never thought about any of this before.”

  “I see.” The pastor leaned toward Maria and folded his hands as if in prayer. “You know all are welcome here in our congregation. You also know that we are all God’s children. No man is without sin, but God loves us anyway. As long as your friend desires it, God will give her the strength she needs to overcome her homosexual desires, but she has to love the Lord enough to turn from that sin.”

  She considered her pastor’s statement for a moment before making her decision.

  “I’ll ask her if she wants to join me for worship next Sunday. We can pray for the Holy Spirit to wash over her.”

  Maria left, but the niggling feeling that something was wrong with the solution her pastor recommended continued to bother her.

  *

  I’m thinking of selling the school.

  Dana pondered her mother’s statement as she set the cruise control and settled in for the thirty-minute drive home. She hadn’t seen her mother since Sunday morning, and when they spoke on the phone, Dana hadn’t brought up the subject and her mother hadn’t indicated she remembered saying it. Dana hoped she never would, but her stomach hurt from the uncertainty, so she decided to confront her mother and find out if she was serious. She could also tell her about Poppy Girard Wright.

  Dana dropped off the crates at the school and headed home to grab a sandwich before calling her mom.

  “Hi, Mom.” Dana listened for the familiar slurring of her mother’s voice. Her lucidity surprised her. “Can I walk over and talk to you?”

  “Of course, dear. I was just settling down to watch the news.”

  “Okay, I’ll be right over.” Lucy lived in the condominium next to Dana’s, so she was knocking on her mother’s door within five minutes of the call.

  “Come in, Dana. Can I get you a beer? I think I have some Labatt.” Dana could tell the whiskey sour her mother sipped was only her first or second. If Dana had called an hour later, her mom probably wouldn’t even have thought to offer her anything. She wondered what her mother had been occupying herself with that kept her from starting her cocktails earlier, like she usually did.

  “No thanks, Mom. I’ll get a bottle of water.”

  Her mother set her glass down on the end table. The pattern of overlapping water spot rings despoiling the wooden top indicated that she rarely bothered with a coaster. She plopped into her dirty, slipcovered recliner, flipped up the footrest, and picked up the bourbon-filled glass.

  “So, what’d you want to talk about?”

  Dana walked back from the kitchen where she’d found a single bottle of water behind the pile of dirty dishes on the counter. She settled onto the sagging cushions on the couch across from her mother.

  “Remember that excellent best in show judge, Mr. Wright? I saw him today. Julie Winters told me about a breeder that was getting rid of some large dog crates, so I called the number she gave me. They offered us two large crates for the school. I went and picked them up today. It turns out he’s the breeder. He owns a kennel up in Marysville and still breeds Irish wolfhounds. We had a nice chat and he said to be sure to say hello to you.”

  “I remember him. A nice looking tall man with an odd name. A flower of some kind, I think.”

  “Yes. His name is Poppy. I never knew that.”

  “I remember their wolfhounds. They were a good line. They took best in breed several years in a row at the AKC show in Detroit. I don’t think they ever won best in show though.” Her mother tilted her head in thought and took a sip of her drink.

  “Poppy’s wife, Ely, helped with the school right after Dad died, remember? The wolfhounds were her passion. He kept the house and property until now. He’s planning to move to North Dakota in the spring, because his brother lives there.”

  “I think I remember his brother, too. He had a daughter, a redhead…Renee. She wanted to learn to groom.”

  “She was there helping him pack. She seemed nice and has a cute Midwestern accent. I don’t remember ever meeting her, though.”

  “She was about six years old when Richard died. Way too young to start grooming. I guess I did tell her I’d teach her when she grew up…I don’t remember, really. Anyway, they moved and I never heard from them again.” Her mother gulped the remainder of the contents of her glass and flipped down the footrest of her recliner. Dana watched as she dumped the melting ice cubes into the filthy kitchen sink and retrieved fresh ones from the freezer. She proceeded to fill her Old Fashioned glass with liquid from a Jim Beam bottle she kept in the cupboard. Forgoing the usual lemon and sugar, she took a gulp before topping off the glass and returning to the living room.

  “Sure I can’t pour you one of these? It’s a fresh bottle.”

  It was obvious to Dana that if she wanted to talk to her mother while she was still sober, she’d better do it quickly.

  “No. Thanks, Mom. I wanted to ask you something.”

  Her mother had plunked back into her chair and raised her glass toward Dana as if making a toast. “Ask away.”

  “Last week you told me you were thinking of selling the school. Do you remember?”

  “Hmm…last week, what day?”

  “It was last Sunday morning. Remember when you came over to my place at eight thirty in the morning? I made us coffee? You said you might have come to a decision about the school. You said you were thinking of selling it.”

  “Oh, that.” Lucy stared into the amber liquid as she swirled it in her glass. “I went to talk to the realtor this morning. No, wait. It was yesterday. Today is Wednesday, right? Yeah, yesterday. She said it was a bad time to try to sell. I guess property values are way down. She suggested I wait until spring before listing it.”

  Dana could tell her sigh of relief went unnoticed by her mother.

  “Did you do something to your hair? It looks nice.” Another gulp emptied her mother’s glass, and Dana watched the dullness creep over her mother’s features.

  “Yeah. I got it cut today. I’m trying a new stylist.” Dana didn’t bother to try to hide her smile at the thought of Maria. “Mom, I just want to let you know that I think it would be a mistake to sell the school. I know that profits have been down this year, but the economy is still weak. Next year we should do better. I’m going to have a booth this year at the Fall Art & Craft show in Saint Clair. I hope we can attract some new students and get some good publicity. I’ll put up fliers at all the veterinary clinics and the Humane Society in town. Next weekend is Labor Day, and I’m looking at a couple of the dog shows within driving distance. I’ll pass out some flyers and business cards. I’m sure we can keep the grooming school going.”

  Her mother rose from her chair to refill her glass. This time Dana noticed her wobble toward the kitchen and knew anything more they discussed would be forgotten by morning. She’d just have to work harder at convincing her mother the school could be profitable.

  “Get some sleep, Mom, an
d I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Dana made her way out of her mother’s condo knowing only silence would follow her. Her mother was still lost to the deceptive fortitude she found in the bottle.

  *

  “Perfect.” Dana sifted through the pile of bills she’d tossed onto the grooming table that was her makeshift desk, which she’d dragged into the corner of the utility room to create a makeshift office. She generally ignored the bulk mail advertising, but one envelope caught her attention. I’ll have to remember this trick. It displayed a picture of one of the cutest dachshunds she’d ever seen flying through the air toward some unseen prize. By the look on the little dog’s face, it must be worth running for. She opened the envelope and unfolded the flyer it contained. It was an announcement for a wiener dog race, and she immediately thought of Maria. Dana had been hoping Maria would call for Frankie’s nail trim, but as the days passed, it seemed less likely she’d call. The racing event was being held on Labor Day in the basement of a community center in town. Perfect excuse, she thought to herself as she picked up the phone.

  “Hi, Maria? This is Dana, from the grooming school.” Dana hoped Maria’s number was her personal phone. She didn’t want to bother her if she was working.

  “Hi, Dana. Hang on one second. I was just finishing with a customer.” Less than a minute later, Maria returned to the phone. “What can I do for you?”

  “I’m sorry to bother you at work. I thought this might be your personal number and I could leave a message.”

  “It’s okay. I only have the one number.”

  “Ah. I guess I should have thought of that. I only have one number also. Anyway, I got a flyer today about an event I thought you might enjoy. It’s called a wiener dog race.”

  “A wiener dog race? Like my little Frankie wiener dog?”

  “Yeah.” Dana tried not to laugh aloud at the sound of Maria’s consternation. “I’ve been to a couple of these. It’s all for entertainment. They’re not too popular with the serious dachshund breeders, but they’re a ton of fun. The winner gets a ribbon and a bunch of attention. It’s next Monday, Labor Day. Would you like to go? I’m going for sure. The school is closed that day, and I want to take a few business cards. You can bring Frankie if you’d like. If you think all the people and other dogs wouldn’t freak him out.